Worthless - (AU) Feeling the stress of college life Wolfram crumbles to the pressure doing whatever he can to survive. He goes to all extremes to cope with himself and life; destroying himself in mind and body. Can he manage to overcome his emotions or will he be forever broken. Pairing: Yuuram
AN – I'm new here so here I go... I have always enjoyed KKM as a series but will forever love Yuuram as one of my all-time favorite couples. I enjoy reading/writing AU fan fiction being able to be versatile with different scenarios and worlds. This fan fiction focuses on Wolfram struggling with himself and college life with Yuuri as his roomie.
It will capture a lot on binge eating (stress eating) along with eating disorders and a lot more mental and physical self-harm. I'm not a very good writer but I felt the itch to do something and writing something on real, everyday issues is rather good for a nice AU story. I try to captivate the characters in character but may go OOC being an AU and all!
So hopefully it's enjoyable.
Note, italic text character thoughts.
Chapter 1 – Stress Eating
Chapter Summary ~ Unable to focus on school work emotionally charged Wolfram breaks down only to find comfort in a series of binges with food to cope with his anxiety. Will his roommate Shibuya Yuuri add to his stressful life?
Anxiety, depression, stress.
These emotions clouded the blonde boy who sat at a large desk. He let out a light sigh pressing the palm of his hand to his cheek and braced himself so to lean against the desk.
His eyes tired and red with exhaustion; he stared down at the pile of open books that consisted mostly of advanced business titles.
He slowly pried open his laptop feeling the pain of his current mental state he felt his eyes glass over.
This is too much... He thought to himself. I hate this.
He glanced at the time realizing it was only nearing 6pm. I'm already tired, yet I have so much work to do... Then realizing that his roommate would be arriving home shortly he grumbled to himself. What an annoyance. I can't stand him.
You can handle this Wolfram. Get a hold of yourself. He reminded himself trying to shake off the negative emotions. That idiot wimp is always so noisy.
He felt a pain caress over his stomach and realized he had yet to eat.
Wolfram, in the past, had always been a headstrong person. Yet now being on his own and under the pressure of college life was hitting him hard. There were high expectations for him to succeed and become successful like his older brothers.
He was falling apart slowly without even knowing what to do. He did not want to look weak. So he did whatever he could to keep going no matter the consequences.
Slowly he reached into the desk drawer pulling out whatever food he had stashed there earlier. Junk food; he almost felt relieved seeing the large quantity of sweets.
The forbidden substance from his childhood, he loved sweets but only received it on rare occasions. His brothers always made sure to look after him. Maybe they had been a bit too overprotective to the point of smothering making it difficult to adjust to a life alone.
He almost felt relief as he popped the sugary snacks into his mouth. Maybe now I can focus on my work...
The last 2 months of this current lifestyle was taking its toll on the young boys mind and body. The sluggish feeling, he had very little energy, even putting on a bit of weight.
He suddenly heard the shuffle of footsteps and light laughter outside the dorm room door.
Oh great... That stupid room mate and friend of his. Now I'll never be able to focus.
Just as the thought crossed his mind of maybe locking them out the door opened and 2 boys stepped in. Both with onyx black hair and eyes.
"Shibuya! You did well at practice today." Wolfram heard from behind him. He turned and glanced at the 2 boys. Ugh, Murata. I can't stand him. Yet I can't stand that wimp Shibuya Yuuri even more.
Yuuri with a wide grin looked at his friend. "Well, having a sport scholarship means I have to work hard, right?"
Wolfram snarled and kept his glance towards his work. Do they have to be so inconsiderate?
Yuuri was the type of people Wolfram couldn't stand; always happy-go-lucky, friendly with everyone and a complete and utter WIMP. Unfortunately he had to be tolerated being his roommate and all. Yet this did not go without the both having multiple arguments on a daily basis.
"Ah, very true Shibuya. I'm glad your aptitude has increased since High school!" Murata pushed his glasses up further on the bridge of his nose as he spoke.
Yuuri threw down his sports bag and sat down swiftly to the comfort of his bed. He pried open a nearby water bottle and sighed heart fully after taking a gulp. "Waaah, it's so tiring though."
Murata had no part in Yuuri's sports yet applied himself as Yuuri's personal coach from what Wolfram understood. He knew a bit about the boy from some of his classes since they were both studying business.
"Ah, well as expected Shibuya...Although..." Murata brought a finger to his lips tapping them softly as he thought to himself for a moment. "You had some admirers out there today. Some of those girls were pretty cute." Murata winked.
"E-eh?!" Yuuri almost choked on his water and stared at Murata. "R-really?"
Wolfram couldn't stand it anymore. He spun around swiftly in his chair his arms crossed as he glared at the two boys. "Seriously, every time, don't you realize you are not the only one that occupies this room?! I am working here or have you not noticed you ignorant moron?"
