This is not for the faint of heart, if those type of scenes disturb you please turn back now.

I also apologise for any 'unrealism' in this story and I do not know much about mental diseases etc.

I researched all diseases and illnesses featured in this fanfic to the best of my ability and to what I could understand of them without going into too much detail and thus boring you all to death with medical history.

I apologise this once for everything you might find wrong with this fanfic, if you did not like it then that is understandable, if you did then I am glad you did. :)

Please enjoy!


-Cancer-

Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded,
Call my aunt Marie,
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favourite colours,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.

Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go,
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know,

That if you say (if you say)
Goodbye today (goodbye today)
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

Song: Cancer, My Chemical Romance

WARNINGS: CONTAINS INCEST/TWINCEST, RAPE AND BLOODPLAY, TORTURE.


The silence reigned supreme, heavy, poignant, crushing, immense and stifling. To Rin it felt like a braided, rough and dirty knotted noose had been slipped over his head and was slowly, painfully slowly tightening round his throat in its timed embrace- kissing his skin like dirt. It felt as if the world had stopped turning on its eternally tilted axis, magnetic poles on either side stopped functioning- that someone had forgotten to wind up the clockwork. That even the summer air had grown icy cold and difficult to breathe; as if you were climbing the highest mountain, before succumbing to its dangerous altitude sickness as it left you wheezing and aching for air. Colder than the fiery depths of hell, air so bitter, unfair and just too cruel. Rin doubled over and gasped as if he had been winded by a particularly vicious punch from man's greatest enemy which was the feeling of loss of purpose. It was far too cliché to say that this was unfair. He tasted bile and wished he could vomit. To purge himself of all of these feelings, of this problem… Of this, this thing.

The problem was that everything was too fucking cliché.

Rin hated clichés. His life was full of those corny one-liners, full of those happy endings, those tragic endings and full of all the bullshit that clichés revolved around.

Reaching out Rin grasped his twin little brothers' wasted hand tightly; Rin hated how weak he was compared to his ever composed and brilliant younger brother. Whilst his hand shook with every rattling breath he took, Yukio's stayed strong and never faltered, despite his current state of health. How…? How on earth did Yukio manage to take that information in without as much as a flicker of an eyelid? But then again... Yukio was one of a kind, he was special. Rin clutched Yukio's hand tightly to his chest and wept right there and then in the room. It was supposed to be bright and happy and clean in the hospital.

To Rin it looked like so much death. The innocent terror that death brought so much fear yet calmed each victim it chose. The pure white was a mocking synonym for a sole and single message: 'I'm leaving you.' This was why Rin also hated hospitals- their jobs were to save lives, not to diagnose and inform the to-be-dead that their days are numbered. The doctor's words rang clear as the peal of a church bell in Rin's mind:

"Yukio, I'm… afraid that the on-going fever and your constant nausea… we diagnosed you incorrectly… You have T-PLL leukemia. Your blood tests came up positive and... I'm sorry."

Leukemia: cancer of the blood cells, more specifically T-cell-prolymphocytic-leukemia, an incredibly rare and mature kind of leukemia that had unpredictable and aggressive behaviour that mainly attacked: blood, bone marrow, liver, spleen and the skin. Survival was counted in months, based on the person- their sex, weight, age and lifestyle. The median survival time was approximately 7.5 months for an average person. Treatment was difficult, hideously expensive and even after various chemotherapy treatments of different kinds- there would be nil results. However there were very slim chances that one could survive for many years more than that average. Rin knew though that Yukio was frail and… miracles… Rin didn't believe in them.

But Yukio was never a normal person; it wasn't fair that he happened to have Aspergers Syndrome as well. This specific ASD was characterised by social interaction difficulties, restricted and repetitive behavioural patterns and interests. Yukio had always been shy and found meeting strangers difficult. He hated crowded places and would throw an incredible tantrum when exposed to too many people. He loved the colours blue, green and black but hated anything that was yellow and everything else was neutral to him. Yukio would often begin to hyperventilate in a panic if he was forced to touch something yellow. In kindergarten Yukio had been given a picture of a banana- the reaction had been out of this world. Screaming, shouting and a lot of objects had been broken. Yukio had bled for two hours after that, from a small cut that had to be stitched up. Now Rin had understood why there had been so much blood; another side effect of leukemia was the sufferer could be somewhat anaemic. Anaemia was that the blood was lacking the specific substance such as platelets to clot it when the skin was pierced. Rin squeezed Yukio's hand again.

