Dreadful. A word that Eric Northman thought his one thousand years of existence had taught him quite well was being redefined these days. Sitting on his throne in Fangtasia, he can't seem to stop his mind from replaying that fucking night 3 months ago, the night Sookie told him she didn't want to be with him anymore. Every single night after that one has been nothing but dreadful in his once precious bar. Looking out into the sea of pathetic fangbangers reminds him every night of what he tasted and now lost. The overwhelming sense of untainted happiness, contentment and love he felt from Sookie while he was cursed and staying with her. And she took it all away just because she couldn't let go of her "first love". Fucking Bill Compton. If it was up to Eric he would have ended him the moment he found out about his edict from the Queen to secure Sookie, but he didn't, because he wanted to stay in Sookie's good graces. He should have staked him when he heard that Bill nearly drained her in the back of Alcide's truck, King or no King. After all the lies he told her, all the times he dragged her unnecessarily into vampire bullshit, all the times he actually physically hurt her, and she still takes him back every time he says he's sorry.

He couldn't understand why Sookie had just walked out on him after all they've been through and after all they shared when he was cursed. Just because she didn't want to hurt neither Bill nor him? That was about the stupidest thing he ever heard of. It pissed him off to no end that Sookie would even consider going back to Bill after everything. He couldn't understand the power Bill seemed to have over her, nor did she seem to notice it either.

The night she walked away from them both, there was a part of him that felt nothing but utter relief and hope. Relief that he would not be a part of this emotional tug and war she pulled him in and hope that he would actually move on and away from this little part fae that got under his skin.

Just thinking about all the ways that he put Pam's and his life in danger for her infuriated him. How could he let a human cloud his judgment so much? When did he start valuing her life more than his own? It made no sense to him and he hated it. He hated what she did to him, but mostly that small part of him kind of hated her too. She waltzed into his life, stirred all this emotions he had locked away and made him love her. Just as she was unknowingly wrapped around Bill's finger, Eric was completely ensnared in her, unable to walk away only if she released him from her grip. Thinking about the effect she had on him pissed him off so much that the air around him crackled a little. Every vampire in the bar could tell he was in a black mood on his throne and wouldn't dare to even approach him. Of course, humans are never smart when it comes to vampires.

The more Eric's temper rose the closer a skimpy red headed fangbanger strutted closer to him. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice when she climed the steps to his dais, swaying her hips in what she thought was a seductive manner.

"Hey baby", she whispered in his ear as she leaned over him, "don't be so angry. Why don't you let me show you a good time".

Eric was still lost in his world and didn't even notice that someone was standing in front of him until he felt a tongue trying to lick his earlobe suggestively. Well, that brought him back to the present.

Quicker than she could blink Eric stood up, stretching all 6 feet 4 inches of him while grabbing her by the neck and held her above him with her feet dangling below.

"You dare touch me you wretched thing? Did I tell you to approach me?" he asked the girl, fangs fully on display and basking in the fear he smelled and saw in her eyes. Yes, this is Eric Northman. Everyone feared him, and rightly so. The thousand – year - old Viking Vampire was a ruthless, vicious and cunning warrior; a force of nature. He had lived through so many wars, killing for survival and on occasion, just for the glory of being the predator. He was a vampire, and vampires do not love.

The day Eric would heel to a mere human just because she was beautiful, intriguing and sexy as hell would be the day he would raising kittens as a hobby. No, Eric Northman ripped kitten's heads off and put them on pikes in his front yard. He does not, will not change his ways for a fucking girl that didn't know what she wanted.

As these thoughts flew around in his mind, his rage was bringing out the predator in him; the killer. His hand tightened around the girl's neck as she was struggling to breathe. Tears of fear were streaming off her face and even that seemed to piss him off more.

"Stop crying or I will give you something to really cry about. Is this not what you wanted? A close encounter with the elusive Eric Northman? Is this not what you come to a vampire bar for? A chance to stare danger in the face and go home to say you survived?" he growled out in the girl's face.

Immediately Pam was at his side trying to get her master to put the girl down. It wasn't that she didn't want the girl dead. The women that frequented Fangtasia were little of anything more than a feed and fuck to most vampires. But she didn't want her maker to go on a killing spree because that was not her him. Eric may be many things, scary, handsome, arrogant and selfish, but a cold blooded murderer with no respect for the living he was not. She knew that after he got out of this funk he was in these days, he would begin to regret his behavior.