He was furious leaving the 2 boys stunned for a moment until Yuuri glared back. "This is my room too! Besides...you have all night to study. You are always WAY too uptight!"
Wolfram rubbed his forehead and bit his lower lip softly. "Look, apparently you don't know how to work hard! I however, am more disciplined AND far more intelligent then you to actually do well you pathetic wimp!" He was furious. Wolfram couldn't hold anything back right now. In some ways he almost wanted to cry, breakdown and scream from the pressure.
Before Yuuri could respond Murata cut in. "A-ah, well I'll be going now Shibuya-er- I have some work to catch up on as well!" Murata made a dash for the door knowing full well that getting caught up with another argument would be deadly.
"Hey M-..." The door slammed shut and Yuuri almost pouted then remembered the blonde sitting across the room from him. "Seriously Wolfram? Do you have to be such a-"
Wolframs eyes widened. "I would not finish that sentence if I were you."
Yuuri rolled his eyes and sighed. "Look, we need to compromise here... This is both of our rooms. I come here to wind down after practice. Murata is my best friend; you can't just refuse to let me have my friend over."
Wolfram relaxed back in his chair and thought for a moment. "F-fine. " Realizing that this would be nowhere and he was wasting his energy on such a moronic individual he turned back to his work trying to recall where he had left off.
Yuuri blinked almost stunned by the sudden agreement from his blonde roommate. That was unexpected. He thought but rather it best not to question it. Wolfram was always so demanding and to see him back down so quickly was surprising.
Wolfram began typing swiftly at his laptop after cooling down a bit and collecting his thoughts. He heard Yuuri retreat to their bathroom then within moments heard the soft sound of the shower.
Drowning himself out from time and his surroundings for what seemed hours Wolfram felt his whole body and mind ache. Thankfully his report was finished, he sighed in relief.
He leaned his chair back and stretched, his eyes closed in relaxation.
"Hey, Wolf."
Wolfram jumped turning slightly in his chair to see Yuuri looking down at him. Wolfram blinked his tired green eyes. "Y-yes?"
"Ah..." Yuuri grinned rubbing the back of his head with one hand. "Here." Yuuri held out a small plate to the confused blonde which had a few chocolate chip cookies on them. "Well, my mom sent too many. So... to apologize for earlier."
Wolfram sat stunned for a moment before taking the decorative plate. "Pft..." He turned away from Yuuri his cheeks tinted pink. "Just, don't do it again."
Yuuri almost wanted to get angry with the boy but figured trying to make a truce would be a better option. "I'm going to head to the cafe next door for something to eat. Did... you want to join me?" Yuuri asked as he pulled a black leather jacket on.
Wolfram perked up and blinked. "Me?" Was all he could ask.
Wolfram wasn't always one to have friends. He was home schooled his whole life and the only child he had associated with was his cousin Elizabeth. Once he reached his teen years some would say he was very sheltered as a child. Wolfram grew up a very delicate boy, being spoiled and pampered by his mother and 2 older brothers.
Yuuri pulled on his black converse and chuckled. "Yes, you."
He didn't know much about Yuuri but that he was the complete opposite of himself. Everything seemed so easy going for Yuuri. He never seemed to have to work hard. It bothered Wolfram to his very core. Wolfram had been so diligent and as some would almost say perfect; scoring well on all tests and assignments. He had always been the vision of perfection.
Standing at a average 5'5" tall, smooth porcelain skin, blonde golden locks of hair and piercing fierce beautiful green eyes. He had always been slim; his physique was the utmost perfection throughout his teenage life. His features were very soft and feminine almost of a doll.
Yet deciding to go off to America to study had been a downfall. He also received an academic scholarship in business-some would say pressured by his oldest brother Gwendal - he was going in a slow decline for disaster. He looked up to his big brother, he admired him and did not want to disappoint him.
"W-well..."Wolfram almost lost composure. "Humph. I guess I could go with you." Wimp. He almost muttered aloud.
Wolfram stood up from his chair almost off balance but caught himself without Yuuri noticing. I must be just tired... He thought to himself pulling on a pair of shoes and grabbing his hooded sweater.
"Ready?" Yuuri questioned the dazed blonde.
Wolfram nodded and they both headed out the door.
Perfect, perfection, beauty, beautiful boy. Perfect...perfect... perfection...
Wolfram stared out the cafe window almost in a trance as he sat at a nearby table holding his coffee cup almost protectively. His mind lost in thought as he stared at his tired reflection. It was already getting dark out and the street lights illuminated the sidewalks.
He was pulled out of his trance by the familiar voice of his roommate Yuuri.
"Here." He pushed a tray towards him.
Wolfram blinked looking at the sandwich and salad before him. He looked up at Yuuri confused.