It seemed as if Yukio did not understand why he bled so easily.

Why his bruises took so long to fade.

Why he would often lose weight in an alarming and disturbing manner. That he would be just bones for months.

Why he would often feel cold and tired. Even now Yukio was dressed warmly as if it were mid autumn and not the peak of summer heat.

Yukio turned his gentle smile to Rin- one of the few people he could be comfortable around. Rin couldn't meet his brother's jade green eyes. Rin was surprised when Yukio spoke- for one with Aspergers, Yukio was not one of those who had limited vocabulary but in fact, one of his behavioural traits was that he had obsessively increased his knowledge and terminology until even he could explain meiosis and binary fission in such advanced terms even a professional would be stuttering, at loss for words. Yukio was only fifteen. They were only fifteen.

Today Yukio was wearing all his favourite colours. A green band t-shirt, a black zip up hoodie and blue faded jeans, tatty black converse and his rectangular thick black steel rimmed glasses- held together by the bridge by tape. Those clothes used to fit him but Yukio had lost weight again that month, he was like a walking skeleton- hollow cheeked, ashen skin and stick thin but his eyes sparkled still. Rin could tell people around would be thinking specific questions such as:

'Is he anorexic?'

'Does he have problems?'

'Is he emo?'

'Is he suicidal?'

No. Rin hated those kinds of people, people who jumped to conclusions. Rin knew they did by looking them in the eyes, challenging them to speak out. He could see their conclusions swimming in their eyes, plain obvious and it was written across their faces. But this was all for Yukio. He would protect Yukio. The noose round his neck was tightening and Rin looked to Shiro, their father who sat in a stony silence, toying with his priest's dog collar, flicking the metal tab in worry, his eyebrows creased as he thought. Rin knew there were tears in his eyes and he could see Shiro was also on the verge of crying as well but father was strong and didn't cry so easily.

Big boys don't cry. That's what Shiro had told Rin and Yukio when Yukio had fallen and bruised a knee.

They had worked so hard for Yukio, and their efforts meant... Rin didn't want to think about it. Yukio was strong. Yukio would survive this. He had survived so much before. Rin looked into Yukio's jade green eyes; they radiated so much life and energy. This gave Rin so much hope. So much that it was too much to bear and Rin pulled his twin into a smothering but gentle hug.

"Brother... I'm okay."

Rin began to cry.

"No... No y-you're... You're NOT o-okay!"

Rin choked, burying his nose into the soft crook of Yukio's thin neck. Shiro just watched them both, a sad melancholic kind of happiness flitted about in his wise grey eyes.

"Brother... I might be the most condemned person in the world to receive the morbid gifts I have... But mentally I am healthy. I am okay, can you believe in this for me?"

That light and gentle pleading made Rin want to curl up in a corner forever more. Yukio's plea always unhinged him and always pulled one answer from him, a controlled behavioural response- carefully cultured by Yukio alone. Rin hugged the brunette closer and whispered in a suffocated voice:

"Yes."

Always yes for Yukio. Rin found that for Yukio, one day he would have to say no. But Rin knew that when that time came... Yukio would hold him in the palm of his hand, have him wrapped round his little finger and Rin knew that all he could say would be yes.

Rin watched carefully as he pulled back from their hug. Yukio's expression was neutral for a split second and then blossomed.

Yukio's smile was beautiful that day to both Rin and Shiro.

They never noticed the blood on his hands.


Ever since Yukio had been diagnosed with only months to live, there had been an increase in crime rate, only two weeks had passed since their visit and... Rin set down the paper. Two more doctors were dead; so far six others had been killed, each in a different way with no evidence of the perpetrator. The first one was a surgeon and had been slit open with a scalpel and her kidneys plucked out neatly. The second doctor had been a Neurologist- he had been drowned in a vat of ethanol- used to preserve body parts and animal specimens- drowned with the brains he loved so much. It was as if some otherworldly force out there was punishing the medical world for condemning Yukio. Or so Rin liked to think it that way it made him feel a little better and thus did not feel any particular horror or upset over the murders. Rin looked over the top of his mug of steaming tea to watch Yukio carefully spreading jam onto his toast.

