Dell's P.O.V.

I've always been cold, people wonder why people like me are so stoic and if I really care about anything.

Only if they knew, I'd they knew I always got a certain way at this time of the year, when the sky turns grey, but color falls all across leaves on rowed trees.

It reminds me, my sister's birthday is soon, right?

And it's not like I can celebrate it with her, so every November 21st after I finish my school or errands, I make sure I pass by the small local bakery to get myself a cupcake, which I save for later to eat alone in the corner. I think of her. My sister loved cupcakes.

I don't try to think about her a lot, because when I do, I get sad and angry. And I don't like it when people see me act like I'm a wuss.

My sister used to be very close to me. I was two years older, but we also were twins, starting at the moment someone mistook us for them. I wouldn't blame that person, since my sister did grow pretty fast. By the time she was four and I was six, we already looked about the same age.

My sister was always a bit strange, but it made playing with her more fun. Unlike the other girls, she spent less time putting make-up on her dolls, instead she took them outside and made them go on wacky adventures while I caught frogs and bugs to show her. Then I let her name them. Whenever I caught a small cute frog, she used her favorite name on it, "Chi-chi-chan".

I would always refuse to tell her how vulgar-sounding of a name "Chi-chi-chan" was (I knew many things growing up that I never told her), because I always liked when she got excited.
"Brother, look! It's Chi-chi-chan again!"

We celebrated holidays together, and I remember how happy Haku was when she opened the Christmas presents. One time we trick-or-treated and she was Pikachu and I was Raichu. We learned how to swim together. We bribed our parents for cookies. Even the times we fought, they now feel endearing to look back to...

Those were all little things. Just dumb little things that added up into something that was very hard to let go of.

If only someone had told me to never take the little things for granted.

Until the day my dad acted like an idiot. He came home drunk, more and more often, day after day. His temper began to rage until my sister and I had to fall asleep to mom and dad yelling and screaming all night long.
"Brother, why are mommy and daddy fighting?" she would cry.

"I don't know, Haku. I don't know..."

She was only a five-year-old girl, she didn't need to have her parents behaving like this. I decided from then on to take better care of her.

Until the day where everything changed.

"Son. We're moving out of this house. But your sister is gonna stay here with Mom. I think it would be better this way."

Everything went so fast after that, I can barely remember how it went. I only remember how sad, angry and hopeless I was.
But the thing I remember most was my sister's face when I said good-bye to her.

She was always the kind of person to start crying at the drop of a hat, but this time just felt different.
It was much different from when she scraped her knee or misplaced her favorite toy. It was as if her world was ending. It was the first time I had seen her cry like that.

And that was the last time I ever saw her.
My dad took me with him, and my sister stayed at the old house with my mother.

And the whole time, I was frozen. I had no expression on my face. Because I refused to believe this. Maybe if I kept my emotions inside, things would stay the same.

That was when I learned to be strong.

I gave my sister one last hug and left, thinking I'd see her again soon.

Turns out, it has been years, and the last time I saw her was still that time. Tears streaming down her face, crying "brother... don't leave me..."

It broke my heart.

I still wonder about my sister, Haku. I wonder how she's doing back at my old home with my old mother.

Is she happy?
Does she have friends now?
What are her hobbies? Her grades? What kind of person is she now?
How much has she changed? What does she look like now?
What is she doing right now?
Does she still think about me?
Is she thinking about me right now?

But I'm sure she probably grew up into a great girl, unlike me.
I ended up being like my father, a loudmouth bad-boy, only I smoked instead of drinking alcohol.

In middle school I had this friend, called him Big Al. He told me to try a cigarette. I was dumb enough to listen to him.
It's a long story, but now we aren't friends anymore. After all, he was the idiot who caused me this terrible habit. Now I'm misunderstood and looked down on. As soon as people know my dad and know I smoke, they think I'm an insensitive, roughhousing criminal.

But I'm not.
Truthfully, I'm a grown man who is still crying because he wants his mommy. How pathetic, huh?
I wonder if my sister still cries, I wonder if she cries the way she did during the moment I left her.
I can't stand thinking about her like this.

I want my mom, I want my sister. Even my dad wants my mom and my sister. But now it's too late to be a family again.