Slap. Slam. Bang. Boom. These are the sounds that fill the room. You slap my cheek with your hand. You scream at me in hurtful demands. You slam me against the wall without a care. Your words are like venom when you hiss 'don't you dare' loud bangs ring through the air. The sound of shotguns firing everywhere. Boom. The sound of my world exploding. Crumbling to pieces, my life is imploding.
~last entry in Clare's journal
It was simple, he hit me. All of the bruises and scars. All of the battles I've lost. All of the reasons I still didn't understand. They all simmered down to one thing. One thing that had so many names.
Abused
Hit
Damaged
Harmed
Beaten
I've analyzed those words for some time now. Ever since I was thirteen actually. And even with all the time I've had, I still can't find the reason why. Why does he do this? Why won't he stop? Why me?
Questions that will forever remain unanswered.
I wonder why it hurts. Not physically, but emotionally. I have learned to deal with the physical pain of the beatings but for some reason my heart takes most of the blow. My soul is falling apart behind this mask I put up. The memories are eating me alive. I want to take flight but I am forced to stay and fight. In my own home. I'm not safe. And I know it
No one else does.
They all think I lead a charmed life. They think my good grades are rewarded with praise from my family.
What they don't see is the truth. My truth. My life. My horror.
My family is gone. My mother left when I was six. My sister left with her. And I am left alone with him. My father. The one person that is left.
And he hates me.
He tells me he loves me then shoves it in my face. Its lies, lies on top of lies that live off lies. That is what sums up my life; there it is a nut shell
Lies
I can't tell anyone. I simply will not.
Because no matter how much he hates me, I still love him. Somewhere deep in my crippled soul there is a spark of love for that wretched man. Even he, as foul and vile a man he is, is loved by another human being.
His daughter. The girl who is beaten every day.
This is my story. This is how I live. These are my scars and my problems. These are my friends and this is my life.
This is not a choice. This is no lifestyle any sane person would choose. And if you are telling yourself right now that if you were ever in my situation you'd tell someone, well you obviously don't know what it feels like.
To see your father in his rage storming the house screaming your name. Beating you until blood spills onto the carpet. Shoving and pushing. Slapping and slamming.
It's different to see him that way. It changes you.
My parent. The one who is supposed to protect me is actually my greatest fear. I fear I cannot fight. A fear I will not fight. Just a fear that I must live with. Literally.
Hey guys sorry this is so short but it was really just an intro. So anyway if you'd like to see this continue please review and tell me what you think. Oh yeah and since there was no disclaimer at the top here it is :I do not own Degrassi! Ok thanks for reading and PLEASE REVIEW!
