Inspired by Sean McKeever. This is kind of like a song-fic, except there is no song (or singing for that matter) but dialog from a letter. I do not own Ben 10 Alien Force or any characters from it. But I do own this story. So, hah.
Enjoy it, and then review it please :3
You are a cloud in my sky. Just like a cloud, you're light, soft, beautiful & so far away.
I heard traffic noises pass by me as I read the first few lines. The usual people were on the bus heading for school. And really as usual, I sat alone.
You float above me so significant in my world & yet too remote for you to ever notice me. But, I still gaze at you—
I ripped out the page from my notebook and crumpled it. "Psh, way too sappy…" I mumbled in frustration. After tossing the crumpled paper on the floor, I tried again. Maybe I would get it this time...? I started with something simple…
Dearest Gwen,
I liked it so far. But, then again, it was only two words scribbled down.
I've lost track of how many times I've had to start over. I think I went through six drafts just debating whether or not I should tell you how many drafts I've gone through.
I glanced around my surroundings trying to get inspiration — yeah, like I'd ever get inspiration from here. There were all the stereotypes on this bus. The Nerds, the Goths, the Jocks, and the Preps. I guess I was just on my own.
I should have started writing this a couple of months ago when I first thought of it, but I waited until this week, which was a really stupid thing to do.
I made sure to underline the word stupid. Sometimes I hated being the King of Procrastination. Especially now.
It's not like I've been all that busy either. I don't have a social life or anything to take up my time. Not like you.
I know I'm not the definition of cool. I barely have any friends and I'm constantly called "dork". I know it's not because of the way I look with my shaggy, but well-kept dirty-blonde hair, hazel green eyes, or tall and somewhat muscular body. It's because I'm deathly shy and I keep to myself. But, I'm not going to let myself be shy in this letter. I can't afford to be shy in this letter.
My hands keep cramping up & I'm running out of time this has to be the final draft. So here's the thing. I am totally, utterly in love with you.
There. I wrote the most important line. I sunk in my seat as I let out a breath of air. I know I want to write so much more… but at the same time I wondered what Gwen was doing right now, as I write this letter to her…
I know that this sounds super dramatic, but it's essentially the truth.
"Gwen, honey wake up!" When I heard this I felt one eye groggily open.
"What time is it?" I half-heartily yelled back. My mom approached my doorway.
"6:40. School starts in thirty minutes, so you better get up," she replied sweetly, but firmly. I stumbled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom.
You're so beautiful that it's like sometimes I can't even breathe in fear of ruining you. You know what I mean? Please don't take this as a physical thing, either. There are so many things that make you beautiful to me.
Half asleep, I brushed my flaming red hair out of my emerald green eyes. I yelped when I saw the horrible bed-head syndrome I was going through. Now fully awake, I prayed that within thirty minutes a miracle could happen, so I can look decent for school.
For one, you're so smart. It's like you wake up eager for school! I bet if it wasn't for all your friends, karate, and all that, you'd still go to school and study the whole day.
Thoughts flooded my mind as I showered. Algebra test today. Thank god, somehow I found time to study. I would have liked to study some more but, Kevin had found a DNAlien base. Of all the times for some action…
I also see the way you treat other people. You're always so kind and generous. It's like you're never thinking about yourself or what you're gonna get out of a friendship. You don't care if someone's a dork or a loser. You treat them all the same. I bet there isn't a selfish bone in your body.
I stepped out of the shower stall and grabbed a towel. Even though I was trying to quickly get ready, thoughts still swished around in my head. Is it worth it to sacrifice my life for hero time? Yes. I knew the answer already. Saving lives was always going to be worth it in my book…
Those aren't the only reasons I feel this way, but they are the major ones. There are so many other things I like about you, but it's, like, too many to sort through, you know?
There's ten minutes before homeroom's going to start, so I sat down on bench outside of the school building. What else…what else to write? I searched my brain. I didn't notice two seniors come up to me until I heard one say, "Hey, freshman!"
