Story title: Fatherhood.
Fandom: Glee.
Genre: Romance/Family/Drama.
Relationship: Jesse St. James/Rachel Berry. St. Puckleberry friendship. St. Faberry friendship.
Characters: Jesse St. James, Rachel Berry, Noah Puckerman, Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray, Brittany Pierce, Mike Chang, Matt Rutherford, Finn Hudson, Blaine Anderson, Sebastian Smythe, Hiram Berry, Leroy Berry, Claire St. James, Jonathan St. James, Andrea Cohen, Giselle.
Warning: Underage sex, bullying. But if you can watch Glee, you can read this.
Timeline: Set during and after Journey. It's alternate season 2. I've changed only one thing: Rachel and Jesse have their first time after Bad Reputation. Everything else remains the same.
Disclaimer: Glee and their recognizable characters belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX. I own Claire St. James, Jonathan St. James and every character you don't know.
Author's Note: First of all, I'm really sorry for the long time without any updates. It's just that stuff has been going on with my mom and she needed all my time and dedication. She went through a major operation on her spine in July and less than two months later (in September 1st) she had to go under the knife again to fix some issues caused by the first operation. Because of her surgeries, she couldn't do any house chores, so I took over cleaning the house and cooking for her while my husband dealt with the little ones. She's still recovering, so she's still my main focus, but I think I have a little time to focus on some other stuff than my family (I'm still a wife and mom, after all).
After rereading Fatherhood, I've decided to rework the whole thing in order to bring my inspiration back. I have some of the latest chapter written, but I can't recall exactly where I wanted to take it when I was actively working on it (meaning, I know how I want it to end, but there are kinks and things to iron out until then).
fatherhood.
Prologue.
His dark, stormy blue eyes find her face the moment he steps onstage, with the first notes of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' echoing in the auditorium. Rachel's pale and looks visibly thinner – her gold and black dress falls loosely over her body – but her face looks like it's made of stone, her lips pressed in a thin and tense line. His heart a mess of longing and jealousy and anger, Jesse slides his best showface on and pours out all his confusing feelings through song. Aware that her club is the one to beat (their Journey-inspired setlist was amazing), he gives his best in order to win. He wants to win – even if his victory means Rachel losing the one thing she has left to make her happy.
Halfway through his performance, Rachel grows paler and rushes out of the auditorium. Worry slices through all his other emotions, and he freezes up, because he can swear she left with her hand pressed against her mouth (what if she was crying? He can't handle being the cause of more of her tears). But Andrea, in sync as she is with him since she's his dance partner, subtly nudges him to carry on, and he obeys, hoping the judges won't notice his slip.
(He knows they won't. He has the best showface in their entire group).
When they're done, they file out of the stage. Shelby looks distracted, but smiles at them appraisingly when they move to the green room.
It doesn't come as a surprise at all when the judges announce their win. They break out in cheers of celebration, and he smiles genuinely for the first time in weeks when he's given their trophy to lift it up on the air.
Then he makes the 'mistake' to look at Rachel's direction.
The look on her face as she realizes New Directions haven't even placed haunts him. She's leaning against Artie, her hands tightly gripping his wheelchair's handles, looking sick, exhausted and deathly pale, her eyes full of tears when they lock with his. He is paralyzed at that moment, the same Shelby chooses to take him in a warm embrace. He sees as Rachel closes her eyes and turns her face to look the other way, but not before he can see a single tear escape her eye. His heart shatters in regret, all over again.
Unaware of his stormy emotions, Shelby whispers words of congratulations in his ears. Just as he has done since his return to Carmel, he brushes her off and ignores her tries to get him to acknowledge her. It's partly because of her that Rachel's angry at him, and he's also super pissed at her. He told Shelby he cared for Rachel, warned her not to hurt her daughter. Still, she ignored his warnings and shattered Rachel's heart anyway.
Andrea smoothly pushes him away from their now-former coach and invites him to an after-party at her house. He agrees. What does he have to lose now, when the one person that matters most to him is out of his reach?
It's been two hours since he saw Rachel last, and the look on her face when VA was declared winner still hasn't left his mind, no matter how much he tries to drown it down in alcohol. He takes generous gulps out of a bottle of whisky he stole from his father's bar earlier that day, and he's on his way to being shit-faced, but he can't get her devastation out of his brain – and he can't let go of her face when he broke that egg on her forehead either.