"I thought maybe you'd want something else other than the drink."
Wolfram frowned. Why? He questioned inwardly. He took a drink of his coffee and sighed. "I'm fine."
Yuuri frowned along with him. "Eh? I barely see you eat anything if you do it usually isn't healthy. It'll help." Knowing his roommates bad eating and work habits he thought treating him might break the boy of this pattern. As his mother always taught him to always have 3 good meals a day! Ah, how he missed his mom.
Wolfram snapped again. "Excuse me, but that really isn't any of your business." He shot the boy another of his glares. "Clearly you know nothing about me!"
"Hey! That's not true. I've been your roommate for what... going on 3 months now?" Yuuri had never met someone so ungrateful. "Besides you can learn a lot about someone in that time."
Wolfram stifled a laugh. "Oh, really? Tell me wimp, what could you possibly know about me?"
Yuuri sighed. I didn't want this to turn into another argument, but he just doesn't get it that I'm just trying to be friends.
"Well..." Yuuri started poking around at his meal with his fork. " I'm not a wimp!"
"I don't have time for this..." Wolfram mumbled getting up from his seat he harshly placed some money on the table. "For the meal."
Yuuri stared at the beautiful blonde. "Wait…Wolf, just stay. It's not good for you to stay cooped up in your room like that."
"I can't believe I let you drag me out here when I'm so busy." The blonde spat. His cheeks tinted red with anger.
Yuuri just didn't understand the blonde's short fuse. "Look, I didn't drag you. I asked and you came! Don't turn this around on me you selfish brat!" Yuuri was generally a very calm person but lately dealing with the other boy's mood swings was just getting to him.
Wolfram clenched his fists. "Selfish? Me? I don't think so!" By now the people in the café were staring at the two bickering boys.
Yuuri stood up from his chair now as well. "I was just trying to be your friend; clearly you are too stupid to realize it!" he was angry now. Yuuri wasn't very intimidating but standing at least 5 inches taller than the blonde and holding a more muscular physique it didn't seem to work on the fuming boy.
Smack!
Yuuri stood stunned feeling the sharp tingle on his cheek. Did Wolfram just slap him, really? Before he could shake it off Wolfram was already out the door leaving Yuuri alone only to realize that everyone was staring some chuckling softly at the sight before them.
I can't believe he slapped me of all things. Why did I ever think that I could make friends with such a jerk? Yuuri sighed as the crowd of people slowly went back to their own business. What's the point to even worry about someone so stubborn? He nibbled on his food and fell felt himself pout. I don't understand Murata is in his classes and doesn't seem to have any problem with the workload. He even gets exceptional grades… although Murata is a genius, I swear. Wolfram just seems to constantly be stressed. Maybe I'll ask Murata tomorrow.
Yuuri finished his meal and made his way back up to the dorm room, he pressed up against the door softly. It was quiet so maybe Wolfram calmed down. He slowly unlocked the door and eased it open. He glanced in seeing his roommate propped up on his bed the low light of the lamp illuminating his soft features as he read. He noted the empty plate on his bed and he sighed.
Why did I have to get someone so stubborn as a roommate?
Why did I have to get someone so wimpy as a roommate?
Yuuri rid himself of his jacket and shoes and sat down on his bed placing the plate on his nightstand. He stretched, his muscles ached and it felt good to finally relax. He pulled his laptop towards himself and retreated to a comfortable position on his bed.
Yuuri was on a health kick since he found out of got the sport scholarship. Although he had always been very active he was also very determined to succeed. He was always a goofy kid growing up, he found his passion in baseball and worked really hard to get where he is today. It was his life, his dream. He wanted to make his family proud. He missed them, he grew up in Japan, and it was his home. But doing this was such a great opportunity that he couldn't pass it up. He hoped that in the future he could play professionally.
Feeling a bit of home sickness he decided to send an email to his family.
Wolfram on the other hand did not talk to his family often. A stray phone call here and there was heard but other than that Wolfram seemed to shut himself out from the rest of the world. It had already been 2 months but he stressed to them that he was always busy and did not want to be disturbed. Wolfram didn't understand the feeling of being stressed so be passed it off as being the norm of college life. He was coping with it in different ways, mostly centered on his sugary snacks. It made him feel more relaxed.
Coffee was an essential daily for the blonde. He just could not function without it. He did not want to disappoint his family, so he did what he had to do to keep the façade of perfection. He did not want to disgrace his family with poor accomplishments.
Wolfram glanced over at Yuuri who yawned sleepily. He parted his mouth to speak to the onyx haired boy and realized he wasn't sure what to say. Should I apologize? He was the rude one… He should be the one apologizing. Humph. But I guess he was just being Yuuri and butting into things that were none of his business; such a typical thing for a wimp like him to do.
