Title: His Otter
Author: krazyredhead0317
Prompt: 49 from Hermione Smut fest on LJ under the pen name k_lynne317- Wandless, stuck in a broom cupboard... What happens when someone decides to overcome their boredom by "accidentally" arousing Hermione.
Summary: Who would've thought that working for Malfoy Enterprises would be so entertaining? And who knew that mixing with pure-blood Slytherins would be this amusing? Certainly not Hermione Granger!
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Hermione/Theo

Characters (alphabetical by last name): Sara Fawcett, Marcus Flint, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Adrian Pucey, Ginny Weasley, Blaise Zabini, and Original Female Character

Genre: Adult Hermione, Humour, Post Hogwarts, Romance, Smut with Substance
Warnings: Alternate Universe, Lemons (Extreme Smut), OOC, Torture of the Malfoy variety, UST
Spoilers: Canon through end of DH, EWE (Epilogue what Epilogue)
Word Count: ~15,000

Disclaimer: There is a reference to both Monty Python and the Holy Grail and the Princess Bride. However amazing both movies are I do not have any right to either one or its characters. I also do not own any of the known people and places in the Harry Potter world, including S Fawcett. I do however own Róisín and the Blue Martooni. This fanfiction was written for the enjoyment of all, there is no profit being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: I originally planned to have this be a one shot of a couple thousand words, well, that of course went through the roof pretty much as soon as I started writing. And the suggested kink was 'accidental stimulation,' well the Slytherin in question decided that that was not as fun as doing it on purpose. Figures.

To everyone that helped me throughout the entire writing, beta-ing, and Brit picking process, I thank you. You all know who you are and how much I sincerely appreciate your help. If there are any mistakes leftover after all their help, they are my own.

No Patronuses were harmed in the making of this story.

Enjoy!


"So Granger, is it true you can produce a corporeal Patronus?"

Hermione studied both wizards, who stood in front of her for a moment, before replying with a question of her own. "Why?"

Draco tilted his head to the side. "Because I'm curious."

"And it would be a good asset to have when communicating between the department heads," Lucius supplied, before his son could muck up their chance in securing the former Gryffindor's employment with their company.

Hermione nodded silently, accepting Lucius' explanation. She turned to Draco. "To answer your question, yes, I can." She closed her eyes for a moment, before pulling her wand from its holster and then opened her eyes. "Expecto Patronum."

A silvery otter leapt from her wand to frolic and splash in its silvery waters before coming to a stop in front of Hermione, tilting its head to the side awaiting instructions. The young witch smiled and shook her head negatively. Her Patronus nodded in acceptance, before disappearing.

Both Malfoys were silent for a moment, looking at Hermione, before Draco opened his mouth, and inserted his foot.

"For a Gryffindor, your Patronus is really small."

"Well, it's bigger than a ferret," she countered.

Lucius chuckled and raised his hand to forestall any arguments between the two. "Miss Granger, we would be happy to have you join us. Your organizational skills will be an immense value to our other department heads. The added bonus of your Patronus skills will help keep everyone updated and maybe we can all work towards perfecting our own." He gave a pointed look to his son before he stood up and offered her his hand. "Welcome to Malfoy Enterprises as our Vice President of Internal Affairs."

Hermione paused for a moment at the title, but she grinned and stood up, shaking the elder Malfoy's hand. "Thank you, Mr Malfoy."

He smirked and whispered, "No, thank you. I'm glad to have you with us, because you'll be able to keep my son in line. Do whatever you need, because Merlin knows he won't listen to me."

Her grin turned devious. "It would be my pleasure, sir."

Draco stood and extended his hand to Hermione also. "Welcome aboard, Granger."

She shook the younger Malfoy's hand also and turned to make her departure, knowing that she would start the following Monday.

Before she left, Draco spoke again. "Hey Granger, I'm meeting the guys for drinks tonight at seven at The Blue Martooni. If you don't have plans already, it would be a good chance to meet them before work on Monday."

Hermione pondered the offer for a moment. "Okay, Malfoy. I'll be there, but it will be closer to eight."

As Hermione left the office, she heard Lucius say to his son, "Thank Mr Zabini for his recommendation of Miss Granger."