I guess a lot of the things I like about you are the things I wish I could be.
I quickly scribbled down another line before looking up at them. They didn't like that. "Hey, you look at me when I talk to you, loser boy!" one of them angrily said. Before I knew it they pushed me so hard I fell off the bench, flat on my face.
"Hey, don't you two have anything better to do? Like take steroids or something?" I heard my friend's voice insult them.
"Hey, just because you're Tennyson's girlfriend don't mean we'll take your crap next time," one said angrily back. I heard them walk away as I sat up off the ground.
"Thanks Julie…" I said picking up my flung notebook.
"No problem for a friend," she waved it off, "So how's 'the letter' going?"
We walked into the school toward our homeroom class. "I, I—" I stumbled for words, but instead let out a huge groan, "I can't get the words to sound right. I just know it's going to sound like some sappy love story or song…"
She looked at me sympathetically for a moment. "You know I can just tell her how you feel, after all she's my frien—"
"NO! You can't!"
"Then can you?"
"No… I can't either…not in person anyway…" But god I wish I could.
I'm sure you're wondering who I am. No doubt that you've scanned the whole letter looking for my name by now. But, you're not going to find it. I'm just a lowly freshman here at Bellwood High who happens to share a class with you. That class is my favorite part of the day 'cause I get to see you for a whole forty minutes.
Despite the crappy start of the morning I was always happy for my Workstudy class. Not because I liked to work, or study, but because Gwen sits two seats in front of me. She's always reading a book with such interest she barely looks up from it, and never at me, that's for sure.
We've never spoken. Our eyes have never met. But just being near you makes me feel like I'm basking in the warm glow of the sun.
I stopped writing. Oh crap… this was beginning to sound like a stalker-ish ballad again…
Please don't be creeped out by this! You rock my world, but it's not like I spend every waking moment thinking of you, or have some psycho shrine to you in my bedroom or anything. I'm completely harmless.
I had thrown in those few lines, just to be safe. Writing nonstop I finished letter with ten minutes left in the period. It's now or never… I thought tensely. I went to the front of the classroom for a bathroom pass and left. But, instead of going to the bathroom I went to Gwen's locker.
Besides, by the time you read this… I'll be gone.
Julie was waiting there for me, just as she promised. "Hey you came… but, let me guess… you didn't put your name on it."
"What'd be the point?" I shrugged, "So… thanks for being here…"
"Hey, I'm always here for you," she smiled and gently punched my arm. I could tell she was holding back the tears. I hugged her and she hugged back.
"I'm going to miss you so much…" her voice cracked.
I don't want to go, but I have no other choice. Have you ever felt like you have no control over your life? You know, like destiny? Like what happens, happens and there was never anything you could've done about it.
In the slot of Gwen's locker I slipped in my letter. I wrote on the envelope "Gwen, don't believe in destiny".
Like because you were born who you are, your life's been set in stone, it's all been decided for you.
I heard the bell ring to signal the end of the period. It also meant that Gwen would be here any minute at her locker. I ran and turned the corner just before I saw her approach from the corner of my eye. She would open her locker and find my letter, waiting for her to read it.
I don't really believe that's true. I don't want to believe destiny is real, but the evidence sure does seem to stack up in favor of it. Don't you think?
I held my breath as I watched her turn her locker combination into the lock. My heart was pounding when she pulled the lock open.
"Gwen!" I turned to see a brown-haired boy run up to Gwen.
Say I'm on a train that's streaking toward destruction.
"What's up Ben?" I saw her turn toward him.
"I'm in trouble! It's my mom's birthday today and I didn't get her a present! You got to help me, I have no idea what to get her!" he said.
Events were already set into motion that make it so it doesn't matter what I do at that point, you know?
"Sure I'll help. Aunt Sandra deserves a good present, but I think you're over reacting—"
"No I'm not — now come'on. We've got to go now!" he said closing her locking and pulling her out the hallway door frantically.
