A/N: Chapter one has LOTS of angst. Will probably curse my name while you read it. BUT it will work out! It will be worth it in chapter two and especially in chapter three. All of my stories end happily for our lovely ladies. There is a little hetero in this. No sex described. Just a kiss here or there in chapter one. Thank you Teriah8 (AO3) for letting me brainstorm with you!
Chapter One
Tessa can tell when I'm lying now. That's just great. What am I going to do if she asks me something personal? Like how I feel about her. She'd never ask me that. There's no reason to ask something like that. I grumbled when the zipper refused to move on my new dress.
"So, how do I look?" A flirty voice broke through my inner turmoil.
"Hang on. It's this zipper."
"Oh, is it stuck?" Closing the door, Tessa dropped her bag and walked up behind me.
"I don't know. I think so and these buttons on top."
"Oh, uh, let me."
"Thanks." Cool fingers grazed my lower back as agile fingers took hold of the zipper. Swallowing hard, I shook my hands trying to ease my nerves. "So, uh, I take it things are going well with Noah?" My voice shook. I can feel her eyes burning into me.
"Yeah, it's going great." As the zipper moved upwards, so did Tessa's hand.
Don't shiver. Don't you dare shiver. Those fingertips…. "That's great."
"Yeah. You know, it's been really important to have this time alone, to move things along. And you know what? Noah's into the idea of an "us" now." Brushing my hair out of the way, Tessa started snapping the buttons. "Which is a lot less confusing."
To feel those hands in my hair… Why am I thinking like this? She's my best friend. And my brother's girlfriend. "That's great."
After snapping the buttons, Tessa brushed the fabric smooth. "Done."
"Great." Turning quickly, I looked Tessa over. Oh, wow. She looks fantastic. I've always loved her style. "I wish my life was that easy to fix." Looking away, I fidgeted.
"Oh, is, is everything okay with you and Devon?"
"Yeah. He's incredible. He's the greatest guy ever."
"So, what's the problem?" Tessa knew by now that I wasn't one to share my feelings. She knew how to draw the information out easily so I wouldn't just shutdown.
I have feelings for someone else. "Me." Needing to get out of the woman's gaze, I walked past her.
Not letting me off that easy, the musician turned to face me. "I don't know what that means."
"Yeah, I don't…I don't either. That's just it, I…I like Devon so much and I want to get serious with him. I really do…"
"So, what's stopping you?" Taking a few steps towards me, Tessa's worried gaze focused in on me.
"I'm just trying to be honest with myself." I've never felt this vulnerable before. I've never let myself be this vulnerable before with anyone. "About who I am and what I want. I'm just so confused." Feeling myself being drawn in, I turned to walk away.
"I get why you're confused. There were times in my life when I didn't know what I wanted either. Or, when I did and I couldn't figure out how to make it happen." As she spoke, Tessa stepped closer to me. "But, Mariah, you're not alone. And, if there's anything I can do to help…" Placing her hand on my shoulder, Tessa kept it there. "Just say the word. I'd be glad to do it." Squeezing my shoulder, she nudged me to turn towards her.
Glancing down to her hand, I met the musician's worried gaze. Gently, I cupped the woman's face. I was surprised when Tessa didn't move away. Even more so, when she glanced towards my lips. Leaning in slowly, I brushed my lips against Tessa's before actually kissing her. Feeling warm hands on my back, I kissed her again. I nearly whimpered feeling the tip of a tongue brush my bottom lip. Giving her access, I felt a strong hand on the back of my neck keeping me in place. Coming to my senses, I pulled away. The smallest smile ghosted Tessa's lips that were now tinted with my lipstick. "I'm so sorry." Stepping away, I tried not to totally freak out. "I don't know where that came from. I…please don't be upset." Turning back towards the woman I had just kissed, I pleaded.
"I'm not, Mariah."
How is she so calm about this? I just kissed her. Deeply! The sister of her boyfriend just kissed her! Multiple times! "I've never done anything like that before. It just doesn't make any sense. I'm, I'm, I'm so sorry. It…it was like an impulse. I've never done something like this before. I'm sorry."
"You've said that already."
"I did." Why is she not angry right now? "I did say that. I did. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
Stepping forward, Tessa took my hands in hers. "You need to stop apologizing."
Looking down to our hands, my mind started to race in a whole other direction. "So, you're okay with what just happened?"
Choosing her words carefully, Tessa sighed. "Mariah, yes, I'm okay with what just happened but-" Letting her hands fall, she took a step back. "I'm with Noah and you're with Devon." Swallowing hard, she forced herself to continue. "We can't. Like you said, it was an impulse. I mean, we're here, in San Fran. At an amazing music festival, experiencing things, and connecting. I think, we both, got a little carried away."
Feeling my heart break, I forced myself to nod. "Yeah. Yeah, um, that's exactly what happened."
"And we're both dating great people…"
"We are."
"So, let's just…put that perfect kiss in a vault and leave it there. Okay?"
Before I could respond, the suite door opened. "Hey you two."
"Ladies." My brother grinned.
"Well, you seem excited. Did the meeting go well?" Tessa smiled.
"Oh, the meeting was fantastic!" He beamed, rounding the couch.
"Oh, that's great."
"Hey," I smiled as Devon kissed my cheek. Wrapping my arms around him, I tried not to see Noah kissing Tessa. I looked anywhere but at her beautiful face. Feeling her eyes on me, I met her gaze. A sad smile on her lips. A longing in her eyes.
The rest of the day was awkward. We paired off and stayed with our boyfriends. At the last set of bands, I told Devon I was feeling ill and that I'd meet him back at the hotel.
Entering the room, I couldn't hold back any longer. Seeing the space where I had kissed Tessa hours before caused tears to stream down my cheeks. Changing into something more comfortable, I curled into the smallest ball I could and clung to a pillow. Pulling the covers to my chin, I buried my face into the pillow. Why do I feel this way about Tessa? I've never felt this way about anyone before. Especially another woman. What's wrong with me? That kiss. God, that kiss was amazing. I've never felt that alive before. I can still feel her hands on me and her lips on mine.