"Eric, she's not worth having to deal with the King. If you kill her then he will be expected to punish you", Pam tried to reason.

"Do I look like I am afraid of Bill Fucking Compton?" he snarled in her face. "I could end his feeble existence faster than it takes for him to cum".

"I know that Eric but if you did then you would have no choice but to become the next King of Louisiana", she simple stated.

This made him pause. Eric wanted nothing more that to run his little slice of Louisiana as Sherriff in peace. He was loyal to his monarch and always did what he was asked. Being King would be setting himself up as a target to everyone. Kings and Queens only survived long in his world by constantly looking over their shoulders for someone wanting to overthrow them. He didn't want to live like that. Eric was a simple man, he wanted little power in vampire politics despite the number of allies he had that would follow him without question. The vampires in his area were loyal and devoted to him because he was a fair and honest Sheriff that would protect them. Becoming King was as bad as being dragged along in the in Sookie's retarded love life in his books, and he would do what he must to stay clear of both.

Unceremoniously, he let go of the girl and let her fall to a pitiful bundle on the floor in front of him. As he looked up he saw most of the bar had come to a standstill and was staring at him, wondering what he was going to do next. Feeling like he'd been enough entertainment for the night, he stepped over the girl and walked back to his office, slamming the door.

Pacing the small space in front of his desk like a caged wild animal he tried to calm down. For three months Eric has been nothing but time bomb. Everyone around him walked on their toes, on tenterhooks not to set him off for fear of their lives. He had never been like this; patience was something Eric mastered centuries ago. There was only one thing that could make Eric lose his shit so quick, one thing that could infuriate him like nothing else in this world and one person that could bring the peace he had been searching for his entire life. The one person that he would willingly submit himself to just so that he could taste the sunshine on her skin at least one more time. The only person that didn't want him.

* ~ o.O.o ~ *

Pam was more than annoyed and a bit tired of Eric's behavior. So what, one little brainless country bumpkin had refused him, what the hell was the big deal? Eric could have any woman, or man, he wanted. With just the flick of a wrist or a devilish smirk, women have thrown themselves at his feet. But of course her maker would fall for the one human on this planet that would refuse him.

With a sigh, Pam looked down to the blubbering mass of pity that was still on the ground.

"Clean yourself up and leave. Don't ever come back here unless you want to die" she told the girl and spun on her heels making her way back to the door.

She was standing at the door carding patrons while thinking of a way to help her master. She needed to find something to capture his attention again and take his mind off Sookie. As she was thinking of ways to help Eric she wasn't really paying attention to who was in front of her until she heard a very timid "Hey Pam".

Looking up, Pam was overcome with the sudden urge to rip something or someone apart.

"Sookie, what brings you her?" Pam asked in a very uninterested tone while raising an eyebrow at Sookie.

She looked down and shuffled her feet a little and barely managed to whimper out "I came to see you. And I wanted to talk to Eric."

Instantly, Pam was furious. "What the fuck do you want with Eric now Sookie?"

"I just wanted to talk. I don't see why we can't all be friends. I never wanted to cut ya'll out of my life completely" she replied.

"Sookie, if you didn't notice, I don't give a fuck what you want in your life. I put up with you in the beginning because of Eric's fascination but now, just the sight of you makes me want to kill something. I can't even imagine what Eric would want to do to you".

"Does he really hate me?" she asked as a look of hurt took over her face.

"As much as I hate to admit this, I don't think he hates you. He hates what you did to him more than anything".

"I didn't do him anything!" she says indignantly.

"Of course you did. You made him as pathetic as Bill, following you around like lost little puppies trying to win your attention. You took away his dignity. While Bill might not want his balls back, Eric is not that kind of vampire. Do us all a favor and leave him alone. Go back to Bill since you can't seem to get over that particular brand of worthless" Pam told her. She didn't care if her words hurt Sookie's feeling. She didn't care for Sookie at all actually, and if her maker hadn't forbid it, she would have ripped apart the 'gash in a sundress' standing in front of her.

"I just want to talk to him Pam. Please?" she asked with pleading eyes.

"Fine" Pam said after a moment of contemplating. "I will let you in, but don't say I didn't warn you. The last thing wants right now is to see you. But I want you to remember this, Eric is a vampire. He will live forever. If he kills you, he has time to get over it". She stepped aside to let Sookie into the bar. "He's in his office".

* ~ o.O.o ~ *

Eric was sitting behind his desk trying to get through some paper work when there was a knock at the door.