Maybe the engineer got drunk or a car wrecked on the tracks. Maybe some bolts that had been deteriorating finally snapped apart. Stuff that may have happened before I even set foot on that train.
I watched as both of the cousins went into a green Camaro and drove away.
It's like I never had a choice. I never had a chance. Have you ever felt like that?
A wave of disappointment flooded over me. I turned the opposite way and headed back down the hallway. I knew she'd have to open her locker eventually but until then…
Well, that pretty much sums up how I feel right now.
I was in the gymnasium throwing down my sixth opponent so far. They each landed on the blue mat with my foot pressing firmly against their chest. Almost as if to say, "Stay down."
I don't know if I would ever have acted on my feelings for you. But now I'll never get to find out. I'm already on the train.
I brushed back my hair into a bright red mess of a ponytail. I tightened my black belt. Now I was prepared for opponent number seven.
All I can do is write you this letter and tell you that I so totally wish I had tried.
I countered a kick from the blonde haired boy and ended pinning him down too. He probably wasn't too bad in karate either. But, I had training almost everyday because of fighting aliens.
I wish I had said something to you in class. I wish I had struck up a conversation with you & maybe became your friend.
I watched in awe as Gwen fought all her opponents without difficulty. The crowd in the bleachers broke out cheering for her, and I couldn't help but to cheer along. She was amazing.
I wish I had asked you out to a movie so we could sit beside each other in the darkened theater, sharing something new together. I wish I'd let you know I existed.
I let my cheering slow to a stop. I knew that if I watched her any longer, I would never be able to leave.
But none of that happened & it's not going to happen. I'm feeling really stupid right now 'cause I realize that maybe you wouldn't have just thought of me as some newbie freshman loser & maybe we might have been friends or even more.
I walked down the steps of the bleachers and headed toward the exit…
I see now that your kindness and everything would have made it all possible but it's too late for me to do anything about it. The train's derailing.
My karate instructor let me take a five minute break before my next opponent. I sat down on the bench, a little sore and sweaty.
I'm going to see you at your competition tonight & that's the last time I'll ever see you. And there's nothing I can do to change that.
I was about to drink from my water bottle just when I thought I saw someone by the door staring at me from the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see who it was, but nobody was there…
I don't know about you, but sometimes the future scares me half to death. Think about it: You don't know what's coming.
I decided for my last dinner here in town I'd go to the mall's food court. Sure, it wasn't a feast but I only had twelve dollars on me.
Sure, you always hear people talk about "an uncertain future" but it never really hit me until recently. It's like I've known the words to the song for years & sang along with it. But now the lyrics finally makes sense. The future is entirely uncertain.
I waited on a short line for two crunchy tacos, still thinking about Gwen. The more I thought about her the more I wanted to find her and talk.
I guess that's what had me thinking about fate or destiny or whatever.
"Next in line," said the cashier, waiting impatiently for me to get my head out of the clouds and order already.
It could be good. It could be bad. But who cares? 'Cause until it happens you just don't know.
Sitting at one of the cafeteria-like tables I miserably slurped up my soft-drink. Man, what I would give just to see Gwen's smile one last time. Then I looked up.
You never know what the future is going to bring. You can only hope.
Gwen! It was really her! She was with her cousin and some other dark-haired boy, but it didn't matter. She was here. And so was I.
Here's the point of all this rambling: If destiny is for real & our lives are determined for us, the future is scary. If we get to make our own future it's still scary.
I immediately dumped out my taco crap food into the garbage can. Where's the— there it is. I found the nearest elevator and went inside. I have missed out on way too many opportunities…
But at least we get a chance to actually do something about it. That's why I want to believe we have a choice in what happens to us. What happens to our lives.
I caught the elevator door just by a hair. Even though I usually mind if there are other people in the room, I didn't care this time. I just had to get to her.
I want to believe that maybe I'll get that second chance somehow. But like I said…
After all this time working up my nerves I finally had the chance to talk to her. The doors opened and I ran out. She wasn't too far away and I could still catch up to her…
…It looks like destiny's winning.
