I wrote most of this story ages ago, but I have only just found it again and been bothered to type it up. I hope you like it.

***

I know it's a stupid question to ask, but why? Why did you do it? I would be lying if I said I hadn't been in that same position myself, but hardly a second goes by I'm not grateful for the second chance I was given in being saved.

I just don't get it. You don't make sense. Nothing makes sense and I don't know why. Maybe if the world would stop spinning for a moment I would be able to see what was right in front of me. It won't stop and patients and strict procedures are all that is stopping me from toppling over right now. What I don't understand is why this is affecting me so badly and now I am so focused on holding up the wall between myself and the rest of the world I can no longer see the faces. I can no longer see the difference between the people I want to keep out and the ones I should really keep in…

My wife for example. I find myself so absorbed in thought I flinch at her slightest touch. My marriage has never been in a worse state and that's saying a lot. I can't even explain to her why I am acting the way I am, because to be honest I have no idea either.

It wasn't like we were lovers or even friends.

We never saw each other outside of work.

We never had any conversations that could be called deep and meaningful.

I guess I just thought you would always be there. I wonder what would have happened if we had connected in those ways.

What if we had deep and meaningful conversations?

What if we saw each other outside of work?

What if we were friends… or even lovers?

If we had an actual bond I would be able to understand why I am acting like this. As it is though, I am left with nothing but memories as I try to pull together some possible relationship we may have had.

I don't believe in happy endings. No end is ever truly a happy one when it comes to love.

Did I love you?

I would have no idea, but that small bond we had as co-workers is making me forget the woman I gave up my profession for just because I had an affair. The strangest part is the fact your male has barely crossed my mind for more than a moment or two. I just don't understand how you could have buried that much hurt so deep beneath the happy facade not even House could see it.

Yes, most of the time I am glad to have been halted in my selfish desire to end it, but standing here today I almost wish I hadn't. Or is it that I wish I could have been there to save you? The worst part about all this is I know I wouldn't have seen it otherwise and now it can never be.

Taub sighed as he brushed the dirt of his clothes. The sunflowers he placed on Kutner's grave seemed to be mocking him, but he refused to bring roses and sunflowers were all the store had.

Would we have been happy?

The question resounded in his head even as he spoke it and as he walked away, knowing he would never have an answer.

***

I still have no idea why I like this pairing other than I read a couple of awesome fanfics about it… If you want to know why I read those fanfics in the first place I would have to say I have no idea. In any case I hope you liked this story and thanks for reading.