My Violent Heart

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~один~

you and i, we may look the same
but we are very far apart

Syrup hearts were smudged on one corner of the shiny silver table of the pancake restaurant, where a teenager with auburn hair and ears was sitting, resting his head on his elbow. From time to time he opened his mouth and yawned unabashedly, baring his teeth, cavities and tongue piercing. It was half past ten on a wednesday morning, and only a few other people were dotting the tables of the small American-Diner themed place. Most of them were talking in the hushed voices that are only used in unfrequented restaurants and in libraries. Almost everyone seemed to be in a hurry to finish their breakfast and rush out into the chaos of Tokyo traffic, everyone had somewhere to be, some train to catch, except the two boys sitting in one of the booths at the window. There was the auburn haired one, whose asymmetrical bangs were hanging over the right side of his face, but didn't quite manage to hide the lavender colored patch covering his eye. His visible eye was almost closed, adding to the air of sleepiness surrounding him. The t-shirt he wore seemed much too big for his small statue and, combined with the skinny black jeans, gave the impression of him wearing a dress.

His companion, sitting across from him, was moving around incessantly, one leg pulled up under his body and occupied himself with the paper place mats that were strewn over his side of the table. He was following the paths of the labyrinth printed on the backside with a pen, often pressing the lead down so heavily that the paper ripped. This boy's hair and ears were an exotic shade of turqoise and cut in a strange, choppy style, with two longer rat tails hanging down on both sides. Suddenly he dropped the pen and began to tug nervously at the sleeves of his fake fur hooded coat, before he reached out over the table and pinched his friend's droopy cat ear to get his attention.

„I had that dream again, last night."

Natsuo's hand grabbed the huge bottle of maple syrup and spilled some onto the table, adding to the big puddle in the middle. Then he dipped his finger in and continued to draw onto the table. Something to go in the middle of all his little hearts.

„You and me, we were... In, like, this huge cave. And it was warm and dark and, like, organic. Like, the walls were made of this slimy, muscle tissue stuff. Like we were in the belly of some animal, or something. Are you even listening?"

Natsuo's eye gazed up for a quarter of a second, and he shook his head rapidly.

„No"

Under the table, Youji's foot lashed out to kick Natsuo's shin.

„Well, listen. This is important. So yeah, we were all like flailing around in the dark trying to find the way out... and suddenly there were those huge, glowing, glittery things coming out of us. Like, from inside our bodies."

He put a hand on his stomach.

„And... they were like... ropes. And we were following them, and they were all pulsing and glowing and... warm"

Natsuo opened his mouth to sneer something, but the dead serious look on Youji's face made him swallow it and just roll his eyes instead.

„And when we reached the end, there was this... this person. A woman. I don't know what it was. And she... she was holding the ropes in her hands, and she was... smiling... and I think she was going to say something, but then you punched me in your sleep and I woke up."

Unmoved by this tale of his nightly outburst of violence, Natsuo licked his syrup covered hand. Youji's eyes were instantly drawn to the tip of that small pink tongue darting out to get all the sticky sweet out from between his fingers. Noticing the attention he was receiving, Natsuo's lips curved into a wicked smile.

There was a cough.

One and a half pairs of eyes shot up to glare at the waitress, whose eyes widened and who almost staggered back at the look of hostility in the faces of the boys.

„What?!"

„Would... would you like a refill?"

Invisible pins and needles were holding the big sunny smile on her face in place as she meekly held out her coffee pot. Youji and Natsuo pushed their mugs to the edge of the table and watched the waitress unblinkingly while she poured the hot coffee. Her eyes flickered to the maple syrup spillage on the table, but she didn't say anything. When she straightened up again, her observant eyes were caught on the fuzzy tips of the pairs' cat ears and she blared out

„Shouldn't you be in school?"

The two boys looked at each other. Youji snorted.

„Shouldn't you be making our pancakes?"

Natsuo stifled a giggle.

The waitress huffed and sputtered and then spun around, stomping off to the next booth. Her black skirt, matching her frilly white apron, was a little too tight.

Youji turned his head and shouted after her:

You know, I hate to see you go. But I LOVE to watch you leave!"

When she was gone, his face almost instantly turned serious again, and he looked at Natsuo questioningly.

„So what do you think it means?"

Natsuo shrugged. Took a sip from his black coffee.

„I think... I think it means you shouldn't have eaten that whole bag of cinnamon rolls and the gummy worms before you went to sleep."

Youji pressed his lips together and stared down at the labyrinth he was trying to solve. There just didn't seem to be a way out that didn't involve drawing over some of the lines.

His violet eyes gazed up again to glare at Natsuo.

„You suck, you know that? This could be... this could be a sign. An omen. Maybe she's our..."

„How do you like it?", Natsuo asked, catching Youji's glare and pointing at the smudges of maple syrup in front of him. His friend, even though angry at being so rudely interrupted, looked down at the composition of golden brown hearts flying around a roundish shape. A roundish shape with two bulges at the top, which were pointed at the ends. Splotches as eyes. A smirking syrup mouth.

Youji's face softened. Without hesitation he said

„Hey, that's me!"

Natsuo nodded and pushed a piece of hair behind his human ear, the slightest of blushes on his face.

Then he looked up at Youji with a questioning look in his eyes, looked at the clock over the counter of the restaurant and then at Youji again.

Who nodded.

At this point, they were quite sure that they wouldn't get any pancakes anyways.

The blue haired boy pulled out a rather big gun and got on the table.

„Everybody be cool, this is a robbery!"

„Any of you assholes move and I'll execute every last fuckin one of you!"

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there's bullet holes where my compassion used to be

and there is violence in my heart