Someone to Fall Back On

The last bell of the day at McKinley high school had just rung and the energy in the air was palpable. All the students were excited because it was the last day of school before Christmas break and everyone was too stir crazy to focus on anything teachers had to say. The halls were slippery with the snow dragged in from the students who cut last period to go and have snowball fights in the freshly fallen snow that had accumulated since the morning. Marley Rose was at her locker mentally preparing to pack whatever books she needed to take home for break. While most students are choosing to blow off all extra credit that the teachers are assigning, Marley intended to do them as a distraction from what was going to be a very sad Christmas.

This was her very first Christmas in Lima and she still didn't have many friends from her new school, besides those in Glee club, who were not very happy with her at the moment after the debacle at sectionals. Worse still, her and her mom would not be able to afford a tree because all extra money would be spent paying for a therapist who specialized in eating disorders to help Marley recover from her bulimia. It's not like she was the biggest believer in Christmas miracles considering all the crap she's dealt with throughout her life, but she's always loved Christmas trees. Her favorite thing to do on lonely December nights is sit in a chair by the decked out tree and imagine a better and happier life. It was the only thing that kept her from going completely over the edge during the holidays. In fact, she never cared about the presents or the food or anything that people always took for granted. It was always about the tree and the promise of a new day. Now she had absolutely nothing to look forward to for the next two weeks.

Lamenting on this sad fact, she grudgingly tossed some books in her backpack, put on her coat and picked up stuff and prepared to make her way down the slowly emptying hallway. That was, until her friend Ryder Lynn knocked her down while running in the hallway to get to his locker after an impromptu football game with Sam Evans, Blaine Anderson, and Finn Hudson. Marley accidentally let out an annoyed sigh and attempted to pick up her fallen books, but Ryder instead helped Marley back up and picked up her stuff while apologizing a million times. Sam then passed them in the hallway and "why don't you two get a room? I'm sure the choir room is available." Blaine then said: "I wouldn't count on Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury rushing out of there anytime soon."

Just as Blaine, Sam and Finn erupted into laughter and high-fives, Mr. Shue walked out of Sue's office, clearly miffed until he ran into the Glee students and asked "did I miss something?" Ryder then quickly covered for his friends and said "It's nothing Mr. Shue, they're just messing around." Mr. Shue gave Ryder a skeptical look and turned to Marley and said, "you're going to have to work a little bit harder to keep these guys under control, Ms. Rose.", winking. Blaine then walked over to Marley and said "Oh, I think she's way too outnumbered for that task, Mr. Shue." Marley gave Blaine a little brotherly jab in the elbow and Blaine retaliated by ruffling her hair. Mr. Shue just chuckled at this exchange and said "hey you guys better get going before you get in trouble." Then turned to Ryder and Marley and said: "hey you guys remember that extra credit for history that I was going to give you for that test last month? Because you were in the hospital, Marley and Ryder, you just…" "Ummm, failed miserably?" Ryder countered with a pointed expression. "Yeah, something like that." Mr. Shue chuckled. "Well." he continued." I was looking at your grades and realized I never gave it to you, so I was hoping maybe you guys could clean the choir room up a little bit, you know, organize the sheet music and stuff before the janitors get to it. Do you guys have any time now? I would do it, but Coach Sue wants me to go to a meeting with Principal Figgins . Probably another one of her attempts to get me fired." He said with rolling eyes. Ryder piped up and said "yeah, sure I'm free." Marley then said hesitantly, "I'm not sure if I can do it, my mom's waiting for me. She has to drop me off at home before going to a Christmas party in Columbus with some of the other lunch ladies." Ryder offered with a smile, "I can give you a ride when we get done, I don't mind." Marley thought about it for a second, and said "sure, why not?" Mr. Shue said, "that's what I like to hear! Clean it up good, guys!" as he rushed down the hallway to Figgins's office. Marley then turned around to her locker and put her stuff away, as it looked like she wasn't leaving anytime soon. When she shut her locker and reached the choir room, Ryder smiled and said, "Ladies first." Marley smirked a little at his chivalry and took the lead in the disheveled room.

Marley walked over to the piano, and picked up some sheet music that fellow classmate and ditzy cheerleader Brittany S. Pierce drew a unicorn prancing unicorn on and laughed a little bit. Ryder then said "now that's the million dollar Marley Rose smile I haven't seen in a while." Then blushed as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Marley then countered with 'what are you talking about? I smiled sarcastically today at lunch when you attempted to converse with Sam in Na'vi." "That's not the same, Marley." Ryder said. "Ever since, sectionals, you've been more, I don't know, closed off than usual…" Ryder sensed he touched upon a sensitive subject. In an attempt to keep from losing her temper, she replied "maybe the jokes aren't as funny anymore." and went back to filing music. Ryder dropped the chairs he was attempting to stack and said "you can drop the passive-aggressive "Perks of being a Wallflower" crap, you know. If you can't open up to any of us in Glee club, then you won't have anyone to lean on. We're your FRIENDS. We actually care about you and it's killing us to see you go through this. And another thing, it hurt when you lied to me about never taking laxatives. I realize you probably think I'm just another asshole jock who only cares about sex, but believe me, I don't have many real friends and, I don't know, seeing someone I care about just collapse on stage scared me." He finished with a defeated look. He stared at her hard and long and said "well, I just practically poured my heart out to you. You want to explain why you did all that to yourself? Please, just stop shutting me out." He said staring at her waiting for a response.

Marley sat on the piano bench, with all the walls she built up between her and the world crumbling. Even now weeks after fainting at sectionals, she still hasn't been able to admit to anyone, much less herself why she put her mind and body through so much hell. Despite all the lectures from doctors, her mom , Mr. Shue, Finn and Ms. Pillsbury, she still felt a disgusting and aching feeling in the pit of her stomach every time she's forced to eat. She tasted every bit of self-hatred and regret every time her Glee friends watched her at lunch to make sure she was eating something. After lunch, whenever she passed the bathroom, she felt tempted to go and release every bad feeling she felt as soon as she ate. She knew she wasn't strong enough to keep everything hidden away. She felt as if she was on a ledge, ready to slip at any moment if she didn't have anyone to confide in. But now in that moment after Ryder's tantrum, something snapped. All emotions she felt: anger, resentment, disappointment, hatred, regret and sadness, rushed through the floodgates of her heart. Something about disappointing Ryder and hearing him say how much he cared for her broke her. But now, her only dilemma was whether she could trust him enough to stay, despite whatever happened to her. She sat at the piano with all her defenses shut down. She had nothing else to lose, really. What could it hurt to open up to someone?

"Ok, I don't know why I did it! I don't know why I feel like there's something wrong with me, but I just know there is! And I guess, if I just make myself throw up and starve myself enough, maybe I'll just disappear and every thing will get better! I'm not like everyone else in Glee club, I can't just sing away everything I feel! No matter what I do, it's never enough to make someone care about me enough to stay. I always thought that if maybe I kept to myself and never hurt anyone, things would get better, but they haven't, so I guess I was just desperate to feel something, just to make me feel…alive." "Wow, I guess I just sounded like a total suicidal freak. No wonder I've never said that aloud to Ms. Pillsbury or the doctors. They all would've tossed my ass in rehab." She thought to herself after her tirade. Little did she know, that Mr. Shue, Santana, Unique, Blaine, Sam, Brittany, Artie, Tina, and Finn all happened to be outside the door listening to Marley and Ryder's conversation.