He popped a chocolate piece into his mouth and sighed. "Look, I-"
He heard a soft snore escape his roommate's body and stopped himself realizing that he was asleep.
Asleep, Wolfram thought, somehow I feel relieved.
Wolfram stretched and slowly laid down to the comfort of his bed. I guess I'll get to sleep as well…
Perfect, you have to be perfect.
Without that you are nothing, nobody, worthless, pathetic, a loser; no one would want you, everyone would detest you, you would be a failure. Your family would hate you, they would punish you.
You are worthless, a waste of space, be perfect or be nothing.
Thump!
"W-wolfram!"
Wolfram's eyes shot open and he gasped feeling a slight pain tingle throughout his body. He was covered in sweat and his heart was beating fast. "Y-Yuuri…?"
It took Wolfram a moment to realize that he had rolled onto the floor. He blushed with embarrassment as Yuuri helped pull the boy up into a sitting position.
"You were mumbling in your sleep… and you were thrashing about and fell to the floor. Are you ok?" Yuuri almost sounded cold as if not to be overly concerned.
Wolfram blinked slowly. He rubbed the back of his head then nodded.
Yuuri observed the boy making sure he didn't get hurt in the fall. He blushed as he remembered Wolfram's sleeping attire. A pink knee length frilly nightgown; he had no clue why but that's what the blonde preferred to sleep in. The last and first time he questioned it was a huge mistake. He blushed even further seeing as the night gown had rid up to his thighs showing soft porcelain skin.
Gladly Wolfram did not notice the observations of his roommate as he began to pull himself up from the floor with Yuuri's support. "T-thank you…" He muttered softly.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Yuuri questioned as he handed the blonde a bottle of water from his nightstand.
Wolfram shrugged slightly. "I don't know…" He took a sip of the water and handed it back to Yuuri. "I can't remember so I'm sure it was nothing really." He mumbled and sat slowly onto his bed.
Wolfram felt his eyes twinge with tears and he fought it back to the best he could. It was dark so the other boy wouldn't have noticed. He felt wide awake now, yet at the same time he felt like he had no energy and his stomach hurt. Everything in his mind was like a haze like he couldn't focus.
"If you say so…" Yuuri felt the need to just curl back up in his warm bed and retreat back to his slumber but he turned and looked down at the blonde one last time trying to make sure he was ok before his retreat.
Wolfram remained still and spotted his roommates movements in the dark as his eyes slowly adjusted. He felt embarrassed of his actions and a word crossed his mind harshly.
Worthless.
Wolfram tightened his fists onto his lap and shook his head. Stupid; stop thinking like a wimp. He took a deep breath and lay back down on the comfort of his mattress. He dreaded it but he pried his laptop open and peered at the time. 2am. Really? He thought groaning inwardly.
He grabbed headphones that sat on his nightstand and pushed them to his ears. If he couldn't sleep he might as well drown out the silence with music. He opened his playlist in hopes that music would calm him.
He wanted to just drown out the world truthfully, he felt anxious and scared. His body trembled slightly and he pulled the comforter over his body. This feeling was overwhelming it disturbed him and he wanted something else to focus on. He reached grabbing a hold of a bag of chocolate candies that sat on the floor next to the bed.
He couldn't recall when had be accumulated such a high quantity of junk food, maybe out of impulse or stress. It was his way of stress release. Stress eater? Since when has binging on food been something he had done? Maybe coming out of a more controlled environment made him more impulsive. He shrugged not really caring since it made him feel better.
He must have drifted off…
He heard, what sounded like, a low ringing sound and hazily opened his eyes. His head phones must have slipped off during the night and he groaned leaning upward on one arm. He felt so exhausted still.
He blinked realizing the sound was coming from his phone. He grabbed it hastily and looked at the caller. Conrad. He thought with a sigh.
He answered in a groggy tone. "What?"
"Hey Wolfram, wait, are you just getting up?"
Wolfram growled. "Duh, what do you think?"
"Hmm, no class this morning?"
"Class…?"Wolfram sat dumbfounded then looked at the time. His eyes widened in panic. "Shit!" He hissed.
"Wolf-."
He cut Conrad off in a hurry as he hung up on him, throwing his phone onto the bed.
Shit! Shit, shit shit! I've never been late. Ever. I can't be late. I can't.
He was panicing. Grabbing a pair of sweat pants and a sweater he rushed pulling a pair of sneakers on and lastly latching onto his laptop protectively. He ran out of the room fumbling with the key to lock the door.
He bolted out of the building and made a dash towards campus. Ugh. It was raining of course. He pulled a door open and breathed heavily leaning up against the wall. He felt a pain into his stomach and instantly felt sick. He felt a stinging in his eyes as he slid down to the floor feeling tears run down his cheeks. Luckily there was no one around to see the sight.
