Based on a roleplay between my friend and I, and somewhat based on a real dinner. Snowlady supplied the Alfred dialogue (so blame her), while I supplied Matt's end of the conversation (so, I guess, blame me). Anyway, I hope you like it. Please read and review.

Burger Virgin

At the T.G.I. Fridays in Washington D.C., the North American twins sat in a booth. Matt stared at the massive pile of food on his plate.

"Alfred, I can't eat this."

"Oh, come on! Be a man! It's just a burger. It should be a crime that you haven't had one before."

Matt sighed, hundreds of years of fine French cuisine all gone down the drain. "It's too big. It won't fit in my mouth."

"Ha! That's what she said!" After a moment, the older twin continued, "No wait, that's what Arthur said…to me…last night!" He continued laughing.

"Shut up." He buried his face in his hands in disbelief that his brother actually said that.

"What? It's totally true."

"Waaayyyyy too much information."

"Whatever! Eat the damn burger."

Matt took the massive food object awkwardly in his hands. Alfred burst out laughing, as the burger reached face level.

"My God, can you not be so awkward all the time?" The American kept laughing, while his brother turned very red.

"Shut up, dammit!" He angrily took a bite of the burger.

Alfred burst into laughter, seeing Matt attack the hamburger, causing the Canadian to quickly put the burger down and angrily ask, "Why are you laughing?"

"It's the size of your head, and you just lunged at it!"

"I didn't lunge at it!"

"You totally did!"

"No, I did not!"

"What are you talking about? I just watched you attack the poor, defenseless hamburger!"

Matt set the burger down, fuming silently. Finally, Alfred's laughter subsided, and he asked, "So, how did you like it?"

Matt took a deep breath, and a very measured sentence, replied, "It was good, but I think I have a better use for it?"

Unable to think about what was a better use for a hamburger than eating it, he asked, "What?"

Matt picked the large, remaining burger, raised it over his head, and chucked it at his brother.

"Awesome! Free hamburger!"

Matt thought to himself, "I just can't win, can I?"