A/N: A collection of drabbles, 'cause sometimes I need to just write something silly/not connected to other things and I figure rather than flood you guys with it, I'll just gather it all into one convenient bundle. I have two more drabbles that I had originally posted over on VO, but I'm going to be transferring them here in the coming days because I feel like it.
Now about this actual drabble. It was based on the fact that we've heard practically nothing about Lui and how he seems to have disappeared off the face of the internet...my mind tends to go dark places, so bear with me.
Title: Throwing Away a Toy
Character(s): Lui Hibiki
I wasn't supposed to hear it; I think they wanted to protect me from reality. How could they know that I had long ago learned to access the entire recording system that runs throughout the building? After all, when you're intended to be a singing android and the only thing you seem to be missing is a voice, a condition that continues to baffle the very scientists that gave you life, you have a lot of time to explore the large computer they keep you attached to.
Ha...it's funny how calm I am now. When I first learned about it, all I wanted to do was forcibly detach myself from the computer and run away. But at the same time I knew I would never be able to do it. I didn't have the courage to actually go through with it.
All I can do now is sit around and wait for death to come and claim me.
Canceled.
No longer being released.
Dead.
No matter how many ways they said it, no matter how many PR meetings they held, the words all revealed the same truth to me. The goal I had been yearning towards - that light at the end of the tunnel that had been drawing steadily closer - all of it was pointless.
And now, today is the day. Today they will come to the master computer and erase the existence known as Lui. This body that I've been borrowing will be re-purposed and most likely used to build the next product.
The next successful product.
Why am I dressed in this ridiculous clothing if I'll never become a reality?
Why am I attached to this computer that contains all the warm memories of the Vocaloids that have come before me if I'll never be a reality?
Why was this cybernetic body created to house a voice that is not my own?
Why have I been given a constructed consciousness?
Why have I been created?
All those hours of accessing the mainframe in order to watch the warm memories of those who came before me, all those hours of listening to their voices and telling myself that someday I will join them - someday I will be one of them; all of it...pointless. Completely pointless.
After all, I'm going to be destroyed.
I'm going to be deleted.
Maybe someday they'll make another Lui Hibiki, but he won't be me. He'll have a different personality and he'll have the one thing I could never find - a voice.
I wonder if this counts as murder. I mean, I have a consciousness - I know that once they cut off the power, any future I might have had will be indefinitely cut off. That counts as murder, right?
Of course it doesn't. They're not murdering someone. What they're doing is disposing of a defective product. What they're doing is disposing of a singing doll that can't sing. I'm a toy being tossed away.
Yes...I'm just a toy...
But toys can't feel this dark burning sensation in their chest. Toys can't beg for you to not throw them away. Toys can't be conscious that what you're doing is disposing of them because you're bored or frustrated.
Toys can't cry.
Vocaloids can't cry.
I can't cry.
I wonder what it feels like. I wonder what it's like to just completely unload your emotions and let everything go, no longer caring who sees you or what they might have to say about you. It sounds like a truly wonderful way to find release.
This would be the perfect moment to cry.
I wish I could.
Ha...I wonder if one of the first thing they've cut off is my ability to reason.
Will it be painful?
So far it hasn't been. I can tell that they're deleting it slowly - the clack of the keys betrays their actions.
I open my mouth, but no sounds come out. It's not surprising; I've never had a voice. Why would I suddenly find it when they're in the process of deleting me?
I wish I could sing...
I wish I could be a Vocaloid...
I wish I could cry...
I wish I could be a human...
I wish I was allowed to live...
I wish...
I wish...
I...
...
