This is an idea me (Aiko's Night-Patrol) and my best friend Kelsey (Mooncheese) had. We thought it would be cool if we did a story written by two people from two points of views. So we decided to give Hermione and Ron's views of the sixth book: mainly because we love them and also because the majority of fics featuring them are very slushy and a bit OOC. We fight to change this system!
0o0o0
Great.
Bloody great.
Pretty much the best looking girl I have EVER set eyes on comes to stay and oh, yes, Ron: here's one nice big slap in the face for you- she is your brother's fiancée.
Well. This sucks. I get about a gazillion siblings, all of whom are cleverer, funnier, more talented and more successful than me, and to top it off, Bill goes and seals it all by bagging himself the fucking hottest girl you will ever see. Then, just to rub a little more salt in the gaping wound, I get people saying stupid things like: "Oh don't you just love having such a nice big family?" and, "you are so lucky to have such nice siblings!"
Ginny hates it as well. Although, thinking about it, I think she is actually just jealous of Phlegm - I mean Fleur - because everyone pays more attention to her than they do to Ginny.
Fred and George opened their shop by the way. I thought Mum was actually going to have a heart attack for a minute when she found out what they had left Hogwarts for. She kinda did this whole clutching her chest and making these weird squeaky sounds, and her eyes sort of, well, BULGED out of their sockets. It was actually quite amusing at the time. Not that my mother having a heart attack would have been particularly funny. But you get my meaning.
AYYAHSFDKKKK!
Sorry about that. Phlegm- I mean Fleur! FLEUR! Stupid Ginny. Anyway, she just walked in. Without warning. Wearing this sort of floaty dress thing. Dammit. I swear, I need some sort of warning before she walks in on me. You know. So I can prepare myself and, yeah, well. Not look stupid. Or at least, look a tiny bit less stupid than I normally do. Bollocks.
On the upside, Hermione is coming to stay today. I could really do with a friend; having spent the last three weeks surrounded by my insufferable relatives and their significant others. I seem to remember Hermione hating Fleur as well in forth year. At least, she yelled at me whenever I looked at her, and sent McGonagall-esq looks at her (which, if I were Fleur, I would have been pretty intimidated by). Although having her to stay might not be such a great thing; she will probably go on and on about OWLs for like, the whole summer until they actually arrive, and then she will do brilliantly (because she is a genius) and still go on and on about them and think she could have done better. I guess, after five years, I should be used to it. But it's not a very easy thing to get used to. Mind you, I really shouldn't complain, because I probably would have literally failed everything if it weren't for her. And Harry, of course, because of the whole DA thing. But mainly Hermione, who, I kid you not, is like this all-knowing homework angel- like a dictionary, thesaurus, encyclopaedia and most of Hogwarts library packed into a sixteen-year-old girl. It really is verging on incredible.
Anyway, she is arriving in about an hour. I don't have a clock in this godforsaken room apart from that stupid one that keeps telling me I'm in mortal peril, but I can tell because my dear mother is running around like a headless chicken screaming at people to tidy up and help her peel potatoes. I don't really see what good tidying up is gonna do. This house is going to look like a dump whatever we do with it.
0o0
I was right about the all out girl war on Fleur. Hermione keeps giving me disdainful looks every time she is in the room - as if it's my fault she is here. And mum is pretending to like her, but she keeps saying these ludicrously obvious things like – "That Tonks is a really nice girl," and "I do wish you would talk to Nymphadora more often, Bill, you two have SO much in common and she is such a CHARMING young woman." I don't know why she is bothering. Tonks is not at all lovely or charming at the moment. In fact, she looks a bit, well, dead. Mum says she is upset about Sirius, but hey. I never thought they were that close. Shows what I know.
Anyway, I don't know why Bill would ever look twice at Tonks when he has Fleur. I mean, even before Tonks let herself go she wasn't exactly anything special. Not ugly or anything. But not great. You would think- what with being a metamorphy-ma-thing- she would be able to make herself a bit better looking. But maybe not. When I gave Hermione this theory, she gave me an acute look of disgust, called me an insensitive wart and went back to reading some impossibly huge tome called something dreary like 'One Billion Ultra-Crap Incantations.'
Mum told me that Harry is supposed to be arriving soon, but that he has to go somewhere with Dumbledore first. Lucky sod. I bet its more fun than being stuck here. Even with Hermione to talk to; being as that she is not beyond yelling at me on a regular basis it's not really all that different from having my family here.
Hermione thinks that thing with Dumbledore is to do with the prophecy from last year- you know- the one that smashed in the Ministry. The Prophet is saying that there is probably another recording of the prophecy somewhere, and even though the majority of stuff they print in that paper is utter bollocks, Hermione reckons it might actually be true this time. Which is cool. Because then Harry can tell us all what it said. Mind you, although Hermione is nearly always right about everything, she is still convinced that House Elves would rather be marching around the Ministry of Magic demanding the right to vote than cooking rich meals for fat rich people. So, y'know.
0o0
Harry is here.
Didn't actually realise he was supposed to be coming today- Mum is convinced she told me, but seriously. I can hardly be expected to remember everything that woman says, can I?
Anyway. Yeah, I just woke up this morning and Mum was just: "Harry is here." Which was a more interesting greeting than I usually get. On a typical holiday morning I normally get comments like: "Merlin, it's twelve o' clock! You are one lazy sod. Are you good for anything?" (Ginny) or "Ahhh, ickle Ronnie has had his nap-nap." (Fred. Or George) or even – "Ron, you haven't made your bed OR washed up breakfast. I'm your mother, not your slave!" (Mum.). So news that my best mate had arrived was pretty much a friendly greeting in this house. I wasn't sure whether to wake Hermione or not, but I thought she ought to know so I kinda leant over and poked her a bit. I think she must have been dreaming, because she was muttering something about princes and mothers.
