A/N: This is an AU borne of crazy. Literally I had no idea what I was going to do, but I wanted to include Caboose, a capybara, magic, Grimmons, and asexual Caboosington. Enjoy.
~O~
Wash played with the river, bending the current into shapes. It was by no means taboo to use your magic in front of others, but Project Freelancer strongly discouraged it. Just as they discouraged using real names. He sighed and clenched his fist, sending the waterway back to its natural course. The Project had stolen much.
Kek rubbed against his leg, purring softly.
"Yes, I am thinking too hard again." Wash smiled and laid a hand on its head. "But you understand." He stroked behind its ear. "You miss him, too."
Kek laid its chin on his knee, looking up carefully.
"Agent Washingtub! Agent Washingtub!"
Wash hastily removed his hand. Familiars were sacred – not to be acknowledged save by soulmates. And his was long gone.
"Oh, there you are, Agent Washingtub!" Caboose called, appearing on the other side of the bank, helmet clipped to his belt. "I was starting to worry for you. You are supposed to be training Tucker."
Wash chuckled and rose. "Sorry, Caboose, I got lost in my head."
The blue soldier nodded. "Oh, I understand. I do that all the time. Sometimes the outside my head is too busy." He looked down at Wash's leg then and squealed. "Oh! Where did you find a kitty-cat!"
Wash looked down at Kek, whose fur was just on end as his companion's eyes were wide. "You can see him?" On impulse, he looked around for Caboose's familiar, though he had never seen it before, that was hardly cause for concern. Kek himself enjoyed staying out of physical sight as well, nevermind the fact only select few could recognize him as more than a shadow.
"Oh, you are looking for Cachorro!" Caboose suddenly realized. "I know all about these things." He gave a piercing whistle, and a giant lumbering rodent made itself visible. "He is a capybara. He comes from Brazil. He is made in the shape of friendship."
Kek froze, then bolted, clambering onto Cachorro's back.
Wash shook his head, taking a step back. "This can't be happening," he muttered, realizing too late he'd spoken out loud.
Caboose's face crumbled. "You do not like him?" he asked. "My sisters said-."
"It's not that, Caboose."
"Mike."
"Mike," Wash corrected himself. He sighed and removed his helmet, scrubbing his face. "It's not that. I – I already have – had a soulmate. He died. And nobody – nobody has two."
Caboose squinted, tilting his head as if he could see straight through Wash. "Some people do. Some people do at the same time. Some people do at different times." He bit his lip, eyes wet. "Do you not like me?"
Wash sighed. "You're a good friend, Caboose."
"Mike," Caboose repeated sadly.
The two stood there, opposite sides of the river.
"Hey, guys!" Tucker appeared over the lip of the bank. "What's taking so long? Caboose, I said find him, not stand around talking with him all day."
Caboose pulled on his helmet, masking his crushed expression, and strode back to the base without a word.
"Geez, what crawled under your skin?" Tucker called after him. He turned to Wash. "Did you do something to him?"
Wash bit his lip and ran his hands nervously over his helmet, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Cachorro and Kek. "He's my soulmate, Tucker," he said, "my fucking soulmate."
Tucker glanced at Caboose. "Good luck with that. And Wash don't you dare fuck this up. Go talk to him before I make you."
Wash glared at the soldier. "It's not that simple." And with that, he turned and walked away.
"You're going the wrong way! That's Red Base!"
Wash continued on regardless. Behind him, he felt the river boil with Tucker's frustration, but he ignored it. He needed advice.
Sarge greeted him at the base's perimeter, tinkering with a device or two. He glanced up and sighed, using a burst of tech magic to finish it. "I know that look. Soulmate problems. Go talk to Grif and Simmons."
"No sage advice?" Wash asked.
Sarge laughed bitterly. "No experience. At this point, I'm not even sure I have one."
Wash made a sympathetic noise. "My first one is dead. Is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all?"
Sarge smirked. "I prefer simpler sayings. Like the grass on the other side is always greener." He jerked his head to the base entrance. "They're inside. I suppose under the circumstances, I can let a dirty blue in the base just this once."
Wash nodded. "Thank you."
It wasn't hard to find Grif and Simmons. The arguing carried throughout the metal walls very well. He leaned against the wall of the storage closet, waiting for them to notice him.