"Mariah?" Oh, no. Not her. Hiding my face into the pillow, I acted like I was asleep. Please believe this. "Mariah…" Defeat was clear in Tessa's voice. Taking a seat behind me, she placed a hand softly on my hip. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't have kissed you back. Especially like that. I just…couldn't stop myself. I should be the one apologizing." Clearing her throat, the musician let out a shaky breath. "I never meant to hurt you." Tessa's voice was strained. "You're asleep. You're not hearing any of this." Sighing, Tessa must have looked at the clock. "I don't have much time. Noah and Devon will be back soon. If only I knew how you felt earlier…things could have been different. Would have been different. I've never felt that way kissing someone before. Like the world stopped." Scoffing at herself, Tessa paused. "The world did stop. The second you touched my cheek." Standing, she tucked the covers in behind my back. Leaning down, the musician whispered. "Goodnight." Realizing what she was about to do, Tessa pulled away before her lips touched my hair.
Xxx
Returning to GC, reality hit us all hard. Well, except for Devon. Knowing that Hilary was leaving town soon helped a little. I wouldn't have to listen to her barking orders for a few days. Walking onto the roof deck, I saw Tessa sipping a water, reading over something. Seeing the woman caused me to remember our kiss. How it felt, how I felt, and what she said later that night.
Noticing me, Tessa waved. "Hey."
"Hey." Walking over, I took a seat. After ordering my own drink, I noticed Tessa was looking over song lyrics. "Ready for tonight?"
"No. I'm so nervous!" Groaning, the musician leaned back into the couch. "Can you believe all the famous people we met this weekend? Because I can't."
"I know! And we were on the private jet this morning." Shrugging, I grinned. "Reality hit me hard, I won't lie."
"Yeah." Placing the crinkled papers down, Tessa smiled. "Thank you for letting me tag along this weekend. It was truly amazing." She paused. "All of it."
"There you are!" Hilary approached quickly. "I'm going to New York tomorrow to shoot my national TV commercial. My acting debut."
"Oh, let me guess: brooms! They want you to fly on one." Tessa smirked.
"Congratulations, Hilary. Don't worry. I'll cover all of the show duties while you are gone."
"I'll give you all of the script material. Just remember who's show it is."
"How could I forget?" I tried hiding my annoyance but some still showed through.
"This isn't all about where the understudy gets to go on for the superstar and makes the role hers. You work for me. Okay?" With that, Hilary walked off.
"I have a sudden, uncontrollable, urge to push a certain TV host into the deep end." Standing, Tessa started after Hilary.
"Oh, no. Don't you dare!" Grabbing the woman's arm, I pulled her back down to the couch. "You can not push Hilary into the swimming pool. Ever."
"When you're not around?" She tried playing innocent.
"Tessa! I still have to work with the woman."
Approaching cautiously, the waitress spoke softly. "Ladies, there was a problem with Mr. Newman's account."
"Oh." We spoke in unison. "Uh…"
Glancing at the bill, Tessa cringed. "I don't have that much cash on me…"
"Yeah, me nether. Let me look…" Both of us rummaged through our purses, trying desperately to find fifty bucks.
"Oh gosh, reality really is hitting us hard. After that weekend, we come back and have to wash dishes."
Placing my last few dollars on the table, I smiled nervously at the waitress. "That should cover it." Nodding, she closed the bill holder and walked away.
"Oh my gosh." Covering her face, Tessa laughed. "I can't believe that just happened."
"Yeah." I couldn't help but join in the nervous laughter.
"Thank you, Mariah." Taking my hand, Tessa squeezed. "That could have been really embarrassing."
"Could have been?" I smiled, feeling warm inside. "You're welcome. When you become rich and famous, you can buy the drinks."
"Deal. Might be a while though."
"Hello, ladies." Devon bent down to kiss me quickly. Did Tessa just wince? Taking a seat, he studied us. "Is everything okay? I'm picking up on a nervous vibe between you two."
"Between us? No. We couldn't be more relaxed."
"Speak for yourself, lady. I'm nervous as Hell. If I seem jumpy, it's probably because tonight is the most important thing to happen to me and my music apart from you signing me to your label."
"Tessa, I don't want you to be nervous. You're just doing your thing."
"In front of a microphone and mixing boards and a producer." Tessa fidgeted the entire time she spoke.
"You've recorded songs before…" I tried to ease my friend's nerves but failed.
"Yeah, demos on my phone. Whole different league."
"It's the same artistry, it's the same nuance, same great melodies and lyrics. The only difference, literally, is you're going to have top notch talent and equipment to capture it. And you're going to have some of the people who believe in you the most there. Starting with us."
"Wait, me? I'm going to be there?" Can I even handle seeing Tessa in a studio? I doubt it. It'll make me like her even more. "You sure that's okay?"
"You got something better to do?"
"No. I just don't want to get in the way." Great. Now I'm jittery.
"Tessa asked me to make sure that you came. She actually said the only way she could do it was if you were there to cheer her on." She said that?
Smiling sheepishly, the musician spoke softly. "A friendly face never hurts."
xxx
Entering the studio, Noah and Tessa were already there. I was a little shocked to see that the musician had changed since I saw her less than an hour ago. She wore my plaid shirt with the first few buttons undone just like before. Noticing my stare, Tessa smiled. "Favorite shirt. Well, one of them. When I play anywhere, I try to wear something that makes me feel comfortable or has a meaning to me."
"Isn't that Mariah's shirt?" Noah's brow furrowed with confusion.
"It is. It's loose on me so it's comfortable. I traded one of my band shirts for it."
"The Halestorm tee, yeah." Quick save. Now, I actually have to get the shirt. "You ready?"
