The Spirit Seeks Flesh
Kira never thought she could ever fall in love. She could be provoked to feel lust, she knew that already, but not romantic love. She was well into her twenties and was still a virgin. That was a rare thing on Bajor even before the Occupation. Her people celebrated sex and pleasure as long as they kept to their caste system. That system was obliterated by the Cardassians, opening up even more options, but Kira had gone out of her way to avoid it.
She was hostile to any man that dared to cat call her or look longingly in her direction. On the station with a myriad of aliens she had never encountered before, it was even worse. Dax reveled in it, but Kira glared. She had a strange encounter with a Cardassian soldier during an undercover mission that jarred her body at nineteen into awareness. She had a passing crush on Tahna Los, a fellow Bajoran comrade. She had never acted on her feelings. She was too terrified and awkward. She was more war-torn soldier than woman. She had unpleasant memories of a certain interrogation and threatened with rape. It wasn't the first or last time.
Yet when she met Bareil Antos, it was as though the Prophets instantly softened her calcified heart. She had heard of Vedek Bareil in passing or in the news back home. They said that he was practically the adopted son of Kai Opaka, the youngest monk to ever achieve the coveted higher position of Vedek, and he was said to be an exceptionally liberal and spiritual man. They never mentioned that he was possibly the most handsome man that Bajor had ever produced. She had never felt such a magnetic pull to another body, and when the man spoke with such a soft, hypnotic voice, she felt that he could talk her into almost anything.
Oh, I am in trouble! That was her exact thought.
He was nothing like she imagined he would be. She had pictured a meek and small man, more temple mouse than perfectly sculpted god! She thought he would have a growing belly or receding hairline like Fala Trentin, not rippling muscles and thick, straight hair black as space. He had eyes like cobalt that were soft like a woman's, a stark contrast to his incredibly masculine form. He hid powerful calves under temple robes but walked with grace and an aura of divinity she had never sensed before except in Kai Opaka herself. No one embodied both the spiritual and physical planes so well. Opaka had groomed Kira Nerys the most suitable teacher and lover whether she had planned that or not!
Even though her heart was fluttering like a teenager's and she hung on the vedek's every words as though her life depended on it, and she was struggling with all her might not to reach out and touch his chest, she was still terrified! She couldn't believe such a holy and beautiful man could ever want her.
It wasn't because he was a Vedek. The temple clergy were never forbidden from taking spouses or lovers. Bajor encouraged large families and not even the Kai was subjected to vows of chastity. The religion embraced sexuality and spirituality as vital to any healthy pagh. There were traditionally male and female prostitutes that offered love, counsel, and instruction employed directly by the temple. They accepted any generous donations a client could give and that money went to the coffers that spilled forth once a week to feed the hungry and poor. It was a respected office until Cardassians poisoned the practice forever.
When the Occupation began, the temples were the primary targets. They were the heart of Bajoran civilization and stored foods and riches. The Cardassians completely misunderstood the practice of temple prostitutes. Deadly in their homophobia, the Cardassians immediately executed the males and took the females for themselves. They were supposed to be shared freely, not hoarded by a single man or woman! They took them only to slake their physical desired and scoffed at the spiritual. When they had snatched all the prostitutes and still craved more women, they began snatching wives and daughters. The hated and prolonged system of comfort women was established.
After several generations of Cardassians mocking and corrupting the sacredness of sex, there would probably never be temple prostitutes again. Women were filled with a shame and aversion that had been unknown by Bajorans before. They reveled in their regained freedom when the Occupation ended, but society would never be the same. Intimacy wasn't innocent and playful anymore. Men weren't immune to the stigma either. Male couplings were frowned upon as Cardassian attitudes caught on. Many men felt denied or emasculated and couldn't take rejection well from their women. Some husbands refused to take back their wives after Cardassians had them. It would take a long time for men and women to heal and join together.
Kira was not a scholar of the scriptures. She was lucky to get a basic education in her own religion thanks to Fala. She was used to the crude vernacular of a soldier. She was hard, damaged, and bitter. She imagined that her voice was harsh and shrill. She had never been so aware of the scars and flaws on her body. She 'bit the bullet' and had Bashir remove them all and felt strangely better when she examined herself in the mirror afterward. Removing physical scars helped heal the psychological ones in some small way.
She hated to admit she needed instructions on how to be feminine, so she approached her coworker Jadzia Dax the next day at work.
"Dax?"
"Yes, Major?" the Trill woman gazed at her with those green eyes and Kira had a flash before her of another pair of green eyes but gazing out of a mask. "Oh, are you alight? You just got very pale!"
"I'm fine," Kira insisted, shaking herself from bad memories. "And you can call me Kira."
"Only if you call me Jadzia!"
"Look, Jadzia, I have a request. I, uh, don't have many girlfriends. To be honest, I have none. I was hoping to have someone to shop with."
"Shopping!" Jadzia Dax squealed. "Trust me, all the women in me are so, so excited to hear that! Yes! When?"
"After the shift?" Kira was surprised by her enthusiasm. "Are Curzon and the other men groaning at that?"
"Curzon was a stylish man that loves to gaze at clothing on the female form. He'll love you modeling for him for a change instead of me! He would say that the other men can just go straight to hell!"
Kira laughed out loud, "Tell him to hide in a corner of your brain somewhere else while I'm trying on clothes. I don't want those lecherous old man's eyes on me. Only yours."
She blushed as Jadzia's eyebrows flexed almost flirtatiously. Benjamin Sisko gave them a sharp look from his seat.
"Is something being plotted over there?" he joked.
