Nico stared absently at the wall of the med bay, unable to sleep. Nothing new. He'd only been in here for one full day, which meant at least two more, depending on if Will decided to be cruel and add days to his sentence. He didn't like the med bay. Some demigods hadn't come out of that battle as well as others, and Nico… Could feel a few slipping away. Slowly, slowly, as most had a while left. Still, the feeling was incredibly unsettling.
He hadn't realized his eyes had closed in thought until he heard a sound and snapped them open, looking around in the darkness. There was a pale light coming through the window, as it was a full moon. A shadow fell across Nico, and he had just begun to roll over when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He stiffened, and sat upright as quickly as his body allowed.
The guy was tall, and though he was cast in shadows Nico could make out the pale color of his hair and the reflection of glass in front of his eyes. "Grace?" He whispered, surprised.
"Couldn't sleep," Was all Jason explained in a hushed voice. "Want to take a walk?" Nico stared at him for a second or two, before nodding and standing up. There were other people (presumably) sleeping in the med bay, so Nico pulled his blanket off quietly as possible and silently followed Jason out through the door he had left open.
"It's a nice night," He commented as Nico warily trailed behind him. This was unprecedented. Nico just hummed in response, waiting for him to get to the point. Jason glanced down at him, and sighed just barely. "So… I think we should talk about what happened. With Cupid, I mean."
"Is that what this is about?" Nico asked, starting to scowl. "Because I thought I told you not to bring it up again after the last time you tried this."
Jason winced. "You've just seemed sort of… Down, lately, and it wasn't hard to guess what you've been thinking about. It's not healthy to keep it bottled up inside."
"Careful, you sound like Will. Are you going to make me rest for the next week, too? Do you want to know if I'm hydrated?" He couldn't keep the bitter edge off his voice.
"Will's just trying to help," Jason protested. "It's not like drinking water is a bad thing." Nico didn't respond. They passed the first of the cabins, keeping quiet and to the shadows so that a harpy or another camper wouldn't spot them. "You know I'm not… Judging, right? It's not like I'm going to start hating you or anything. I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of."
"Then why do you want to bring it up? Are you planning on telling everyone?" Nico accused.
"No! No, I respect your privacy and if you don't want anyone to know I won't tell anyone. I just don't know if that's very good for you, keeping such a big part of yourself a secret," Jason explained, his voice going a little louder than was maybe wise. He was beginning to look nervous, apparently sensing Nico's building frustration.
"It's not anyone's business. You aren't even supposed to know."
"But I do know. And I'm not a therapist or any expert or something, but I do think you should talk about it, and… Well, you can trust me."
"Can I," Nico repeated, expressionless. "You want me to be your best friend? Tell you all of my secrets?"
Jason waved his hands defensively. "No, I just want to help! And maybe the friends thing, too- But believe it or not, you're not the first gay person I've met. I actually do have some experience with this!" Nico flinched a little, not used to hearing it said out loud. "And right now, if I am reading this right, your problem isn't that you're afraid of if other people will accept you. I don't think you've accepted yourself. ...Please don't run away or anything," He hastily added when Nico looked away, a dark look growing on his face. By now they'd gone behind the main camp area, into the very edge of the forest.
Nico stopped walking and turned to face Jason head on. "Alright. I get that you're trying to help. But right now, I'd really rather just ignore it. Maybe… Maybe some other time I would consider talking about it. Not now. And if you'll excuse me, I want to go to bed."
"Okay," Jason sighed, sensing defeat. "But some other time. I will hold you to that." Nico frowned, truly regretting saying that already. "At least let me walk you back, then I'll give you some space?"
"Fine." Nico turned and started walking the way they'd come, Jason following him this time. Jason stopped outside the med bay door, inside the big house, and made eye contact, enough to make Nico wary.
"Goodnight. I'll see you 'some other time.'" He smiled weakly, and turned to leave Nico alone for the night. Well, as alone as he could be in a med bay half full of injured or otherwise sick demigods. Nico grimaced, mostly annoyed by that whole encounter, and tried to go back to sleep.
It didn't work. He just kept replaying the conversation over and over, trying to figure out what he would need to do next. If he even had to do something next.
As it turned out, 'some time later' was only a week after that encounter. Nico was free to roam wherever he wanted, no longer confined or even obliged to stay in the med bay. He could roam directly into the Zeus cabin if he wanted, no matter how late it was.
He shuffled his way through the dark cabin to the side of Jason's bunk, and sat down on the floor to lean against the frame.
"...Nico?" Jason asked, grumbling a little as he woke up. Nico heard the blankets shifting as Jason sat up, looking down at him in confusion. "It's late, what are you doing here?"