"As I'll ever be." Tessa smiled nervously.
"Good luck." Noah gave her a thumbs up.
"That's horrible luck!" I swatted my brother's arm as Tessa walked into the sound booth.
"Alright, three, two, one." Devon gave Tessa the green light as the music played. So, she feels comfortable in my shirt? I wonder if she's washed it yet or if it still smells like me? I hope whatever shirt I end up with smells like her. I doubt I'd wash it. What am I thinking? Ugh. "What's going on, Tessa? You seem a bit distracted."
"I'm just…really nervous. Maybe we should…do this another night?"
"Tessa…"
"She can't hear you. Press down on this." Devon showed me which of the thousand buttons to push.
"Tessa, I know it's terrifying getting what you want but this is no different then playing a set in the park or open mic night. It's just you and the music. You can do this. I know you can do this."
The fear in Tessa's eyes changed into something else as I spoke. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly. "Okay. Let's try this again." What's holding her back? I'm no music expert but she sounds flat. There's not passion like when she sings in the park or at The Underground. "Ugh! I'm sorry."
"She needs to loosen up and we only have the studio for another hour…"
"I got this." Noah started for the door but I grabbed his wrist.
"Let me. It's a girl thing." Entering the sound booth, I smiled. "Hey, what's up?"
"I just…" Running her hands through already messy hair, Tessa walked towards the corner. Following, I kept close behind. "I can't focus."
"How well can they hear us?" I kept my voice as low as I possibly could.
"Just above a whisper and you'll be fine."
Nodding, I tried to pry a little more. "What's causing you not to focus?"
"I've got so much on my mind."
"Like what?" Locking eyes with me, Tessa didn't answer. "Oh…" Wait, was that an "I'm late" look or something else?
Noticing my panic, a soft chuckle vibrated the woman's throat. "No. Not…that. There's a reason why I had to change and it wasn't pretty. If you get what I mean."
"Oooohh, yeah. We've all been there. At least you were in pants."
"A dress?" Tessa cringed.
"During a live show."
"Damn…"
"Yup. Look, just…focus on something that makes you happy beyond…" I paused, "words are not my friend right now." She's not washed the shirt yet. And she knows that I know. "Just think about the shirt. Why it make you comfortable and how that makes you feel."
A dark brow rose. "Will you be okay with that?"
"Whatever brings the passion I know you can give."
"Thanks." Hugging me, Tessa whispered. "I'll think of San Fran." Leaning back, that same smile ghosted Tessa's pale lips.
Exiting the booth, I felt nauseous. She's thinking about our kiss. While she's dating my brother. What have I done? The next few takes were amazing. Better than anything she had done to date.
Noah wrapped Tessa in a strong embrace when she walked out. "Whatever Mariah said really worked! That was amazing!"
"It really was, Tessa. I think Mariah will need to be at every recording." Devon laughed. "You okay with that?"
All eyes were on me. "Yeah, totally."
Xxx
After I was done filming solo, I received a text from Noah asking me to meet him at The Underground. He had something he needed to ask me. The entire drive over, I panicked. What if he found out about San Francisco or what Tessa thought about last night at the studio? She wouldn't have told him but he's smart. Parking, I tried composing myself. Nothing is going to happen. He and Tessa are happy together. But I swear if this is any type of announcement, I'll kill them both.
"Hey!" Waving me over, Noah poured me a glass of wine. "I have a favor to ask."
"What is it?" I sipped the wine cautiously.
"So, Grandpa and Grandma broke up." I nearly spewed wine across the bar. "Yeah, that was my reaction too. I really doubt Tessa wants to stay in the house with just Grandpa. I asked Mom if she could stay at the cottage. She said sure as long as it was alright with you. What do you say?"
"Yeah, sure." What did I just get myself into?
"Excellent!"
As if on cue, the dark-haired musician walked through the front door. "Hey, guys."
"Just the person I wanted to see." Hugging Tessa quickly, Noah kissed her. "I've got good news. Well, hopefully. Since Grandma left, if you don't want to stay with just Victor, you can stay at Mom's place."
"Wow. Really? That's great. I wasn't really looking forward to running into Victor at the breakfast table." Tessa's attention moved to me. "Are you cool with this?"
"Yeah. Totally. Why wouldn't I be?" Mariah, shut up!
"Great! It's settled then!"
"What's settled? Although, I need to speak with Noah first." So they could speak privately, Nick and Noah went into the office leaving Tessa and I alone.
Leaning against the counter, Tessa made sure the office door was shut before speaking. "Are you sure you're okay with me moving in?"
"Yeah. It'll be you, me, Sharon, and Faith. Kind of like girl's night every night."
"That sounds amazing. Like I'm part of the family." Tessa debated something until the office door opened.
"The Underground is officially a chain!" Noah fist pumped the air like a nerd. "We need to celebrate. Mariah already has wine, what do you want Tessa?"
"Actually, I was hoping Mariah would help me pack and move to the cottage. Victor is scary when Nikki is around. When she's not…I don't want to know what he's like. I'd ask you, but you're working tonight."
Rubbing the back of his head, Noah laughed. "Yeah, Grandpa can be rather…difficult sometimes. Do you mind helping?"
"Not at all. Finishing my glass, I started towards the door. "Meet you there." I don't want to see them kiss again. Hearing it is almost just as bad.
I made record time back to the ranch. I waited outside the main house for Tessa to arrive. I nearly jumped out of my skin when she tapped my window. Opening the door, she laughed. "Sorry. I thought you saw my headlights."
"No, I didn't notice them. Ready?" Nodding, Tessa held out her hand to pull me to my feet. "Let's go."
As we made our way towards the guest wing, I felt like Tessa was sneaking me into her room. "I really don't have that much to pack. I just didn't feel like celebrating."
"Why wouldn't you want to celebrate?" I took a seat on Tessa's bed as she pulled out her duffle.