Almost up to her…! — my thoughts were interrupted by a glass-shattering explosion. I felt the heat scorch my face as I flew a few feet away from the store-front that just exploded. I landed painfully against the glass safety railing. My ears rang wildly, but I didn't care. I was scratched up and bleeding, but Gwen might now have been so lucky. I panicked. She was only so far from the explosion and smoke fogged up my view of everything around me!
"Gwen!" I frantically shouted, running blindly through the fog. I found her two buddies lying on the floor, the dark-haired one unconscious and her cousin rubbing his own bruised head.
"Hey, are you guys okay?" I asked panicked.
"Uhh, I think so…" the brown-haired boy groggily said. "I think he'll wake up fine too…" he referred to the other unconscious boy.
"Where's Gwen? What happened to her?!" I demanded, now that he said he was alright.
"I— I don't know—!" he said still dazed.
Suddenly a cruel growl pierced through the smoke. "Gettt thhheeemmmmm!" it screamed shrilly. I craned my head in the direction came from and I let out a gasp in horror. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. It was terrifying. And the worst part? It was coming straight at me.
My legs never felt as heavy as they did now. My brain screamed move! But my body didn't listen. I swear I saw tentacles extend from this — whatever this thing was — mouth. Please let me die painlessly, I prayed pathetically.
Just when I lost all hope a pink beam of light blasted at the monsters ugly head. It got knocked into a garbage can, literally two feet away from me. My mind was still trying to register when I saw a petite silhouette emerge from the smog.
Gwen! Gwen. Wait… Gwen? It was all too much.
The thing liked being stuck in the garbage can as much as I understood what was happening — not very much. It broke the plastic into pieces with its bare… claws. Its beady green slit for an eye fixed on me with rage.
"Hey, ugly, it's me that you want!" Gwen screamed at it. The pink light I saw before was now erupting from her hands.
"Scrrrreeeeeeeeeee!" the thing charged at her, its brain pulsing with fury. She stood her place. My heart felt like it was going to explode. My legs surged forward in attempt to block her from harm.
"Gwen, look out!" I screamed. She turned her head toward me in surprise just as the thing raised its arm to swipe at her. She tumbled out way in time, but I wasn't so lucky. Its claws smashed into my torso, knocking all the breath out of my body. I saw myself fly over and past the safety rail, and into the air.
Destiny seems to have decided I'm doomed to never be with you.
Head first I saw the floor of the mall approach me faster and faster. I closed my eyes tightly — this was going to hurt. Every second seemed to tick by slowly. I held my breath for the impact I knew I was doomed to face any second…
Doomed.
What was he thinking, throwing himself in front of a DNAlien?! I panicked as I dove off the safety railing, which was frankly failing to do its job today.
I beamed down a manna platform for me to land on. Without hesitation I shot beams of energy at the falling boy.
"Got ya!" I said when the manna reached him. The boy was suspended in the air only ten feet from his certain doom. A little too close for both of our comfort.
I moved my hands dexterously in order to levitate him onto one of the mall benches. I saw him look up at me in disbelief so I tried to make a joke out of what almost happened.
"It's very sweet of you to fall for me, but we know both know it'll only hurt in the end," I said trying to be reassuring. When I landed next to the bench he just looked up at me speechless. He was pretty banged up.
"Hey, are you okay?" I asked staring straight into his wide-eyed expression.
He stared right back into mine and managed to answer. "Y—yeah. I'm gonna be fine."
I let out a breath of relief.
"Come back here, vermin!" I remembered the DNAlien just as it landed on the floor next to me, completely unharmed from the fall. As it shot multiple green balls of slime at me I shot up a force field around me and the boy. I let the shield fade away for a clear shot at the alien's head.
"You should've ran when you had the chance!" I growled at it as I pounded it with multiple attacks. "I… don't… know… why you're in a mall… but you're going… to regret it!" I delivered a sharp attack to its body between each few words. When I finished my sentence it made strange gurgling sounds and plopped to the floor. It didn't try to move again.