In fact, trying to drown his sorrows in booze only works to bring back memories of the best night of his life – the night when they finally became one, when Rachel gave him, and him alone, a part of her she hadn't ever given to anyone before. He had been so happy that night, so sure of their future as a couple. For the first time in his life, he had felt like he had found someone who loved him, and him only. And Rachel… Rachel had been so sweet, so soft and willing. He had been real careful with her, had ensured she didn't hurt at all (actually, he had been so nervous that for a second Rachel had thought he was all bravado and was as virgin as she).
In a way, she was right. Because up until her he had only had sex, had only fucked girls.
To Rachel, he had made love.
And, for someone whose entire life's planned ahead of him (he has known of his full ride to UCLA – maybe you've heard of it. It's in Los Angeles – since junior year, and he plans on being famous within the next five years, a household name within the next two years after that and an Academy Award winner for Best Actor within ten years), falling so fast in love with someone is pretty much a game-changer.
He's sitting on the back area of Andrea's house, his long legs stretched out in front of him and his fingers busy playing with the lid of a vodka bottle when he feels his phone vibrating against his thigh, but chooses to ignore it. It's probably one of his parents' assessors calling under their orders to congratulate him on his win, and he can't muster the strength to pretend to care. He rips the seal out of the vodka bottle and twists the lid open, lifts it up to his mouth – and Chris, who bought the booze thanks to his I.D., blinks in disbelief. Jesse never drinks.
His phone vibrates again and, rolling his eyes in exasperation, he tugs it out of his pocket.
His heart nearly stops when he sees Rachel's name on the missed call log. She left a voice message, and it's with shaking fingers that he presses the button to his speed-dial list. Closing the door that connects the back porch to the rest of the house, he presses his phone against his ear and waits, fervently praying for her to pick the call up.
She does. He stays silent for a long minute, and so does she, before saying, "Hey… You called?" He can barely recognize his own voice, so soft and unsure, and he gulps down a long sip of vodka, straight from the bottle, before putting back down by his side.
Rachel takes a deep breath. "Jesse… Y-yes, I called. I… I have something to tell you."
Jesse snorts. "If it's about you getting back together with Hudson, I really don't need and don't want to know, Rachel-"
He's all but set to break in a long rant on why Hudson is so wrong for her, so undeserving of her love in several levels, when Rachel blurts out the sentence that sends his entire world – his entire life plan – straight to hell. "Jesse, I'm pregnant."
He blinks in stunned disbelief for what feels like hours, but it's really seconds, before he gets up on his feet and kicks the full bottle away. "I'll be there in a couple of hours."
"Okay. Just come in, daddies aren't home and I'll leave the door open. And Jesse?"
"Humm?" He makes, patting his pockets after his keys.
"Just… Be careful, okay?"
Rachel hangs up her phone and takes a deep, shaky breath. It's done, she thinks, it's done. Closing her eyes to keep the onslaught of tears, she breathes shakily in one more time and leans her head against the strong, muscled shoulder of the boy sitting next to her. "He's coming."
Puck wraps an arm around her shoulders and squeezes them softly, sweetly kisses the top of her head. "How are you feeling?"
She gives him a teary smile, her eyes still closed, as she breathes in and out, trying to keep herself simultaneously from crying and from being sick to her stomach. "Terrified," she frankly admits. "I'm not ready to be a mother, Noah."
"But…?" He says.
"But if I'm really pregnant, then there's no one else in the world I could have wanted more to be the father of my baby." One of her hands comes to rest over her still flat belly, and he sees as a small smile curl the corner of her lips. "I loved – I still love Jesse with all my heart. To have a baby with him is to have a part of him that I can hold on to, I can love, I can cherish. I don't know where our conversation will take us, but, worst case scenario, I'll still have a little part of Jesse with me the rest of my life."
"That's worst case scenario. What's the best case?" Puck asks curiously.
Rachel pushes a little away from him and opens her eyes, smiles sadly at her friend. "Best case scenario, the baby won't be the only part of Jesse I'll have with me for the rest of my life."