"Noah's version of celebrating isn't wine and popcorn…"
It took a moment for Tessa's words to dawn on me. "Ooohhh. Even with…" All she did was nod. "I don't know if he's brave or stupid."
A genuine laugh escaped the taller woman. "Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I like him but, you're a woman, you understand. I don't want to be touched right now. I feel bloated and gross. I just want to sit, watch a movie, drink wine, and not be touched."
"Mmhmm. Kind of like a cat. When you want to be touched you'll let someone know."
"Exactly." Shoving clothes into her bag, Tessa chuckled. "Oh, this is yours." My brow creased. Tossing me a shirt, she continued packing. "Thanks for the save last night. I didn't realize Noah paid that close attention to my clothes."
"I think it's because there are so many women in his family. And you're welcome. You don't actually have to give me this though…"
"Well, it's only fair. I'm not giving the plaid one back."
That half smile is going to kill me one day. "Well, isn't it fair that I choose a shirt? You chose that one."
"Fair enough. But choose when we get back to your place. I'm almost packed."
"Okay. I think I already have it narrowed down to a few anyway."
After packing, Tessa and I made our way back to the cottage. Mom had already gone to bed so I showed Tessa up to the guest room. "Extra towels and stuff are in the bathroom. If you need anything, I have a stockpile of extra toiletries under the sink. Only rule: if you empty it, please replace it."
"Totally." Placing her bag on the bed, Tessa began unpacking. "Hey, do you work early tomorrow?"
"No. Why?"
"Wine and a movie?" Tessa shrugged. "I just want to lay in bed with popcorn, wine, good company, and a cheesy movie. I just downloaded this "scary" movie called Spiders. It has Lana Parrilla in it."
"Sure. Let me change and I'll go make popcorn and bring up a bottle of wine."
"Yeah, don't worry about glasses. We can just pass the bottle back and forth." The musician laughed. "Like heathens."
"The sarcasm is strong with this one." I laughed when Tessa threw a pair of socks at me. "Be back in a few."
Entering my room, it became very clear how close Tessa was. We're separated by a wall. Less than a foot separates us at night. I swallowed hard. When the most intimate thoughts take hold. Changing into a pair of lounging pants and a t-shirt, I pulled back my hair. I can only pray that Noah never spends the night. I couldn't handle that.
Waiting for the popcorn to finish, I brought down a large bowel and grabbed the wine. If we're watching a movie on Tessa's laptop, we'll have to sit close. Biting my lip, I tried not to think about cuddling with the taller woman. Gah! I shouldn't be thinking about my best friend like this! Why can I not stop this? And it's not like she's helping. Thinking about our kiss when she sang. She's dating my brother. Why would kissing me bring her joy?
Reentering the guest room, Tessa looked up from her laptop. Reaching to turn on a lamp, she spoke. "I've got everything set up." Pulling back the covers, she patted the space beside her. "Bring on the wine and popcorn."
Flipping off the main light, I got settled a few inches from the dark-haired musician. "Ready?" Passing the wine, I kept the large bowel on my lap.
"Not quite." Holding up the laptop, Tessa scooted so her leg was against mine. "It'll be easier to get popcorn and pass the wine." Readjusting her pillow, she settled back against it. "You good?" All I did was nod. "Cool." Pressing play, Tessa allowed the movie to start.
As it played, we passed the wine bottle back and forth. Every once in a while, our hands would brush when we'd both reached for popcorn. A mumbled "sorry" is all that was said. I'd die if I was in shorts right now. I wonder what Tessa looks like in night shorts. If that fabric is any indication, they feel pretty short. The thought caused a heat to rush over me. Glancing over, my breath hitched. She's asleep. How did she get more beautiful? I didn't realize that was possible. Pausing the movie, I debated finishing. It's only got twenty minutes left. I might as well. Twenty more minutes of having her this close.
By the credits, Tessa had shifted against my arm. Great. Now I have to figure out how to move without waking her. Looking around, I placed the empty bowl on the floor and finished the wine before placing it into the bowel. Closing Tessa's laptop, I pushed it onto the small desk near me. Okay, if I move really slow the bed shouldn't shift too much. I got this. I eased my way towards the edge making sure not to disturb the sleeping woman. Sliding down to her pillow, Tessa nuzzled against the pillow I had been leaning against. Realizing she was still asleep, I continued.
"Stay…" I froze. Did I hear that? Does she want me to stay? Looking over my shoulder, Tessa's hand had reached out towards me. "Cat… 'member?" It took me a minute to remember our earlier conversation. Against my better judgement, I agreed. Once Tessa's lamp was off, I slid back into bed. Unconsciously, Tessa snuggled against me, forehead pressed against my shoulder.
Xxx
The next morning, I woke to Tessa's arm draped across my hip, her face nuzzled into my hair. If only we could always wake up like this. Refusing to move, I laid there listening to Tessa's slow breathing. We'll never be together and she won't always live here so I need to relish these moments while I can. She's not been here a day and I already dread when she leaves.
Stirring, Tessa yawned. Instantly coughing as she breathed in my hair. Pulling away slightly, the puzzled woman wiped my hair away. She froze realizing how close she was to me. "Shit." She whispered. "Mariah? You awake?" Maybe I should see how she reacts? "I guess not." Sighing, Tessa scooted to her side of the bed.
She's staring at the back of my head. That same longing is there. Yawning, I stretched. Rolling to my back, I looked over. Tessa's faking it. "You awake?"
"Just woke up."
"Coffee?"
"Please."
"Okay. Want me to bring it to you?" Sitting up, I continued to work out my stiff muscles.
"You don't have to do that. I'll be down in a few."
"Okay. Midol is in the medicine cabinet."
A soft smile graced the woman's lips. "Thanks."