Another thing about Yukio, he couldn't have wheat, it gave him a horrible flaking rash when he did eat it. The bread was made out of rice flour, not wheat. Rin baked it himself. Rin was content to watch Yukio calmly but meticulously make sure that the entire surface was covered evenly in strawberry jam. Never marmalade.

'Because marmalade looks too yellow. I don't like yellow, you know that.'

Yukio had once told Rin. Rin sighed and inhaled the earthy undertones of his tea, enjoying the way the steam gracefully wafted about his face; the mild heat was soothing and refreshing after a night in a freezing attic. The twins lived above their father's church in the attic for a bedroom, Yukio despite his conditions and that fact that he would always feel a constant chill, insisted that the room be kept at exactly fifteen degrees at all times. As a result sleeping was freezing in winter. Rin scratched his nose and took a gulp of tea, ignoring the initial scalding as it passed down his throat. He turned the page of the newspaper, nothing interesting at all. It was something about taxes rising and the economy failing to communicate with the sudden influx. Yukio hummed quietly across the table and took a small bite of his toast.

Yukio always ate in small bites, and he always spent an hour, exactly an hour for each meal. No more and no less- even if the meal was huge Yukio would eat what he could and leave the rest after an hour had passed. Rin glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall; Yukio had about 20 minutes to eat his toast before the hour was up. Going back to the news Rin scanned the next few pages. Horse racing was irrelevant; as was the television guide- they didn't own a television. They couldn't afford one. Rin swallowed another mouthful of tea, it was warm now. Yukio had barely reached halfway with his toast, chewing and swallowing with a startling daintiness. No, dainty was not the correct word to describe Yukio's eating habits. It was more like… watching a small animal nibbling on something. Like a bird pecking at the ground- half hearted yet still feeding. Rin flicked his vision back to the clock; it was only ten to ten in the morning. Yukio had ten minutes. Rin knew his brother wouldn't finish breakfast in time before Shiro did the first service.

But then Yukio never did finish any meals. When Rin and Shiro had confronted him about it Yukio had smiled and told them simply: 'I cannot allow myself to rely on such worldly attachments such as food.' It was a bizarre statement and Rin found it a little worrying and had confided in their father. Shiro had also been a bit taken aback by the statement but had shrugged it off as the fact they were religious people. Bullshit. Rin wasn't religious and Shiro knew it. Yukio never really gave an inclination to whether he was or not, he took part in the service though, quietly sitting behind the organ, where no one could see him. Only a few minutes left until ten o' clock.

Rin shuffled the pages of the paper irritably before closing it, folding it and setting it aside. He gave the brunette across from him a pointed look; Yukio tilted his head to one side and licked a corner of his toast. Rin drummed the table with his fingernails. Yukio glared at him. Rin ceased. He forgot momentarily that Yukio hated silly repetitive noises. Time was up. Yukio carefully put down his toast. Rin noted with resignation that his younger twin hadn't even reached halfway this morning let alone finishing a quarter. Last week Yukio had nearly finished but had left a small corner. Shiro and Rin had both been so proud of him. Sighing Rin held out a hand.

"Give it here."

Yukio smiled and pushed the plate over. Rin picked up the barely touched food item. He hated wasting food, thus usually would either finish Yukio's meals for him or store them for later. As he chewed the toast- a bit soggy and the jam tasted a bit funny, was it past its sell by date?- Yukio's smile seemed wider.

"I licked that end."

He informed his older brother, Rin raised an eyebrow. So? Yukio giggled.

"We're sharing enzymes, brother!"

Nodding and not even bothering to ask his twin what the fuck an enzyme was Rin cleared away the dishes. Yukio stayed out of the way, his fingers in his ears to block out any 'unnecessary annoying noises' as he called them, those 'noises' being the sound of the dishes clinking together in the sink as Rin washed them. Just as he was finishing up Shiro strode in, his robes pristine and neat as ever, he smiled at the two boys and ruffled their hair affectionately.

Yukio disliked physical contact but he accepted all the affection and love both his father and his twin gave him. Rin smiled as he wiped his hands on the seat of his trousers as he watched his younger brother hug their dad back. Yukio peeked over Shiro's shoulder to grin at Rin.

"You have jam on your face."

