King of Anything

Oh, Poof! I just had to wonder who the hell Sara Bareilles was! Hur…she's taking up my Listening to Vanessa Carlton time. So I was inspired. Horribly.

Edited on 12/02/2011


Uther Pendragon was royalty and king. He was king of anything and everything; except for one thing. That one thing was a person, a mere servant to be precise. That servant was Merlin, the most loved person to have ever appeared in the Kingdom of Camelot. He was also a royal bruise to his son and himself. A big fat, purple and red neckerchief wearing, bruise that saved lives with magic of all things. Are you wondering how Uther Pendragon, monstrous tyrant, knew that Merlin had magic? The servant had the audacity to use the cursed art in front of him to save his life. Uther would have rather died than have to live through that again (he would get his wish).

To think that he was saved by magic abhorred Uther. The cursed art saving the king who wanted to destroy it. The irony of it all! Uther bet that even his son and his knights were saved by magic more than a few times! Uther had no idea why he hadn't made the idiotic servant go to the pyre to burn. There was just something holding him back, as if somebody was telling him that the kingdom would fall without any magical aid, and unfortunately, not many sorcerers offered to do as such for fear of burning.

This lead to another question Uther Pendragon had asked himself. How in the world had the most cowardly man in the world (he assumed) been brave enough to go to a kingdom with several guards and knights trained to kill anybody who had even hinted the ability of magic? Was the servant foolish enough to think he could handle so many forces – practically an army – and not need back up? Did he think he was some sort of legendary wizard that had power beyond imagining and a Great Dragon to back him up? No. Uther Pendragon has a Great Dragon (or rather had). In fact, he rather doubted that Merlin, the incompetent fool, even had that big of a destiny. Would he become famous one day, and have his own T.V. show (whatever the hell that was) in later generations? Uther highly doubted it. He didn't even look particularly special!

The man was so plain! His clothing was ragged; he had a horrid neckerchief around his neck and his ears! Oh his ears! They were huge! As big as Dumbo's (whoever the hell that was) Uther reckoned. Those huge things probably didn't even help his hearing! Uther couldn't count how many times his son had complained about Merlin's horrid listening skills and just how bad of a servant he was! Surely a magical being such as Merlin would have done a good job! He had numerous spells at his call that could probably do the job for him! But no! Even with magic he was an incompetent fool! He was probably the worst sorcerer in the entire kingdom! Maybe even the whole of Albion! Uther bet even his daughter – someone who's never been trained – could possibly be better than the incompetent, impetuous, and dollop-headed fool!

Oh yes, Uther Pendragon knew that Morgana La Fey had magic. She was his daughter after all! Even the most cruel-hearted, selfish, and tyrannous father knew everything about their children. Like the affair his son is having with Guinevere and the probable crush his own son had on Merlin! Uther was not blind. He'd seen the fanfiction, the yaoi fangirls, and fanboys (whatever the hell those terms meant) practically demand his own son to snog and shag his manservant senseless! There are probably a few of them featuring Merlin's stupid alter ego Dragoon the Great.

What kind of name was Dragoon the Great anyways? The petulant fool probably couldn't even revert back to his younger self! And the stuttering for the name! Was he trying to be clever or was everybody that stupid? Uther bet that everybody was an idiot in this castle (save for him) for not noticing the fool's antics. Oh and not to mention the fact that "Dragoon" insults Arthur candidly. Was he asking to be thrown in the pyre? Well, there was that one time, but Gaius, the fool, gave Merlin the potion to escape from the pyre! Why was everybody so stupid?

In fact, he bet that everybody close to him knew of Merlin's stupid secret; especially Gaius and Lancelot. Uther had no idea why he hadn't burned them either. Harboring a traitor's secrets, and helping him become more competent (if that was even possible) with the cursed art. Uther had been being lax with Gaius however. It should have been expected that one day the cursed magic user would revolt against him and teach somebody. The man was old though, he would die soon. Lancelot was banished. Uther couldn't do anything else against the man.

Uther hated Merlin. He hated Merlin because he just could not understand the boy. Wouldn't he feel outraged that Uther has been eliminating the sorcerers that stumble into Camelot and be against them; not with them? Was the boy that noble? Was magi-OH HELL NO! He, Uther Pendragon, Ruler of the prestigious Kingdom of Camelot, was not about to ask himself if magic wasn't as bad as he brought it out to be. Stupid Merlin and his confusing ways. When did he even start saying "Merlin" instead of "servant" or "idiotic boy"?

The Pendragon family consisted of men and women who were the kings and queens of anything and everyone. They failed in their conquest of supreme power against one single very famous person: Merlin.

Who died? And made you King of Anything?


That was fun to write, lol. I can actually imagine Merlin saying the last line though.

Merlin: Who died? And made you King of Anything?

Arthur: My father.