God, is it a crime to feel a certain way about a friend of yours? It certainly feels that way. Okay, let me introduce myself first. My name is Sakura Kinomoto, I am fifteen, and helplessly in love with a friend, whom unfortunately lives with me. Yes, I am unlucky, huh?
His name is Syaoran Li. Sometimes I call him Xiao Lang, which is his Chinese name. He's Chinese, and I met him when I was about four. I can remember the day we met like it was just yesterday. I was crying that day, sitting alone in a swing. I can still remember feeling the tears rolling down my flushed cheeks. I could remember the day was cold, hitting harshly against my skin. I could remember holding myself up, hugging myself. I had lost a ribbon. It was important to me because it used to be my mother's, and she had given it to me before she died. I was so sad and ashamed. Then, I heard a voice ask me if something was mine. I glanced up, and a gasp escaped my throat. There it was, the beautiful ribbon I cherished so much. I looked into my angel's eyes. It was a limpid pair of earthy-brown eyes. I could remember his long lashes touching against his skin as he blinked. He had noticed the tears, and asked me "Are you okay?" That moment I felt more than okay.
Yeah, so I guess that is like a fairytale beginning. You know, like when in the story the main characters are best friends? You can call him my best friend, but I don't think that way. Yes, he is very close to me, but I can't have one best friend. I just call him my 'angel-friend' for helping me so much.
He is only a year older than me, so that makes him sixteen now. He is obviously much more mature than I am. He has already kissed, had a girlfriend, and broke up with her. That was the time that I found out about my crush. I was thirteen, him fourteen. I would clench my fist and teeth in anger as I would see him and his girlfriend in the living room, his arms wrapped around her waist, his fingers tangled up in her hair. I couldn't stand the sight of him looking at her lovingly. That time I wished that we would both remain children, like we used to, and be together forever, not having the bother of crushes away from our lives. Heh, I was so mad. I sometimes laugh at my stupidity. I couldn't find out that I loved him.
He broke up with his girlfriend. I was the first to be told. He told me that the love wasn't there anymore. That they didn't truly love each other. At first I was happy, but soon I felt guilty. What if she still loved him? Soon I found out she didn't feel anything for him either. So then I had nothing to worry about... and I had my angel-friend all to myself again.
I let a soft smile spread across my lips. We're so close. Sometimes I would ignore my longing for him to just hang out with him. To be a good friend. I would ignore the fact that every part of myself ached for him just to give him a comforting or friendly hug. I came to hold myself onto memories of me close to him to calm me down. We have an attic with a large window. So large we could stare up into the nightsky. When we were twelve we placed a mattress within proximity, then we used to lie on it, cuddled up in a blanket, to stare at the stars. That used to be fun. We used to make up crazy things together. That was the day we promised we would be together forever.
"Sakura? You there?" I heard him knock on the door. "Yeah?" I asked, putting on my glasses. They weren't geeky glasses, if that's what you were thinking. I liked them a lot, and besides, Syaoran said he liked me on them.
"Can I come in?" He asked. "Yep." I answered, leaning back on my computer chair. I exited the internet and placed my computer on Stand-by. With a soft noise he came in. Oh God, he is so cute. He has his tousled chocolate hair that fell over his wonderful, almond-shaped eyes. Here's the most detailed description I can say for him:
Dishevelled tresses of dark chocolate, long bangs falling over the pair of seductive, almond-shaped earthy orbs, long lashes touching against naturally tanned skin as he blinked. An exotic look about him, boyish features and a strong built body. Perfectly flushed cheeks and satin-soft skin.
He smiled at me, an illuminating look about him. He came to me and ruffled my auburn hair, making me look at him annoyed. I hated yet loved when he did that. "What's up, Ying?" He asked, placing one of his hands on my computer desk. Ying was his nickname for me. My Chinese name was Ying Fa, but I'm Japanese.
"Eh, fine." I answered, fixing my glasses. I bit my lower lip and fought the urge to blush, and fortunately I won the battle. "You always say that, but you never mean it." He said with a sigh escaping his lips. He came to my bed and lied on it. I pouted, hopefully cutely. "I just made that bed!" I whined.
He chuckled and said "I know, that's my whole point." I glared at him. I hated when he was in his annoying mood. He had a couple of moods, and this was my least favorite. My favorite was his loving mood. When he hugged me and told me I was a good friend. Unfortunately I have to put up with this mood. I sat on my bed, next to his lying figure. "Syaoran! Come on! Are you gonna annoy me today?" I asked desperately, throwing my arms around. He knew I had a thing for having my room organized, and he was sure not going to help.
"Yep." He replied amusedly, grabbing a magazine and skimming through it, then throwing it carelessly onto the floor. I growled and grabbed his green cap. It was his favorite. "Hey, give it back." He said, reaching for it. "Not until you grab that magazine." I said. I knew I had won the battle.
"Fine." He grumbled, putting the magazine back into place. I smiled a satisfied smile and put on his cap. "Okay, now give it back." He said, reaching for it again. I inched away from him so he couldn't get it. He sighed and leaned closer, but I inched away again. My back hit the headboard. Awe man! I thought to myself. He grabbed it and put it on his head.
