uh, hi?
Honestly guys, I'm sorry
I just havent been in the mood to write stuff, a lot has been going on in my life and now I'm just a sad trashbag filled with anxiety
BUUUUUT those arent real excuses and here's a brief explanation to my dissappearance from FF and writing in general:
Fuck you, I do what I want
(But in reality you can blame my freaking college courses, YouTube, Tumblr and cosplay)
I wanted to try and write some shit so here you go *throws a plate at you*
~*~ Htgr8~*
Truthfully, SPRX wasn't exactly horribly upset about hurting his loved ones. Well, he was, don't think he wasn't. He actually felt quite horrible for that, but there was another thing that made him feel worse. He couldn't exactly describe how he felt.
Maybe in some ways he felt broken. Maybe he felt broken because he felt so weak that he succumbed to the power of the Fire of Hate. Maybe it wasn't that, but how his teammates treated him afterwards, like he was in fact, broken. Maybe he knew that he was broken. Maybe he wanted to tell himself that he wasn't. Maybe he thought that they shouldn't care so damn much about him! Maybe he thought he was the scum of the planet. But alas, SPRX didn't know exactly what he wanted to think, or thought in general.
His teammates were the best in the universe, but he couldn't help feeling anger towards them. Sometimes Antauri or Nova or someone else sat by him and offered him encouraging things, told him he was ok, told him that he was strong, but it never felt encouraging to him. He knew they mean incredibly well, he so knew. He knew they loved him and wanted to help. It was just feeling broken that made him so angry about his whole situation.
What he wouldn't give to just rid himself of his memories! Of hurting his friends, of hurting Nova! Sometimes he would try to sleep it off, but the memories plagued his mind. He'd give anything to delete them from his memory, or hell, he'd give anything just to go back and change them. He wanted to, sometimes he prayed some monster the team was fighting had that ability. Hell, SPRX even thought of asking any villain they fought to change them for him.
But his memories were the past, and nothing could change it. He knew he had to live with his choices, of what he did, he wanted to make up for it, but he couldn't still help himself from feeling broken.
He really was broken, wasn't he?
Yup, I'm uh
I'm uh
Just gonna leave this here?
ANYways wanna here what I did this summer.
I uh, traveled, by myself... two thousand miles away, first time in a plane... to uh
SEE GRUNGEKITTY AKA MY FREAKING WORLD
I'm so used to calling her by her real name its so weird to say Grungekitty.
It used to be the other way lol!
Sorry it's short, I'm working on getting back into writing I promise
~*~ Htgr8 ~*
