Hey, it's Ted. I'm going to be writing this for a while. I don't know if I'll ever actually finish it though. This is not a fanfic, and its more non-fiction than fiction. It's about living with a disorder that I've never seen too much about that I wanted to write about. Whenever I go around, I always see fanfics or stories where people give the characters certain serious disorders or disabilities like eating and learning disorders, or autism, or whatever. But I never see anything about this.


Chapter One


*The whole story is going to be a single P.O.V. so I'm not going to bother to write it*

I start off my day just like any other. I wake up, freshen up, get dressed, and continue on with the rest of my morning routine. I grab my stuff and I'm out the door to get my friend and go to school. I'm seventeen, and unfortunately I don't drive, nor do I have my license anyway. We take the bus to our school, where I am taking a class for medical professionals. On the bus, I drown out the rest of the world by blasting my music into my ears. I know what they say, don't play music too loud when you have headphones, it could make you go deaf. Well, frankly, I'd prefer to be deaf than live with this. Then at least there would be peace.


My bus arrives at the school and we get off, I keep my headphones on for the rest of the time. Into the cafeteria we go where those who haven't yet had anything to eat can get breakfast, I go and sit down at my regular table while my friend walks off. I take off one headphone to hear the world around me as my friend comes back and talks to me as well as a few others who are in her class. After about ten minutes the bell rings indicating the end of breakfast before first period starts. I turn my blasting music back on and weave my way through the sea of people to get to my locker and then my first class. I keep the music on as I enter the room, but quickly switch to listening on my computer. Don't question why, we aren't allowed to have our phones out and I don't want to risk trouble.

More and more students fill the room and the bell rings. I remove one headphone again as the teacher starts to talk. It doesn't last long though as one of the girls pulls out a pack of gum that she shares with a few friends next to her and a sense of panic washes over me.

'Oh God, no' is what goes through my head. I wish I could get through one day peacefully without feeling this way, but I cannot. As the girls remove the wrap from their gum and plop in in their mouths the feeling of panic grows stronger as I continue to stare at them. I can't stop. And as they begin to chew I force myself to turn the other way and put the other headphone back on, unfortunately, my teacher is still talking. But I have to do this before I go into an attack.

You may be thinking, "well why don't you just look away, ignore it, it shouldn't bother you that much." Well, believe me, I wish I could. I wish it was that easy for me but it isn't. Any small, repetitive, or otherwise obnoxious sound can make me go into a panic attack. I've suffered with it. And my education is what pays the price.

And you see, this is just the beginning of the school day, only the first hour of my torture has passed. Through blaring music, but also in silence. I have to survive six more hours of this. I don't think I can make it.

It makes me wish I was deaf. Something that could make me feel more normal than this does. Makes me feel like I'm not going insane, just because someone is typing on a computer, or chewing food, or humming, or laughing, or any of the other things I can't stand. But this is my life. This is what I go through every day, even at home. I have SPD, or Sensory Processing Disorder. It is my living Hell.


So, here is the first chapter. And in my opinion it's just kinda like, "eh…..". Not really how I wanted it to go, but I'm gonna keep writing it. It probably won't last that long if I do finish it. What I want to say about this is that this disorder, SPD is something that I actually have. It emotionally painful and exhausting and I'm not gonna go into detail about it now, I'll do that in the next chapter.

So, until next time, peace

-Ted