(I haven't let you guys down yet so don't stop trusting me now!)

It wasn't getting better his mind was still twisted around itself trying to force back memories that he really wanted to forget along with people of those terrible memories. Doing some research helped a little. At times it was difficult to imagine his life, at least about a life that he once had outside of Hydra. One where he was actually happy and had a sense of realism, but knowing more didn't mean he was free. Sargent Barnes as he now official knew himself as, kept constantly looking over his shoulder, something that he didn't think would have to happen.

He was once HYDRAS masked hunter, not anymore after their defeat in DC radio chatter had been silent no orders and there had been no indications for regrouping. He had a chance and took it, not sure what the outcome would be but he kept moving, that would be the best thing he could do. He was unarmed, unsure about the new world. It hadn't been HYDRAS job to educate him, it was to break the soldiers will for their own needs. But he was trained to blend in to go unnoticed all he needed was a change of clothes and to clean up the blood on him and no one gave him a second glance.

The soldier remembered for specific missions for mostly glamorous agents that worked for HYDRA as spies there were interesting materials hidden in plain sight across the globe. Fake IDs, passports, ammunition, credit cards you name it. Most of these items could not be falsified and the cards were untraceable so, for now, he didn't have to worry about starving or being cold and he didn't think he'd be flying on a plane as of right now but that would be the case soon not yet but soon. There's still so much he had to know and his best bet was to stay in DC. Waiting from place to place was much safer compared to stealing a car.

Bucky did most of his research at the public library, local universities and any place that had an open library and a quiet place for him to read. He had very few memories of what happened in the Potomac but remembered one face one recognizable face. His face, feelings faded mostly unfamiliarity and anger. He knew him, he KNEW that he KNEW him. Captain Rogers, he had read about him, learned of him. HYDRA never provided intel about his targets, the ex-assassin only needed to know who, where and when that was all he needed to know.

Other faces came and went, like those of the Howling Commandos followed by Rogers associates that helped track him down. The woman he fought in the streets reminded him a lot of the women from the Red Room program. How she fought and shot, it was all too familiar to him. He would work closely with some of those women or even had to kill one or two of them a few times. The soldier sat quietly at the small table in the corner of the cafe with a book open and eyes down. He really should stop stealing books from the library, he did make sure to give them back within a week. Not that anyone would notice, but he was doing good in small steps no matter how small. Once he had finished his coffee he quickly left the café. The sky had begun to rain moments before he left. His hands secured his hood over his head and slid the books back into his knapsack. The soldier was some ways from the abandoned Apartment Complex where he was currently living unbeknownst to anyone and he knew he'd be soaked by the time we got there. He had to find a way to get out of the rain temporarily maybe get a little bit more reading done before he worked out his newest schedule.

Too many of the buildings were already filled with people and shops were just about closing. It was a Sunday after all. Buck had managed to find that the local high school gymnasium back door was slightly open, a janitor must have forgotten to close it. Looking around, making sure that someone off the streets wasn't watching he ducked in the side door and quickly hid underneath the bleachers. Just sitting there for a moment taking deep breaths realizing that unwarranted fear was getting the better of him again, his chest felt tight and his breath was shorts. But he managed to stay calm. He nearly jumped up when he suddenly heard voices from the other side of the bleachers

"I'm graduating this year. And I've spoken to so many counselors at so many different universities and they're all telling me different things. People don't realize how much pressure and stress it puts on me if I make the wrong or right choice. You think something like this wouldn't matter. College is a college but it matters to so many people no matter what!"

Curiosity struck the soldier as he managed to squeeze his eyes between one of the gaps of the bleachers. He saw a small group of perhaps five people in a circle. The kids were clearly high school students different ages, races, and ethnicities. But the woman with them caught his eye most of all. She was tall or he assumed so because she was sitting. Her short hair was a very boy like style, short in the back almost to her scalp and a deep shade of brown. She had a very elegant face, it's something from an old photograph, her hair complimented the green blouse she wore and her skin was fairly pale.

"We all can relate to this. No matter what level we're at in life. Trust yourself, make yourself be in control. Take a moment and think about what you want to do. You shouldn't feel ashamed or afraid, this discomfort is part of your life now, but only you get to decide if you want to run from it or compromise and eventually conquer it." The lovely woman took a glance at her watch, that made a soft beeping sound then look up back to her students. "That's all our times today. I'll see you all next week don't forget about your exercises and email me if you need to." Everyone, please drive home safely." The students gather their things and then dispersed before saying goodbye to their instructor and one another. Buck stood perfectly still as he continued to listen until all he could hear was the lovely woman's heels on the gym floor. The room then became dark as the woman answered her phone. "Hey, it's Paige. How many are scheduled for tomorrow? That's all? No should be fine, I'm just heading home. Alright, thanks, Katie." She hung up and carefully stacked up the chairs before heading to the door with her purse and umbrellas. Buck held his breath when the book he had slid from his hand and hit the floor.

The woman froze at the door, only barely visible due to the floodlights. She didn't even try to investigate; the sound must have scared her too badly. She exited the gym quickly, locking the door behind her. Buck sank to the floor clutching his chest in relief. The rain continued on the tall skylight of the ceiling and lightning light the black sky. The soldier felt horrible for breaking the lock on the door but felt something strange when he followed and watch the lovely woman from a distance until she hailed a cab and sped off. He felt something, something that made him feel safe and secure which must have been the same feeling those kids had felt when speaking to her not too long ago. He felt calm.