Letting Go
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Tin Man and I'm not making any money from this fic
Summary: DG can't let go of the past. Cain helps
Warning(s): Spanking; spoilers for the mini-series Tin Man
DG couldn't sleep the night after she remembered everything. Though she knew that she had to rest, the memories wouldn't stop replaying themselves in her mind. Everything that had happened to the O.Z. and its people was her fault.
She blamed herself; and she was sure it wouldn't be long before the others blamed her as well, no matter what they said now.
Newer memories overlapped with the old. DG remembered Cain trapped inside the tin suit, forced to watch his family hurt over and over again. She thought about Glitch, with only half a brain; and Raw, trapped by the papay.
Given that they now knew who was really responsible for their problems, it was amazing they were still with her at all.
"You're thinking so loudly, Princess, I can hear you from over here."
DG jumped, and squinted in the darkness. She was just about able to make out Cain looking at her. A glance around revealed that everyone else seemed to be asleep still. "What are you still doing awake?" she asked.
"We take it in turns to keep watch." As he spoke, Cain sat up slightly. DG wasn't entirely sure, but she got the feeling he was studying her intently. "You still beating yourself up?"
DG glanced away, unwilling to look directly at him. She didn't want to feel better; she wanted to be...
DG didn't want to finish that sentence, even in her head.
"How can I not be?" she asked finally. "This – everything that's happened – it's all my fault. If I had never run away, that witch wouldn't have been able to possess Azkadellia. I don't get why you guys aren't blaming me."
"You were a child, and you were scared. Something like that would have been difficult for even an adult to stand against. Blaming yourself isn't going to do any good apart from give the witch ammunition to use against you."
DG still didn't want to look at him. It didn't matter what Cain said – what any of them said – she knew it was her fault.
What if she couldn't save her sister? What if the only way to destroy the witch meant that Azkadellia had to die as well? How could she have messed things up so completely? If only she hadn't let go...
"There was nothing you could have done, princess," Cain said. "What will it take for you to understand that?"
There was that thought again; the one DG didn't want to finish. Her parents – the androids – had never physically punished her; but some of her friends had been spanked while they were growing up. She knew enough about it to know that the punishment was both painful and humiliating.
But she also knew it was probably what she needed. She definitely wasn't going to ask for it, though. It was hard enough to even think the word, never mind actually say it.
And if she couldn't say the word, how could she ask for it? And what if Cain couldn't understand?
"DG, you can't just keep blaming yourself for everything that's happened. If you don't let the feelings go, you'll end up giving up; and that's exactly what the witch wants."
Though she was a little surprised by Cain calling her by her name instead of 'princess', DG looked away stubbornly and refused to answer. A small part of her knew that he was right – and that she was being silly – but she couldn't just stop thinking about it. Everything was her fault – and the guilt was overwhelming.
It took DG a few moments to realise that Cain had stood up and moved over to sit next to her. Even though she didn't look at him, she could feel his eyes on her; and she shivered just a bit, wondering if he was now going to tell her that he blamed her for what had happened to the O.Z.
"It sounds to me like you need some way to feel like you've been punished, so that you can stop blaming yourself." Cain sounded very firm, and he took hold of DG's chin and turned her head slightly so that she had to look at him.
"What do you mean?" DG had just been thinking that same thing – but now that Cain was apparently thinking along the same lines, she was suddenly very unsure and felt a hollow pit in her stomach. She lowered her eyes, unwilling to meet his gaze directly.
Instead of answering with words, Cain let go of her chin and took hold of her wrist instead. Before she could react, he stretched his legs out in front of him and pulled her over them, pinning her securely. "I know you're a princess, DG – but I used to do this to my son when he made mistakes. It seems to me like you need this as well." With that, he delivered a firm swat to DG's behind.
DG yelped, but more from surprise than pain. Almost immediately, she started struggling and squirming, no longer sure that she wanted this. Apparently, though, Cain had other ideas; and he landed more swats, which didn't exactly hurt... But it was the position – and the fact that she was being spanked – which was worse.
After a few moments, Cain paused and slid his hands underneath DG to unfasten her trousers and pull them down along with her knickers.
Immediately, DG tensed up. Her bottom felt very exposed, but she was more concerned about the fact that the others were asleep. "You don't have to do this...!"
"Since you can't seem to let go of your guilt, I have to help you – and it looks like you need to feel like you've been punished before you can push away the past."
When Cain brought his hand down again, the smack sounded unnaturally loud; and DG jerked a little, covering her mouth to try and stifle the sounds as Cain smacked her bare bottom. It was a wonder the others didn't wake up from the noise – but it didn't take long for DG to be more concerned about the spanking than anything else.
After a little while, Cain tipped DG up slightly so that he could get to the undercurve of her bottom, and DG couldn't help squealing, though she tried not to. Soon after that, the tears started to fall; and she started sobbing. Once she'd started, Cain landed one extra-hard smack and then lightly rubbed her back. "You okay now, DG?"
DG knew that – by rights – she should be mad at him for what he'd just done. Instead, she just felt grateful, and without thinking about it, she pushed herself up and hugged him. He still hesitated, but at least he returned the hug. "Thank you," she whispered.
"You're welcome, princess."
The End