Nico didn't respond for a little bit. He just sat against the bed, focusing on his breathing. "You… Said that I could talk to you…" He started, frowning as he realized he didn't exactly know what he was doing here. This was a stupid idea, what made him think Jason would help? He was, in all honesty, part of the problem. He made as if to move, but Jason swung his legs off the side of the bed to hang next to Nico.
"Yeah, sure! What's up?" Jason asked enthusiastically. It was obvious that Jason had been waiting for this for whatever weird reasons he had. Which was reassuring in that he… might be okay to talk to, but also uncomfortable. But it wasn't like he would even consider saying this stuff to anyone else.
"Well… You were right. I haven't been able to stop thinking about the whole Cupid thing. It just isn't going away, and I'm getting sick of it," Nico admitted.
"Alright, tell me about it. Please. Complete confidentiality, no worries," Jason said in a rush. "What's the main thing that's eating at you? Is it just because I was there, and I know? I'm sorry if it is, but-"
"No, it's not that. I mean, it kind of is, but there's more to it than that. It's more of… I didn't really know before I said it… That doesn't make sense." Nico frowned. "What I mean is that I hadn't, um, admitted to anything yet. Even inside my head. Every time I started thinking about it, I shut it down and forced it away." Nico glanced over and up at Jason, who nodded for him to continue. He took another deep breath. "So when I said it out loud, when Cupid made me relive everything, I just… I realized that it was true, and I had to finally acknowledge it. Which made everything… Worse. Much worse."
"Worse?" Jason prodded when he didn't immediately continue, a slight tone of concern in his voice.
He hesitated, realizing that this wasn't quite what he'd come here to talk about. Sure, he wanted to vent, but this was getting into territory that was much too personal. But still, he carried on anyways, standing up to pace around the cabin. "Well, I realized that I didn't like girls, I guess, a long time ago. But the thing is, I never thought that I liked boys, either," He explained, gesturing with his hands and glancing nervously at Jason as he talked. "And I was fine with that. Relieved, even. If I was messed up by not liking girls, at least I wasn't… At least I didn't like boys. Now that would have been a nightmare." He laughed, but it wasn't a happy laugh. More of a frustrated noise that was pretending to be a laugh.
"Nico. You're not messed up for not liking girls. Everyone's different," Jason said, eyes following him as he paced.
"Whatever," Nico dismissed with a hand wave. "That's never been the way my life's worked. But at least I had that going for me. Being a demigod, I wouldn't even live long enough to have to deal with that. At least, that's what I thought."
"But then… Percy?" Jason suggested.
"Percy," Nico agreed, grimacing. "I still can't decide if I hate him or not. He's what caused this. I was scared of him, mostly, I guess, when I was younger. I was afraid of what he meant to me. And what that implied. That made me angry at him, all the time. Even when I tried to help, it was for selfish reasons. So I didn't think about it anymore, and denied it with everything I was. Then Cupid happened." Nico scowled at that, almost going into fighting mode from the memory of that alone. His hand twitched toward his sword, (which was disguised as a chain on his belt at the moment,) but he caught himself and tried to relax a little.
"He brought it back up to the surface, even though you thought it was gone," Jason nodded in understanding. Nico glanced at him, eyes still narrowed. "You hadn't gotten the chance to sort it out for yourself before he forced it when you weren't ready. I'm really sorry that that was how you had to deal with that."
"Yeah, me too," Nico muttered, looking back at the ground. Suddenly Jason had slid off his bed to stand next to him, actually attempting to look him in the eyes. He raised a hand as if to put it on his shoulder, but apparently wisely thought better of it.
"So what happened today? Not that I'm not glad you're trusting me with this, but something has to have happened to set you off," Jason said hesitantly. He seemed almost worried, as if he was dealing with a cat that was always ready to run away at a moment's notice, or something fragile that could break at any second. Or, more likely, a demigod who could easily bring this whole stone cabin down if he got angry.
Nico shifted his feet, trying to stay still for a few moments, and tried to collect his thoughts. What had been the original reason for coming here? ...Oh, right. "Will. He's been acting weird since the battle ended. I thought that it was just how he was with patients, but I think that it might be something else, now. You cannot tell anyone about this, by the way."
"I already said you had my full confidentiality. What happens in the Zeus cabin stays in the Zeus cabin," Jason reassured him.
"Please never phrase it that way. But I mean it. If this gets back to Will, everything will be... bad."
"I swear on the river Styx. So what's going on with Will?" Jason asked casually. Nico raised his eyebrows, not having expected Jason to take it that seriously. Though it did make him feel just a little better about talking through this with him.
"Well… I think he might be flirting?" Nico winced, and gave up on standing still to begin walking around again, fidgeting with his ring when he wasn't gesturing to talk. "I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what it is."
"Is that cool with you, or do you want me to say something to him…?" Jason asked, looking a little lost now, like he wasn't sure what to say anymore.