"Just girl talk, Ben!" Jadzia waved her hand to dismiss him boldly.
"Whatever you say, old man," he grinned broadly and allowed them to continue as they were.
Kira was amused and relieved at how laid back the Starfleet officer could be. He was a force to be reckoned with when it counted though. She was admiring him more and more every day and not just because the Prophets had inexplicably chosen him to be their Emissary.
"First, Kira, I need to have a look in your closet to see what you need and get an idea of what your style is."
"OK."
If she had any idea what she was in for, she might have never allowed Dax into her quarters. The Trill went through everything including her underwear drawer. Kira was humiliated and horrified. She hid her face in her hands as Jadzia's tongue wagged.
"By the starts, Kira Nerys!" she exclaimed. "What is all this? Are these the wrong quarters? All you have are uniforms, a few plain and sad blouses, sports bras and boxers instead of panties! Are those men's trousers and boots? You need me more than either of us thought! Some of this is obviously the wrong size! You could use a better shade of makeup too. It doesn't quite match your skin tone. By the way, have you considered growing or styling your hair beyond an approved military cut?"
"I get it, Dax. I'm a hopeless case!" Kira said bitterly.
"No, you are not!" the Trill snatched her hand. "Jadzia is here to save you!"
"I'll allow myself to be your doll tonight but only if I am drunk first!" Kira said reluctantly.
"How drunk?" Jadzia purred just like Sisica and Kira winced.
"Properly drunk!"
Jadzia dragged her to Quark's next and barely let go of her hand all evening. It was like she had adopted a little girl for the evening. She pushed adventurous new drinks on Kira. Since the wormhole had opened, there was an exciting new list ever expanding. Quark smirked at them both.
"Ah, why isn't it the loveliest two ladies on the station? Did you come to make me happy? Well, you've succeeded! Which one of you will be my date tonight? No need to fight over me! I'll take you both anytime and anywhere!"
They groaned together and Kira said with a sour look, "I could never be drunk or dead enough to be yours, Quark!"
"Sorry, Quark," Dax said glibly. "If you had me, you wouldn't know what to do with me. I have high standards and you would be spoiled for all other women forever. I'm not the type to settle down, and you'd pine and die."
Kira began chugging a sour shot to match her mood when she heard a very distinctive and graveled voice in her ear, " Major, I do hope you drink plenty of water to off-set the amount of poison that you are consuming?"
"Odo?" she almost choked on her drink. "Oh, hell!"
The Constable looked concerned and a little guilty as Kira coughed until the liquid that had gone down the wrong pipe was dealt with. He hadn't meant to startle her. He hadn't shape shifted from a corner of the room. He was simply quiet and normally never approached crowds or Quark if he could avoid it.
"Are you alright, Major?"
"Yes, thank you!"
"I'll never understand why your breathing apparatus is so close to your eating apparatus," he shook his head disparagingly a little then looked back and forth between the Bajoran woman and Trill woman. "Are you on a date?"
"I hope so!" Quark blurted.
"Oh, wouldn't you like to know, Odo?" Dax teased.
Odo glared at her for being so informal with him. He barely knew Jadzia Dax and would have proffered the title of Constable. He was also not good with teasing of any kind. He was learning, but social cues were beyond him.
"I asked the question, didn't I?" he said with irritation.
"I asked the question, didn't I?" Dax mocked him by imitating his gravelly voice in a very unflattering way.
"Stop that, Jadzia!" Kira snapped, fiercely defending her Changeling friend's feelings. "Constable, we are not on a date. She and I are becoming friends, that's all. We are having a sort of girl's night."
"A girl's night?"
"A night that might end in pillow fights and experimentation perhaps?" Quark threw out.
Kira pinched his ear, hoping he felt maximum pain and nothing near his 'oo-max' that he spoke of too much. That seemed to cheer Odo back up.
"No, Quark! Lovely as Jadzia Dax is, I'm not into Trill or other females. No offense, Dax."
"None taken, friend!"
"I get it. You like that Vedek fellow instead!"
"You ever keep your damn mouth shut, Quark?" Kira pinched him until he shrieked.
Odo's face fell a little. Maybe she was being too hard on the Ferengi for his liking. She let him go.
"Have fun with your new friend, Major," Odo said hastily to her. "Make sure to drink at least two ounces of water for every few you have of alcohol to avoid a hangover. If it's something strong, reverse that number."
"That's quite specific, Constable," Kira wrinkled her nose ridges.
Odo almost smiled. He loved when she did that, "I have observed your tolerance, Major."
Jadzia and Quark didn't miss the barely imperceptible jolt in the air between the Changeling and Bajoran, but they seemed clueless and turned away from each other. Kira wondered if he was jealous that she was making other friends. He was only just learning about what friendship entailed. She hoped he wasn't still confused and hurt. She almost went after him, but Dax still had her Trill paws on her and dragged her to the clothing replimat.
"So, is what Quark said true about the Vedek or do you like Constable Odo?" Dax whispered.
Kira blushed, "Bareil Antos is very appealing."
"Ah, so all this was about a man?" Dax pouted.
"Well, I admit, that was my underlying motivation, but I do like you, Jadzia Dax. I'd like to pursue friendships as well as romances on this satin, even if I didn't think it would truly happen."
Dax gave her a little peck on her cheek and started browsing a catalogue. By the time the Trill was done, Kira was nearly broke and had a brand new wardrobe in her quarters. She also had a blast with the Trill woman. She had always thought she hated fashion and shopping. It was fun, she realized, with the right company and with good sensible advice.