"Enter" he said, not really paying attention to who was out there. When he looked up, he couldn't help the joy that took him at the sight of seeing his Sookie standing in front of him. For a moment he let himself feel a tiny bit of hope that she had come to her senses and was finally going to admit that life without him was as useless and tedious and his life without her. But by the shy look on her face and slight fear in her eyes, he knew Sookie never does things the easy way. This was going to be a conversation he did not want to have.

"Sookie" he said, "what brings you here tonight?"

"Hi Eric, I uhh … I just wanted to stop by and see if you're ok" she answered timidly.

"I am well. As well as any vampire can be. Please, have a seat", he indicated to the chair directly in front of his desk.

She took the seat and an awkward silence settled in the office.

"Is there something else I can assist you with dear Sookie?" Eric asked, sensing that he would be the one to get the ball rolling.

"No, no. Everything's been quiet in my neck of the woods. I just … I just wanted to see if everything's alright between us", Sookie answered.

"Excuse me?" Eric asked.

"Well, I know the last time we saw each other it wasn't really a happy conversation we were having. I guess I just wanted to let you know that I don't want you to disappear from my life. I like having you around", she replied while wringing her hands in her lap, avoiding Eric's eyes.

Eric just sat there, staring at her, trying to figure out what new brand of torture she was trying to impose on him now. But trying to figure out Sookie was like trying to find the meaning of life; it just cannot be done, and it gives you a headache more than anything else.

"Sookie, the last time you spoke to me, you said that you couldn't do 'this'. Seeing as you were in much distress, I decided to give you the space you may need. After three months of nothing, you come here to my bar, and tell me that you like having me around?" Eric asked, trying to find some hidden meaning behind her words.

"Yea", she said simply.

"You want me to stay close to you, to be a part of your life. In what capacity exactly?" Eric asked, sitting up and leaning forward on his desk.

"Well, I was hoping we could still be friends", she said, finally looking up.

"Friends?" Eric repeated, feeling his ire rising slowly. "After telling me that you loved me, was willing to bond with me when I asked you while I was without my memory, then throwing all that we shared away because you did not want anything to do with the 'real me', you want us to be friends?"

"Well, I thought it was possible, but I'm not so sure anymore" she answered. "I miss the bantering between us; I kind of missed not being so sheltered all the time from vampire politics. And really, I think I just missed yo-"

"Stop talking", Eric cut her off. "You do not get to come here after so long and try to string me along in your hopeless indecisive love life anymore. I am not your play thing, and I am most definitely not Bill. If you want someone around to follow you aimlessly, then you came to the wrong vampire" Eric snarled out.

"I don't think you're my play thing Eric" she responded heatedly.

"Then why the hell are you here Sookie?" he snapped.

She opened her mouth to answer but nothing came out. Why was she here? She remembered feeling very alone earlier in the day. Bill had been to her house several times in the past three months but his company just didn't seem to be enough. He was always trying to get her to come back to him in some way. She wanted to get rid of the loneliness in her that only Eric seemed to be able to squelch.

"I don't know why I'm here" she said after a while.

"For fuck's sake, Sookie! Grow up and say what you actually mean for once. I am too old to be playing mind games with silly little humans." He stood up abruptly and walk to the other side of his desk, grabbing Sookie's chair and spinning it so that she was facing him. He knelt down in front of her and looked intensely into her eyes, willing her to be honest with herself even though he had no such power over her.

"You made your choice already Sookie. You chose who you wanted to be with a long time ago, but you refuse to say it out loud because you are afraid to hurt us. Tell me which is better, choosing one and hurting another or refusing yourself the happiness you deserve and dragging us along this miserable path?"

"I, I … I", was all Sookie was able to say. She hadn't really thought about what this was doing to either vampires. Bill always seemed contented to be around her and she couldn't see any misery in his eyes. But she hadn't seen Eric in three months so there was no telling what was going on with him. Looking at him now, Sookie realized that for a vampire, Eric always wore his heart on his sleeve when it came to her. If she looked at him closely enough, she could read him so easily. And right now there was a shimmering hope in his eyes, but beyond that, a shadow that was looming over him, one she could only assume was misery and it broke her heart that she was the one causing him so much pain.

"I'm sorry for being such a burden to you Eric, but I can't choose. I love you both-"

"That is bullshit Sookie and you know it!"

"No it's not Eric. It is what it is" she said.