Nico groaned. "I don't know. What do you think I should do?"
"Do you… like him?" Jason hesitated, then wiggled his eyebrows. "Would you like him to continue?"
"I don't know! I've never had to deal with this before!" Nico groaned again, throwing his arms around when he didn't know what to do with them. "How do normal people do this?"
Jason raised an eyebrow at the term 'normal people.' "Um… Most people just… Try to figure out if they like them back? Before making any moves? And then maybe they flirt back a little, or just ask them out and see how it goes. You know, it's not a lifelong commitment. Even though… some couples make it seem like forever, it's super normal for relationships not to work out. Most people just go on a date, and see if they liked it or not, and go from there. You don't have to plan out your entire future right now."
By the time Jason stopped talking Nico had decided coming in here was an alright idea, for once. "So… I could just… Hmm…"
"Yeah!" Jason said enthusiastically, even though Nico himself had no idea what he was trying to say. "Will's probably figuring all this out as he goes, too, you know? He's only fifteen."
"Huh. That's somehow comforting and terrifying at the same time."
"So are you gonna go for it?" Jason asked.
"I think I'm going to wait for him to make a move. If I'm misreading this, then… Well, I'm not going to take that chance. So if he actually wants something, then he can ask," Nico nodded, having come to a decision. "Because I'm honestly fine with either."
"Okay, it's your decision. But if he hurts you, I'll kill him for you. So you have some backup. Just saying. And don't be afraid to talk to me," Jason said firmly. Nico smiled, and almost laughed.
"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. And everything else you've said. This actually… Yeah, this actually helped more than I thought it would."
"Not to say I told you so, but I did tell you so."
"I guess. I've, um, got to get some sleep now. So bye, and thanks for the talk," Nico winced, knowing he could have said that better, and shadow traveled the short distance back to his cabin before Jason could respond. He hopped into his own bed, burying his face in his pillow, and it was a while before he could actually fall asleep. Though he felt comforted, and had taken a good step into the right direction, he was still incredibly paranoid and anxious about everything. So one person was alright with Nico, with pretty much everything about Nico. There were still other people on the earth that he couldn't forget about. Lots of them. It was different from the first ten years of his life, in old-fashioned Italy, but he was still getting used to it. There were still so many awful people in the world. There were still awful people in camp, even. He'd have to keep his guard up, especially if he started seeing Will more.
But at least he had some backup, now. He wasn't alone anymore, didn't have to deal with everything alone. He had Jason now, someone who was incredibly easy to talk to against all odds, someone who accepted him no matter what, someone who made him feel safe and comfortable, who he could really be himself around, someone who… Hmm. Someone who definitely wasn't Will.
Nico flipped the pillow over his head, almost yelling into the mattress. It was time to stop thinking down that train of thought, preferably forever. Piper was still a factor, and why was he even thinking about her? Was he seriously considering…? No, he wasn't. He was going to hang out with Will more, maybe start… Flirting back with him. Opening up some maybe. And he was going to wait until Will made a move, but if he didn't ever do that, Nico would be okay with it. Will as a friend was just as good as Will as a… something more. He was just going to stop thinking, and go to sleep. He was going to go to sleep, and in the morning he'd forget about this particular new potential problem.
Yeah. Sleep now, worry never. Yikes.
A/N: So I have a confession to make, I don't really ship solangelo. It could potentially happen, eventually, but right after Nico goes through all of that? He's just barely starting to accept himself, he's not ready for a relationship without recovering. Will's not the best fit for him, either, always touching him when he knows Nico doesn't like it, and always drawing attention to them being boyfriends even though once again Nico makes it clear he's not ready or comfortable with it. But I still believe that it could work, someday, they just need time. I could write more of this, if I really wanted to, but I'd need some more ideas. My thoughts on this are very vague at best, as it was mostly a way for me to sort out my own thoughts. Which kind of worked, by the way. Benefits of being a writer.
So, review! I really really like critiques, like places I could change things or any errors you notice, tell me if it seems ooc, if I even slightly captured the character's mannerisms and speech patterns, because I'm always looking to improve! This is also my first one-shot, or at least short story that I've posted, so if the ending or the beginning feels weird that's why. Advice on that is welcome as well! Also. Didn't beta read, wrote the last section today.
And if you're still waiting for my other PJO fic to be continued... That one's really hard to write, and I have no idea why. Partly because it was leaning in a solangelo way before I decided I didn't like the ship. So I'd consider this to be canon for that fic as well, but I'm still not quite settled on how to write that anymore. Which is unfortunate, but if anyone had some advice or ideas or whatever, I'm all ears! But it's on hiatus until I can write some more. Actually, I have the tiniest bit more that I haven't posted yet, but it's not nearly enough for a full chapter, so. Sorry about that!