He stayed there for what seemed at least 10 minutes and pulled himself up slowly. He felt his chest grow tight and his breaths in labored sobs.
He swallowed and let out a deep breath. I need to calm down. It's no big deal. It's once, I'm late once. It's not a big deal. You're panicking over nothing. Since when do I panic over stupid things? He did his best to pull himself together as he approached the classroom.
Worthless…
He concentrated all of his strength and pulled himself into a confident posture and entered the classroom.
How can you not see how pathetically worthless you are?
"Hey Shibuya!" Murata's cheerful voice echoed in the gymnasium.
Yuuri waved to his approaching friend with a smile. "Hey Murata." He responded cheerfully as he did a few stretches for his warm-up.
"Hmm, how did last night go? Sorry I abandoned you like that. I just thought you could handle it." Murata grinned awkwardly almost apologetic.
Yuuri rolled his eyes and sighed recalling yesterday's events. He really didn't want to think of his bratty roommate at the moment but he turned to look at Murata with a serious expression. "I hate him Murata. I have never felt such annoyance towards someone in my entire life. I really don't understand why he has to be so snobby. I try to be his friend-I really do- It's just every time I say or do anything nice it blows up in my face. I can't stand him."
"Oh?" Murata simply responding adjusting his glasses carefully almost in deep thought.
"Yeah! He… slapped me-I mean- I go and buy him dinner and he gets angry! I can't believe it. Who does that?" Yuuri felt furious, this is the first time in his life where another human being had got him so upset. He proceeded to continue his warm up exercises as Murata rose an eyebrow.
"You bought him dinner?"
Yuuri slapped himself mentally. "Not what you think Murata…Geez. Pervert. I was just concerned-that's all!" Yuuri stood and faced Murata. "Look I'm just trying to get him off my back all the time. He nags at me for everything but lately… he's been the one that I should complain about, he's become so obsessive with his school work he leaves his side of the room a mess he's become more irritable and constantly gets angry about every little thing. In just the short time I've known him he's changed."
"Changed, eh, like being late for class?"
Yuuri blinked. "He was late? Now that you mention it he didn't sleep well last night. He was tossing and mumbling a lot of the night." Yuuri stood in thought for moment. "Eh, Murata…?"
"Hm," Murata questioned looking at Yuuri's expression turn more serious.
"You seem to have no issues with your workload… is it really stressful. I mean Wolfram always seems stressed." Yuuri continued. "I mean you have perfect grades and have plenty of free time."
"Ah…" Murata tapped his chin. "Well, I find it fairly basic. I study when I need to." He shrugged.
"Wolfram doesn't seem like one to struggle or stress. Oh well…" Yuuri trailed off focusing again on his work out. "Not like…I really care." He muttered running a hand through his matted sweaty hair.
Spoiled brat…
Wolfram had someone made it through his classes without another breakdown. He curled up on his bed hidden beneath the large puffy comforter. His lay in a fetal position, eyes closed and his breathing relaxed.
I don't understand what is going on with me. I have to pull myself together. This is not me at all. I'm nothing like this. Ugh, I need to get up.
"Ugh…" He groaned as he pulled himself up into a sitting position. His hair disheveled yet giving him a cute childish look. He bit his lip softly glancing over at his roommate's side of the room noticing its vacancy he felt a moment of loneliness.
So tired… He muttered, and hungry…- maybe I'm just working too hard. I need to take more time to eat. He stopped and frowned, I would never admit that Yuuri was right.
He had a sudden overload of stress take over his body. I really don't feel like going out. So bothersome, I think I will just order something, that would be…so much easier. I could at least stay in and study and not have to worry about wasting time. I don't know why I never thought of doing this in the first place. He smiled softly knowing the convenience of the idea.
He grabbed his phone and thought for a moment continuing to chew on his bottom lip playfully. The thought of what he could order almost intoxicated him. He had never been one to eat very much; he had always maintained a perfect figure but right now it never crossed his mind to even care. The feeling was so comforting to him.
He proceeded in making his call his green eyes wide with anticipation and he nibbled now softly on his thumb nail. He felt nervous and giddy at the same time. It was such a forbidden excitement; he finished his order and hung up.
He let out a deep breath and glanced down at his phone. Hm, a text message? He brushed a few strands of his golden locks behind his ear still nibbling on his thumb. Oh, just Conrad.
"Are you ok Wolfram? We are worried about you. Please give us a call now and then to let us know that you are ok."
He rolled his eyes, typical Conrad.
He waited what seemed like forever for his delivery sitting anxiously on his bed barely being able to focus on his studies. His concentration was nonexistent not realizing that he had slowly chewed at his nails due to his recent impatient nature.
