Chapter One
I suppose I should start from the beginning. I've been in this alternate reality for 4 months, now. It's April, and the cherry blossoms are blooming. My name is Kyon, and 4 months ago, I was drawn into this reality by an unknown person (was it Haruhi?), and have been living a normal life ever since. And hey, it's not so bad. I've got friends here, now. The same friends that I had back in my home reality. Haruhi Suzumiya, the intelligent, but extremely eccentric high school girl (formerly "God"), Itsuki Koizumi, the constantly smiling, somewhat smug high school boy (former esper), Mikuru Asahina, an extraordinarily beautiful Lolita faced girl (formerly a time traveler), and Yuki Nagato, a timid bookworm who I sometimes catch staring at me before she looks away and blushes (formerly an alien), and of course, me, Kyon, the only "normal" one of the group, though how normal I can possibly be if I was chosen for "Suzumiya's Band of Merry Men" as Taniguchi calls us, I'm not really sure.
Although Haruhi and Koizumi both go to Kouyouen High, the prep school down the hill from us, it's not so hard getting together, and Haruhi, although she never took me seriously in my former reality, after finding out that I'm "John Smith" as I called myself that time, she hangs on every word I say. It's kind of funny. She loves listening to me talk about the wackadoo adventures that we all went on back in my former reality. I call it my former reality because this is my world, now, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Although the others all seem to think I'm a bit unseated, including Asahina's friend, Tsuruya, none of them seem to mind, as they get a kick out of my crazy stories, anyhow.
Nevertheless, every day we would go down to the café near the two schools, and sit and have coffee. Nagato would just sit there silently, as if hoping that nobody would notice her, Haruhi would jabber on about aliens, time travelers, and espers, sometimes asking me questions about the alternate versions of the ones sitting there, and her own alternate self. While it was true that her alternate self was quite as selfish as the one sitting before me, this one was much more willing to accept that I was telling the truth. Was it because I told her that I was John Smith, which she still called me, despite the fact that I've told her my real name at least five times. Well, I suppose it's no worse than being called 'Kyon'.
Asahina was still a little bit skeptical, and kept shooting me glances, as if worried that I'd fly off the handle again like I did when I first met "her". Who could say what would happen, though? Would Tsuruya murder me when she found out where Asahina-san was going after school these days? She shouldn't. After all, it was really Haruhi who dragged her here day after day, not me. Would Ryoko Asakura go crazy again and try to murder me? What could set her off? She seemed so normal. Of course, Alien Asakura seemed normal, too, even more normal than Nagato, and yet, Nagato wasn't the psycho. Suddenly, I was snapped out of my daze by Koizumi, who smiled at me as he usually did, and opened his mouth to speak.
"Kyon, may I borrow a moment of your time? I promise it won't take long. I'm sure you'd rather be sitting with three beautiful women than talking to me…" He said, smirking, and then laughing.
What are you trying to say, Koizumi?
"Sure. No problem." I replied, standing up and walking out the door of the café with the former Esper. Immediately when we got outside, his smile faded, and he looked at me very seriously.
"So…" I said. "Am I going to see your 'true personality', now?" Koizumi looked at me, slightly surprised.
"Well, I'm not sure what you mean by 'true personality'. If you mean that you believe me to be faking my friendly demeanor, you may be right. I'm not entirely sure myself what to say that I am. But rather, I'd like to ask how you knew that this 'John Smith' name would get Miss Suzumiya's attention like that. You say that you come from an alternate timeline, or alternate reality, that you are a 'slider' for lack of a better term. However, I know, and if I'm correct that Miss Suzumiya is much more logical than she appears, that she knows as well, that this is impossible. Why did you decide to come here like this? It seems strange that someone like you, who claims to have come from an alternate reality, would just happen to show up and declare openly, to a girl who just so happened to be looking for people like that, your background. Highly convenient, I'm sure you'd agree."
"So, you're going with the theory of, 'if it seems too good to be true, it probably is'?" I asked him. I wasn't really in the mood to explain my motives to Koizumi of all people. However, I suppose I didn't really have a choice. He had as much right to know as anyone. However, it seemed oddly nostalgic, this sort of conversation, except the explanations happened in reverse the first time. It was him explaining everything to me, rather than me explaining to him.
"I suppose you could call it that… Not a bad analogy."
