"Big brother! Big brother! I fucked up big time!"
It wasn't like Yao ever got any time alone. Well, he did, but that was in his little, fucking emo corner where no one cared about him, so no. That didn't count. But as his little sister, Mei Mei, ran over to him, the Chinese boy couldn't help but sigh in annoyance.
"Don't use that language, Mei Mei," he scolded, seriously. Mei Mei just huffed, and continued on with her story.
"Well, you see, I was supposed to meet the match maker today and . . ."
The little bitch droned on for what seemed like days, until a little comment caught his attention.
"And, well, I kind of, accidentally, didn't mean to, but . . ."
"Out with it, already, aru," Yao grumbled.
"ISETHERONFIRE! I seriously didn't mean to, and I swear it was all the cricket's fault!"
Yao was stunned. Shocked. He couldn't speak. His adorable little sister had set some old hag on fire. On fucking fire!
"You . . . did what?"
"I set the old hag on fire! I didn't mean to, but I-"
"YOU DID WHAT, ARU!" Flames of fury rose up in Yao's eyes as he stood, cursing in Chinese about his family's name and such. Honestly, he knew that Mei Mei didn't want to get married, but to set someone on fire? That was a bit extreme, especially for her!
"I'm sorry! It wasn't my fault! But since you're so angry, I'll just leave!"
It was only later that day that the war bells had rung. Yao absent-mindedly sat in his small room, making little storks out of small white sheets of paper. His whole room was full of them.
But, as the boy was about to finish up his final stork for the hour, his door flew open and a rugged man stomped his way across the room.
Snatching Yao by his long locks of hair, the man dragged him outside, into a large crowd of people.
"The son of the Wang family is here to report for war!"
Yao sighed, another one of those stupid thin-
Wait, what?
War?
. . . War?
FUCKING WAR!
HIS OWN FATHER HAD JUST SIGNED HIM UP TO GET AND GET HIMSELF SHOT TO BITS BY FLAMING AROWS OF DEATH AND DEATHNESS.
WHAT THE FUCK?
Not chirping a word, Yao was dragged back into his 'house'.
"Get your crap and get out. You're going in place of Kiku, and you will also be filed under his name," came the harsh voice of his father. Yao merely nodded, and scurried off to his room.
Mentally making a list, the nineteen-year-old grabbed some bandages, clothes, and his favorite pair of shoes to take with him. He also took some white paper and cranes to remember his 'home'.
After a while, say an hour or so, Yao was strapped on a horse and sent away, without even getting to say goodbye to his mother. Nothing was too interesting for a while, until the boy felt something bounce on his shoulder.
Turning around, expecting to see a piece of armor that had come undone [since his was SHIT and totally fucking USELESS], Yao saw a lizard on his shoulder. Let's repeat that, shall we?
Yao saw a red fucking lizard on his shoulder.
And since he was oh-so-manly, Yao let out a blood-curdling screech, freaking the hell out. He flailed his arms, trying to shake the thing from his shoulders.
But, in all honesty, it did nothing. Absolutely nothing.
So, trying to stay still while his horse was still moving, Yao took in deep breaths.
And all of his hard work went to waist when something else happened.
"Hi! I'm Alfred, the hero of your pathetic life! I'm here to make sure that you don't die during the war!"
The lizard had talked. The talk had lizarded.
Wait, what?
Yao screamed against, snatching the lizard in his fingers and throwing it at the nearest boulder.
"Ow! What the hell was that for? I'm here to save you, and you throw me? Gee, thanks!"
"What are you, aru?" Yao asked, trying to keep a straight face without screaming again.
"I'm a dragon, sent from above to help you!"
"My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me, aru?"
"Hey! Dragon. Dragon, not lizard. I don't do that tongue thing." The small 'dragon' stuck out his tongue, moving it around like a lizard would. Yao couldn't help but chuckle.
"So, we got this all cleared up? I'm a dragon, sent here to help you not die from getting shot. Cool. Now, put on a straight face, you've got some bitches to slap!"
"Oka- what, aru? Bitches to slap?"
Alfred the FUCKING TALKING DRAGON [as dubbed by Yao himself] shook his head, and held up a hand.
"Shh, shh. I talk, you listen."
And as they progressed down the trail that they didn't really blaze, Yao grumbled underneath his breath:
"Yeah, and how the hell is your dragon ass supposed to talk?"
