"New days summon the nightmares of a new beginning."
I walked through the hallway of the school for possibly the thousandth time this year. Everyday a recurring dejavu, everyday the same old things. Girls laughing and talking, faces covered behind layers of lies of many colors. Boy pointing and trying to sneak a peek of today's special show, underneath cheerleaders skirt. Classes haven't even started yet and already the football players, the rulers of the school, have found a new prey to torture. Laughing and screaming they pushed the poor boy into a class room. A typical joke sure, but not today. Today it had gone to far. When the door opened a bucket of red paint had fallen all over the poor broken soul. This time it had to far. Maybe if he would stand up for himself, he wouldn't be the victim of such cruel jokes.
I continued walking forward, forgetting about what I had just seen. Other thoughts just pushing through my mind. Not caring if I'd let them in or not. I was in love. A love that, I felt, was only one sided. We've been friends for a long time, but "lovers" for only a few weeks. The day I first saw him I was amazed by his beauty. His semi long hair, his unique oriental face, and his small, but strong, slender body. Unfortunately for me, we are not all blessed with such beauty. I would watch him as he quietly sat, carefully observing everyone. Observing like a ninja, watching his enemies, looking for their weaknesses. Something I new much too well. I to would sit and watch. Observing everyone that came into close distance with me, should I ever need to engage in battle with them. Each and every single one of them with their own weakness. Past injuries, weak hand, abnormal personality, all of which I'm sure he saw just the way I did. In occasion I would catch him glancing at me for just a quick second, but glance at me none the less. I wonder what it was he saw in me. Perhaps he saw an ugly sad girl, feeling pity for my grotesque looks.
I don't know what he saw in me that day, or what he sees in me today. Feeling pity on me for past actions that had happened in my life, he invited me into his home. For the past few weeks we've been meeting up and talking over night. Flirting and smiling. I've told him how I felt…
He tells me every night the feeling he has for me. Deep down inside I know he doesn't know how I truly feel. In his mind my feelings for him are just of a simple crush. In reality I'm in love. A love so deep I cant stop thinking about him. A love so deep my heart feels pain when every night he speaks of past encounters with past lovers. I don't think he knows how much it hurts when he mentions his past lovers. I don't think he knows how much it hurts when he tells me he loves me. I know its not true, I know his feelings aren't the same as mine.
I ask myself every night, why am I doing this, why am I willing to wait for him if that day might never come. Why do I insist on causing pain upon myself? I know how this will end, but im willing to soak up every minute with him, even if in the end ill end up getting hurt again.
Everyday and every night I remember of what happened that one night. The night of a celebration that shouldn't have been celebrated, the celebration of my birth. That night was amazing, a night that will make you forget of all the other nights in your life. Friends playing with friends, laughing, screaming and enjoying the nigh. With so much energy wasted, that night soon all became drowsy. He and I slept in one room. We were to tired from horse playing all night, we just left the others to enjoy the night. He played his music as I listened. I was hypnotized by the movement of his fingers and his facial expressions as they filled with passion. His face, so calm, his body relaxed. He noticed me staring at him and smiled at me. He knew I wasn't looking at him as he played his music, I was looking at him as he expressed his emotions through his music. Soon we layed back and talked. We played and giggled. Being the daring beast that I am, I rolled over and licked his face. A common game played with our group. We laughed some more. Feeling the urge for revenge he rolled over as well. I of course expecting a lick on my cheek, I covered my face and closed my eyes. Instead I felt warmth upon my lips. You would expect a surprised look on my face, but instead I opened my eyes slightly. I kissed him back unaware of what I was doing. We continued for minutes that seemed like seconds. Hands and fingers roaming around. I reached up and stroked his hair, softly at first, then soon pulling him closer toward me. Gasping, breathing and soft cries of pleasure fluttered through the air.
Everyday and every night I cant stop thinking about him! After the happiness came the anger. Rage filled my mind. Why can't I forget? Why do I choose to continue this way when I know that in the end I will get hurt? I continued walking through the school, not even paying attention to were I was going. Walking in circles, back and forth, repeating paths twice and thrice times. For the first time I decided to look up. At that instance I wish I hadn't. The poor boy, the defenseless soul that had been picked on and covered in red paint was standing in front of his attackers with a gun in his hands. Everything I had in my hands and in my mind quickly fell. He turned to look at me and pointed the gun toward me. I slowly put my hands up and walked in front of him to block the bullies who where now terrified. A taste of their own medicine. I got closer to him, careful not to frighten him. I talked to him, tried to talk him out of this horrible mistake he was about to make. Sure they were horrible people but and they deserved to be punished, but no one deserved to die. I grabbed the gun and slowly got even closer to him.
Maybe he could be helped, I thought to myself. I know football players are stupid but come on. What they did next was beyond stupid, it was, well retarded. They started to smirk and got closer. Thinking the boy had whipped out they continued to laugh and make fun of him. At that instant I felt the gun being pulled away, but I never let go. I pulled it down so he couldn't shoot any one. I yelled for them to leave and run. Surprisingly they understood and quickly ran away like the true cowards they were. We continued to fight for the gun. Then that's when it came. BANG!!! A gun shot. He took a step away, tears in his eyes. He apologized to me. Said he was sorry. I saw as the he raised his gun. He pointed at himself this time. BANG!!! Another gun shot. I saw everything, I saw the blood as it splattered over everything, I saw him as his lifeless body hit the floor. Nothing was going on through my head, just shock. I slowly took a step back and fell to the floor. First things first, I called the police and told them what had happened. Then I searched through my phone and found his name. I waited as the phone rang, then he picked up.
" Hello?" his said with his cute accent. I smiled and replayed. "Hey it's me. What's up?" "Hey what's up? Why you calling me at this time shouldn't you be in school?" His voice filled with confusion, and a slight amount of happiness. "Yeah I am. I got something to tell you but don't worry ok. There was a shooting here." I heard him gasp and something breaking in the background. "Are you ok?" I completely avoided the question and changed the subject. I know you probably already know this but I love you. Not the kind of love you just think as a crush." It was getting harder for me to speak, but I had to let him know. "I'm in love with you. We've been long time friends but lately my feelings for you are growing."
"Hey why all of a sudden with the confessions? What's wrong?" "I just wanted to let you know in case I don't survive." I hadn't realized it at first but when I felt weak all of a sudden then dizzy it was obvious. I didn't even feel it when it happened, but the pain was just now starting to come. I pressed my hand over my heart. "I've been shot." I slowly moved my hand from my chest and saw it. My hand was covered in blood. My eyes slowly started to close and I fell over. I heard screams and yells, probably from my phone. I couldn't understand what he was saying. Then the moment came, the moment that I had been waiting for for a long time. Through the phone the one I loved told me, "I love you too!" it wasn't the kind of love you show to a friend or the kind of love you have over a crush, it was the kind of love I had for him. My love for him was no longer one sided, but I didn't know that. I never heard him say it. He had said it a little to late.