"Yes, it's you being a coward, always running away when things get either too real or too rough for you. You've staked vampires, faced maenads and survived Bill, why should saying four little words scare you so much?" Eric asked.

"It's not that easy Eric. Its people's hearts I'm dealing with here, and I can't just throw them around however I feel like", Sookie replied exasperated. Why couldn't he just get it!

"You are right Sookie; you cannot throw them around any longer".

They remained silent for a moment and Eric realized that he was at the end of his rope with her. Each second that past he was getting more annoyed. Finally realizing that she was not going to make this decision, he decided to do it for her.

"Sookie," he said his voice full of emotion. Instantly she tensed up, fear spreading throughout her body knowing that with that tone, Eric was going to say something she wasn't going to like. He took her hands in his and started rubbing small soothing circles with this thumbs and looked her right in the eyes.

"If you cannot decide, then I have no choice but to do it for you. I know who you chose but I want you to say it out loud, tonight. I cannot live like this; I will not live like this. I gave you every part of me", he said gently. "I offered for you to keep it and asked for nothing in return but for you to do the same. Remaining here, so close to you and yet never able to have you is a wretched way to exist. Say it; say the words that will make me the happiest man in existence, I beg you. If you cannot, then please, let me go. If you do not say it, I will leave this place and never return. I cannot stay here when everything reminds me of you. If you will not let me keep you, then please, release me" he whispered.

Sookie had never seen this side of Eric before and it scared her. Looking in his eyes she saw how haunted he had become and all she wanted to do was take away his misery and bring back the light in his eyes that she loved. She remained quiet though, since he seemed to have more he wanted to say.

"If you say it, if you ask me to stay with you then I swear to you by the gods that I will love you until there is no life left in me. I will protect you, love you and I will never leave you. Ever. What do you want Sookie? Tell me" he pleaded.

"Eric" she said, raising her hand to gently brush his smooth cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, not wanting the contact to end but not knowing if he will ever get to feel it again. He meant every word; he would leave him home and his bar and start over new because he couldn't linger in a place that held so much heartache for him.

"Eric" she said again and he opened his eyes to look into hers, "I don't want you to leave. I don't want a life without you in it. You're a part of me Eric, and I don't want to lose that. But I just can't. I can't throw one of you away" she said with tears running down her face. The moment she said it she wanted to take it back just because she couldn't bear to see the hurt on his face.

He just stayed there staring at her face, committing every detail to memory so he would never forget. He brought his hands up to cup her face, relishing in her warmth while brushing away her tears with his huge thumbs. He leaned in bit by bit making sure she was aware of what he was about to do. Slowly, his lips brushed against hers lightly, seeking permission to continue. When she didn't protest he recaptured her lips and deepened the kiss, keeping it at a slow and steady pace, making sure he would never forget her taste. All the love and passion he held for this fragile little human he poured into that one kiss, taking her breath away. But he wasn't trying to convince her of anything, he was saying goodbye to her.

She couldn't say it, she couldn't be brave for him and it shattered his undead heart, filling him with a depth of sadness and disappointment that no man should ever know. This was it; this was the last time he would get to hold her, kiss her and the last time he would ever get to tell her how much she meant to him.

When he pulled away, he couldn't help the one bloody tear that escaped his eyes. "My heart will always belong to you, I surrender it willingly. You will always be a part of me, and I will carry your memory with me everywhere I go" Eric told her, not bothering to hide the tears in his eyes.

"Eric no!" Sookie begged, holding on to his arms. "Please, don't leave me! I don't want you to go!"

"You know what you need to do for me to stay, dear one" he said as he caressed her face. A sob escaped her then because she knew, no matter how much she fought with herself, the words just couldn't leave her mouth.

"Very well" Eric nodded, finally standing up. He looked down at her one last time, gathering his wits to do the most difficult thing ever in his life. Every fiber of his being fought to stay with her, but finally finding the strength deep within him, he turned around and walked out, leaving her alone in his office.

A/N: So I went back and fixed what mistakes I found in this chapter. I wanted you all to know that I planned in this being just two chapters. I was going to give them their happily ever after in chapter but since I've had such an overwhelming amount of readers, I might just drag it out a little, and not in a bad way. But of course, I will need all your help in keeping this going. I don't plan my stories, I just go by chapters so if you all want this to go in a particular direction, let me know. PM me, leave a review, something. I'm doing this for you all, so by all means, lead the way