Rosalina POV
I stood outside, looking at the sky. I shivered as tears poured down my cheeks. It had been exactly one month, one week, and three days since I had seen the band. Since I had seen Nat. My tears fell harder, as I remembered my last talk with Nat.
"Well then just explain it to me Rosie!"
"I TOLD you already, Nat! I can't! You won't understand! I'm trying to help,"
"HELP?" Nat roared out of exasperation. "You're not HELPING anything! You won't even explain,"
"I TOLD YOU THAT I COULDN'T!" My cheeks were wet with tears; my own boyfriend didn't even understand that I was trying to help him, to save him and our friends.
"Rosalina you do this every time! You either quit the band and break up with me, or you shut everyone out of your life! You never explain anything to anyone, and you always, ALWAYS have some hidden reason for not telling the whole truth! I'm so sick of it! You act so spoiled! I hate you!" Nat screamed the last words, as tears streamed down her cheeks.
"You don't understand! You won't let me explain! I hate you too!" Rosalina ran out crying, leaving a fuming Nat behind.
Taking a deep breath, I dried my tears and tried to steady my breathing. I promised myself I wouldn't think about them, about him, about that day, but it never worked. Each day was harder, the memories just piled up and threatened to spill over the wall I built up, in order to ignore the hurt. I thought I was doing the right thing.
The bus came to a halt in front of me. It was time to stop running. The two pieces of paper felt scratchy in my hand: One was a pink flyer advertising a school in Tennessee for aspiring musicians. As I looked around my surroundings, I could tell I could make myself at home here. But before I could actually start my new life, I had to fix it. I had to fix what I had broken so long ago.
I stepped onto the bus and settled into my seat. After several bus transfers and long lengthy train rides, I finally caught glimpse of those familiar streets and buildings.
I finally came to a stop at a too-familiar studio. Taking a deep breath, I willed my tears to dry up. I wasn't going to sob into Nat's shoulder or beg at the band's feet. I took a deep breath, knowing that the hardest part was going to come as soon as I knocked on the door.
Part of me wished that he wouldn't forgive me, because it would make this so much easier. But so much more of me wanted him to hold me, hug, kiss me like he used to. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, I commanded myself.
Nat probably has a better girlfriend now… The thought released even more tears. The thought of Nat kissing another girl hurt like hell, and thinking of some other pretty girl as his girlfriend made things even worse. Shut up Rosie, I scolded myself. It's just Nat. All I had to do was explain what I where I was going, to apologize, to gain closure. It's not like I was facing the whole band.
Finally gathering the courage, I knocked on the door. I could hear movement, and for a few seconds I couldn't breathe. The door swung back and it was all I could do to make myself exhale. My breath came out shaky and I knew the tears were going to come.
They were all here. Every single one of the band was here. The surprise that was on everyone's lips died instantly – Nat was simply staring, his mouth agape and his eyes disbelieving. I looked up to see the balloons and the excited "Congratulations" banner.
They must have found a new bass player. It hadn't even been two months and I had already been replaced. It was probably their welcoming ceremony. Every pent-up emotion was fighting to get out, to tear apart everything, and the burning in my chest confirmed my fears.
I was never, ever going to "get over it," as Patrice would say. With another gulp over air, I simply let the other paper – crinkled, messy, and tear-stained – fall to the floor. There was no way for me to break this silent barrier, so the draft of my speech would have to do. I watched it flutter to the ground, my words and the carpet already blurring into a hazy mess. My only hope could be that the band would read it, that; at least Nat would read it.
Walking out, I didn't look back. I heard nothing but silence.
I lost everything, and I knew it.