Unlatching from their father Yukio padded over to wipe away the streak of jam on his older siblings face, sticking his finger into his mouth Yukio waved at Rin before trailing Shiro to the backdoor of the kitchen which lead to the back of the church. Rin blinked and touched the corner of his mouth where Yukio had wiped the jam from. Glancing at the clock he caught his reflection in the toaster. The streak of jam had left a little red dash in its wake. Unusual, jam never stained.

Then it hit him, Rin placed a hand over his abdomen. Fuck.

Yukio was very into creating his own… substances- ever since he had received a chemistry kit all in blue for his 10th birthday... Today's 'jam' was one of them. Frowning Rin knew that Yukio would never let him eat anything that was potentially harmful lest he eat it himself. Pausing Rin scratched his head, behind his left ear. What the hell was that then? Shrugging and deciding the ask Yukio about it later he followed the two into the church as the first worshippers began to filter in for Sunday Service.

Rin still did not notice the blood that stained his hands.


Rin paused outside Yukio's 'room'. Yukio had a specific room which was an old study. They had given it to him mainly because whenever he had a 'meltdown' aka. A mega tantrum he would stay in the 'room' until he calmed down. Now he rarely had mega tantrums, his kind of meltdown was a mask of impenetrable silence only later would he curl up in a corner and begin muttering formulas- mathematics, chemistry, physics. Like a mantra. Sometimes he even said prayers. Yukio worked on his 'experiments' and 'substances' in this very room. Shiro was out, as he usually was buying the necessities for the week like food and other knick knacks.

"Come in."

Rin heaved a sigh and opened the door; he was greeted by Yukio tackling him bodily to the floor. Glass shattered overhead as a mini explosion rippled throughout the small space. Spluttering Rin extracted himself from his little brother and stood, arms crossed waiting for an explanation for the dynamic greeting. Wiping his glasses on his sleeve Yukio smiled- it was small but it meant he was very happy.

"Hello brother,"

"Hello to you too, why the hell did you say come in when you knew this was going to happen?"

Yukio tapped a finger to the side of one cheek and hummed tunelessly.

"I wanted to see your reaction, but I guess I reacted faster and saved you."

"You didn't save me."

"Yes I did. If I didn't push you down the glass would've cut you in the face."

Rin had no reply to this and sat down on the arm of a worn, dusty armchair, because the seat had been taken up by boxes of files. Yukio swept away the glass, ignoring the steaming liquid that lay about; he sat down in his own chair.

"I shouldn't have added hot acid to ice; I mean I knew it would react like that… so…"

"Then why did you do it if you knew this would happen?"

"Because I really like the reaction, it just goes everywhere. It's beautiful."

Rin grumbled as Yukio continued to talk about the science as if it were the most enthralling thing in the world. Well to Yukio, science probably was his world. Rin then remembered why he was here; sitting up straighter he waited till Yukio was ready to listen to him. Never interrupt Yukio in the middle of a lecture.

Rin still had the scars on his back to prove it. Finally Yukio settled and he peered over the rim of his glasses, blinking owlishly, his large green eyes intelligent and sparkling with life. Swallowing Rin didn't exactly know where to being, so far he hadn't really had any… side effects…

"The jam today…"

Yukio burst into peals of laughter. Rin stared, subdued. Yukio laughed and laughed, until his eyes were tearing up. Finally after a couple of minutes Yukio sobered up and pinned his older brother with a knowing look as he wiped his eyes on the cuff of his sleeve.

"Yes, about that. Did you like it brother?"

Rin said nothing; Yukio's smile was a specific child-like glee. Clapping his hands he pulled out the jar of the red substance out and stroked the lid gently. With a soft husky chuckle Yukio murmured:

"Well if you did then you're disgusting... Well brother?"

With a lurch in his insides Rin stared at the contents of the jar. Were those eyes? More importantly… Whose? But Rin knew Yukio would never tell him, and he probably didn't want to know anyway. Yukio sniffed slightly, miffed that he was being ignored. Looking back up into his brother's face Rin knew he couldn't say no.

"…Yes. I did."

Yukio's laughter was high and filled with mirth. Rin grimaced. He was a free spirit, his own boss. A one man show. But here was his true master, sitting in all his glory before him. The commander, no, the general conducting this freak show with his freaky invisible puppet strings. The star of the puppet show was soon to come. Rin knew who the star was. Carefully securing the jar again Yukio turned back to Rin with a slightly cruel smile painted on his lips.

