A/N: My first fanfic for STO. Damn, I hate my obsessive personality sometimes...anyway, here it is. Set just after the Vega colony attack that takes place at the start of the Starfleet storyline, it follows my Bajoran officer as she tries to deal with everything that's going on. It's a non-canon plot (ie, not part of the game) but obviously other characters and events mentioned will be.
I do not own Star Trek Online, it is the property of Cryptic Games and Perfect World.
Lieutenant Kassai Lydana stood in Captain Taggart's personal quarters - except they were her quarters now, weren't they? - and hunched over the wash basin. She cupped her hands in the cool water, splashing it over her face and hoping that when she opened her eyes things would be different.
She leaned against the basin, taking a deep, shuddering breath and trying to steady her nerves. A ship's captain had to be seen as the calm centre of the bridge, after all, the one who endured when everything else was going to hell.
But then, most ship captains had the advantage of several years of experience, instead of being thrown into a ship's command less than a week out of the academy.
It had been only three days since the events that led to Captain Taggart's death at the hands of the Klingons, that had seen Lydana thrust into a position she was woefully under-prepared for. She'd destroyed a handful of Klingon ships, saved another Starfleet ship from destruction, destroyed a Borg cube and saved Vega colony from total assimilation. Upon returning to the Earth Spacedock, reports from Captains Yim and Vo'lok had persuaded Admiral Quinn to make her field promotion official, and to give her permanent command of the USS Steadfast, and in that moment Lydana had felt the pressure of command like the weight of a star, bearing down on her and almost causing her to have a panic attack right there in the Admiral's office.
That, at least, had waited until she was back on board the relatively tiny Miranda-class, and she'd gone to Capt- her quarters to gather her thoughts.
Finally she raised her eyes to the mirror, meeting her own gaze as if she could stare into her own soul through her reflection. Not that she fancied such introspection, but she had to know if she had what it took to command a starship. Even a Miranda-class had two hundred crew on board, two hundred lives that were now hers to command - and to bear responsibility for.
That thought caused her to start hyperventilating again, and she took another deep breath and held it for a moment.
It wasn't like she didn't want a command - she longed to captain something modest, like an Intrepid- or Nova-class science vessel, but preferably after she'd actually had the experience and training that went hand-in-hand with the duties of command.
She released the pent-up breath at last, pulling her long, russet hair back behind her ears but letting it hang freely over her shoulders. Perhaps a bit longer than regulations allowed, but T'Vrell never had any issues with the length of her hair, so Lydana reasoned she could get away with it. She toyed with the gold-coloured clasp that gripped her earlobe, wondering not for the first time if the Prophets truly were watching over her and her people. She hoped so - someone had to look after her parents if she was killed in action, even if they didn't approve of her joining Starfleet.
A voice from the internal comm system broke her thoughts, bringing her out of her miserable reverie, a fact for which she was grateful.
"Flores to the captain," her first officer stated, and Lydana rolled her eyes.
"Don't call me that, Elisa," Lydana responded, her voice still trembling as she fought to control her own unease. She cleared her throat before continuing, attempting to sound more calm and controlled than she felt. "What is it?"
Better, she thought, it'll do for now.
"We've got an incoming transmission from Admiral Quinn. Should I route it to your quarters?"
"Please, Elisa. Thank you."
Lydana dried her face and crossed the large room, the room which felt far too big for her, and settled in to the chair at Capt- her desk. She keyed the small terminal live, and at once the screen was lit with the greyish face of Admiral Quinn.
Lydana liked Quinn, and respected him a great deal, but she always thought he looked ill. Maybe it was a side effect of his office lighting, or maybe because he was a Trill, but either way he never looked as healthy as she thought he should.
"Good afternoon, Admiral," the young Lieutenant said, attempting to put on a brave face for the Admiral's sake. "What can I do for you, sir?"
"I know you're still settling in and trying to get your head straight, Lieutenant, but we need you out there, where your skill can be put to use," the Admiral stated, and Lydana suppressed the urge to scoff. Skill? She got lucky, at best. Half of her recent 'accomplishments' had been bought with the assistance of vastly more qualified captains than her, and the other half had been bought with Captain Taggart's blood. It was his last order that crippled a Klingon bird of prey, his last instruction that originally put her in command of the Steadfast. Her 'skill' barely entered into it.
"What do you need of me, sir?" Lydana asked politely, burying her self-doubts as far down as she could.
"One of our science vessels, the USS DaVinci, has failed to report in. It had been on a routine mission, nothing out of the ordinary, so there's no reason for her to have been lost. I need you to head to her last known position, find out what you can about the matter and if possible, bring her home."
"You suspect foul play sir?"
The admiral scratched his neatly-trimmed white beard in thought, clearly disturbed by the matter.
"I hope not, but with this war with the Klingon Empire, the internal conflict between the two Romulan factions and a resurgence in Borg activity, I'm not about to rule anything out," he told her earnestly, and Lydana sighed. She rested her elbow on the arm of the chair, closing her eyes as she rubbed her nose ridges.
"Problem, Lieutenant?"
"With respect, Admiral," Lydana started, opening her eyes and looking at the screen again, "I'm a scientist, not a tactician. How am I supposed to fend off whatever might try to come and steal one of our ships?"
She was treading on thin ice, she knew, but she was also feeling immensely out of her depth. Just what did the Admiral expect her to do, when she barely knew what she was doing herself?
"Picard was a scientist. So was Janeway. Look what they accomplished, both of whom had to endure situations that they weren't prepared for. Whatever career track you followed, you are still a Starfleet officer first and foremost, and I expect you to act like it. I legitimised your rank because your actions warranted it, Lieutenant, and I'm clearly not the only one who thinks so. If you do run into trouble, I expect you to do your duty. Understood?"
Lydana sat silent for a moment, taken back by the sudden stern tirade from Quinn. She was also honoured to be likened to the famous Admiral Janeway, however vague the similarity was. She still doubted her abilities, but she supposed she had to begin somewhere.
She cleared her throat and sat straighter, and gave a curt nod to Quinn.
"Aye sir," she said quietly. "Where are we heading?"
"The DaVinci was last spotted near the Acamar system, and there's been a lot of Romulan activity in that area lately. That would be the best place to begin."
"Very good, sir. We'll set course immediately." Lydana moved to end the transmission, but Quinn's voice stopped her.
"And Lydana?" She paused at the use of her given name, looking at the Admiral with a questioning expression.
"Sir?"
"I know you can do this. Command is a daunting position, but I have every confidence in you. Quinn, out."
The admiral's face disappeared, the screen lighting with the Starfleet insignia once again, and Lydana heaved another sigh.
Nice to know one of us has faith in me, she thought, rubbing the ridges of her nose again until she realised she was doing it. It had been a nervous tic of hers practically since she had been old enough to be nervous, and she had hoped Starfleet Academy might work that out of her.
Eventually she pushed herself away from the desk, tapping her comm badge as she exited her quarters and strode for the nearest turbolift.
"Kassai to the bridge."
"Flores here."
"Lay in a course for the Acamar system, maximum warp. We're going hunting."
Despite Quinn's pep talk, Lydana still felt unsure of herself, but she focussed on trying to display the kind of confidence and cool-headedness that someone like Janeway would have. If she was going to command the Steadfast, she needed to have the loyalty of its crew. A difficult task, when she'd been promoted ahead of most of them, but she would cross that bridge if it ever arrived.
Until then, she had a science vessel to find, and she was not going to be the one to return to Quinn with bad news.
