A/N: A new story idea. It came to me as I was writing Iridescent and would not leave me alone.
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the characters within this story, not I.
Severus Snape leaned against the wall in his room. It was on the lower level and also reinforced with layers of wards. His stomach was tied in knots as he held the baby to his chest. Surges of accidental magic had destroyed his kitchen, nearly all of his drawing room, and much of the north end of the upper level. The magic was not finished wreaking its havoc, but Severus closed his eyes and held the baby closer to try to provide some form of comfort.
It was not the road to redemption he ever thought he would be on. When he went to Albus Dumbledore with the knowledge of what he had done, he thought his path would lead to spying for the Order. However, when the idea came up that Lily and James would go into hiding separate from Harry, he took on the task of protecting the child. There were many late night arguments about the situation, but it was decided far before Severus had his chance to change anyone's mind.
Peculiarly, it was not Lily's plea but James's that made up Severus's mind.
"Harry's first birthday is tomorrow," James said, silently passing Severus a crystal snifter of Ogden's finest. He sat beside the dark man, ignoring the glower, and watched Harry play with his blocks. "I know you love Lily."
Severus gulped the fiery liquid, grimacing at the burning feeling. Whatever he expected to come out of James's mouth, it was not that.
James stared down at his son with sad, troubled eyes. "I hated you because your love for her was so obvious, and you didn't care what anyone else thought. Even myself, who made your life hell at every turn due to your affection. I think Lily was the only one that never noticed." A fond smile spread across the young man's face. "Even now, I don't think she realizes the extent of your feelings." He turned on the sofa and faced his childhood nemesis with anxious eyes. "If I could take it all back, I would. I know I'm not going to make it, and I know you know as well as I that Lily will not either." His breath caught at that very thought and he rubbed his eyes tiredly. At twenty-one, he resembled someone much older, his dark hair already showing signs of grey. Hands trembling at the very thought of his family's extinction, he grasped Severus's. "I would turn back time and let her fall in love with you if it would save her from this fate. She will do what is best for Harry and stick by my side as my wife, as my fellow warrior in combat, but Harry has to be safe. I know it is a difficult task to take on your enemy's son, but you are his only chance."
It was not a decision Severus ever wanted to make. Lily, his Lily, the only woman he ever loved and would ever love, was going to sacrifice herself for her son. She was willing to part from her son possibly for the rest of her life, just for the possibility that he would make it. It was inconceivable. On the same hand, James Potter was begging him to take on the responsibility, even for so short a time, of watching over his son. "You realize," Severus said slowly, painfully retracting his hand from James's, "that you would not be in this mess if not for me?" He placed the snifter on the table beside him, well out of reach of the baby. Folding his hands primly, he concentrated on not allowing them to tighten.
James blew out a breath and laughed mirthlessly. "Had it not been you, these plans would not be made. Had it been Malfoy or Avery or any other Death Eater, these plans would not have been possible. You were saving your hide, Snape. There's no way you could have kept the Prophecy from Voldemort, and there's no way you could have known who the Prophecy was talking about."
"Do not defend me," Severus hissed. It was disgusting how much good the idiots saw in people—good that simply did not exist. "I foolishly took the Mark, knowing full well what I was doing. Do not think me innocent, Potter."
Smirking, James shook his head. "Never innocent, Snivelly," he said with an almost fondness. Sobering instantly, he adjusted his glasses. "I trust in your love for Lily. She loves you as a friend, and I apologize for never giving you the chance to find out if your feelings could have been reciprocated."
The sincerity in the other man's gaze was disturbing. It was as if he truly regretted his relationship with Lily. "What is wrong with you, Potter?" Severus demanded.
"I want her to live," James admitted, his eyes going back to Harry. "I would never betray her in any way or I would Obliviate her and make her believe I was the most vile of all living creatures—again. I have regrets, Snape."
Severus cursed Merlin every which way, along with Voldemort himself. "Explain the plan again," he demanded.
