NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Thought I'd give you all some holiday cheer a little early this year. My family's going thru some very difficult times (roommate lost her job, and just yesterday, her mom passed away, and because of all of the preparations for that, we're cancelling our Thanksgiving celebration. Keep us all in your thoughts and prayers, we really need your support.

Anyway, here's a few holiday flavored texts for your reading enjoyment:)

Disclaimers: Not mine (except for Anna). Other OC's appear courtesy of their respective authors.

TFLN Wrestling Style, Holiday Edition

Keyword: CHRISTMAS

To: Matt Hardy
From: Shannon Moore

I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

To: Twitter
From: Eva Marie

I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.

To: Twitter
From: Kelly Kelly

: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?

To: Rob Van Dam
From: Mr. Anderson

Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Maryse
Subject: Miz

he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
To: Maryse
From: Anna Hollenbeck

and then ...
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Maryse

he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut

To: Twitter
From: Ryan Shamrock

christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms

To: Twitter
From: AJ Lee

I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attached. Also, Merry Christmas.

To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge

I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...

To: Connor Lawson
From: Cooper Lawson

I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.

To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge
Subject: Threesome with Jericho and Christian

We were supposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning

To: JBL
From: Michael Cole
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.

To: Twitter
From: Heath Slater

Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers

To: Farooq
From: Bradshaw

I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

To: Steve Austin
From: APA
Subject: Shawn Michaels

Shawn got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.

To: Twitter
From: Brian Kendrick

found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.

To: Luke & Erick
From: Bray Wyatt

i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.

To: Twitter
From: Anna Hollenbeck

dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud:)

To: Heath & Jinder
From: Drew McIntyre

just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit

To: Twitter
From: Christian
Subject: Trish Stratus

Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.

To: Chris Jericho
From: Fandango

did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

To: Twitter
From: Christian

threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student

To: Tommy Dreamer
From: Scott Levy (Raven)

I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.

To: Ryan Shamrock
From: Anna Hollenbeck

Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish

To: Brie Bella
From: Natalya

Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.

To: Christian
From: Trish Stratus

while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"

To: Twitter
From: Steve Austin

just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.

To: Twitter
From: Rob Van Dam

Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"

To: Twitter
From: James Lawson

Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"...successful drunk Christmas shopping

To: Twitter
From: Rob Van Dam

i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas

To: Maryse
From: Miz

I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head

To: Twitter
From: Edge

Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.

To: Matt Hardy
From: Christian
Subject: Anna Hollenbeck

She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party

To: Twitter
From: John Morrison
Subject: CM Punk

Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer

To: Twitter
From: Bray Wyatt

My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.

To: Lita
From: Anna Hollenbeck
Subject: Anna's Date

he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree...not great but still made the cut.

To: Twitter
From: Jeff Hardy

im spending all my christmas money on new years paraphernalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning

To: Twitter
From: Stephanie McMahon

i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass

To: The Hardyz
From: The APA

of course we have a beer bong
To: The Hardyz
From: The APA

how else would we feed our christmas tree

To: Chris Sabin
From: Alex Shelley

Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?

To: Seath & Roman
From: Dean

This dude is being a total douche
To: Dean
From: Seth & Roman

Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps.

To: Dolph Ziggler
From: AJ Lee

I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over here and FUCK. ME. NOW.

To: Summer Rae
From: Fandango

that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon

To: Twitter
From: Mickie James

I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.

To: Christian
From: Edge
Subject: Jeff Hardy

he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

To: CM Punk
From: Daniel Bryan
Subject: Brie Bella

Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.

To: Antonio Cessaro
From: Jack Swagger

if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

To: Matt Hardy
From: Shannon Moore

I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.

To: Twitter
From: Bradshaw

I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies

To: Jinder
From: Heath & Drew

I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

To: Cooper Lawson
From: James Lawson & Undertaker

Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.

To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
Subject: Jeff Hardy

All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.

To: Twitter
From: Kaitlyn

I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas

To: Shannon Moore
From: Anna Hollenbeck

Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Shannon Moore

I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.

To: Stephanie McMahon
From: Lita

Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.

To: Chris Jericho
From: Christian

Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

To: Twitter
From: James Lawson

if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.

To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Ryan Shamrock
Subject: Val Venis

I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.

To: Twitter
From: Connor Lawson

I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month

To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge

My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?

To: Ric Flair
From: AJ Styles

I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.

To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy
Subject: Annual Christmas Party

tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid

To: The Undertaker
From: James Lawson

So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me...too ghetto?

To: Justin Gabriel
From: Wade Barrett

Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET

To: Twitter
From: E & C

This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram

To: Twitter
From: Chris Jericho

I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.

To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Christian

So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie

To: Twitter
From: Heath Slater

Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.

To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Mindy Stratus

As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

To: Zeb Colter
From: Jack Swagger

How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.

To: Twitter
From: Lita

Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.

To: Trish Stratus
From: Mickie James
Subject: Last Night's Party

I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
To: Trish Stratus
From: Mickie James

Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.

To: Twitter
From: Randy Orton

Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg

To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho

Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
To: Chris Jericho
From: Christian

I could have done it in 2

To: Twitter
From: Seth Rollins
Subject: Practical joke played on him by Dean & Roman

i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.

To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: AJ Lee
Subject: CM Punk

He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
To: AJ Lee
From: Anna Hollenbeck

Marry him. Now.

To: Twitter
From: Rob Van Dam

I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.

To: Twitter
From: Michael Cole

I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!

To: Twitter
From: Evan Bourne (college)

tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better

To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy

Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.

To: Bradshaw
From: Steve Austin

I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.

To: Farooq
From: Bradshaw

buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.

To: CM Punk
From: Colt Cabana

As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!

To: Trish Stratus
From: Lita

Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?

To: HHH
From: X-Pac

I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
To: X-Pac
From: HHH

It's 2 pm...

To: Rob Van Dam
From: Chris Sabin

you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.

To: Anna Hollenbeck
From: Seth Rollins
Subject: The Shield's Christmas Party

Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.

To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
Subject: Cody Rhodes

He's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.

To: Twitter
From: Ryan Shamrock

his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.

To: Twitter
From: Chris Jericho

I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

To: Everyone on their phone lists
From: Matt & Jeff Hardy

And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.

HAPPY FREAKIN' HOLIDAYS!;)

REVIEWS = LOVE