Chapter 1: Paths Not Taken
Well, at least I'm getting killed by someone who's hot. Peter Quill thinks inanely, gripping feebly at Ronan's wrist, the Kree's large hand wrapped around his throat and rapidly cutting off Peter's oxygen supply. Still, would have preferred to have been ridden into the great beyond by an energetic blond. Or a brunette- a brunette would have been fine, too.
Ronan's hand disappears abruptly and Peter hits the floor, body instinctively sucking in air as fast as possible and nearly choking in the process. Peter is a coughing, wheezing mess by the time he gets his breath back and ultimately can only roll onto his back at Ronan's feet, panting for air.
"A blond or brunette what?" Ronan's voice takes Peter by surprise but not nearly as much as the question itself since the Terran had been sure he hadn't actually voiced the thought. "And why would it ride you? Where would you be going?"
Apparently oxygen deprivation is more tongue loosening than Peter has ever considered, though its not like his mouth hasn't run away with him before under less dire circumstances.
"And what does my temperature have to do with this ride of yours?"
This has got to be one of the weirdest conversations in the history of weird conversations but, then again, its been a strange couple of days all things considered so Peter just blinks a bit and wonders if the universe is fucking with him one last time as he answers the Kree's oddly innocent question.
"Well, you're really attractive, dude, but if I'm going to meet my maker I had hoped it would be in bed with some, uh, enthusiastic company if you know what I'm saying?"
Ronan simply stares, a line of confusion appearing between his eyes and anger lines appearing around his mouth. Peter holds up a hand to stall the impending argument and sits up slowly, keeping his hands visible at all times. Peter has Ronan's attention and if he can keep it maybe they can still save the day and prevent Xandar from being wiped out of existence.
"When I'm having sex, I have a preference for girls with blond or brunette hair." Peter says as plainly as possible in as neutral a tone as he can manage. "When I contemplate the manner of my death, if given the choice, I would like to die as a very fine someone rides my cock."
There- plain as can be. To be any more so, Peter would need visual aides.
Ronan's eyes are large, his mouth slack, and Peter allows himself to feel amused and a little honored because he's betting very few people ever get to see the Accuser so caught off guard.
"Sex?" The Kree questions and its clear he's hazarding a guess at what the Terran is talking about.
It's Peter's turn to stare and he feels like his eyes might fall out of his head because a) who doesn't know about sex and, b) holy shit he's going to need visual aides!
"Or masturbation, but yeah, sex." Peter says, a bit dazed by the bizarreness of it all. "Making love. Fucking. Having relations. Pick a euphemism. Haven't you ever had an orgasm?"
Ronan blushes, his cheeks flushing dark blue under his war paint, and Peter can barely keep himself from laughing. Or cooing. Both options would be equally damning right now even if, Accuser or not, the sight is damn adorable, especially when Ronan becomes even more visibly flustered as he speaks.
"I am The Supreme Accuser, son of one of the most noble Kree bloodline! It is my task to uphold the ancient laws of my people - not sire half-breeds across the universe!"
Wow, Ronan's a virgin; totally didn't see that one coming. Peter nods understandingly and magnanimously refrains from pointing out all the flaws in Ronan's arguments. Regardless, the Kree's sputtering has given Peter an idea, a terrible, wonderful, absolutely insane idea, and Peter is all about working an angle that will benefit him. "Ok, I see what you're saying, don't want to be an intergalactic baby daddy, I feel you. So no women. Have you considered a male lover instead?"
Notes:
So, this was originally written to fill a kink meme request on live journal. If this is the first time you're hearing about the Guardian Kink meme, you're really missing out no matter if you are an author searching for a story idea or a reader looking to fill a particular story need.
If you like this story (or to be fair, hate it) leave a comment in the review section! I read each and every one and all are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!