His order was here. He jumped up in excitement opening his door and swiftly paying the delivery person, closing the door and swiftly returning to his bed. He sighed contently and began to enjoy his binge of take-out food. The stress of life just seemed to fade away from the pretty blonde as he consumed each bite. He didn't care about anything else, nothing else mattered in the world; he felt like he was in his bubble of sinful pleasures as he soothed his throat with a can of fizzy drink.
The blonde blushed softly at the sensation of the food -glad that he was wearing sweatpants- as he felt the small bloat in his stomach protrude outwardly. He caressed it softly with a hand feeling a slight discomfort of fullness.
Swollen and almost sick from the binge he curled up gently onto his bed and closed his green eyes. He let out a long yawn, feeling the tiredness of sleep take over his mind and body.
Dealing with the stress and anxieties of everyday life is met and dealt with in multiple ways. Wolfram von Bielefeld found his relief from these feelings with food and sugary snacks. He eventually fell into a pit of guilt with every binge; every stress induced pleasured moment ending in nothing but an uncomfortable feeling.
But he could no longer help himself. It was like an addiction, a drug; it made him feel different; body and mind. His body had become softer and less lean; stomach softly protruding slightly against his cloths, his cheeks a bit fuller, just ever so slightly noticeable over the past month.
However the relationship between roommates went unchanged. The random stares between the two boys, or rather glares from Wolfram were received ever so often. Neither of them spoke to one another often, Yuuri decided it best to keep out of the blonde's personal life not wanting to feel his wrath-especially as of late the blonde was increasing irritable and snappy.
Yuuri pushed the dorm room open after a long day of classes and practice, he felt tired but fulfilled from his practice today. He brushed his dark locks of hair back and entered the dimly lit room.
He glanced seeing the now pudgy blonde propped up on his bed typing away on his laptop grabbing crispy salted snacks from a nearby chip bag. Yuuri frowned almost with pity as he made his way over to his bed tossing his backpack onto his bed.
Should I talk to him? Yuuri asked himself glancing over at the other boy. I just never know what to say to him. I always just piss him off.
Yuuri let out a sigh and sat down on his bed and looked at the blonde. "Hey." He simply said as he tossed his sneakers off carelessly.
Wolfram blinked and looked over at Yuuri, "H-hey…" he awkwardly responded.
"So…ah, studying?"
"What do you think, idiot."
Yuuri rolled his eyes. "Really, do you need to be so snarky to me every single time? I am merely trying to make a conversation and every single time you snap at me."
"I'm not being snarky; you are just being idiotic saying the obvious. If you mean to make any conversation with me at least say something that is even remotely intelligent." Wolfram spat moving his laptop away from himself and sat up further to look at the dark haired boy.
"Fine, fine!" Yuuri stood up looking down at Wolfram in anger. "I've actually tolerated your snobby, bratty behavior far too long. You want to hear the truth, here's the truth. You Wolfram are a selfish spoiled terrible guy! You are so insensitive… aside from that you are a terrible person. You're also getting lazy and fat!"
Wolfram cheeks tinted red at the last comment but remained to compose his anger, "Y…you… jerk!" He cried out feeling his eyes glass over. Hold your ground Wolfram; don't let someone like him say such things to you.
Yuuri wasn't backing down either, he stood firm and eye's dark and fierce, almost intimidating. "You asked for intelligent conversation and I gave it to you. That's who you are Wolfram von Bielefeld; a spoiled, pathetic brat who thinks the whole world revolves around him. Well you know what…it doesn't, this why you have zero friends!"
Wolfram pulled himself off the bed to face Yuuri he held his tears and clenched his fists. He glared and bit his lower lip. I… hate this wimp! Why won't he just leave me alone? The blonde raised his hand and instinctively felt the need to slap the other in anger. He was furious but as he took his swing at the other boy he felt a grip onto his wrist.
"E..h…" Wolfram blinked looking at Yuuri's hand holding back his arm. "L-let go of me!" Unfortunately the blonde could not hold it in anymore; tears spilled slowly down his pale porcelain skin. "Just let me go…"
Yuuri blinked seeing the pretty blonde crumble before him; he loosened his grip and looked down at him with confused onyx eyes. "W-wolf?"
The blonde shook his head hastily. "Leave me alone!" Wolfram pushed Yuuri away as he rushed to the bathroom slamming the door shut behind him.
Yuuri suddenly felt guilty, he watched the retreating blonde, "Wait, Wolfram, please. I'm sorry, I was just angry. Look, don't lock yourself in there." He frowned and reached for the door knob, locked obviously. "Wolfram," He knocked on the door.
Wolfram slid down to the floor pulling his knees to his chest as he let out sobbing breaths. Look what I'm reduced to … I feel… worthless.
Worthless, pathetic, ugly… Who would want you; no one would ever want you. So, disgusting, such a waste of space.