"Now, I know this may be pretty confusing and scary if you don't know what's happening," I said slowly turning around, "But, it's really—"
Hey, where'd he go? The boy was gone!
"Hey, Gwen! Come up here! I think Kevin's got a concussion ore something. He woke up, but now he's singing really un-Kevin like songs…" I heard Ben yell down.
"I'm coming up now!" I yelled back, but, from the back of my mind I couldn't help but to wonder what happened to that boy…
So… I suppose you're wondering why I'm even bothering to write this sappy, melodramatic love letter if I won't identify myself & won't be around anymore.
After the trip to the mall from hell, Ben, Kevin (who was okay now, but only after singing a few Hannah Montana songs) and I decided to head back to school. I had left my karate uniform in my locker and I needed it back. We walked up in front of the school.
I had to write this letter, Gwen. I had to let you know how I feel 'cause I couldn't imagine leaving without telling you.
"I'll be right back, okay? Just wait here while I get my stuff."
"But, wait Gwen, I think Kevin wants to sing 'The Best of Both Worlds' now!" Ben said cracking up. I think it took Kevin all his might not to punch him.
"Hey, I was bleedin' from my head! And if you ever tell anyone Tennyson, I'll cut off your—"
It's weird. I'm so sad to be writing this letter & yet I feel relived & warm at the same time. I guess I know why.
"You wouldn't!" Ben said horrified.
"I would," Kevin smirked.
"No!" Ben said, face growing red.
"Oh yeah? Try me!"
I rolled my eyes and turned toward the parking lot. There were still a few cars parked in the spaces and several in the pick-up circle. Then I saw him.
The boy from the mall! He was inside one of the cars in the circle.
He noticed me staring at him, so he smiled a shy smile and gave me a small wave.
It's 'cause even though I've never said hello, I had to say goodbye.
I returned the smile and waved back. I watched as the van pulled out of the circle and down the road.
"Who was that?" Kevin asked staring at me.
"I…don't know…" I answered watching the van disappear in the distance…
I know how silly it sounds coming from just a freshman like me, but I really do love you, Gwen. You know, I've seen talk shows with kids who think they're "in love" but everyone tells them all they're really feeling is, like, puppy-dog love.
We're crossing the Brooklyn Bridge right now. I looked out the back window to spy on the huge storage crate hooked up to the back of the van.
The kids are all like "I know what you mean, but I'm really in love!" But they really aren't & it's obvious.
Traffic was pretty bad, so dad had the opportunity to see me sulking in the back seat.
"Pretty exciting, eh, sport?" he tried to cheer me up, "A new home, new school, new life…"
Well… I'm really, really in love. I hope that you keep this letter from that complete stranger who loves you with all his heart. I hope you keep it & I hope you read it every now & then through the years & I hope you think of me.
"…Don't worry, kiddo — you'll make plenty of new friends," he finished. I wasn't really paying attention though.
Nope, my mind's somewhere else right now.
I'm going to miss you so much, Gwen. I know that this pain I feel is going to be with me a long, long time. Twenty years from now, I know I'm going to open up my Bellwood High yearbook to your picture & I'll still feel that tug on my heart. That lump in my throat. That burn.
My mind was with Gwen.
For making me feel so torn up inside, all I can say is…
My heart was with Gwen.
…Thank you.
My soul was with Gwen.
Thank you, Gwendolyn Tennyson.
And most importantly, my letter was with Gwen.
I rolled down the car window and stuck my head outside of it. I let the warm breeze blow against my face and ruffle my hair.
Suddenly, I felt like things weren't going to be so bad after all…
---
I walked down the all-too-familiar hallway leading to my locker. I turned my locker combination into my lock until it popped open. Hallway from opening the locker door an envelope popped out. I picked it up from off the floor.
Gwen, don't believe in destiny. The front of it read. It was addressed to me. I opened the front and look out a long looking letter. My eyes began to curiously read.
Dearest Gwen…
The End.