"Well, unfortunately, I can understand your doubt. I had my own when all this was first explained to me. However, it was later proven to be true. Now that I'm stuck in this alternate reality, there's really no way that I could possibly prove it to you. Anyone who could have is gone, or at least replaced by mundane versions of themselves. So at that, I can't make you believe me. I can only try to tell you that this isn't a joke, and I have no secret agenda, other than to adapt to this life of normalcy."
"I see. Well, nothing I say is going to make you disappear. I'd prefer that you didn't hang out with us, but as Miss Suzumiya seems quite taken with you, 'John Smith', I can't really do anything about it."
"You could leave. I'm not trying to take Haruhi away from you if that's what you're worried about."
"I suppose you have a point. You seem more interested in Miss Nagato…" Koizumi said sheepishly with his usual smirk. I scowled at him, and flipped him off.
"Fine, fine… Be that way. You needn't admit it to me, but you should do so to her sooner rather than later. Although she's very shy, that doesn't mean that her feelings are any less significant."
"And just what does that mean?" I asked Koizumi, glaring at him. At this, he merely shrugged and turned around. "What, indeed. Well, if you ever manage to scrounge up some proof that I was an Esper in an alternate reality, please tell me."
"There was proof. You remember the day we first met, right? I referred to myself as John Smith and then you and Haruhi came with me to North High and kidnapped Asahina and brought her to the Literary Clubroom. When that happened…"
"The computer turned on of its own accord… According to Miss Nagato, anyhow." Koizumi said, hitting his palm with his fist, opening his eyes completely, and staring at me. It was a bit disconcerting.
"Exactly. Two days before then, I woke up to find that the world was completely changed, and the only person that still existed from the SOS Brigade who even knew who I was was Yuki Nagato, although her memory of me was slightly skewed from my memory of the event. I searched through all of the books in the Literary Club, and came across the first book that Nagato lent me, ostensibly so I would read it, but she had hidden a note inside a bookmark back then. This time, I found another bookmark that said "find the key. Two days." So when I got all of us together in that clubroom, the computer turned on, and it was the old Nagato, saying that there was a way to correct the space-time anomaly, or some shit like that. If I wanted to, hit Y, if not, press any key, and the program would be deleted."
"Obviously, you decided not to go back to your old world. Why? Why would you want to remain here in this world that was so strange to you? Where we had no extraordinary powers, and none of us even knew you existed until recently?"
"Why?" I asked him, thinking for a moment. I wasn't entirely sure why I had chosen to stay. Surely it was because I was finally living the normal life I had always wanted. But was that the reason? It was true that living a 'normal' life in this world was much safer than any life I could have lived in my old world. No death defying field trips, vacations to islands where we got trapped for days in a hurricane, or strange games of baseball in which we somehow beat trained athletes despite merely being a ragtag team of high school students. I was sure at the time, in fact, I knew, that eventually, this would become the norm, and unlike my old world, life would become dull and humdrum. But I didn't care. I had lived the life that I had always dreamed about as a kid, with Espers, aliens, time travelers, shady organizations pulling strings in the government, and people with powers that defied all logic. Now, I was ready to just be normal again.
"I guess I realized this life isn't so bad. Normal people, normal school, normal after school… Well, relatively speaking."
"Aha! Well, that's an interesting perspective… You don't regret it, then?" Koizumi asked me, and I smiled back at him for the first time that day.
"No. I suppose I don't. Besides, this Haruhi is much easier to talk to than the Haruhi I used to know, you know, given the knowledge that if you said the wrong thing to her, she might rewrite the entire world."
At this, Koizumi laughed again, and started walking back in. "I can see that might pose a problem for one such as yourself. Well, don't let me keep you. Your girlfriends are no doubt wondering where you went…"
"I told you, none of them are my girlfriend, let alone all three of them."
As I sat back down, though, and Nagato smiled timidly at me, the worst possible thing that could have happened… happened. I heard the bell tinkle over the café door, and Tsuruya, Miss Asahina's friend walked into the café with a huge grin on her face, and was seated almost immediately. I kind of hoped that she didn't notice us, but luck wasn't on my side that day, as had already been proven by Koizumi's interrogation of me. As she was looking over the menu, she looked up and saw us sitting over in the corner, and gave a slight start before jumping up and running over to the table.
"Hey! Mikuru! So this is where you've been going after school every day? No wonder I can't find you anymore in the calligraphy club! Who are these people!"
"Haruhi Suzumiya…" Haruhi said quietly, acting uncommonly polite.
"Itsuki Koizumi. It's nice to meet you," Koizumi said, standing and bowing politely to Tsuruya.