No…no…no, no, no…STOP IT! JUST SHUT UP! Wolfram screamed inwardly, the negative voices stabbing through his heart like a knife through butter. His vision blurred he hiccuped through sobs rocking back and forth slowly.
The knocking continued as Yuuri frantically tried to get Wolfram's attention. "Please, Wolfram, come out… I didn't mean what I said; I was just angry." Yuuri placed his forehead against the door, "Please."
The door clicked and swayed open slightly, a pair of green reddened eyes peered at him. "Yuuri, I…" Wolfram muttered, "…am sorry too." The blonde felt overwhelmed, the boy stood for his roommate defeated. He didn't dare look the other in the eyes, afraid of pity or humiliation.
Yuuri sighed in relief, although very confused. The boy wasn't one to surrender a fight but he didn't understand what was going on in his head and why this even happened. He placed a hand on the blonde's small shoulder. "I just want to understand. Your moods are just….all over the place lately. I want to help you-," He stopped himself, "or rather… attempt to be friends."
"How can… I befriend someone… who says such things," Wolfram spat.
Yuuri sighed again this time more so in annoyance, he closed his onyx eyes and pulled his hand away. "I was defending myself Wolfram. You insulted me… how else would you want me to respond? Cower in fear?"
Wolfram pouted and crossed his arms. "W-well, no… but… w-whatever." His face tinted a sweet pink tint making his features look more feminine than usual.
Yuuri couldn't hold back a soft chuckle, "I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. Now, I'll ask, can I treat you a coffee…or something sweet? To apologize."
Wolfram chewed his lower lip compulsively in thought for a moment, "A-alright," He blushed again as he quickly glanced up at Yuuri's smile.
He seems to have calmed down, Yuuri smiled, thankfully.
"Well, how about tomorrow afternoon, it's Saturday?" Yuuri asked his arms crossed tapping his chin. His onyx eyes trailed over to the short blonde so to question him.
"I-," Wolfram started, "….don't know… I have an essay to write."
Yuuri frowned, "It won't be for long. I promise."
Wolfram sighed; "Alright…" he suddenly felt nervous and sat back down on his bed.
He's only doing this because he pities you, you know that right? Wolfram cringed at the thoughts in his head. Someone worthless like you, it could only be pity. Everything he said about you was true; he's doing this for you because he feels bad for you. He doesn't want to be your friend.
Yuuri turned his onyx eyes to the troubled blonde noticing the discomfort. "Eh…Wolfram…" he muttered unsure as to how to question him.
Wolfram sat in a daze, his confidence crumbling before him-piece by piece- he felt like nothing mattered anymore. He knew what made him feel better but he would only binge on his own, he didn't want Yuuri to know. He didn't want to have his one thing taken away from him. He nibbled on his finger nail slowly in discomfort.
"I don't want to butt in or upset you Wolf, but um, are you ok? You look so tense right now," Yuuri took a few steps closer to him his eyes trailing up and down the other boy curiously. "Are you sick?"
Wolfram swallowed dryly, "I-I can't."
"Can't…?"
"Well I… there's just… this thing," Wolfram fumbled awkwardly looking down at his lap as he fidgeted uncomfortably.
"Thing?"
Wolfram was now beat red his face flushed in embarrassment. "I'm… going to, um, order something to eat, did…you want anything?"
"Oh, that's all? Well, sure, if you don't mind." Yuuri smiled fully relieved that the blonde wasn't screaming at him. It would be best never to question him about anything.
Wolfram felt a bit of relief and nodded, "Pizza?"
Yuuri shrugged, "I don't mind. Want to split?"
No, Wolfram pouted in annoyance but tried to hide it and nodded in response.
Wolfram decided to make his order online to feel, well, less embarrassed with his binge worthy amount.
I hate myself… I really fucking do.
It seemed like forever to the young blonde, he tapped away impatiently on his laptop trying to ease his anxiety. His beautiful green eyes glancing over his laptop screen, yet remaining unfocused; only one thing crossed his mind, food. He tapped his slender fingers across the keys and sighed in annoyance.
"Say, Wolf."
Wolfram snapped his head away from his computer screen and looked at his roommate.
"Well, do you find your classes difficult?"
Wolfram glanced back at his screen, "No, not really…"
"Not stressful?"
"O-of course not…" Wolfram lied.
"Ah, ok…"
What seemed like hours to Wolfram there was finally a knock at the door and Yuuri watched as the other boy dashed to it hastily. Yuuri got up gradually and went to follow behind the blonde. "I can pay my half Wolfram."
The blonde shook his head, "I-it's fine I got it." His cheeks tinted red as he paid for their delivery and shut the door with his foot; carrying more with him then Yuuri had expected.