"Everyone thinks I'm autistic don't they brother? Even you think I am. I have Aspergers syndrome? Do not make me laugh; father never had the money to get the scans done. Psychologists that came by only assumed due to my behavioural patterns. I know I don't have Aspergers because I got the scans done."

Rin stared, Yukio often when they were alone like this would declare himself as a normal person whereas everyone else the abnormal. But today something seemed different.

"How… did you get the scans done?"

Rin cautiously asked for he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer. Yukio kicked his feet a little and poked at the mole below his lip on the right side of his chin. After some thought Yukio responded.

"Simple really, I did it myself; he wouldn't do it so I did, the instructions were on the side of the machine. Here."

Yukio pulled out the scans and drawing the curtains he stuck them up to the window. Rin shielded himself from the sudden burst of light. There silhouetted Yukio stood, commanding. God like even. Rin had no idea what the plastic images meant, Yukio then pulled up a chart. Rin then read the print at the bottom of the scans, the written report that translated the befuddling pictures. Yukio smiled.

"You get it now don't you brother?"

Rin nodded. He couldn't say no remember?

"I'm normal."

So the Aspergers was a lie. But this was not.

Yukio had the brain of a psychopath. It was clear that the brain of a psychopath was wired and structured terribly different from a normal human brain, something to do with the area of the brain that controlled decision and another that was associated with emotion, the way they were linked was somehow different. Malfunctioning or not exactly correctly placed.

Rin had always known that Yukio had hated doctors. But why… Why was there the need to say he had Aspergers when he did not? It clicked so simply to Rin then and there. All the psychologists and of the sort… They had been shushed, muzzled, shut up about it. They had known exactly what Yukio had been but they hadn't been allowed to say it out. They had been dealt with before they had the chance. The ending result had been the declaration that he had Aspergers. But Aspergers had a few traits that were somewhat akin to a psychopaths' behaviour. With no disrespect or intention to offend any real sufferers of Aspergers as those people themselves were totally unlike a psychopath; just the behavioural pattern could be mildly related to one another and somewhat mistaken. Aspergers sufferers were shy and often kept to themselves. Psychopaths were and could be normal people. People with Aspergers often had singular activities and habits that went in a certain behavioural pattern. So do psychopaths. Yukio displayed those patterns and such but he was particular. He was different.

It seemed a bit too cliché that it was Yukio. It couldn't be him. Yukio hated strangers. The glasses wearing teen smirked and pushed his glasses higher up onto the bridge of his nose, he sat calmly in his chair, resting his forearms on the side like a great king, powerful and domineering as he surveyed his domain. Looking down at Rin through his blazing green eyes a dark smile twisted his lips.

"So brother, would you like me to tell you a story?"

Rin was frozen; he would've loved to have bolted from this stuffy, enclosed space. It was terrifying now being with Yukio. His gentle shy little brother wasn't here anymore, this person was dangerous. But he was frozen by a pact. A pact he had made since he was a foetus in their mother's unforgiving womb. They were twins. Brothers. They never left the other behind or deserted each other. Again it was that infuriating kind of question, the one that required yes or no. Rin chose yes.

Always yes. Rin felt his heartbeat start to race, the familiar sweet pull of adrenalin, like a drug speeding through his veins. He could feel his pulse fluttering in anticipation.

Reaching out Yukio stroked the side of his twin brother's face gently. Caressing, it was a simple innocent touch. Gazing into his older brother's wide sapphire eyes Yukio smiled, knowing that it was a gentle smile, the one Rin was used to seeing, a kind smile filled with love. The effect was instantaneous, the tension melted away from Rin like butter in the sun. Patting his thigh Yukio waited until Rin had settled at his feet like a faithful dog, looking up at him quietly- Rin never understood why he followed Yukio's orders so closely. Why he allowed himself to become a mere animal, a pet for his little brother's convenience. Then with a soft sigh Yukio sank into a quiet droning mantra and Rin was completely and utterly under his spell.

"It all began when the suns and moons of the world went black… Nothing lived, nothing stirred…"

Rin felt a sense of calm wash over him. He heard himself say one thing before his mind went blank.

"Yes."


Rin woke with a cold sweat on his skin, gasping, teeth chattering he pulled the bed sheets up round his shoulders, it was then that he noticed a warm sticky sensation in between his legs. Taken aback at the fact he might have had a wet dream he lifted the covers only to find a bigger shock waiting for him.