Making my way downstairs, I continued thinking about waking up in Tessa's arms. I've never felt like that waking up with Devon. It's really nice waking up in someone's arms and not being poked. I cringed thinking about it. I shouldn't cringe about sex with my boyfriend. Maybe having Tessa so close isn't a good thing. Bringing down two mugs, I waited for the coffee to brew.
"Mmm smells amazing." Walking into the kitchen, Tessa scratched her head. Thankfully, nothing was in my hands when I saw Tessa standing in a t-shirt and short night shorts. I can't breathe. What are words? Unable to come up with anything, all I did was nod. Frowning, Tessa's head tilted. "You okay?"
"Yup." Clearing my throat, I tore my eyes away from the dark-haired beauty. Pouring us each a cup, I fixed my own coffee. "How do you take yours?"
"As dark as my soul." Tessa's voice dropped to low octave.
Smirking, I shook my head. "So, creamer with a hint of coffee?"
"Smart ass." Tessa paused. "Dark almond." Taking the offered mug, she inhaled the aroma of Italian roast. "Mmm smells like Heaven."
"What time do you have to report to Devon?" Taking a seat at the table, I sipped the steamy liquid.
"I don't. He just wants me to work on music. I'll probably hang around here and play with lyrics." Sipping her own coffee, Tessa debated something but decided to not bring whatever it was up. An awkward tension filled the cottage. "What are your plans?"
"Have Hilary bark orders at me. Record a show. Probably have dinner with Devon." I paused seeing Tessa's face drop. "Unless you want to do something?"
"No. No. I don't want to infringe on your time with Devon."
"It's no trouble…"
"Nah. Don't. We'll have plenty of time to hang out now that I'm staying here." Tessa's smile didn't quite dimple her cheeks.
"Can't wait."
Xxx
"Hey, beautiful." Devon stood as I approached the table. "I hope you don't mind us eating at the club. I just finished a meeting."
"Not at all." After a quick kiss, Devon pulled out my chair. "Thank you."
"Mmhmm." Taking his own seat, Devon glanced over the menu. "How's your day been?"
"Well, besides being bossed around by Hilary, it's been alright. Yours?"
"Good. We've been mixing Tessa's new song. It should be on the HWG rotation soon. You'll hear it here and online. How is Tessa doing?"
"Good. She moved into the cottage with me and Sharon. Today she's just been working on new music."
"That's great." Dinner was filled with mindless chit-chat about work. Before I was able to take a bite of my New York styled cheesecake, Devon dropped a bomb. "What did you tell Tessa to calm her down at the studio? Whatever it was, it seemed pretty intense."
Shit. Shit. Shit. "I just told her to breathe. That she wasn't going to break the equipment by staring too hard. It's also a woman thing. That's all I can say." Please, take this as an answer.
Studying me a moment, Devon finally accepted that I wasn't going to give him anything else. "Okay." Digging his fork into my cheesecake, I resisted the urge to fight away his fork.
"Devon!" Hilary stormed up to our table. "We need to talk about my show."
"This can wait. I'm in the middle of dinner."
"Mariah doesn't mind. Do you?" Shoveling in a mouthful of the delicious creamy goodness, I shook my head. "See?"
Grumbling, Devon stood. "I'll be right back."
"Take your time." Checking my phone, I noticed a text from Tessa.
Hey, I probably won't be home tonight. Noah wanted to have dinner at his place… Want to do lunch tomorrow? -T
"Miss. Copeland, may I get you anything else?"
Glancing towards Devon and Hilary, I spoke quickly. "Another glass of wine, please."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Thank you."
Lunch sounds good. I think dinner will be ending soon. Did you get your key off the counter? -M
Yes, I did. Thanks! Sorry to hear about dinner. That sucks. Gotta go. See you tomorrow. -T
Bye -M
"Here you are."
"Thank you." Turning my attention towards Devon and Hilary, I knew what was coming. He's going to leave me here because she needs something that can't wait. It's happened before.
Making his way back to me, Devon's face fell. "I'm sorry, Mariah. I need to go. I'll have my driver take you home."
"I'll catch a cab. Thank you, though."
"Okay." Turning to walk away, he remembered to kiss me on the cheek. "Have a goodnight."
"You too." Finishing my wine, I scheduled a cab.
Xxx
Over the next month, Tessa and I had fallen into routines. Each week, sometimes multiple times a week, we'd have a movie night either in her room or mine. Whoever got up first made coffee. We would take turns bringing lunch or a caffeine fix to each other. It had become quite apparent to me that I wanted Tessa around more than one should but I couldn't stop myself from seeing her as much as possible.
One night, as I typed away on my piece about Artists of GC I heard the main topic of my article laugh through the wall. Groaning, I turned on Spotify and tried to drown out the idea of Noah making Tessa happy. What I wouldn't do to be the one who she's laughing with right now at two in the morning. Sighing, I went back to the piece outline.
Intro: The newest up and coming artist, Tessa Porter, brings a soulful voice to GC. Her vocal range makes listeners feel as if they're wrapped in velvet. It can calm even the most anxious of us. Tessa's talent isn't just her singing but also songwriting and playing piano or guitar.
Rolling my shoulders, I thought about what else I could say without making it sound like I was in love with the woman. Hearing a familiar ding, I smiled. Picking up my phone, I swiped open the text from Tessa. My heart stopped when I saw the picture inside. It was of her, naked, barely covered by a thin sheet. A devilish smirk playing at her lips. The glare she had with one brow raised caused a fire to ignite deep inside me. This was not meant for me. She's been sexting my brother in the next room. What else has she done in there? The thought only caused more heat to pool in my stomach. Granted, it's probably the same as I've done in here…
Hearing a frantic scramble, I debated getting up. Before I could force myself to move, there was a light knock on my door. "Yeah?" I tried to keep my voice from squeaking.
"C-can I come in?"
"Sure." Closing my laptop, I wasn't sure if I was thankful Tessa had put on clothes or upset that she didn't just slip into a robe. "What's up?"