"A-ah, err, let me help you with that…" Yuuri blinked, he hesitated on helping. "Eh, Wolf…um, well-nothing, never mind. Should we sit over on your bed?"
Wolfram ignored his dark haired roommate and carefully settled onto his bed. "Here."
Yuuri felt awkward, he sat at the edge of the bed looking at the pretty faced blonde; watching as his blonde locks of hair caressed his feminine features. He pulled his gaze away as the blonde looked at him handing him some food.
He handed him a small plate, "For you." He mumbled his round cheek already full of food.
Yuuri smiled softly and nodded in appreciation. "Thanks for this Wolf."
Wolfram felt intoxicated by the food, his stress and anxiety melted as he focused on the food he consumed. He nearly forgot about the boy that sat near the edge of his bed who was now staring at him his eyes blinking almost as if in shock. Shit… how embarrassing. I can't control myself. It was like his impulses had taken over and his mind shut off. He blushed and swallowed, "Did… you want more?"
Yuuri glanced away, "Ah, no, I'm fine. But thanks Wolfram." Haaa… that explains some things… Yuuri eyed the blonde's body knowing the boy was too busy to care or notice. I'm not one to be judgmental…but that can't be healthy… not like the new look doesn't suit him. The stare was almost lustful, W-wait…what am I doing. I can't like a guy, besides he's not my type at all…! Snap out of it Yuuri!
How can he eat that much, it's like he's a different person… Yuuri felt somewhat sick yet felt worried about the boy. He grabbed a bottle of water from a nearby bag which now grabbed the blonde's attention. He knew if he said anything he would more than likely be killed by the blonde's wrath.
Wolfram grabbed a soda from a bag and drank it slowly. "Good?" He tilted his head questioningly.
Yuuri smiled at the boy in response and nodded. "Uh-," Yuuri held his tongue for a moment thinking over his choice of words. "Do, you order out often?"
Wolfram's pale cheeks turned a familiar red and he looked down to focus on his food, almost adorably, "S-sometimes…why?" he tore a small piece of pizza and popped it in his mouth.
"Just curious," Unsure as to how the blonde would react he took another sip of water before he spoke again, "W-well, I might join you if you do again. That is if you don't mind." He prayed that he didn't offend the boy.
Wolfram nodded slightly and continued to pull at the dough of his pizza almost like a child would.
"Thanks again though." Yuuri stood up and stretched."Ahhh…" So not used to eating pizza.
Wolfram looked up at him, his back facing to him; he had never really-looked-at Yuuri before, his green eyes observed his dark shaggy onyx hair, his shoulders moderately broad, with strong muscular physique; very handsome. He stopped himself, Whoa, wait, why am I even looking at such a wimp like him!
As if anyone would find you attractive, or even want to be with YOU.
Wolfram looked back to focus on his meal, Yeah… I am pretty pathetic…
Ugh… He rubbed a hand gently over his pudgy stomach and felt almost relieved; at least he could divert his attention away from real life even if it was only for a short while.
Wolfram was not one who really understood stress; he grew up with a very pampered and luxurious lifestyle. His family was well off and he was well looked after. Yet he felt like everyone expected so much of him. His brother Gwendal pushed him into getting his scholarship and taking on his studies in business. He knew he had no say in the topic, his brother insisting it was best for him.
Wolfram was a bright boy, yet his interest in the whole idea was lacking. He didn't want to go all the way to America to study. He didn't know what he wanted to do in his life; everything was chosen for him.
His mother was never around due to her acting and modeling career; not to mention she loved to travel. His father died when he was only a baby so his brothers and house staff had raised and taught him. His family was very wealthy so he really didn't need the scholarship but Gwendal insisted, maybe simply forcing him to apply himself.
Wolfram drank the last of his fizzy beverage and yawned softly; he leaned down slowly to the comfort of his pillow and hugged it gently feeling the need to sleep take over his mind and body. In a matter of moments he was contently sleeping.
Yuuri on the other hand watched the sight before him and smiled almost in pity for the other boy. He quietly got up and cleaned up around his roommate's bed so to provide the blonde with a more comfortable sleeping area.
I really wish you would talk to me Wolfram… I might be able to help. He thought as he pulled the comforter over the pudgy body. He looked with sadness at the pretty face before him, I'm sorry…
AN: And end of chapter 1. I put this together in a whim, I do have a few more chapters planned out. I hopefully didn't leave much out or make it sound totally confusing. Er, well, little chubby Wolf is sooo cute and innocent. *mauls and torments the uke with her mind* Yuuri and Wolf are both so attracted to one another but such conflicting personalities...3 yay angstyness and cuteness.
Also I do have plans to make fan art for my story. I had some things on paper and figured I'd just write out my idea. Makes me feel more attached to a story getting a visual on some scenes or characters.
