When the old woman put her hands into the water, it glowed a soft, ghostly blue. Korra felt that light surround her in the pool, felt it suffuse her, nurturing the very essence of her chi. It was a like a balm for her weary soul every time. And there were times when the light would flicker that Korra would glimpse the old woman's face when she was young. She had been so beautiful back then, so filled with hope, and fire, and love. She had even kept the hair 'loopies' all the years of her life.
That's when tears threatened to force their way out, burning in the corners of Korra's eyes as they surfaced. It wasn't for her broken body that Katara tried each day to repair. It wasn't for the absence of her friends, which she felt as acutely as she would a missing hand. No, the tears came because those memories had belonged to someone else. She was haunted inside her own head. Korra fought the tears, but she was just so tired. Here strength was all used up. They battered down her defenses and ran down her cheeks to rain from her jaw, collecting in the healing pool.
The light faded out and the old woman stopped, leaning forward
"Korra?" she said in a grandmotherly voice. "What is it? Are you in pain?"
"It's the visions," Korra said between sniffles. "I can't stop them sometimes. I feel things, see things…I-" She couldn't finish.
"Perhaps you are reconnecting with your past lives." Korra heard that hint of hope in the old woman's voice, and somehow that magnified her anguish. If a way could not be found to reforge her link to her previous incarnations, she would forever be known as the Avatar who lost all those who came before her. Kyoshi, Roku, and…and Aang. Their very absence made her feel empty and alone.
"I-I don't think so. They're just echoes, shadows. I can't reach them." Katara nodded, and the fragile hope vanished. "Oh, Katara, I'm so sorry."
Katara's lined and weathered face blurred in a watery film. She was sorry – sorry for not being strong enough to recover, for not being the pillar of strength that every Avatar before had been in their time. The old fear whispered in ear: In a thousand lifetimes, you are the weakest, the least worthy. You know this. You've always known this.
The old woman waved it off. "Don't worry about an old woman's fancy. I'm more concerned about you, Korra. These occurrences weigh so heavily upon you," she said, taking Korra's hand from the pool. "That was the hardest thing about travelling with Aang when he was young. So much was expected of him, and yet he was a child. Just barely thirteen when he defeated the Firelord. He had nightmares about failing, about not being equal to the task set before him. It was all I could do to comfort him."
Korra's lip quivered as the old woman spoke. Each word about him bore an indelible stamp of love.
"It's what kept him going, Katara," Korra said. "He believed that he could have never been the Avatar, been what the world needed, without you. You believed in people, you cared about them, even when you didn't have to. That…that was one of the many reasons why he fell in love with you."
Katara squeezed her hand with surprising strength.
"I'm sorry," Korra said quickly. "I know it hurts you when I speak like that."
"Not at all," she replied, but Korra wondered if that was true. "I loved Aang with all my heart. The years we had together were happy ones, and I would not trade them for all the riches in Ba Sing Se. It is special thing to love the Avatar. Some part of that love lives on in you, Korra, and that is a great comfort to me. In its own way, it is a kind of immortality."
Korra was silent. How hard this healing and convalescence must be for Katara! Every day she had trained that bratty little kid all those years ago must have been a bitter reminder of everything she had lost, with the wound so fresh. How had she done it?
"He thought you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen," Korra said with a burning throat. "He never told you how magnificent your eyes were, like burning sapphires, or how that they could fill him such longing or fire with a simple glance. He…he thought his heart might burst the first time you kissed, and couldn't believe his luck that you gave him your heart. He was overjoyed that yours was the first face he saw when he woke up…and…and," Korra struggled with the words. "And that yours was the last face he saw before he slipped away. His fear was that you wouldn't be there, at the end."
Katara covered her mouth with her other hand. Water glistened in her eyes.
"He…he really thought that?"
"And I still do," Korra said. "And that's the hardest part, Katara. I feel like a thief. These aren't my feelings. The dreams I had as a child showed me moments…moments that belonged to you and him alone."
Korra's cheeks blushed, but the old woman just smiled.
"But that is the paradox of being who you are, Korra," she said. "You are the Avatar, which means that you are Aang, Kulukk, Yangchien, and a thousand more. At the same time, you are Korra of the Southern Water Tribe, separate and independent from all of them. You are an extraordinary young woman to which everyone owes their life, including me. You are both of those things. You needn't feel guilty for the feelings you carry."
The old woman pressed the Avatar's hand to her own cheek. "I see so much of Aang in you sometimes. The way you smile, the tilt of your head, that flash of determination in your eyes when faced with injustice–I have to wonder if that is the common thread that weavers through each Avatar, or if I'm seeing what I want to see. Perhaps I'll never know for sure."
The lump in Korra's throat only grew. Aang should still be alive, not you. Your life has stolen years of happiness from her, the poisonous voice whispered in her head. You deserve to fail because you don't deserve to exist.
"If there was any way I could give him back to you, I would."
Katara lowered Korra's hand back into the water and gave it a tender pat.
"It has been my privilege to train two Avatars in water bending, an honor only a very few in history can claim. There will not be a third. Your destiny is not fated to end here, Korra, and you're so young still. Roku didn't consider himself fully in his prime until his late fifties, and you are just barely twenty. No, there are many more wonders you are meant to see and do before your time is done. But for now, you must heal. Embrace it, Korra. Commit yourself to it."
"But it's not working," Korra replied. "We've been at this for months, and I can't even stand. I can barely dress myself. " Her lip trembled again. Ghost images of Zaheer's face pierced her mind like thorns. "I feel so hollow, so worthless, Katara…it's just so…just so frustrating." The anguished cry that followed filled the chamber and choked off into sobs.
"I know," Katara said, dipping her hands into the water with renewed determination. The blessed glow returned. "But the story of the Avatar is the cycle of imbalance becoming balance once more. We must first restore your body's balance. That must take precedence over any other concerns."
The light in the water made Korra feel alive again.
"I love you, Katara," Korra said.
"Those words seemed to come to her lips unbidden, from some place deep inside, and in saying them Korra realized a simple truth: As long as Katara was alive, she would never – emever/em - give up on her. As long as it took, she would be right there.
"Of course you do, dear," the old woman replied. "Now, concentrate. If I can give the world back it's Avatar, then I'll have given it back its…" Her voice trailed off and she laughed, pure and bright, just the way she had in Korra's childhood dreams. "Hope. That's what I was going to say. Such a funny word when you think about it. I remember I was once chided for using it too often. But what other word is truly its substitute?"
Hope, Korra thought, and something stirred inside her, flickering like an ember amongst the ashes. It was faint, so very faint, but it would not go out. It shone in her soul like a distant star, burning just like the love that Aang and Katara had shared.
Beautiful. Enduring.
Timeless.
[P.S. - Sorry for the technical issues earlier. I'm still new at this!~]