"Y-Yuki Nagato…" Nagato muttered, barely above a whisper, which could hardly be heard in the café.
"And I'm…" I began.
"I know who you are! You're the weird guy who assaulted Mikuru that day four months ago!" Tsuruya snapped. "What's Mikuru doing with you, anyhow? You didn't kidnap her, did you?" Tsuruya asked loudly, pointing at me.
"I most certainly did not! And I resent that, thank you very much!" I replied indignantly. I may be as weird as they come, but I would never kidnap someone. That was more up Haruhi's alley.
"Well you don't exactly have a good track record, bub!"
"I hardly have any track record! And in all fairness, I was a little… okay, way wrong in the head that day. I was a little bit off with everyone else as well…" I lied to her. What other choice did I have? The truth would have been too strange for even someone as eccentric as Tsuruya to accept… I was only hoping that I could count on Asahina to not blow my cover, as I had been indulging Haruhi's endless questions about my alternate reality right in front of Asahina for four months, now. Surely, the brown haired beauty would realize that I was lying to cover my ass. Hopefully, she also knows now that I'm not dangerous or crazy… But with the stories I've been telling that are as good as lies given the circumstances I myself have chosen, she might still believe that I'm a total nutjob. Hey, there's no helping it, I guess. I looked hopefully at Tsuruya, and waited as she stared at me suspiciously. Finally, she snorted, and sat down, pushing Koizumi further into the booth.
"Well… What did you say your name was, again?" She asked harshly, pointing rather rudely at me and grabbing a few fries from the middle of the table.
"Just call me Kyon. Everyone always has in the past…" I said, the double entendre quite clear to anyone who had listened to me for long enough. However, to her, it probably just sounded like my nickname.
"Kyon?" She asked, looking annoyed. "Can't you think of a better nickname than that?" She asked severely. It was quite clear that she still didn't like or trust me.
"Well, my real name is Kyosuke, but my aunt called me Kyon once, and my little sister sort of made it stick."
"Whatever… Kyosuke… Your name doesn't really suit your face. You don't look like a Kyosuke…"
"What name would you give me then?" I asked somewhat irately. I knew that my name didn't really suit me, but having her of all people say that was kind of annoying.
"Just call him John!" Haruhi suddenly blurted out, and I knew that Tsuruya would either laugh her head off, or that I would be doomed with the story that was about to be told.
"John?" Tsuruya asked, raising an eyebrow and looking suspiciously at me.
"Yeah! John Smith!"
"Isn't that, like, Taro Yamada?*" Tsuruya asked. To that, I could only shrug. I had no idea what she was talking about!
"I don't think so. It was just a name I made up on the fly a few years back before we, that is, all of us excluding you and Miss Asahina, you two being older than we are, entered high school."
"Okay, you've got my attention…"
"Well, I was…" I started, but unfortunately, Tsuruya didn't trust me yet, and so, telling her about time travelling back three years and altering the past was a no go. Fortunately, Haruhi in her infinite impatience, interrupted me.
"I was breaking into my middle school when I came across John, here, and he wrote the message on the soccer field in chalk to Tanabata and Hikoboshi on Tanabata. It was in the papers. He wrote, "I am here". Then, he showed up again ten minutes later and shouted 'Here's to saving the world by overloading it with fun with John Smith.' But try as I might, I couldn't find John Smith in the North High registry, despite the fact that he was wearing the uniform, and so, I figured he had to have graduated, and I decided to go to Kouyouen instead."
"Mhm… So you're saying that despite the fact that he looked like a high schooler and wore a high school uniform, he is only now in his first year of high school?" Tsuruya asked skeptically. At this, I stepped in, and tried to say something that would at least quell her suspicions for the moment.
"I could explain it to you, Miss Tsuruya, but you wouldn't believe me, so I don't really want to waste my breath doing it." I said in a slightly challenging manner, granted. Perhaps she would take the hint and not question me further. I suppose the ideal situation that I was hoping for was that she would not say anything and simply take Miss Asahina and warn me never to go near her again. Not the ideal situation, having two people in North High thinking I'm a stalker/pervert/nutjob… But, as long as they kept their silence about it, which I was fairly sure Miss Asahina would do, and was somewhat less sure that Miss Tsuruya would do, maybe the situation wouldn't get any worse. Unfortunately, things never work out the way I plan them… It's like Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will. I had never strictly adhered to that theory, feeling that although many things often did go wrong for me, enough things went right that the "law" was effectively disproven. However, now there was no worse time for the law to be flaunted right in my face.
