I shut the door close. I felt so tired fighting and all but now its finally over.
Its been a while since I got back in our world, I know I should feel happy by now leaving Cephiro at peace and without any regrets unlike the last time.
"Without any regrets right?" I let out a big sigh.
I know I should felt fulfilled, I could smile confidently but why is that suddenly deep inside me, I have this feeling of emptiness. I tried to deny and ignore but this feeling is haunting me inside.
"Why?"
I shouldn't felt this way the first place.
"No, no I am aware of myself, I know this is not true. Stop it Umi!"
I hit myself on my cheek. I Know it hurts and I rather feel this physical pain rather than emotional. I clenched my fist crumpling the sheet of my bed. I bit my lips and tears suddenly formed into my eyes.
"No.. No.. Umi. This is not good"
I tried to fight back the tears but as I tried to prevent it, it just keep on falling into my cheeks.
"I said stop it Umi!"
I can't hold it anymore, my tears flow endlessly as much as I want to prevent it. I just can't hold back the feelings. I lay bended on my bed feeling helpless upon my feelings. My pillow was filled with tears. I can't take it anymore.
"Clef..." I whispered his name. I just had to say it because its driving me crazy in pain.
"I could have said it that moment Clef, those words that I'm so wanting to tell you.. But I know its useless for we are two worlds apart. How could this be so painful. If I told you my feelings, would it change something? Could I stay there with you and love you? And would you love me back?.."
The pain inside me is so unbearable. I though that to hide my feelings for him will be the easiest way to forget him but it turns out that it just made me felt much more in regret. I know he will not love me the way I love him and my love will just going to be unrequited. But my heart was telling me that I should have told him though.
"I love you Clef, I know these words will fade before you could hear it and maybe I do regret not telling this to you but this is the best for us. It may hurt me for a while but soon I know I will forget."
Forget.
"Do I really want to forget?" I closed my eyes seeing his image.
"Those last words you told me "Thank you". Those words are not just good enough. I wanted to hear more. When you hold my hand that night, I know there was something more than that and i could feel it."
"Oh God Clef, this pain is driving me crazy please help me. I could have love you more"
I sob in despair the whole night. Thinking of him and my unrequited or rather untold love. I could have known his true feelings for me but I hesitate to tell for I know there will be no future for us and to think of that it hurts even much more. I felt that our world is being so unfair with us.
"Why do I have to feel this way for you if our love will turned out to be like this... Forbidden... Distanced by two different world"
I wiped my tears as I took a deep breath. I know I should forget and this feelings, I should burry it deep in my heart. I closed my eyes seeing his image fade in darkness.
"Clef.. I missed you"
Fin.