"I…um…" Rubbing the back of her neck, the mortified musician looked anywhere but in my direction. "Have you…uh…looked at your phone?"
"I have, yes." For Tessa's sake, I tried to stay as chill as possible.
Pale cheeks turned deep crimson. "Oh."
"It's okay, Tessa. That's what adults in their twenties do. I've sent you the wrong text when I've been texting Devon. I wasn't fully paying attention and clicked your name verses his."
"Yeah, but those have just been random messages or cute selfies. Not…what I just sent." Tessa's voice was soft and ashamed. It killed me to hear it.
"Tessa, come sit down. I'm sure whatever mood you just had is now pretty ruined."
"Just a little..." Taking a seat, she still wouldn't look at me.
Crossing my legs, I leaned forward on my elbows. "Honestly, I'm blown away by the amount of courage you have. It takes an insane amount of self-esteem to send a nude or sexy picture. I could never fathom doing that. Your body isn't something you should be ashamed of."
A soft smile played at the woman's lips. "How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Make me feel better. I nearly died when I realized that was sent to you and not Noah. Honestly, I'm glad for the mistake. I wasn't really comfortable sending it to him. Yeah, I know we've…but that's different. A picture is forever. Not that I think Noah would ever share it but I know without a doubt that you wouldn't."
"Yeah. I won't." But I won't forget about it either. "Are you going to be okay?"
"I think so. I told Noah that I didn't take one. I think he went to sleep." Rage bubbled inside me at the idea of Noah just going to sleep when he didn't get what he wanted. When I didn't respond, Tessa finally looked at me. "You have that twitch."
"What twitch?"
"And your voice is flat." A slow smile appeared. "Why are you so mad?"
"I…just…I don't know."
"Uh-huh. Sure." That smile turned coy. "What's got you all fired up?"
The fact that I'm trying desperately not to say "fuck everything" and kiss you right now because I'm beyond sexually frustrated because of that damn sexy as hell picture you accidently sent me. "Just that Noah went to sleep when he didn't get what he wanted bugs me."
"Always so protective." Glancing towards the clock, Tessa cringed. "It's nearly three. We better get some sleep. How's the article coming along?"
"Good. I should be able to finish it tomorrow."
"That's good. Well, goodnight. Thank you, Mariah." Wrapping her arms around my neck, Tessa squeezed.
"You're welcome." Reciprocating, I tried not to nuzzle the woman's neck. Her perfume. What it does to me. And she's not wearing a bra. That shirt is super thin. I'm horrible for enjoying this so much. "Goodnight." Leaning back, I watched as Tessa made her way towards the door.
Stopping at the threshold, Tessa spoke softly. "For what it's worth, Devon would be lucky to get a picture like that from you. You're gorgeous, Mariah. Inside and out." With that, the taller woman cracked my door and went back to her own room.
Xxx
Since it was Saturday, I shut off my alarm and went back to sleep. Around ten, I heard a soft knock on my door. "Yeah?"
"Coffee?"
"Sure." Sitting up, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
Pushing open the door with her foot, Tessa entered. Her hair was pulled back and she wore the same lounging pants and tank top. The musician's demeanor was calm and relaxed. A much different sight from earlier this morning. "I wasn't sure how long you were going to sleep for but you said to never let you sleep beyond eleven."
"Thanks."
Taking a seat on my bed, Tessa offered me a steamy mug. "Good morning."
"Good morning." Taking a sip of coffee, I allowed its warmth to wake my tired muscles.
"Sleep well?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Once I got to sleep." She mumbled into her mug. "I think I was up until four."
"What caused the sleeplessness?"
Shrugging, Tessa held her mug with both hands. "Just…I'm still shocked at how cool you were this morning. I've never had friends, especially good ones, so I'm scared of losing you."
"Tessa," reaching out, I placed a reassuring hand on my friend's forearm. "You won't lose me over a picture. I promise. It'll take a lot more than that to get rid of me."
"I hope I never find out what I have to do…"
"I doubt you will." Finishing my cup, I placed it on the nightstand. "What are your plans for the day?"
"Probably work on music. I've got a bunch of song ideas going on in my head. I need to get them down before I forget them. And I think Noah is taking me out to dinner for a date. You?"
"Finish this article, probably go work out at the club… That's really it. Pretty boring day. Hopefully, Hilary won't call me in for something." Should I offer to leave the cottage? I'm not sure. Not that I want them to…do…that but I definitely don't want to be around if it happens.
"She's a real piece of work."
"She is indeed. Let's get more coffee."
xxx
I must have a thing for being bossed around. First Hilary and now the spin instructor. Taking a towel, I wiped off the sweat that covered my face, neck, chest, and arms. Walking onto the main exercise floor, I noticed Tessa in the yoga area. No wonder she's so fit. I hate yoga but now I want to do it. Same thing with eating broccoli. Why does this woman have this effect on me? Not realizing I had been staring, I finally snapped out of my thoughts when Tessa spoke.
"Hey." An amused smile played on the woman's lips.
"Hey…" Oh, God. She can't look at me like that. Say something! "I was just…admiring your fo…technique. You look really Zen."
"You look hot." She teased.
"Yeah, that's me. Hot, sweaty, miserable, and exhausted after fifty minutes of being ordered around by a sadist in a headset to the strains of the loudest EDM music legally allowed in daylight." As I spoke, Tessa continued her poses. Seeing Tessa's muscles flex as she moved from Downward Facing Dog into Upward Facing Dog nearly killed me. "Could you imagine anything in the world more enjoyable?"
"You know, I think I'll stick to yoga. Thanks."
"Oh, what is this?" Picking up a tattered notebook, I held it with care. "Your inner most secret thoughts?" I grinned knowing all too well that she's been writing like a mad woman lately.
"Yeah, in song lyric form." Tessa paused. "You can look…if you'd like."
