once upon a time. there was a alfred and he really loved igirisu he saw him one day and said hey artie wazzup and artie was all sod off you bloody wanker. but america hadn't even DONE anything yet. like to piss him off i mean, so he was kinda like wtf mate. except thats more of australia's thing. but anyway, he was all wtf i havent even annoyed you yet and artie was all idc u bloody tosser im going to leave if you dont shut up. and al was all who shoved a stick up your ass arthur? and arthur got pissed and sicced his corgi on him. alfred screamed and iggy ran away on his unicorn into the sunset. except he kinda rode away and not ran. and he flew across a rainbow with his fairy friends and it was really great and fun. so he started to sing happily and stuff about how he was the number one princess in the world and stuff. but then his unicosnrs got tired and fell out of the sky and iggy was all oh noesssssssone!!!!!111one and he collapses and shite.

he passed out and was unconscious for awhile and stuff. but hours later he began to wake up. he was still kinda groggy though. but he felt a hand on his ass. so he abruptly woke up. and was all OMG WTF. SOMEONE IS GROPING ME and then he hears the voice of a certain frog bastard say "oh mon ami angelterre, don't pretend you are not excited to see moi?" and england was all get the fuck away from me you wine freak and france was all but angelterre i love you for srs. so arthur kicked him in the balls and ran away. he probably should have just escaped on the unicorn but that ISNT AS SUSPENSEFUL AS A CHASE ON FOOT. so anyway, as england was escaping he suddenly was whisked into the air.

so he began to struggle, thinking francis had stolen his unicorn and was now using it against him and stuff like that. BUT IT WASN'T. it was gilbert. riding a pegasus but not like that guy from yugioh because that would just be awkward. SO ANYWAY. arthur was all, WTF GILBERT? AND GILBO WAS ALL, Muahahaha I claim you for Prussia! and england was all like nooooooooooooooo and gilbert started cackling until he broke into a coughing fit like some kind of heavy metal singer or something. gilbert landed the pegasus down in a conveinently placed grassy field.

england was then bound with leather straps and gilbert put a gag in his mouth and he was all IMMA CLAIM UR VITAL REGIONS. But he decided to sing first. Except he sucked at singing so much a flock of tiny yellow chicks flew out from the trees around them and proceeded to peck at him. arthur used this opportunity to escape! but he had to hop because he was still tied up and looking like a sex slave or something. but somehow he didnt attract any attention in this way. while marveling over the obliviousness of people in the area, he collided into something very tall....and very russian

of all the people he could meet, it had to be braginski! sheesh, arthur had the worst luck. artie began to sweat as he stared up at russia's smiling face. 'oh god he's going to kill me or make me one with him or rape me or everything like that and worse' just as england was faced with IMMINENT DOOM, he heard a cry from his right.

GTFO YOU DAMN FUCKING COMMIE PINKO BASTARD. And Alfred swung down from a vine and landed beside him. ivan's expression didnt falter, and he replied with a "hello comrade america, something is the matter da?" and america was all, YOU'RE WHATS THE MATTER. Stop tryring to fucking claim people damn it. But Russia would not accept that, people would call him a pussy if he didn't FIGHT LIKE A MAN. So as MANLY MEN as themselves are, they decided to HAVE A POKEMON BATTLE TO THE DEATH.

So america was all, I CHOOSE YOU, CHINA-CHU! and threw Yao at Ivan's face. YAO SCREECHED LIKE AN UNDERAGED SCHOOLGIRL AS HE FLEW THROUGH THE AIR. Ivan however, still seemed pleased. He only smiled and grabbed china into a BONECRUSHING, RIB BREAKING, BODY SPLINTERING, HUG OF LOVE. China was all omg wtf not now ivan there are people watching it'll ruin our manly commie image. so ivan pouted but carried china away to have fun somewhere nice and quiet.

england stared in disbelief. WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED he shrieked, after Alfred had removed the leather/gags/etc that bound him. alfred only laughed and hugged arthur. I'm so glad you're safe! he cried. iggy being the tsundere he was, only replied with a "GET OFF ME YOU BLOODY GIT" alfred laughed again and kissed him because he has loved arthur forever and evers and all the other fanfics do that when the damsel is saved so yeah. and arthur blushed and flailed about but he secretly liked it. so as alfred pulled back, england couldnt help himself and flung himself into america's arms. it was all sappy and fluffy and tsundere for awhile, but things started to heat up. but no one can have sexy times without the fantabulous francis bonnefoy, so he burst from the bushes fully naked with gilbert and antonio at his side.

LETS HAVE A HAPPY NATION ORGY OF L'AMOR~ he said somewhat seductively. as seductive as capslock can be anyway. of course, a bunch of other countries who were magically nearby walked into the clearing to join in. Russia was all, Yay now you shall all become one with mother russia. and spain ran over to the clearly confused romano who had been dragged there be veneciano and started molesting him (with tomatoes)

so finally they all got on with it, even innocent little matthew, and everyone lived happily ever after until some other weird shit happened like arthur getting pregnant or something that happens in those weirdo au fics. BUT FOR NOW, a happy ending. THE AND.