Chapter 1: Krad vs. Santa?
Disclaimer: Own nothing, no one, anything, except…my own mind…and that is all I need!
In a land not so very far away there came a spot of trouble when a power blast knocked Santa off the roof…and Krad finds himself facing a dilemma about whether to correct his grievous mistake or destroy Christmas once and for all…
It all started one day when Krad was shopping for the necessary items that kept his evil self whole and functioning, when all of the sudden the department store Santa took a fancy to Krad's sparkly hair band…and since this fake Santa felt like he wanted it as a Christmas present for himself, he decided to just slide it off the end of the mysterious stranger's long blond hair and make a run for it. By the time Krad realized the lost item was gone the Santa was running full blast across the mall trampling little kids that got in the way.
The Santa put on a burst of speed, trying to make it to the Santa and Elf display 20 yards ahead. Looking behind him, he saw no one running, instead, he saw a bird…no wait, a plane! No! It was superman! Damn superman, thought the doomed Santa, always getting in the way of my plans! Taking a right he skidded to a halt in front of the blond "superman" and cried out as a layer of ice appeared upon the ground of the tofu restaurant's floor, dumping the Santa head over heels to the hard ceramic white tile.
Looking up at the glowering face of the man above him he cowered, calling himself an idiot a million times over. He should have known Superman would be so quick! and he should have never stolen a Superman's hair band! But how was I supposed to know? He consoled himself He doesn't exactly have Superman written upon his forehead, does he?
With a stammer of incoherent sayings and bobbing his head as if jamming to the million times replayed tune of Jingle Bells playing on the radio, the now grungy Santa managed to work his way to the safety of a deserted table. Glancing again at the Superman, he gulped to find that the stranger's face was even more thunderous.
Without warning, the Santa burst out "Can I stamp you forehead with the word Superman??? The people have to know who they are dealing with!!!" Mouth open and eyes wide with shock, Krad stared at this lunatic Santa, processed his request and his expression grew infuriated at the thought of being mistaken for a superhero.
I am not here to save the world! I am here for the sole purpose of destroying it…one day! Snarled Krad under his breathe. With a resounding shout that echoed across the packed mall he yelled "HELL NO!!!" and with shaking hands curled into claws he made a motion to strangle the Santa before getting a hold of himself and settling back against the vegetable printed wallpaper. With a shaking hand the fake Santa reached into his pants and drew out a pack of cards…
"How about we play poker for it? If I win you get the stamp, if you win then you get your hair band back…" Santa began until Krad imperiously waved a hand in front of his face and cut him short. "And…," Krad grunted, "if I win I also get to turn you into a man sized candy cane…Agreed?" and not waiting for the Santa to agree or disagree he motioned the Santa to deal out the cards.
After a gulp or two the Santa complied, thinking that he surely had this poser of a Superman beaten before the game even began because of his mastery at cheating at cards. After a glare contest which he ended up losing, the Santa grabbed up his cards and yelled "Full House! Beat that, Poser!" to which Krad, looking half asleep and almost dead with boredom, flipped his cards around so that the Santa could see all nine of his aces. "Beat it, now pay up!" said Krad softly still looking like he could fall asleep at any moment.
As the Santa reluctantly took out the hair band and handed it to Krad an explosion from the middle of the floor rocked the room, making Krad fall in an undignified heap, the Santa to go skidding across the ice again and a hole to appear in what once was the cleanest part of the floor. There, in all his blue glory, emerged…you guessed it! Captain Planet!
"OMG!" exclaimed the Santa, "Run for your lives!!! Captain Planet is here to enforce the rule of healthy eating! I sacrifice this blonde superman! I bet he hasn't eaten any veggies in his life!" Meanwhile the Santa slowly crept under the table hoping to avoid the trip to celery land and the doom of his fat belly.
"Is that true, young man?" queried the old superhero who had fallen on hard times and had to change his job to tofu hand outs and daily visits to celery land to make deliveries. Krad looking horrified at this washed up superhero with a 1980's buzz cut and somewhat afraid of an untimely exile to some vegetable land or other replied, "Ummm, sir, I, of course, stomach 5 servings of veggie…(mutters) tales…a day! How could you not think that such a manly specimen as I could survive without?"
Captain Planet, after looking Krad over, nodded his head and turned his full attention to the slip of red showing over the top of the table. "Now I know you haven't done such a good job as this young man so I am dragging you off to your favorite place in the whole world! Celery Land, of course!, where you will be fed 500 pounds of celery every 10 minutes for the next 24 hours! Enjoy!!!" and throwing the table aside, he grabbed the fake Santa by the scruff of the neck and pulled him wriggling to the hole that still smoldered in the middle of the less than pristine floor.
The Santa tried to get away, and finding that task impossible, turned his blood shot and slightly crazed gaze toward Krad, "You sold me out, man! How could you?!?! We were buddies, best friends, and you betray me like this? I see how it is! I am coming after you, you and your little dog…err…hair band, tooooooooooo…." His voice faded as the Captain, tired of his chatter, pushed him into the hole and jumped in after him.
Twenty five hours later Krad stared at the prone form of the real Santa Claus…with Dark staring concerned over his shoulder. "Nice going, hot shot," remarked Dark in Krad's ear, "you just had to shoot the real Santa Claus, now didn't you?!?!" Staring down undecidedly at the red and white form at his feet, Krad glanced up and glared at Dark, "I told you what happened! It wasn't my fault!"
"It's never your fault, as you always say, and, as always, it actually is! Now you are going to have to save Christmas and turn into the Santa Krad!" flourishes his statement with a grand stance that he had been working on for more than 2 weeks that involved a peter pan-like, hands on hips, posture.
Grimacing at Dark's ridiculous stance, Krad adamantly shook his head no saying, "No way in heck am I going to bring joy to thousands of millions of little kids! Just the opposite! I am just going to sit here and watch them suffer painfully as none of their toys get delivered and laughing the whole wa- "
Abruptly cutting off Krad's joy, Dark figures out a plan, "Who says you have to bring joy? You could do the Nightmare Before Christmas thing and scare the crap out of the little children…see! We even have our old Halloween stuff left and that picture of you in a maid outfit last Halloween will defiantly scare a bunch of these kids!"
"Shuddup!" cried Krad, "you aren't supposed to tell anyone what Winry made me do!"
Dark, ignoring Krad's cries, continued on with his thought fully intending to switch the bad presents for the good, all he had to do was convince Krad to come with him and help! "We could even call you Satan Santa Krad if that made you feel any better!"
"Ooooooooooo," crooned Krad, "That has a nice ring to it! I'm in! But how the heck are we supposed to fly the sleigh when all the reindeer flew off? Wait, I know a guy, kinda short, who showed me a magic trick where he could solidify the air to the point that he could walk on it. And we can blackmail him with milk! (chuckles evilly) Let's go find…Edward Elric…." And off they slipped to go gather the ingredients for a successful…or the most horrid…Christmas ever!
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Ok….I know…I know…I felt like including a lot of movies…and I probably will continue, they are going to meet a lot of Disney Characters…Kinda reminds me of Kingdom Hearts now that I think about it but who cares about them? They didn't include Krad so who cares? So anyway, my own idea for Christmas will continue to get wackier and I will continue to add your favorite characters to the story. As a first chapter, I am happy with it. Review your hearts out and I will be more motivated to write! I would love to get ideas about what movies I should include in my spin-off and who cares if Christmas won't be for much longer? This story shall go on!