Hermione smiled to herself. She, too, would have to thank Blaise at some point.

Hermione pushed open the door to The Blue Martooni. She quickly scanned the room, spotting Draco and his mates near the back. She made her way to the bar, and she was surprised to see a female standing there. Hermione had been to there a couple of times before, but she had never seen the young woman prior to that evening.

"How may I help you this evening Miss," the bartender questioned, her slight Irish accent noticeable over the din of conversation around them.

"A Riesling please," Hermione replied. Laughter from the guys' table at the back drew her attention their way again. Upon closer inspection, she noticed that there were at least four bottles of wine already on the table, two each of red and white. Hermione grinned to herself; the guys had good taste in booze. "And I should probably get a bottle each of red and white wine. You know, to replenish their supply."

"They are quite the interesting group of gentlemen," the bartender chuckled. "They have been regulars pretty much every weekend since I opened the place over four years ago. Do you know them well?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes, they are definitely an interesting group and I know them from school, but I only know a couple of them well." She turned to look at the redhead. "You own The Blue Martooni?"

The young woman passed Hermione her glass of wine. "Yes, I do. I opened this place a couple of years after I graduated from Beauxbatons."

"You went to Beauxbatons rather than Hogwarts?"

Nodding, she replied, "Yes, all of the females in my mum's family have gone there, with the exception of my little sister who is currently at Hogwarts. Mum and daid wanted her close to home after the war."

"I can understand why." She nodded to the redhead. "You have done very well for yourself." She was strangely proud of the hawkish redhead running the bar.

"Thank you. My name is Róisín, if you have any questions or need anything, let me know."

"I appreciate that, Róisín, and my name is Hermione." She turned to look back at the table, a one-sided conspiratorial smile spreading across her face. "Well, I best be off to brave that table of troublemakers."

Róisín laughed. "Sláinte!"

Picking up her drink from the bar, she quickly made her way toward their table.

Draco noticed her first. "Ah, Otter, there you are! Get your arse over here and join us."

She raised an eyebrow at the obviously drunk blond as she stopped at the table. "Are you always this pleasant and demanding when you're drinking?"

"Yes, now sit," he replied, pulling the witch down to sit next to him at the circular table.

She batted his hand away. "You know, there is such a thing as asking."

The blond smirked. "Of course, but why ask when you can demand?"

She started to speak, when one of the other wizards spoke up, "Don't bother, he has absolutely no manners what so ever when he drinks."

Hermione laughed. Draco frowned. "Fuck you, Zabini."

A grin still gracing her face, Hermione looked across the table, taking in the features of her Italian friend. Visually, the dark-skinned wizard had not changed much, but almost as soon as the war was over, the once quiet boy had transformed into the gregarious wizard seated before her. There was a mischievous glint sparked in his pale, clear blue eyes.

"Blaise, of course, I know you're the head of Research and Development."

Looking to the other three wizards at the table, she questioned, "What about you three? What department has Malfoy here stuck you with?"

Laughter broke around the table. Draco growled at Hermione. "Otter, I'll get you back for that."

She turned to look at him and smirked. "No, you won't."

"What's with the name, Granger?"

Glancing at Blaise, she responded, "Later, introductions first." She turned expectantly to the immaculately dressed wizard on Blaise's left.

Raising his glass, the striking dark-haired wizard saluted her. "Theo Nott, head the Legal Department, if you have any problems, come see me."

Hermione took a moment to appreciate the sight before her, thinking of a few problems the handsome wizard could help her with. She took a drink of her wine before moving to the wizard sitting on Theo's left. Her dark brown eyes connecting with ones that were so dark they were almost black. She smiled. Hermione knew Marcus, but it had been a couple years since they talked and she was curious as to what he did for the company. She knew he had left Quidditch a while back, but she hadn't heard about what he'd done with his life afterward. If she didn't know better, she would've thought he still played since he looked just as good now, as he did back then.

"Granger, it's good to see you again." And answering her silent question, he continued, "I convinced Malfoy here to make me Head of Security a couple years ago."

Hermione laughed. The position made sense for him. "A very fitting position for you, Marcus," she told the burly wizard, with a smile.

Hermione turned to the last wizard, sitting on Draco's right. His features were just as stunning as Theo's.

