Does anything matters now? I ask myself that question every single day, to be honest I stop caring about the answer a long time ago, but I still ask that question in my head, maybe something matters but like I said before I stop caring if I really cared I wouldn't be here right now, in this chair with alcohol in my hand, feeling sorry for myself.
Why do I drink? To forget maybe, to forget that I'm still existing, what a cowardly move… I remember when I drank for fun and joy, when it stopped being fun and started to be a mean of living with myself every day? I don't want to remember…I know that pretty well, life to my just seems pointless and without a reward on the end, I move every single day for nothing maybe the only family I have left or my very few friends but being honest with myself, they don't need me, to them I'm just a drunk husk of the human I used to be, it's becoming complicated to keep myself together now, maybe I should give up and let a grimm kill me I don't know why but that seems right for me… dying and face the one that will punished me for my sins, for my mischief, for being bad luck.
Yeah… death seems like a solution but I know that I will have nothing on the other side, I have a lot to pay, a lot to regret because let's face it I was only made to harm everything… and everyone, yeah maybe I should go to a place and never come back, maybe live the rest of my days alone is what I need, I don't want to hurt anyone anymore, I don't want to be hurt anymore, I want peace… I want to redeem my sins, I want to redeem that I exist… but now it doesn't matter, right now I'm sitting in a chair, drinking and feeling sorry for myself that is what I always end up doing, that is the cycle that is my life, with a very few other things here and there but in the end I end up here, tomorrow is going to be the same even if in the morning I tell to myself that maybe things will be different but no… tomorrow I will be doing the same, and the day after it, and the day after, yeah I put myself here and I don't know if I want to get out of it anymore.