"Try me, Mr. Stalker. I have plenty of free time, and I feel like I should stay here, if only to make sure you don't do anything weird to Mikuru here…"
"Fine, but you asked, so you don't have the right to call me crazy afterwards."
"I have the right to do whatever the hell I want, John! Just get on with it!" Tsuruya snapped. God, she was almost as impatient as Haruhi… And that was hard to do.
"Well, anyway, I suppose the story starts back sometime between December 17th and December 18th. I went to school on the 17th as I always did. This was back in a previous life, I suppose you could call it, though, I suppose the more accurate term would be an alternate reality. In this reality, Nagato over here was an alien, Koizumi, who went to North High at the time was an Esper, and Mikuru, who was a member of the SOS Brigade was a time traveler… You don't want to know what Haruhi was. Anyway, I guess we were sort of friends with you, although Mikuru merely introduced you as a friend of hers from her class, so I suppose that much hasn't changed. But between the 17th and the 18th, something really weird happened, and when I woke up on the 18th, the whole world had changed, although I didn't notice it until I walked into my class and saw that not only was Haruhi not there, but that Ryoko Asakura, who I knew had been "deleted" by Nagato was in Haruhi's seat. So that, among other reasons was why I was so out of it that day. I was hoping that someone from the old SOS Brigade besides me had retained their memories, so I went around looking for them, but only found Miss Asahina, on whom it seems I made a rather horrifying first impression, and Nagato, who knew me, but only from the public library where I helped her get a library card. So that's how the first day ended, and the next day, I was still slightly dazed, but I went back to the Literary Clubroom and searched through the books, and found the first book that the Alien Nagato had let me borrow. It had a bookmark inside which Nagato said was 'reminiscent of her handwriting, but that had not been written by her', and it said that I had to find 'the key'. Nagato had never made much sense to me, though, so I wasn't surprised that what she was saying was meaningless to me. So, I went back to class, where my friends, Taniguchi and Kunikida were sitting, and Kunikida remembered the conversation from the day before, and mentioned Haruhi Suzumiya again, who Taniguchi remembered from his middle school as the… er… extremely eccentric girl…"
"Taniguchi? That name sounds familiar… Didn't I date him for like five minutes?" Haruhi broke in, scowling in deep thought. "What a dull guy…"
"Er… Right. Anyway, I went to Kouyouen, where Taniguchi said that Haruhi had gone after middle school and told her that I was the "John Smith" that she had met three years previously on Tanabata. So she and Koizumi came back up to North High, and we sort of… borrowed Miss Asahina and went to the Literary Club, where the computer suddenly turned on, and offered me a chance to restore the world to the way it was before it was changed so drastically."
"And?" Tsuruya asked, now looking rather interested. Well, it was better than I had hoped. At least she hadn't flown off the handle with my seemingly insane story.
"And what? That's it. I decided that I liked this world better, and I deleted the program. Back in my normal reality, every day had something weird going on with Haruhi and the SOS Brigade. They were good friends, and I really enjoyed some of the things we did, but having a normal life where I wasn't in danger of being murdered by psychotic aliens, blown away by freak tropical storms, or caught in neverending loops of time that last over 500 years is kind of nice. So I filled out the application to the Literary Club that Nagato gave me and decided to stay. I know, it sounds completely mad. I wouldn't have believed it either if I hadn't lived it, but alas…" I finished. For a moment, Tsuruya said nothing. Then she burst into her usual loud laughter. That was the Tsuruya I knew. It was kind of funny to see her laughing like that again.
"Well, John Smith, I can't say exactly whether I believe you or not! Your story is pretty far-fetched, and as for your explanation of Mikuru's place in your original reality… Somehow she doesn't strike me as much of a… *pfft* time traveler! But you sure do know how to tell a good story. Maybe the Literary Club was the right place for you! You could get rich writing books about this shit! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Tsuruya dissolved into a fit of giggles again, that ended up getting everyone else laughing as well, even timid little Nagato, who cracked one of her rare, but oh-so-adorable smiles that definitely looked better on her face than any pair of glasses could (although, I wasn't complaining about the glasses, either).
*A/N: For anyone who doesn't know, Taro Yamada is the Japanese version of John Doe, and Hana Yamada would be Jane Doe, as Taro and Hana were at the time the most common names in Japan. Tsuruya was commenting on how generic Kyon's alias was.