Blood stained the sheets. A bright dark red stain bled out over the pristine white sheets, a fat red moon. Struggling to control his rapidly leaping heart, fear trickling down his throat to lie in a gruesome knot in his stomach, he slowly stood up; he fell to his knees as the ungodly pain that lanced up his spine was so great. Yukio did not stir in the bed across from him. The moonlight filtering through the tatty curtains gave an eerie set of shadows and the silvery white light splintered through in broken daggers, shattered ice shards or slivers of glass. Gritting his teeth Rin hauled himself to his feet. What the fuck was happening? What the fuck had happened? Panicking Rin stumbled to the bathroom and switched on the light before closing the door behind him- he didn't lock it though. Pain laced every movement he took, leaving him lightheaded and wanting to be sick. Shaking he stripped off completely, his body was smooth and unmarked except two sets of dark purple bruises in the shape of fingers gripping his thighs. The steady trickle of blood between his legs was terrifying.

Reaching behind with a cautious hand Rin felt something tear. Flinching Rin jerked and muffled a scream as he realised what exactly was inside him. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Rin braced himself against the sink and took deep breaths to try and calm himself down, even breathing was difficult as the pain that shrieked throughout his being was blinding. Grabbing the hand towel on the side he balled it and bit down into it. Sinking to the floor with one arm gripping the edge of the sink for dear life he reached back and pulled the long angry shard of glass out of his anus.

Not even his gag stopped the scream. Rin screamed and screamed, tears of pain streaking down his contorted features, gasping he dry heaved before collapsing on the tiled floor. He lay there panting heavily, the cool tiles proving mild relief for the trauma he had just experienced. Footsteps and the door opened. Rin gazed up into the apathetic expression of his younger brother.

"W-why!"

Rin choked, pressing his lips against the floor, trying to seek comfort in the hard ceramic. Yukio knelt and cupped Rin's face gently.

"You were a bad boy today Rin. Such a bad boy. So I punished you."

Rin had no clue to what he did wrong but he knew the last time he had done something bad he had woken up to find his rear end stinging, often bleeding from the split skin. This was the first time however that Yukio had ever put something inside of him. Yukio ran a hand through Rin's hair quietly.

"The spankings never worked as a true punishment for you. So this time I tried something new."

"W-what? Like shoving a piece of fucking glass in me?"

Yukio smiled.

"Yes."

Rin whimpered. He was so afraid. Yukio yanked his head back, Rin grunted at the sharp action. The new sting in his scalp distracted him momentarily from the throbbing of his torn anus. Rin knew his eyes were wide with terror; he was so scared he knew Yukio could probably smell and taste it. Rin flinched away as his twin came close. He was shocked and surprised as a pair of lips connected with his own. Weakly pushing Yukio away Rin scrubbed at his lips, cheeks burning, and the adrenalin spiking so high Rin thought he would die from overdose. He slid away from his brother, the blood that still flowed steadily acting as a convenient substance to lower the friction.

"Why… Why did you do this? What did I do wrong? I… I promise not to again!"

Rin knew his pleading was pathetic and hopeless. Yukio was truly insane. In the dim lighting of the single light bulb in the bathroom the brunette pushed his glassed up the bridge of his nose. Rin knew he would go to hell for thinking this, but at this very moment, Rin hoped Yukio's cancer would claim him soon.

"When I was telling you to kill father you didn't. You stopped."

Rin felt his blood run cold. What? Yukio's smile was sickening.

"You know this thing… called behaviourism? B.F Skinner… A remarkable man, he created something called 'condition'. I conditioned you to do my bidding. You craved for love. Father never loved you. He never loved you, he loved me more. But he didn't love me either. I gave you that love and so I conditioned you, from an early age you did my bidding and I gave your reward, it was love. You are a murderer brother."

Rin could feel himself trying to breathe but it didn't work. He gasped and gagged as he tried to get his malfunctioning, hyperventilating lungs to work again. A sharp stab in his chest and Rin thought, maybe he was having a heart attack. The moment passed agonisingly slow and he was left winded, pale and weak. He could still feel the blood. He felt like crying but he would never cry in front of Yukio. Never. Shiro had loved him right? Shiro did love him! Shiro didn't hate him at all; he loved him like a father should love his son!

