Yeah, I don't own Halo or Red vs. Blue, but if I did, that would be so cool! Also, this takes place before all the Reconstruction stuff. So… Yeah… Enjoy or whatever.


"Hey, I just got an idea," Grif said randomly.

"Oh. My. God." Sarge answered, astonished. "It's a sign of the apocalypse!" he screamed, "I knew they would come for use all one day! They've come to kill us all and feast on our blood! The blues must be too stupid for them! So they've come for us!"

"What?" Grif said. "No, I mean, why don't we just blow the blues up?"

"We did that before, dumbass," Simons said with a roll of his eyes.

"No, I mean, like, while being serious," Grif answered.

"Like, really serious?" Donut asked.

"Yes," Grif said. "Not joking around like normally. Seriously making some kind of attempt to kill them."

"That brilliant, Simons!" Sarge announced. "Pay attention, Grif, you can learn something from him."

"Thank you, Sir," Simons said.

"But it was—agh, screw it," Grif sighed. "So, how are we gonna do this?"

"I have an extent idea," Sarge yelled. "First, Grif will distract the blue team by running through their base while screaming 'I'm a pretty girl' over and over again. Then—"

"Wait, what!?" Grif yelled.

"You heard him, Grif," Simmons told him. "Now shut up!"

"Thank you, solider," Sarge said. "Now, as I was saying, after Grif distracts the blues, we'll sneak up from behind them, as there shooting at Grif—or laughing at him, which ever—and shoot their brains out! It's the perfect plan!"

"But, wait!" Grif stopped, "Won't I die or get hurt or something?"

"Your right, Sarge," Simmons said. "That is the perfect plan!"

"…Kiss-ass…" Grif muttered under his breath.

"Now, When I say 'go' Grif starts to run and—"

"Wait!" Grif interrupted. "What if I refuse to be the distraction?"

" I'll show everyone the pictures I took of you and Simmons at the party!"

"..Picture?" Both Simmons and Grif asked quickly.

"What party?" Donut asked, confused.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Grif yelled suddenly, "I WAS DRUNK OFF MY ASS!"

"Looked pretty sober to me," Sarge said.

"Sarge, isn't that a little extreme?" Simmons asked

"Simmons. Are you questioning my authority?" Sarge asked

"No, Sir," Simmons said. "Whatever… you think…is right…" Simmons forced.

"Can someone please tell me about this party you're all talking about?" Donut asked.

"The one that took place while you were having a sleepover with Caboose," Sarge informed.

"Aw man, there was a party?" Donut asked, disappointed.

"So, Grif, what's it gonna be?" Sarge asked with a wide smirk hidden by his helmet.

"…Fine…" Grif muttered.

"Good!" Sarge yelled. "Now, get movin', solider. The rest of us'll attack the blues after they double over laughing!"

"Agh, yes, Sir," Grif signed as he quickly began to run over to the blue base.

"So… Sarge. You were just kidding about the picture. Right?" Simmons asked, embarrassed.

"I'd tell ya Simmons, but half the fun is you not knowin'," Sarge said with a slight chuckle.

"Right," Simons said, coping Grif's sigh, "of course, Sir."

"Good. Now let's get a move on, ladies," Sarge ordered, "Grif is probably half way to the blue base by now."