A/N: What happens when you're bored during math class? Apparently this! It's based loosely on one of the many things Vic has been asked to say and was put onto the internet.

I do not own FMA, FMA Brotherhood, or anything Vic M may or may not say.


Edward Elric was a lone. Or so he thought.

After a hard, worthless trek through one of the smaller, unknown towns of Amestris on yet another false lead to the Philosopher's Stone, Edward just wanted to get back to Central. So he took a train to the military's main government building and met up with his younger brother, Alphonse Elric.

"Did you find anything, Brother?" Al asked.

"No, of course not," Ed replied with a sigh. "This stone is a bitch to find and I was hoping to get at least some other piece of information about its location from that town. But no one even knew what the Stone was! Where did you get that hint in the first place?"

"Ah, well, Colonel Mustang-"

"Mustang," Ed growled. "Of course he'd be part of this! He's probably laughing about how I fell for his damn trick. Probably did this just to get us out of his hair again."

"But. Brother-"

"It's fine, Al. I told you that I was going to get your body back no matter what!"

He let out a startled yelp as Al pulled him into a hug. The cold of his steel armor replacement body seeped through Ed's clothes. Ed tried to keep the frown off his face.

"And you'd put up with the Colonel for me? You're so nice, Ed!"

"A flipping angel. Now will you let go of me!" When Ed stepped back, a thin outline of his form was etched in dirt on Al. "Sorry. Mustang sent me out west towards the desert. I'll be back. Oh, and call Winry. I want her to make sure the sand didn't mess up any of my auto mail."

"O-oh, okay!"

And that is how Ed ended up alone. Somewhat.

He was in the Command Center's showers, doing his best to scrub the layers of dust and sand from himself while he waited for Winry to come.

Little did he know, Al had called Winry as soon as he heard that Ed was retuning. She told Al that she would take the first train in the morning and check it out. She hadn't heard from the Elric brother's in so long that she wasn't even that angry at Ed messing up his arm again.

So Al waited in their room until Winry stepped through the door, led in by General Armstrong.

"Here is the valiant young lady that is so kind to help our little friend, Edward!" he said, tears glistening in his blue eyes.

Winry shooed him out before he could do anything drastic. Again.

"So, where's Ed," she asked, after she had greeted Al.

"Brother's getting cleaned up-You can wait…here…." But it was too late. Winry had already left the room and was heading down the hall.

She knocked on the door at the end of the corridor and heard no answer. With a shrug, she went in.

"-Too sexy that it hurts."

Winry froze. What the hell?

"I'm too sexy for my auto mail, too sexy-"

"Ed! What the hell are you singing! Are you calling my auto mail bad? Are you making fun of it?" she shouted angrily, face red. "I'll rip your auto mail right off your shoulder and you'll see what hurts after I'm done with you!" She stomped out of the room with a muttered "Little brat."

Ed, who was cowering in the corner of the shower, was too embarrassed and afraid to react the term "little".