Disclaimer: Some material in this story may be offensive. It contains graphic language, fantasy violence, and implied romance. Some of the themes may also be suggestive or adult in nature. However it was not the author's intent to offend nor alienate anyone, simply tell an exciting, humorous, and romantic tale based in the world of James Cameron's Avatar, which the author holds no rights to. This work is intend under the parody laws and does not claim any ownership of nor connection to the Avatar properties or its creators/affiliates and so forth. This is a work of fan fiction and is the first such the author has uploaded to the site and hopes the reader will enjoy the tale, any feedback is appreciated.
Whew! Now that that's over, have a seat as I tell this tale of woes and wars, love and laughter, dark before the dawn and happily ever after. I am your bard, and this is my story called:


Avatard
By Paul Midnight

Chapter I: The Gamer

They said I had good brain chemistry, that was why they wanted me. I don't know for certain what that even means, but it had something to do with 'strong personalities which would transfer better to the host DNA-RNA sequence chain'. I still don't know what it means. I wasn't a scientist, I was an artist. I had a very strong creative center, and was ambidextrous kind of… I just know I was good at testing things. I'd been a game tester for a lot of things, and after that some of the more pronounced game link ups, and then beyond that it was a robotics tester because the game translated to training for military personal. I wasn't military, but I was a gamer. I could always find the glitch, the wrong part of the picture, every snag, ever snare, in the great pattern of code and linguistics. Didn't matter how many millions of endless data streams, I always found that one missing piece, that one movement or combination that screwed up everything. So I came highly recommended. I had some psychological troubles in the past, and because of that it took a lot for me to regain control of my mental facilities. I had more self control then a lot of people half my age.

It concerned them at first, there was a big deal about expenses I knew nothing about. But they saw my test record, my track record, and knew I was a sure thing. Even the Sistine chapel needed electricians and plumbers. So I started working for them, computer simulation first off. Playing some kind of VR game that tested how close they could get to brain and player character fusion. It wasn't anything flashy, just working on real response time instead of preprogrammed responses. Like, you know how in most games you hit a button or perform a hop and you can jump higher then anyone ever could? Well in this game you could only jump as far as you could actually jump. They had me doing serious running and jumping after the first few motion control sensors worked. Of course it later became a matter of laying in this wire-frame coffin for hours while they ran the most boring of tests over and over. Pick up the ball, toss it, catch it. That sort of thing. Not much top of the line. I figured they were a medical gig for rehabilitating injured soldiers or something… maybe even finally turning those walking mech suits into fully automated bots with no solider in the cockpit. But like I said, I didn't know for sure, I was just a tester.

It was odd though. They changed the human proportions way off, like, you were twelve feet tall with like a six foot reach or bigger. Then they began adding a balance mechanism for a tail, maybe to strengthen spinal injuries? In any case it took me a long while to get use to it, then it came natural. I'm a gamer. I learn on my feet, never had much use for tutorials. I'd been working with them for years perfecting this stuff. I was the one who suggest the coffin be enclosed so you had a sensory deprivation kind of effect, I was real proud of that suggestion, not so proud after being locked in the dark for hours… and the psychological implications took them weeks to figure out. It worked though. Everything I suggested worked, because I knew the system, found the bugs, and worked harder then anyone else on the team. Truth is I was beginning to feel lost in that program. Eaten by the machines… it felt like my soul was being sucked in. I didn't tell anybody this though, I knew MMO addiction and fought it, nothing to worry them about. They had a dream and I was going to help them get there. I was a master collaborator! I always preferred co-op play.

Then, one day the science team came in. Dr. Grace Augustine, she was a spearhead of the project, it was her baby. She was really happy to meet me because of all the good work I had done for them, and I was happy to meet her. She was a fox, red hair and everything. Rrrow rrrow! …I didn't say any of this mind you. That day she sat down with all of us and started talking about taking the project to the next level. They were going to being incorporating bio mechanics and hopefully, fully biological organisms under the command of human pilots. It was ground breaking, it was the future! aaand she needed "volunteers". See, the science couldn't be tested on humans without consent; it was a dangerous procedure and could potentialy lead to brain damage if something went wrong. A single glitch and you'd have a seizure. Because of this she asked the team of testers, if they wanted to back out, they could. They would find military personnel to do the work, risk lives for the greater good, but she wanted people who knew the system. People she could trust, people who she could count on to work hard and find the problems. I was one of five who raised their hand. They called it the Avatar program.