Grimly, James laid it out. Sirius would be the only person, besides Albus, who would be trusted implicitly with the entire plan. He would act as Secret Keeper for Severus and Harry, while Peter would act as Secret Keeper for James and Lily. There were worries about Peter and Remus's loyalties, but Peter was the one least likely to be suspected by Voldemort and his followers. Snape's own home in Spinner's End would be warded strongly, as well as reinforced with the Fidelius Charm. The Potters' new home in Godric Hollow would be used for their purposes, warded the same as Snape's. The Potters' Charm would take place publicly, after Harry's birthday party and then the other would be performed later, with only The Potters, Snape, Sirius and Albus present.
"I will do it."
The words, uttered to the joy of both Lily and James, were the beginning of the best and worst three months of Severus's life. He never would have thought that caring for a baby would cause him grief, but it did. For the first few weeks, Harry slept in the bed with him. It was a compromise that he had been forced to make to get any sleep. Since then, the boy slept in his own crib—though Severus indulged in the odd nap here and there with the young child. The only visitors were Albus and Sirius Black.
Albus's visits were few and far in between, containing only news and worry. Sirius's visits were daily, and they were Severus's solitary inlet to the outside world. The other man's company, never thought to be a treasure, helped keep Severus sane. The one-year-old kept him on his toes, but it got to be lonely.
Now, exactly three months after the Fidelius Charm was performed, three months since seeing anyone's face, October 31, there was something incredibly wrong. The feeling that took up residence within the man was compounded into deep fear when Harry began his fit. Half the house was destroyed, but Severus could only hold onto the boy in the corner of the best warded room in the house and wait it out.
It was early morning when Sirius stumbled into the kitchen at Spinner's End, the Apparation shakier than ordinary. He was a mess, and the grief that filled his heart was nearly enough to send him into a depression. His wand was immediately in his hand when he surveyed the damage throughout the kitchen. "Harry!" he yelled, wild panic filling him. He ran to the bedroom, knowing the wards were strongest there and burst in. "Severus! Harry!"
"Quiet yourself, Black. If you wake him, and he destroys the rest of my house, I will have your head."
Choking on a sob, Sirius made his way to the corner and dropped bonelessly beside Snape. He carded his hand through Harry's soft, baby fine hair with one hand and covered his face with the other. "The little rat betrayed them," he whispered tearfully. "If not for you—for Harry—I would find him and rip him limb from limb."
Severus tightened his grip on Harry as grief rained down upon his soul. Lily, his Lily, was dead. No tears were shed as he held onto the sleeping child.
Sobs were wracking Sirius's entire body as he stared down at his best friend's son through the darkness. He wanted badly to hold the baby, but he felt as if he would break him.
Grunting in annoyance, Severus shifted and deposited Harry in Sirius's surprised but willing embrace. "He will likely be hungry soon."
Sirius lowered his head onto Harry's, sliding down so the baby was not so scrunched. "I'm sorry, Prongslet. I thought if I tried hard enough, they could make it. I'm sorry we didn't trust Remus more. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he cried.
Harry's eyes blinked open and his hands immediately flexed. His face slowly crumpled and pulled away from Sirius's body.
"Shh." Sirius bounced the boy to stem the flow of tears but was unprepared for the sudden energy emitting from him. "Severus!" he called worriedly.
Severus swept into the room and pulled Harry into his arms. The magic was tempered, though still present as a light gust of wind. "Calm yourself, child," he intoned as he walked from the room. Rubbing the small back, he wondered at the fact that his grief was so much less important when faced with a fussy baby. Without releasing Harry to his highchair, he sat at the partially charred table and mixed the small grained cereal.
Harry's mouth automatically opened to receive the bite as he turned his head to look up at Severus with large, trusting eyes.
It was almost enough to undo the older man. "Eat," he chided calmly when a strong wind blew his hair askew. Harry's magic was out of control, and he knew if the situation was not rectified, the house would be brought down around their ears.
Harry took another bite, feeling the pain within his caretaker and responding accordingly. Grief was present in the house, as well as the residents as they went about their business.