Simmons was first and promptly elbowed Grif in the ribs. "Tucker or Sarge? Or – don't tell me it's Caboose?"
"Do I have it written on my face or something?"
"Or something," Grif said. "Caboose, then. I can understand why you want advice. Sorry, but yes, it's permanent. I checked."
Wash growled protectively, and Grif stumbled backward.
"Not cool, man!" Simmons cried, pulling his mate to his feet. "It was a joke, no need to fucking channel your familiar."
Wash blinked. "I what?"
Grif and Simmons shared a look. "Talk."
Wash groaned. "I don't know where to start."
"From the beginning always helps," Simmons said.
Wash nodded. "Project Freelancer. My soulmate was Agent Maine. He became the Meta, and you know how that turned out."
"And now Caboose is your soulmate," Grif said. "What does he want?"
"I don't know." Wash dragged a hand down his face. "I don't know, but he thinks I don't like him – which isn't true – I'm just… I can't right now. It's been – It's too soon."
"Honestly, will it ever not be?" Grif asked. "He was your fucking soulmate, and now he's gone."
"You don't have to remind me." Wash stared at his hands.
Simmons leaned forward. "It's Caboose. Just tell him."
Wash bit his lip.
"Why not?" Grif asked. "You know he'll get it."
"I can't think about it." Wash shook his head and stood, pacing. "I can't think about it. We're still wanted by the UNSC. There's no time."
Grif groaned. "You know what, fuck this, it's not going to work. Wash, figure something out and figure it out fast. Caboose may seem stupid but he still has feelings. And he really doesn't have healthy ways of coping with those feelings. So go talk to him before he hurts himself."
Wash's eyes went wide and he made a hurried exit.
Simmons glanced up at his mate, annoyed. "Did you have to bring that up?"
"It worked, didn't it?"
Wash ran all the way across the valley, finally coming to a stop at Caboose's door. He rested with his hands on his knees a moment, catching his breath, then knocked. "… Mike?"
"Yes?" Caboose said from behind him.
Wash jumped around, holding a knife halfway between them, ready to strike. "Jeez. Sorry, Caboose – I mean Mike – you startled me."
Caboose grinned. "You called me by my name, Agent!"
Wash winced. "Yeah. Um… I guess, my name is David?"
Caboose took Wash's hand, smiling like a loon. "David. That is a pretty name for my soulmate."
Wash nodded.
"I thought it was gonna be George!" Tucker called from down the hall.
"My last name isn't Washington! That's just a codename!"
Caboose tilted his head, wearing that squint again. "Is your last name Church?"
"He is not Church!" Tucker groaned.
"No," Wash agreed. "I'm not Church. Church was an artificially intelligent computer program based off the memories and neuropathways of the Director of Project Freelancer. Who was my dad."
Tucker was stunned silent and made his way over to the two of them. "That's fucked up."
"So you are Church's brother," Caboose decided, nodding. "Yeah, I knew he wasn't the one for me, but I thought he was close, so I made him my best friend. If he wasn't my best friend, I never would've met you!" He beamed.
Wash struggled for words.
"Dude." Tucker glanced between them. "I'm out. Now talk about your feelings and shit."
Wash sighed and turned to Caboose. "We do need to talk."
Caboose nodded and opened his door. "My big sisters always said I would have to have this talk with my soulmate. But they said you might not understand so I am a little scared."
Wash blinked. "Understand what?"
Caboose scuffed the toe of his boot on the floor. "ThatIdonotlikesexthings," he mumbled.
"Oh," Wash said. "I don't either. That's not an issue."
"Oh," Caboose said. "What is an issue?"
Wash sighed and bit his lip. "My last soulmate just died. I-."
"Are you scared?" Caboose interrupted.
Wash shrugged. "No. Yes. A little."
"That is okay," Caboose said. "You are scared and sad and I am new. It will take time."
Wash nodded. "I… do like you, Mike."
Caboose grinned shyly. "I like you, too, David. Can we still do friend things, even if we don't do soulmate things?"
Wash laughed. "I think I can manage that."
"Great!" Caboose grabbed his hand and started dragging him to the kitchen. "I want to make cookies with my new bestest friend!"
