"Uh, Eric's not home, sweetie, maybe you'd like to come back later?"
"He's here." Kyle said resolutely, looking past her to see the lying fatass sprawled over the living room couch shoving fistfuls of cheesy poofs into his mouth.
"Cartman you fat piece of fucking fetal -!"
"Ay! Not in front of my mom, you asshole!" Cartman grumbled, pushing himself off the couch and shoving Mrs Cartman aside, glaring at Kyle on the doorstop.
"We have an assignment."
"I'm taking a break."
"From what?! We haven't even started yet."
"Well, you better get a move on Kyle, the deadline's tomorrow. Chop chop."
"No-" Kyle pushed against the door frame as Cartman struggled to shut it. "you're not dumping all the work on me again, asshit! You're gonna help with this whether you like it or not!"
"I said I'm taking a god damn..break-!" A gasp was heard- Mrs Cartman watching on in horror- as Cartman was overpowered and thrown onto his ass on the living room carpet.
Cartman whined when Kyle stormed in and took his hand.
"No.. noooo!"
"This can be as easy or as hard as you want"
"Mommy! Mommyy!" Cartman stretched out his hands for his mother's help as Kyle dragged him mercilessly up the stairs to his bedroom, rolling his eyes at his exaggerated antics. Anyone'd think he was being taken to the gallows.
"Alright!" Kyle flung Cartman inside onto the bed and shut the door behind him. He stooped down and took out several large textbooks from his backpack and shoved one of them into the fatass's hands.
Overcome with fatigue from the ordeal- but then again Cartman would be overcome after a large meal of hamburgers and chips, his daily staple- Cartman chose not to resist and instead gave Kyle a stern frown as the Jew flipped it open to chapter 24. He took one look at the text and slumped back on the bed, groaning. "Why don't you just tie me up and shoot me right now, it would be easier."
"Just shut up and read. We've got three books to get through."
"You don't actually think I'm going to read this crap, do you?"
"Do you want another ass kicking?" Kyle challenged, and Cartman gruffed in response, flicking idly through the pages.
"You always were a hard ass."
Kyle ignored him, head down, engaged in his own textbook on the floor of the bedroom.
Cartman wasn't one to easily give up. "What's the matter Kyle?" he continued, in a tone which instantly made Kyle's fists tighten. "Stan not giving it up to ya anymore?"
Kyle said nothing.
"No more sausage in the bun if you know what I mean?"
Kyle still said nothing.
"No lovin in the oven if you get my drift?"
Deep breaths, Kyle forced, deep breaths.
"He no licky licky Jewish dicky no mo?
"For fuck's sake!" Kyle exploded, slamming the book shut and seeing Cartman topple over onto his back, laughing his head off.
"..such a douche!"
"Stop goofing off." Kyle ordered. "We really don't have that much time and-"
"Tell me the truth" Cartman fired, and Kyle frowned at the look of determination in his eyes. God damn it, he was gonna end up doing all the work himself again, wasn't he?!
"It's true isn't it? You and Stan.. you've done stuff together, admit it."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Come on.. a little fooling around, behind the gym, at our slumber parties.. I've seen you guys.. sneaking off together in the middle of the night."
"Cartman, that's the stupidest thing to date, you've ever fucking insinuated. And you've insinuated a lot of stupid shit."
"Then why are you blushing?"
Kyle re-slammed the book shut and glared at him with the all venom of a lifetime of hate for this insidious bastard.
"Fuck you. We've never done a thing-"
"Aha!" Cartman said triumphantly, and Kyle internally cringed, wondering what he thought he'd "got" him on. Cartman may be an idiot but even Kyle had to admit he had a brilliant way of screwing up the truth to suit his purposes.
And right now his purposes seemed to be to completely humiliate Kyle.
continue? or not? review please! ;)
