The Air's Kind of Thin Up Here: The Dragonborn has returned. Everyone else thinks its some kind of miracle or blessing. Lydia … she knows better. Her Thane is mad. Mad I tell you. Crack fic collection.

Image: Revisiting Video Game Symbols: Skyrim by hyperlixir.

Disclaimer: If only, if only the plot bunny sings.

Rating: Teen.

The Dragonborn, the Dragonborn comes.

For the love of Sanity, everyone run!

It was a massacre. Bodies were strewn about as still warm blood pooled in ever growing little lakes of red gore.

Some would have thought it a horror show.

Not the Dragonborn.

In fact, the Dragonborn was quite proud of herself . She was even standing upon the table in the bandits den just smirking to herself as she overlooked the carnage. There had to be fifteen bandits laid about … not that Lydia was impressed.

She knew how this was going to end … and it likely wasn't raiding the bandits mead den or their food stores.

They really were getting low on bread.

Really, how many Nordic helmets did her she need?

"Lydia, we fought honorably and they died like a bunch of pansy-boys," said the Dragonborn.

Lydia gave her Thane a dry look before she grumbled, "You started half of them on fire and then laughed, my Thane."

The Dragonborn nodded, before confirming, "Yes, like I said. Honorably."

A sign filled the drafty fort as something dripped in the background.

"Alright Lydia. Get out your special gloves. It … is … time."

Lydia was afraid to ask, "Time for what, my Thane?"

"Time … to … strip search them," wooted the Dragonborn.

Lydia wondered if madness was an after effect of being a Dovahkiin or if it was merely all the strange ingredients the woman dared to put in her mouth.

"Uh … what?" said Lydia, flabbergast. She understood looting some trinkets from time to time, but to strip search them?! She eyed a rather unattractive and almost greasy orc at her feet. He looked about sixty. She did not need to see his naked unclothed dead body in her dreams.

"You heard me. How else will we know we checked the bodies? Then we can put them in rather undignified corpse nakie-piles when we are done. Now, you start with the orc and his harry balls. I have a pussy to undress," said the Dragonborn laughing as she jumped off the table and went to undress a khajiit.

Ugh. Lydia knew she should have been a towns guard. At least they wouldn't be haunted by … saggy balls.

"Lydia! One, two, get on it! We need to make this look like a death orgy!"

Lydia, reluctantly put on her gloves as she stared at the orc, his tongue flopping out of the side of his mouth, "Ugh … yes my Thane."

She was never going to sleep again after this.

XXX

Paw07: Just replaying through Skyrim. Never really finished it technically. XD

Anyway, this is going to be a collection of Skyrim crack fics. They will loosely be connected, but there really isn't any plot besides the Dragonborns madness. I may have other companions stop in, but Lydia for now is the main focus character because she is the probably the most sane and sarcastic about it.