Half a year of pure testing continued. This time with higher stakes. We started small, working to improve the link like lucid dreaming. I showed the most control and was the most promising when it came to linguistics. I was the first to make the 'tubheads' speak. They weren't lab rats, more like, nervous systems in a glass tube, that's why we called them tub heads. It was a unique experience going from VR sights to… I don't know, high definition photo realistic eye organs. I guess you could call them eyes. Anyway, long story short, we worked to get the nervous system to function as well as our own. It was awesome, and the glow from Dr. Augustine as we made progress kept me fired up to work harder. Her passion was infectious. We were like a locomotive to the future, nothing could stop us! …we had or first causality on a December afternoon. It was the first time we ever lost anyone, and it wasn't even because of the program, he just had a heart attack midway through the test and the system couldn't handle the interference. He was a good guy, James, we use to go bowling…

They nearly shut us down after that. Dr. Grace had to work hard to keep it up and running. She aged years in those weeks. We lost two more of the testers because they blamed the system. Grace joined the program herself. I stayed. I helped her get accustomed to the system, I walked her through the initial fear of loosing yourself and helped her to understand the sense of self she would need to maintain to come back. I still remember her face after she came out the first time, like, it was all worth it. I remember telling her, "You just got Avatar'd!" and pointing two gun fingers at her. It was lame. After that Dr. Max Patel joined us, he was like super engineer. We three had a lot of in depth conversations; I gave them as much as I could experience-wise. She used everything we talked about in the manual, and it helped, because the system improved with my input. We became as close as brother and sister, or okay maybe mother and son. She had maybe ten degrees, the most degrees I ever got were three, as in third degree burns. I don't drink coffee anymore.

Max was a hoot, he was just as excited but he knew the principle and technical what-have-you behind it all, a real nice guy he was. We really tested the limits of brain range with him. He was also always around when we did the studies in long term endurance, seeing just how long somebody could stay in the machine and in the tub. I have to admit we were a pretty good pair, our senses of humor meshed well it helped pass the time during the really boring experiments. Anyway, I was the tester when they showed the project to the big suits. I had to make a 'tubhead' sing. We choose sit down you're rocking the boat from guys and dolls, Sammy Davis Jr. style. It got a big laugh when I did the 'and as I sank' because I got the eyes too look around as if it noticed for the first time it was in a tube. After that… cash rolled in. I remember well the day we got the grant notification, me and max high five'd. The program became more advanced and they began harvesting my DNA. Again the mental instability worried them, but by then I was the senior tester. I had logged more hours then the whole team combined. Insomnia actually helped when you worked all night to perfect something.

I think Grace was the strongest advocate to keep me on… she looked past my past, and her eyes burned with the future. The first successful Avatar was created from me. That was a trip, watching it grow in the tub. Like some kind of giant blue cat elf or something. Oh god the smurf jokes. Max laughed at every single one. The first tests involved blinking as the main goal. When I winked and wiggled a finger, they were thrilled. I also vomited when I came back. Max was so thrilled we had gotten the thing to connect correctly, we high five'd again; I threw up on his tie. The next few weeks I could actually move my hands and toes, they celebrated. When I touched my finger to my nose for the first time a month later, Grace cried. When I patted the top of my head and rubbed my belly at the same time, she kissed the glass tube. By this time the military was impressed and interested, we had more funding then we knew what to do with. Things got a lot faster. No longer stuck in some warehouse, with coffins and hallways: We went to Pandora.

It took five or six years to get there, and in that time three more Avatars were made. Grace among them. When we arrived I was one of the ones who threw up. I don't care what anybody tells you, Cryosleep could use some serious improving… The first few months we got to know the world from helicopters with armed escorts and studying, endless studying. I've never read so much in all my life. But the testing… oh that was the fun part. The tubheads were gone, now, we had blue cats. They were creepy yet elegant, powerful and frightening, but beautiful too. My tubhead had grown into a being, and a ripped one at that. I was the only one who could stay connected to it for hours when we finally, finally got it out of the tube. I remember waking up on the table, and everyone in gas masks watching me in rapt attention. It felt… heavy. I lifted my arm to my mouth in all that time, and was disconnected. I never felt so exhausted. Half a month later I would learn was true exhaustion was. I could sit up now, endless motor control testes, and more, I could stand. I cracked my head against the glass when I over balanced with my tail. It took weeks for the Avatar to heal.