"Really?" All she did was nod. "Okay." Glancing over the pages, I was astonished. These are amazing. I thought she didn't write sappy stuff? Must be about Noah.
"What's that look? Do you not like it?"
"What?! No! These are…amazing!" The sad pout on Tessa's face hadn't changed. "I'm being serious. These are…wow."
Eventually, she believed me. "Thanks." A soft chuckle vibrated the musician's throat. "You're still burning up. Here," rummaging through her bag, Tessa pulled out a bottle. "Use this. It's a mist. It'll cool you off."
"Thanks. I forgot mine." Taking off the cap, I sprayed it on my chest, neck, and face." When I opened my eyes, there was a hungry look in Tessa's. Swallowing hard, I gave the bottle back. "Thanks…"
"Welcome." Clearing her throat, Tessa used the misting bottle on herself before putting it away. Help! Oh, Lord. She's fucking glistening! I can't… "You okay?"
"yeah, yeah. I just need a shower to cool off. Over did it a little." Getting up, I picked up my gym bag.
"Hold on and I'll join you."
Turning quickly, my eyes grew a moment. "What?"
That same amused smirk made its way back to Tessa's face. "In the next stall."
Xxx
For nearly two weeks, the sexy selfie of Tessa haunted me. Anytime I wasn't busy working, the image of Tessa would creep into my thoughts. I couldn't even kiss or sleep with Devon without her coming to mind. And for some reason, I was okay with it.
As I laid in bed, I heard Tessa playing her guitar. She'd stop every few minutes and grumble or rip a page from her notebook. Wondering what was wrong, I shot her a quick text.
Hey, you okay over there? Lots of irritation radiating from your room. -M
I can't get this song right. No matter how hard I try. -T
Hmm. I'm no musician but I know method actors put themselves in the situation their characters are in. Maybe that would help? -M
That's brilliant! Thank you! -T
Glad to help. -M
Soon, Tessa was in her groove. Curious to hear the lyrics unmuffled, I got up to investigate. No matter what I did, it wouldn't have prepared me for what I saw. Sitting sideways on the bed was a nearly naked Tessa. The only thing she wore was a pair of red bikini-cut underwear. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the angel that sat before me. I should make myself known. But damn.
"But then you came around me, the walls just disappeared. Nothing to surround me and keep me from my fears. I'm unprotected. See how I've opened up? Oh, you've made me trust because I've never felt like this before. I'm naked around you. Does it show? You see right through me and I can't hide. I'm naked around you and it feels so right."
Who's this song about? She's so vulnerable and she sounds amazing.
"I'm trying to remember why I was afraid to be myself and let the covers fall away. I guess I never had someone like you to help me, to help me fit in my skin. I never felt like this before.
I'm naked around you. Does it show? You see right through me
and I can't hide."
When the song ended, a content sigh escaped the dark-haired musician. Glancing over, Tessa smiled. "What do you think, Mariah?" It took a moment for her words to sink in. "Mariah?!" Tessa dove for her clothes that were on the floor as I turned quickly.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to…I just wanted to hear…" Shit! Now she probably thinks I'm a creep.
"It's okay…I should have closed the door. Faith is gone and Sharon is downstairs. I didn't think you were going to get up so I didn't bother to close the door. You can turn around now."
Turning, I started apologizing again. "I really didn't mean to…uh…"
"It's okay, Mariah." Tessa shrugged with a half grin. "You kinda gave me a big self-esteem boost when I sent you that picture. What you said really stayed with me. I mean, I'm not modeling lingerie or anything but…for myself it helped to hear what you said."
"Glad to help?" Her modeling sexy underwear? I think I'd die. Actually, I would die. No question.
"Did you like it?"
"What?" My voice squeaked.
"The song." A half grin played at Tessa's lips again. "What did you think I meant?"
"I…I…I wasn't sure. Uh…the song was…incredible. You really had passion in your voice."
"Thank you. Being here, it really helps me."
My brow creased. "Why is that? Noah's not here."
The vulnerability in Tessa hardened quickly. Like she decided against what she was really going to say. "It's quiet here. I can think without being interrupted."
"Oh, of course." Nodding slowly, I turned back to walk out. "Well, goodnight. I promise to knock next time I hear you singing."
xxx
Date nights for Tessa and Noah turned into binge night for me. After eating an entire tub of salted caramel gelato and half a season of Grace and Frankie, I decided to turn in for the night. After turning off everything, I decided to at least leave a side lamp on in case anyone came home.
I had just gotten in bed to read, when the front door opened. Tessa's laughter rang through the house. I can only imagine she's with Noah. And by his laugh, he's had a few drinks. Lovely. I dreaded the fact they were coming up the stairs. Someone, kill me. Please?!
"Come here, beautiful."
"Noah," Tessa laughed, stopping near my door.
"No one's home. We have the entire house to ourselves…" Oh, God. Someone's pressed against my door. I cannot hear this.
"Noah, we're not alone." I guess Tessa saw the dim glow of my lamp from under the door. Thank God! "Mariah's here. Didn't you notice her caaaarrrrr." A breathy sigh escaped the woman's throat. "When we," she cleared her throat, "got here?" I'm going to vomit. I am going to puke.
"She's probably asleep by now. We can be quiet…" From the sound of it, Noah continued kissing his girlfriend.
"Noah." Tessa warned. "I don't feel comfortable doing…this…when Mariah is here. Asleep or not. Let me get you some blankets and a pillow. You can sleep on the couch."
"Downstairs?" Disappointment was clear. "Come on, Tess."
"Noah, no. I know how you can get. Would you rather sleep in my room and I'll take the couch?" He better take the damn couch! Otherwise, I'll kick his ass.
"No. I'll sleep on the couch."