"W-where… Where is dad?"

Yukio had the perfect poker face. A Mona Lisa smile, enigmatic and charismatic and fucking beautiful. Rin knew Yukio was an angel in disguise, the devil himself. Rin knew he had fallen so low as to have so carelessly followed and depended on his little brother. Yukio was right, he did crave love. As a priest Shiro could only love them so much and paternal love wasn't and hadn't enough for Rin. The raven felt ashamed by his own thoughts, that he was so selfish as to take his father's love for granted. Yukio continued, Rin cursed that honeyed voice, how Yukio had developed, possessed such an alluring, husky and captivating voice escaped him. It made him want to do nothing more than to sit and listen adoringly to it. Like a star stricken dummy, a fawning and useless groupie.

"You killed him. After I threatened you, you did as you were told. I said I would take away love. You were so scared then. Desperate is a beautiful expression for you brother. Please let me see that face once more."

Rin cried out as Yukio knelt down and grasped his hips, jerking them up- jerking him up into an all fours position, the raven wailed and felt the goosebumps that prickled all over his exposed body. It hurt. It hurt! He vainly tried to escape as he realised what his twin's intentions were. His deep blue eyes fixated his vision onto Yukio's flawless features. Those sly lips were quirked upwards at the ends and his emerald eyes glittered lust behind the steel frames of his glasses. Steel was a good look for Yukio, Rin was horrified that he was finding his brother attractive but… Steel was Yukio's element- not fire, not water or earth or air, not like those petty zodiac and star signs with their associated element. This was real. Steel was what Yukio was; hard, unyielding and cold, bitter and dangerous. His passion was also true to this for it burned bright white hot and tasted of blood.

"No Yukio please stop!"

"Yes, show me more, brother."

Yukio's hands were rough and uncaring as they manhandled his body, Rin felt so violated and dirty, the pain was sickening. He heard his younger twin's hot breath near his ear; he arched in an awkward twist as Yukio nibbled the lobe before continuing down to sink cruel sharp teeth into his neck. Marking, licking, sucking. Rin couldn't take it anymore, lurching forwards he winced as he jarred his elbows, emptied the contents of his stomach onto the tile before him. The bile was bitter and thick in his mouth, it tasted disgusting. Yukio tutted behind him and ran a hand down the length of his older brother's bony lean back. Rin whimpered, growled and moaned as Yukio rendered sweet and nauseating torture on his body. Wrecking him further, pushing the boundaries till they shattered; scattering the debris to the wind, like ashes of a cremated body.

Never to be pieced back together again.

Never to be restored.

The trust had been broken beyond repair. And he couldn't do anything about it, so low was his self esteem, so low was his own morals and values that he didn't know if this was real or a really terrible nightmare. Rin only hoped it was the latter, his thoughts were interrupted and the final shard splintered into glittering dust.

"I'll make you crave more, brother."

This was real. Rin began to cry.

The agony was like nothing he had ever experienced before, it was unearthly, tearing, ripping, squelching, sucking, gruesome and greedy. Rin screamed until his voice was gone, until he was choking on his own saliva as he struggled to escape all his torment through his screaming. When Yukio started to move inside of him it was with an exhilarated laugh. His hot huge length was hard and burning and it was maliciously bruising his abused and slashed innards. Rin vomited again, dry heaving until he had nothing left to expel other than a thick ropy slime of mucus which clung to the side of his face, smearing into his hair.

It was a wonder that his bowels hadn't given yet. Rin had almost been expecting the rancid stench of pain and terror laced urine to sting the air.

Then he blacked out.


When Rin re awoke he found himself in bed with clean sheets and the curtains tightly drawn, it was day time, he could hear the birds cheeping and chirping brightly outside. He glanced a look at the clock on the side. It was nearly twelve. Turning his head back Rin didn't bother at all moving knowing if he did he would open wounds and cause himself more pain. He didn't want that. He flinched however as the door to the attic swung open and Yukio strode in, wiping dirt off of his trousers. Rin closed his eyes so he couldn't see his little brother. This bond they had had, it was broken forever now. Rin felt hollow inside he felt as if Yukio had sucked his very essence or soul out of his body when he raped him.

"I just finished burying Dad in the cemetery in the back."

Rin growled from his position, he did not move, he did not turn his head to even look at Yukio. He kept his eyes firmly shut.