In that time Grace and a few others, the 'safe to try' volunteers who were hired by the company -it was much easier to get a team going when there was little risk to your brain, well… less risk.- got their own Avatars. A solid month later, everything was healed, and we were exercising in the compound together. I remember Graces first day in her new blue skin, "Hey Grace! Grace, Grace! Hey Grace!" I said.

"What, what, what? What?" She looked at me endearingly; I sang the meow mix song. She snorted. It still makes me laugh; we had races, threw balls at each other, and generally helped pick each other up. When ever I could from then on, just to annoy her, I would lick the top of my hand and rub the top of my head like a cat bath. Or leave balls of yarn on her desk. One time I jumped against the glass while she was working, with a toy mouse held by the tail with my teeth, milk came out her nose. Together we thoroughly tested the two Avatars. Sometimes they had to do surgeries to fix the problems we found, they brought in the best neurosurgeons, and it was all very scientific. But I'll never forget the first time I nailed a co-worker with a water balloon, or finally getting Grace to join me and everybody else in singing a showtune. When we had ourselves situated and could perform advanced acrobatics, such as running, jumping, tumbling, and climbing… we had our first test run out into Pandora itself. I'd never seen so many guns …they didn't help.

I was helping Grace collect samples when the panther monster thing attacked us. I don't remember how we got back, but I remember we lost three men and two Avatars. They were uncertain about us going out anymore, but Grace convinced them. Her goal was to meet the real deal. The blue cat people. We had to establish communication, a school, English. We lost a lot of those 'it was safer to try now' volunteers. Including our second senior tester. He was afraid of Pandora. He said he couldn't handle the memory of being torn apart, the nightmares wouldn't leave him. So it was just me and Grace again… with the grunts. Oh god were those frightening and exciting times. Myself and Grace, we made first contact. I actually remember saying we came in peace. They didn't understand a word of it, but my acting came in real handy. Pantomime, universal gestures for 'give' and 'take' and 'me and you' and 'please don't hurt me'. I was so glad I took those acting lessons, I'll never mock another mime again.

They didn't understand all of it, but at least they weren't shooting arrows at us. The blue cats among the little humans. It really made them curious. We established closer communications and slowly, so slowly were able to learn their language. They called us sky people, they called themselves the Na'vi. We were finally able to hold actual conversations, making cultural comparisons. We got on really well when I showed them how to play with a ball. Their children loved it. We established a school and taught a number of them English, the really important types and some of their young. I got to meet the chief and his son, and we made such progress. Grace was really proud and I was really happy for her. For the first time we were able to hold actually conversation in both languages! We learned so much from them and more Avatars were made. They trusted and respected Grace for her wisdom, they liked me for my sense of humor. We had laughs, many at my expense. Then… the storm came.

I'd never seen green lightening before, not this vivid. It hit us hard, like, storm of the century hard. Even Pandora's weather was deadly. It hit our systems extra bad and we lost two of the coffins. We were extremely worried it had fried everything and rebooting was a tense time, it took a solid week to repair. I was the first to go in to make sure everything worked. Everyone breathed easy when I got my Avatar to move again. I made him do the thumbs up. Afterwards, I felt tried and weak though. We did some more studies, there was so much life to look at, it was beyond our expectations; it was the best time of my life. I became an official part of the science team and began learning about how to do actually sampling to help out. After we learned the language though, the other teams started coming in. Looking into resources, looking into some metal called unobtanium -I laughed- or something equally corporately silly. It didn't matter to me, I was helping Grace fulfill her life's work. The money backers started putting more pressure on us though. Something to do with allowing more machines of some type in the area, the natives were against it, and once Grace found out what they were for, we were against it.