"God, you love that cap more than me." I mumbled. He smiled. I noticed he was chewing gum. That was something of his. Wearing a cap and chewing gum. I didn't mind it because he chewed it quietly, and his breath always smelled of the fresh scent of green apple. "Awe, you know I love you more, Ying." He said, holding my hand.
His fingers twitched, but I squeezed his hand before they did. That was something he couldn't help. His fingers twitched every one minute and three seconds. I know that because we counted the seconds before when we were bored. Now whenever I knew his fingers would twitch, I squeezed his hand before so. Heh, I guess you can call it some childish thing.
"Yeah right." I rolled my eyes. He chuckled, shaking his head. "You just don't let your guard down, do you?" He asked, playing with a strand of my hair. "You got that right." I muttered, pretending to be mad at him. We were weird like that.
"So, you need help on anything?" He asked. I shook my head. "I already did my homework." I replied. He raised one of his dark eyebrows. "Need help on anything else?" He asked again. I rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah, do these pants make my butt look big?" I said sarcastically "Why would I?"
You see, that was a test. Sometimes he changes his mood, and I was just checking if he did. "Nothing, I was just asking." He said softly "And no, they don't." My expression softened and a small smile tugged at the corner of my lips. He was in a loving mood, with a little touch of a teasing mood. "How would you know?" I asked lightly "Do you stare at my butt all day?"
"So what if I do?" He asked, a smirk appearing on his face "You got a problem with it?" I laughed and shook my head. "We're weird." I said. "Speak for yourself." He answered amusingly. "Syaoran!" I yelled, slapping his arm lightly. He raised his arms now. "Okay, okay! I'm weird too." He said.
We both laughed, and he lied down on my bed again, closing his eyes. "Comfy." He said. I smiled and poked him on the chest. "Well, what do you expect? To be as hard as wood?" "No..." He answered. He opened his eyes and smiled.
"So, how are you doing?" He asked me, pulling me against him. Placing my head on his chest, I shrugged my shoulders. "Okay, I guess. I was in the internet, reading an article." "About what?" He asked curiously. "Hmm... about kissing." I bit my lip. He was going to tease me about it, I'm sure.
"Oh really? What did it say?" He asked, stroking my hair. My eyes widened. He wasn't teasing me about it? "Umm, it just said how you're supposed to kiss, and how you kiss represents your feelings and stuff." I answered. He stroked my hair a little slower. "You know, there's no 'right' way to kiss. You just have to experiment and find out what the other person likes best." He explained to me, putting his chin on the top of my head gently.
"How would I know? I've never been kissed." I mumbled. He stopped stroking my hair for a moment, then started again. "I forgot." He said. I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes. How I wish he would know that I wanted him to kiss me. I opened my eyes with a thought, and maybe it wouldn't fail.
"Could you... ah... teach me?" I asked, looking hopefully up at him. His eyes widened for a second, but then he smiled. "Sure, Ying." He sat up and leaned his back onto the wall. Then he pulled me up so I would be sitting on his lap. I was nervous. Did I just ask him that?... Did he just accept?
"So, uh, first you give soft kisses. You know, like a kiss in the cheek? Well, it's like that, but a little slower. Then when your used to it, you apply more pressure to the kisses and make it longer and slower. Then, if you're ready for it, you move into frenching, in which you open up your lips and... you know what? I'll just show you..."
I flinched as he placed his lips on mine. His left fingers softly touched my face and went down my shoulders, stopping at my waist after going down my arms. His other hand was still tangled upon my hair. I was really nervous now. What was I supposed to do?
He stopped his kiss for a moment, but still kept his lips connected to mine. "Why aren't you kissing back?" He asked, though it sounded a little like a whine. I nodded slightly and he kissed me again, and this time I responded. I could feel him smile. He applied more pressure to the kiss, making my arms enlace around his neck and pull him close to me. So this is what his girlfriend felt like. He disconnected his mouth from mine. I could still feel his breath against my lips, and it gave them a warming pleasure. I closed my eyes and reached my index and middle finger up to his lips, and I felt him flinch under my touch. I smiled. "That was good." I mumbled.
He pulled me close to him, making my head lean on his shoulder. "Yeah." He said, starting to stroke my hair again "You're a better kisser than I expected..." His voice trailed off for a bit. "I gotta tell you something."
"What?" I asked curiously. "I... I love you, and not like a friend." He said. I looked at him with a smile. I couldn't believe it. "I couldn't help but accepting when you asked me to teach you how to kiss. I wondered how kissing you would be like." He said "I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way, but I love you."
I laughed, making him look confused. "I do too." I said, hugging him tightly "My angel-friend..." "Hopefully not friend anymore." He pointed out. "Nope," I whispered "Love you so much as I might, you will remain my angel, only let's not add the friend part."
I couldn't believe he loved me, but I was happy. For the first time I had him all for myself and no one else, and hopefully this time it will be forever...