"Shut up."

"Brother?"

"Shut the fuck up! Don't say ANYTHING! How fucking DARE you call him that after what you did? HOW DARE YOU!"

Against his own will Rin allowed his anger to boil over, his eyes snapping open he pinned Yukio with his piercing, accusing glare.

But…

That fucking poker face. Rin wanted to punch it, it was so neutral and so unaffected, and Rin knew he'd do anything just to get a reaction.

Either way, Yukio was better than a star actor in Hollywood; he could fool anyone with his act. Rin had fallen for this precise and carefully crafted performance many times. But since last night's terror that performance, the curtain had been dropped prematurely and Rin could see through it, it was so obvious now and the raven wondered why he didn't see it earlier. It was so glaringly obvious. It was sickening. Rin knew he shouldn't be sick anymore; he had already lost so much blood not to mention vomiting caused him to lose precious liquids. And he was in no state to get himself food or drink. Despite his care to no move he could feel a steady pulsing throb in his behind. Like a migraine in his rear.

"Here."

Yukio placed a glass of water on the bedside table and when Rin chanced a look at his brother he was shocked to the core to find Yukio was crying. Shaking out of the emerging sympathy that Rin knew he would bestow upon the brunette he looked away. He wouldn't fall anymore for Yukio's tricks again. Rin knew that if he ever did, it would be an insult to Shiro and a betrayal like none other to himself. Rin closed his eyes, he could feel the weight of sleep pressing on his eyelids, he listened to the birds and Yukio's quiet sobs. Rin decided perhaps Yukio's tears were genuine and he was at a vulnerable position. Rin decided to attack.

"Why Yukio?"

Sniffle.

So pathetic. Rin sucked in a breath and let it out through his teeth, he repeated his question.

"Yukio… Why are you doing this?"

The sobs ceased and Rin could almost hear the smile on Yukio's face. He did not look for the fear that he would be sick again.

"Because I love him."

Rin had nothing to say to this. Who was him? Shiro? God? Who?

"But why would you kill all these doctors? Why did you kill father?"

Rin heard his twin shake his head with a soft laugh.

"I'm not killing them. It's you, brother. You are the one who has murdered all those doctors. Father was chronically depressed, I merely euthanised him, he's in heaven now."

Rin flinched and opened his eyes, he glared balefully at his younger brother, the faint light between the split of the curtains cast a reflection on his glasses. Rin couldn't make out Yukio's expression at all and the thought chilled him. In fact he didn't know which scared him more: the fact that Yukio was still… Yukio or the fact that he though he knew Yukio but in reality who was Yukio?

"Why would you make me do this?"

Rin knew that this question had reached Yukio's centre and it was affecting him deeply. He watched carefully and noticed how his brother's clever lips twitched slightly.

"Because they aren't gods. They condemned me, but they don't know for sure if my fate will really be what it seems. You hated them for that didn't you brother? You hated them, you loathed them. I could see it plain as day written across your honest face. So I decided to help you by tweaking your morality. I made you kill them because I knew it was what you deeply desired to do."

Rin shook his head; he never wanted to kill anyone. Of course everyone had their days and moments where they seriously just wanted to throttle someone or just kill them but… The majority usually never actually carried those feelings out. But then again…

Yukio was quite literal.

"How come no one has come to pick me up yet? For the persistent murder of innocents over and over again?"

Rin didn't feel the pain of the slap whose sound that ricocheted off the walls of the attic. Rin for the third time in his life felt afraid of his younger brother. Yukio's expression was dark and his eyes held a deep fury that no human should ever possess. The eyes of a devil.

"Innocents? No one is innocent brother. No one. They are just as guilty of murder as anyone else. How about insects? People kill those without second thought. That is murder. Doctors however are the worst. Of course they exist to help you, but in the long run. Do they actually want to help you as a living being? No, they just want to earn money for the sake of their job. Yes a small portion might genuinely want to help but the majority are coerced into it by peer pressure, family honour, lack of free will and most sickening of all: money."

Rin shivered, but somehow deep down he believed that he could fight this. He would not be 'conditioned' by his brother. He wouldn't let Yukio control him anymore; he had feelings and a consciousness. Rin knew however in order to escape Yukio, he would have to be prepared to be hunted down for the rest of his life.

-End Part One-