Hearing Tessa come back up the stairs, I sent her a quick text. Thank you for that. Sorry to kill the mood. Next time I'll stay at the club or something. -M
It took Tessa a few minutes to reply. Absolutely not! I'm not kicking you out of your house. -T A second later. How much of that did you hear? -T
All of it… -M
I'm so sorry! I keep embarrassing myself when it comes to you. *face/palm* First the pic, then the song, and now this. Sure you don't want to run the other way? -T
Very sure. -M I paused debating on whether I should invite her into my room. Not sure I want to but at the same time I want her around. Against my better judgement, I texted. If you want, you can come chat or something. -M I started to panic when Tessa didn't message back.
Let me shower and change first. If you're still awake, I'll pop in. -T
Okay. -M
Settling into my pillow, I relaxed. I really dodged a bullet. I'd have died if I had to hear them having sex. The thought alone made me nauseous. Then the guilt set in. I cock blocked my brother. But he shouldn't have come here to have sex. He has his own place. Why do I feel happy that I ruined his fun and jealous of him at the same time? Scrolling through social media, I heard the shower turn off. Moments later, there was a soft knock on my door. "I'm awake."
Pushing open the door, Tessa entered. I snorted seeing her hair wrapped up in a towel. "What?"
Sitting, I couldn't help but smile at how adorable she looked. "I envy the fact that you don't have to dry your hair. If I was to do that…it would be bad."
"I'm sure. With all the curls, good Lord." Crawling in beside me, Tessa got comfortable. Snuggling into the second pillow, she sighed.
I couldn't help but snort a laugh. "Are you staying the night?"
A soft smile tugged at pale lips. "Depends on if I fall asleep or not. It is nearly midnight. Is that okay?" I want you to. But you were about to have sex with my brother. It would be inappropriate. Lifting her head, Tessa questioned. "Mariah?"
"Uh…"
"I mean, I showered so there's…" Picking up on the tension between us, Tessa sat to toss her legs off the bed. "Oh...I just…never mind. I'll go back to my room." The woman nearly sprinted towards my door.
"Tessa…" Before I could think of anything to say, she was gone. Groaning, I fell back onto my pillow. Damn it!
Xxx
The next morning, I waited until Noah was gone to go downstairs. When I finally did, Tessa was sitting on the couch staring at two coffee cups as if they had the meaning of life written on them. "Hey." The musician jumped a good three inches off the couch. "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."
"It's okay. Um…I think your coffee is probably cold by now. I didn't want to disturb you."
Something's really wrong. She's never sounded this depressed before. "Thanks. Is everything okay?"
"No." Tessa rubbed her face. "Everything's not okay."
Picking up my mug, I sipped it. "What's wrong?" I kept the coffee table between us.
"Why did you kick me out of your bed last night?" Hurt and confusion clouded Tessa's eyes as her voice shook.
"What?"
"Last night, you didn't want me to stay. Why?"
This is not going to end well and I need so much more coffee for this. "Tessa, you were about to have sex with my brother… It would have been inappropriate…"
"But I didn't have sex with him. As you know." Tension started to build in the living room.
"Are you blaming me?"
"Of course not! This is your house. I just don't understand why you felt the need to-"
"I didn't kick you out of my bed, Tessa. I just don't think it was appropriate for you to sleep in the same bed with the sister of the man you were about to sleep with. Especially, because-" I bit my tongue, hard.
"Because what?"
"I can't. I've said too much." Turning, I started towards the kitchen.
"We're not done talking." Sprinting towards the kitchen, Tessa stopped me. "Because what?"
I couldn't stop it this time. "Because I think I'm in love with you!" The mood shifted quickly. Cupping my mouth, I turned away. What have I done?
"You think you're the only one?" Tessa's voice cracked. "Mariah, who do you think that poem was about? Or that song?" Refusing to answer, Tessa spoke softly. "What is a soulmate? A soul mate is someone you want to carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did; or when no one else would. It's like a best friend but more. It's the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. Someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don't make you a better person you do that yourself because they inspire you."
"Tessa, stop…" I couldn't choke out anything else.
"It seems to me that the best relationship is the ones that last. Are frequently the ones that are a really good friendship and one day you look at the person and you see something more than the day before. Like a flip has been switched somewhere and the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can imagine yourself with."
"Tessa…" Tears streamed down my face. She's crying too and all I want to do is wrap my arms around her. Tell her everything is going to be okay. But I can't.
"But it's not just someone to hold you under. It needs to be someone who can pull you back. Someone who has a strong connection with you. A kind of emotional tether. And no matter what happens you will always love them. Nothing can ever change that." Tessa paused, clearing her throat. "That's how I feel about you, Mariah. That's how I've felt about you." Her voice was a little stronger.
I couldn't take it anymore. Turning to face her, I lashed out. "Then why did you pick Noah?!"
"Because he's safe! Because the idea of losing you fucking terrifies me! The idea of loving you, being with you…" Tessa cleared her throat. "I can't. I'll…I'll just go."
Unable to move, I was forced to watch Tessa run up the stairs. I barely made it to the couch before breaking down. Pulling a pillow against me, I wept into it.
About an hour later, Tessa started down the steps. I was still clenching the pillow to my chest but I had stopped crying moments before. "I'm sorry, Mariah." The musician's voice was soft as she dropped her bag at the front door. Walking towards me, she stopped at the end of the couch. "I never meant to fall for you… Or to cause you so much pain."
"Don't apologize for what your heart wants. Even if your brain disagrees." Clearing my throat, I finally looked in Tessa's direction. Her eyes are just as red and swollen as mine. I hate seeing her in so much pain. "Where will you go?"
"Noah's. He asked me to move in last night but I dodged the question."
"I'm glad you won't be living in your car again."
"Yeah." Moving slowly, Tessa surprised me by kissing my cheek. "See you around."
A/N: Some scenes and dialog used from canon. What Tessa said at the end (soulmate) was found here: /oNmMAoJssVk
Song used: "Naked" by Avril Lavigne
