Dear Severus,

How have you been? It has been very long since you have written. I know your hair is probably greying, and there are undoubtedly more lines around your eyes now.

And, naturally, you still work at Hogwarts.

I remember you being a student there. I remember the owl and your letter, and that rare smile you gave when you heard that you were leaving this place. I could not blame you- I wished to leave as well. But I could not.

I loved your smile. Do you smile anymore? But I suppose there is no reason for you to. After what you have suffered, I can't imagine why you would smile.

That has always been a weakness of yours, my son. You take everything seriously, and you hold grudges for years. But I cannot blame you for that either. I cannot blame you for anything, really. After all, it always did seem to me that the world was constantly against you. My staying with your father out of love for him has hurt you far more than I ever thought it would. It took me so long to see the damage, and by then, it was too late, for all of us. You ended it that night, and I was torn between my love and pride for you, and the darkness that I saw lurking in your soul. But you come from a family filled with darkness.

You will never understand the depth of my fear when I discovered when I heard you had been captured and might be sent to Azkaban. You were condemned in front of so many, and no one saw who you really were. They saw you as simply evil. They never knew of the tears you cried at night while you were home, the depths of fear and love that are inside you. You aren't evil. You were lured by the thought of peace and revenge, and you finally found a place were you were accepted. A mother can only give so much. But I did give you Hogwarts. Regardless of your father's threat, I ensured that you went, and I have never regretted it. It hurt to be away from you, but your letters home filled with your glowing reports of your marks, and your friends, and every once in a while, a tiny, offhand remark about a girl that said little, but was filled with meaning. Because that is just your way.

But sometimes, you would write of those boys and how cruel they were to you, and it would nearly break my heart. And if I was as wise then as I am now, I would have realized that they were slowly pushing you toward the darkness as well.

I believe that if those children had just left you alone, you would have grown up normally, perhaps married that Lily girl-I'm sure you would not have said those hurtful things to her if Potter hadn't goaded you. But I suppose that it all worked itself out .The boy who lived would have never defeated him if you had been the one with her. So in a way, your happiness was sacrificed for the greater good.

I'm sorry, my son. Sometimes, I think I failed you, and I wish I would have done better. And I hope that you achieve the healing you need. I hope that one day you free yourself from your pain.

Goodbye, Severus. Don't go outside without a warm cloak, mind-It's getting a bit cold.

And be sure to write if you decide to get engaged.

Love,

Mum