We could take small samples, but even taking down one tree really upset the natives. An all out fight almost broke out when a marine causally mowed down one of the smaller dog wolf monster things for sport. Things were getting a bit hostile. One night, while everyone rested, a business type came to me; he woke me and dragged me out into the hall. They had a meeting I knew nothing about and I was supposed to attend. The big suits were unhappy with my nonsupport of mining in areas, even if they were far from the Na'vi homelands. They said I wasn't acting as a true team player, and that I'd have to get with the program or there would be some serious questions about my mental capacity to continue working for them. The used my past mental problems as a threat, and this time Grace couldn't vouch for me to ease things through. It didn't matter how much work I had done for them, or that I basically helped pioneer the Avatar research. They were willing to throw me away now that the program was established. New Avatars were being made for smarter people everyday, they wouldn't need a 'mentally unstable' employee, especially if he was uncooperative. They didn't let me leave the room until I agreed to at least broach the subject with the natives.

Grace wasn't happy about it. Neither were the Na'vi. To even mention the idea revealed there were those of us come to ruin some of their sacred land, in massive amounts. Even if it was far from them. They were still enraged in fact, and I let slip that we were two different minds on the subject, corporation versus scientists. I even told them what places they were surveying. I did it to make sure they didn't blame Grace. The cooperation types were unhappy, and a military type of theirs, the chief security officer pulled us out early. He warned me if I ever mentioned anything about their plans to mine the region again, I would be convicted of leasing company secrets. Treason. Grace and I stayed up for hours that night talking. She was so scared, but we knew what had to be done, they had to be warned. We made a plan. Foolish sure, but the Na'vi had a right to know. When they let us back in… we outright told the chief there was going to be mining done in specific areas in the Na'vi language.

The Na'vi were infuriated! They threatened and a large crowd gathered. The marines were frightened. Someone fired. All hell broke loose. Grace and I were running, some marines went down. They began firing at everything, anything blue… I felt the bullet hit me in the leg. I panicked, the copter laid down suppressing fire, I thought they were firing at me. I turned and ran to the jungle, something heavy fell on my back. I went limp, but not from the weight. The chief of security had pulled us out early again, but this time lifting the coffin lid and physically pulling us out. I should probably mention this had never been done before, no one was stupid enough to sever a synaptic linkup by force, there weren't even locks on the coffins. No one expected this, no one had tested this, no one had foreseen this callousness… so… when he lifted mine, something went wrong. He pulled me up by the collar, but my body refused to respond. All the machines went haywire, Grace was angry, then shocked and then furious. All of my brain signals were flatline. I… was dead.

But somehow I was still aware of what happened around me, only I wasn't in my body… I was… well, I guess I was in the machine. When my Avatar's collapsed, all I remembered was darkness. I kept seeing flashes of Pandora jungle, marines shooting guns, Grace's unconscious body being dragged, and blue hands all over me. I felt… a sudden horrible, horrible pain, and then I was running. My head hurt, my mind raced, I was having an episode worse then any I ever did in my youth. And then. I was no longer with the machine. I was in the Avatar. Running, I was running, I screamed and cried, and mourned my body. I tried to wake up. I tried so many times, hurting myself more and more to shock myself awake. It caught the attention of animals, eyes glowing in the lights, and I was running for my life. They bit, they clawed, I bled and bit back. I tasted blood, my own and others. A drop, more animals, more blue bodies… I ran, all night, somehow. In blind fear, panic, and on instinct. As if I was tapping into some ancient part of the Avatar brain we hadn't discovered yet, but duplicated with the machines, it was all I could do… run. Run. Run!

I was running, moving, feeling nothing. My feet numbed, I dove, I rolled, I fell, I ran, how far? How far… … I climbed one of their sacred willow trees without knowing it, some instinct told me to curl up, lay still and breathe so shallowly. Like… like a kind voice. The pink light whips covered me, curled around me like a womb and the animals and blue people and marines and pain and fear passed me by. I stayed there I don't know how long… and I started hearing voices. I, I don't, never remembered much about the time I actually went what they coldly call, clinically insane. It was a void place, where emotions had an echo, where you felt distant as if out in space. But now, here, that space was full of voices… presences, warm and comforting. My vision seemed to split, Grace was shaking me, begging me, but someone else was behind me. Soft hands upon my back. Pulling me. A lullaby, singing me to sleep; hands holding me close, letting me cry and scream like a lost child. It was like being in my mother's arms. I slept and dreamed of things I have never dreamt before. That was when my life truly began …and everything else… was lost.