A sly grin spread across his face. "I see you're saving the best for last. Adrian Pucey, Department of Mergers and Acquisitions."

She raised an eyebrow as the other four wizards groaned.

As the guys ribbed each other, she took a few moments to appreciate the similarities and differences between the wizards on either side of Marcus. At a glance, one might think they were related, what with their good looks, dark hair, and similar lean builds, but that was where their similarities stopped. Theo's hair was shorter than Adrian's shaggy locks, and he had a darker complexion. Hermione had to admit that their eyes were similar in colour, but Adrian's seemed to draw more of the golden brown associated with hazel eyes, whereas Theo's were more green. Their voices…Hermione almost groaned out loud, remembering the sound of their voices when they spoke. Both wizards sounded like sin personified when they spoke; however, each voice was unique to the wizard. Adrian was more brazen with his tone and he knew exactly what his voice did to a witch, whereas Theo was quieter, and he let his voice carry through a witch's body in a sweet caress.

"Pucey, you are so full of yourself," Marcus groused, his words pulling Hermione from her thoughts.

"I aim to please the ladies," he smirked.

Rolling her eyes, Hermione snorted. "Oh, I'm sure you do."

Draco snickered. "And I thought I was a swaggering arrogant fuck, you're worse than I am, Pucey!"

Before Adrian could defend himself, Theo spoke up, "So Granger, why did Malfoy call you 'Otter'?"

"Why don't we ask our illustrious leader?" Hermione turned to the man sitting to her right.

"She can produce a corporeal Patronus like it's nothing, and it's an otter." Draco shifted to return her stare. "Would you rather I call you 'Mudblood'?"

Adrian cuffed him upside the head. "You idiot. We're trying to welcome her, not antagonize her into quitting before she's even started!"

Hermione laughed. "Don't worry about it, Adrian. That word hasn't bothered me in years and I'll remind you Malfoy," she grinned. "At least it's bigger than a ferret."

Laughter erupted from the table as Draco frowned. "You'll regret that."

"No, I won't. Malfoy, you have lots to learn about me, including the fact that your father gave me carte blanche in keeping you in line." She paused and smirked, thumping him on the nose. Draco's glare was murderous. "And I know just how to do it, too."

Adrian grinned like Christmas had come early. "I'd pay good money to see that."

"Oh Granger can hold her own against young Malfoy here." Marcus smirked. "She knows just what buttons to push. And a corporeal Patronus isn't that difficult. You just have to find the right memory and once you do, it's almost like second nature."

"What? You too? Let's see," Draco demanded.

Hermione rolled her eyes at Draco's rudeness, before smiling at Marcus. "Marcus, would you mind showing us your Patronus?"

Nodding his head, he pulled out his wand. "Expecto Patronum."

Hermione's eyes lit up at the sight of the bird of prey erupting from his wand.

"It's a hawk," Theo muttered.

"No, actually, it's an osprey," Hermione replied.

"They're the same thing," Adrian countered.

Marcus shook his head, after ending the spell. "They're similar yes, but based on its size, it's an osprey."

"You'll have to teach each of us how to perfect our Patronus," Draco said.

"I figured to help out, if anyone was interested in learning," Hermione replied.

Theo turned to Blaise. "Blaise, what do you think?"

He shook his head, having been lost in thought. "'Bout what?"

"Having Hermione help us with our Patronus charm?" Theo stared at his friend. "What were you thinking about?"

"Brilliant idea. And to answer your question, I was going over the idea of calling Hermione here 'Otter'."

"No, Blaise," Hermione protested.

"Oh, I like that much better than Granger," Adrian agreed.

Marcus smiled at the petite witch. "It's very fitting for you."

"But," she tried again.

"No, buts, you're our Otter now," Blaise informed her. "And we're the only ones that are allowed to call you that."

Hermione sighed, resigned to her new name. At least it was better than being called by her last name all the time. "I'd like to see you stop Lucius from finding out."

"Or Sara, our HR director," Draco agreed, grinning.

Hermione groaned, dropping her head to the table.

Theo chuckled. "Face it, you're stuck with Otter, and if you want to blame anyone, blame Draco."

Her head popped back up. "Don't worry, I do," she said, as she flicked his ear.

"Ow!"