Many of the people on set think that Rachel enjoys her job. Well, she does, but not in the way they probably think. She sees the way that a lot of them look at her, both accusatory and admiring in the same glance. Rachel gets the most stares after particularly dramatic occurrences on set between the girls. After all, a good portion of the time it's her doing, if not just giving the tiny little push required/needed to send them over an already slippery edge.

The cameramen and make-up artists and set designers and a lot of the other staff like to think themselves separate from the producers. They are just the ones recording or fixing the light or correcting a make-up smudge after all. The producers are the ones who are the real monsters. Everyone else finds it easy to place the blame elsewhere, to convince themselves that they aren't doing anything wrong. It's the producers that manipulate and twist arms until they can't be twisted any further without breaking. It's the producers that are cold and heartless, breaking the self-esteem of girl after girl for better TV ratings.

Rachel does enjoy her job, but not because of the manipulation tactics or having the power to make a girl cry with a few well-placed words. She enjoys her job because she gets a thrill out of the creation of it all. As a producer she gets to help create this story that makes me settle in their couches once a week to watch, rapt with attention.

She would much prefer to be creating another story - one that doesn't hurt so many people, but in the television business you can't be choosy. People aren't as interested in real-life pieces about authentic Americans living their day-to-day lives. Those shows belong on PBS and are the only ones that Rachel herself will watch when she has an ounce of free time. No, Rachel isn't in the target market for the popular reality shows like the one she is producing. She can't watch them for more than five minutes without throwing her remote at the TV or physically feeling ill.

Not being a fan of reality TV herself should make Rachel terrible at her job, but it doesn't. In fact it's quite the opposite. She's good. Really good. Good enough that after having a complete meltdown on the last season she was asked back. Because she knows how to push buttons and manipulate with the best of them.

It probably makes her a hypocrite. Rachel doesn't enjoy the manipulation. In fact, she often tries to let things fall naturally if ever possible. Some of the producers like to create outrageous twists, bringing plotlines and characters out of left field. Those rarely work. A good producer like Rachel knows that the best way is to work with what's already there.

She spends a lot of the first hours at the beginning of the season just watching the contestants. While some try to mess right from the beginning, she stays back and looks for patterns. Girl A has body-image issues. Girl B is an attention-seeker. Many think that all contestants are the same, and really, most of them do look very similar with their primped hair and white-toothed smiles. Under the surface is what counts though, and that's where Rachel finds her inspiration.

You can't just make anyone the mean girl of the show. It's not a spot you can fill as easy as playing eeny, meeny, miny, moe. It requires a certain set of characteristics. After only minutes of watching the newest batch, Rachel knows it's Britney. Of course she's not going to be the only mean girl of the season. After she's gone a new one will fill her place. It's just the hierarchal nature of the reality show kingdom.

Rachel has mentally categorized all of the girls into little boxes in her head, knowing where each will fit in the grand scheme of things. Of course, something always happens that's unplanned. Not even the producers can know every single thing that's going to happen. And dealing with that is usually her second favorite part of the job. It's those surprises that keep her on her toes, and force her to adapt and change the story. The situations aren't always ideal, but Rachel knows that on reality TV everything is salvageable. Rachel is a thrifty person and thrives on the challenge.

So when Mary commits suicide, Rachel for the first time doesn't know what to do. She immediately thinks back to her conversation with Quinn and when she heard her utter the words "black knight." Just the thought of bringing in Mary's abusive ex had Rachel's stomach reeling. She knew it was a bad idea from the start, and yet somehow Quinn had convinced her. Rachel had remembered something about how confronting your abuser could create closure for the victim. Quinn convinced Rachel that they were actually helping Mary.

From the moment Rachel saw him brought in though, she had a sour feeling in her gut. She had pushed it aside though and did her job, telling herself that the story would resonate with the millions of other women who had been victims of abuse. Mary would be a hero to them. And Adam would be a hero to Mary – her "white knight" to her ex-husband's dark.

During the shot, Rachel had held her walkie talkie firmly in her grip as she took in the events that played out before her. When Kirk, Mary's ex, took a swing at Adam, Rachel was gripping the walkie so hard she was surprised it hadn't broken. Genuine panic had flooded her body.

Afterwards, only Adam was a little worse for wear with the shiner around his eye. She felt a slight pang of guilt in her chest whenever she looked at it, so she kept her gaze down whenever possible. Handing him the pack of ice had felt akin to putting a Band-Aid over a bullet hole that she had shot herself, although perhaps the metaphor in her head was a bit over dramatic. The guilt fizzled out when Mary and Adam kissed though, and reasoned with herself that perhaps Quinn had been right. Everything was working out.

When Rachel saw Mary on the roof, she knew she had screwed up. The woman was wearing a beautiful gown and looking as beautiful as ever, and it suddenly struck Rachel how much she had misjudged her. Mary was not cut out for the show. She deserved the least dramatic life possible after what she had gone through with Kirk. Rachel should have realized that from the beginning and gotten her out early. But she had misjudged and then Mary was standing on the roof, one foot away from taking her own life.

On that roof Mary told Rachel that she didn't know if she was good or a monster. Rachel had tried to remind her of everything she had to live for – her daughter and sister. She had told her she was with her and that they would get her help, reaching out her hand. She did everything she could and still Mary had jumped.

Actually, jumped was the wrong word. That implied enthusiasm or energy. What Mary had done was give up. She had literally just given up right in front of Rachel's eyes and succumbed to gravity.

With her hand still outstretched, Rachel had stared down at the ground below her and known with absolute certainty that Mary was good. She was not a monster. Rachel was not good. She was a monster. After all, she was the one who had caused this. She was the one who was to blame for that beautiful, kind-hearted, good person now lying dead.


So I just wrote this and literally have done zero editing whatsoever. Sorry. I will come back later and work on grammar/spelling, but I needed to get this out there. As of right now there aren't any UnREAL fics on this site, and that needs to change! It's an amazing show and I love Shiri Appleby (I was a fangirl of Roswell way back when...).

I was inspired to write this in part because of how much I appreciate the show and how it's shedding a light on reality television. Personally I can only really handle fictional shows most of the time... a lot of reality shows seem toxic to me, and I have no doubt in my mind that the behind-the-scenes conditions are even more disturbing. We always focus on the stars though, and I'm very interested in the mental state and various thoughts of those working behind the camera as well.

Let me know what you think! Right now this is a one-shot, but I may continue with some future chapters. We'll see!