Yeah, so after that half the house decided to go and surprise Harry, so I sort of punched him- lightly of course- to let him know we were here, which got a reproach from Hermione but hey! It was more effective than doing something stupid like shaking him gently or whispering at him, not to mention a lot less gay. And he didn't seem hurt, 'cause he said he was fine when I asked him.
I pulled over one of those storage boxes Fred and George keep in their room- that's where Harry's sleeping now that the twins are becoming millionaires in Diagon Alley- and sat on it. Turns out Harry had only been with Dumbledore to get a new Defence teacher, which was a bit of a disappointment to say the least. I was about to tell him about the prophecy theory, but Hermione flashed me one of her Ron-Weasley-if-you-don't-shut-your-mounth-this-instant-I-will-give-you-a-reason-to-regret-it looks. So I had to make up the lamest cover up ever: "Yes, we thought it would be something like that." I mean, seriously. We get told that our best friend is off on some adventure with one of the greatest wizards there ever was, why the fuck would we assume that it was to get a new teacher?
Anyway, all through this whole conversation Hermione kept staring at Harry in this overly motherly way, like he was ill or something. It was so obvious even I picked up on it. Luckily she is better at making up quick cover stories than me, so she just pretended like everything was fine.
At this point Ginny- oh beloved sister of mine- walked in resembling a particularly pissed off blast ended skrewt (basically her normal look at the moment) and started having this spontaneous bitching session about poor Fleur. I don't even know why I bother standing up for her anymore, all I get is my head bitten off. And, to make it worse, the damn veela woman swooped in the next second without warning with a huge cooked breakfast in her perfect delicate hands. I can't really remember much after that- the shock made my head go a bit stuffy, although I think she kissed Harry. Lucky bastard. Anyway, then mum came and joined in with the girls' little bitching thing. Well, ok, she didn't really. But I know she wanted to.
I seem to recall Hermione having a strop at me right about this point, although I still felt a bit groggy from the unexpected Fleur encounter. She sort of flounced over to the corner of the room and stood glaring at me sulkily. I don't know why she gets so stressed about it- its not like I can help it. Well, maybe I can a bit. But not a lot. Although I did restate my point that Fleur is way better than Tonks, which didn't exactly do a lot to endear me to Hermione- who yelled something at me from her corner, At least Harry stood up for Fleur- even if it did mean he got an earful from Ginny. She really is in a constant bad mood at the moment. Thankfully, my dear mother- turns out she really is good for some things- made her go get lost and peel spuds or something.
It was all quiet for a moment. Hermione seemed to have stopped sulking a bit, she was looking through one of the cardboard boxes. I know from experience this isn't a good idea- at the beginning of the summer I found a seemingly harmless joke wand. Seemingly harmless, until, well, it, err, bit me. In an, umm, sensitive place. I haven't been through boxes since, but I was loathed to tell Hermione about this fact. Basically because she was pissing me off being all sulky and irritable. It's like having two Ginnys in the house sometimes. Although Hermione is way better than Ginny. But you get what I mean.
"What's this?" Hermione asked after a few minutes of silence, save for the sound of toast being eaten. She was holding up a little telescope. I hadn't seen that before.
"Dunno," I said, truthfully. "But if Fred and George've left it here, it's probably not ready for the joke shop yet, so be careful." See? See what a good friend I am? Tempting as it was, I warned her. Yeah anyway, after talking about my boring family for a few minutes, Harry decides to announce that Dumbledore was giving him private lessons. It surprised me so much I choked on my toast. Well, Harry's toast. Which I might just have stolen. But still. I sat there- slightly flabbergasted to say the least- for a few seconds, half chewed toast hanging out of my mouth. Wow I must have looked hot.
I was pretty impressed actually. I mean Dumbledore is a genius. And he is giving Harry private lessons. And then- as if he hasn't disrupted the digestion of my stolen toast enough, he bloody well announces that he knows what the prophecy from the Ministry said. And that he has to kill Vol – Volde – oh, for Merlin's sake. You-Know-Who.
Now that is something you don't hear every day over breakfast.
Everyone was kind of distracted at that point, because the little telescope Hermione was holding let off a canon-like explosion and copious amounts of black smoke.
"Hermione!" Harry and I yelled simultaneously. Yeah, I know I was supposed to be annoyed with her, but when you find out that your best friend is destined to kill this all-powerful wizard and then your other best friend gets blown up at exactly the same time, you sort of forget that you were annoyed with her. She was fine, though, all she got was a big black eye where the thing punched her. Actually, that part was bloody hilarious. I thought laughing hysterically in Hermione's face might not be a very good idea, however. Being as it was supposed to be one of those high-tension moments and all.
"Don't worry," I assured her. Have you any idea how hard it is to sound reassuring when you are trying not to burst a lung from suppressed laughter? Well, I'll tell you. Very. "Mum'll fix that, she's good at healing minor injuries…"
Hermione seemed to have already forgotten the punching telescope, though, because she was far more preoccupied being worried about Harry. She was sitting on his bed doing her worried mother-hen bit again. This irritated me for some reason, although I'm not quite sure why. Anyway. I thought the mood had got a bit heavy in the room, so I tried to put a positive- well, as positive as you can get when your friend has to do an incredibly dangerous thing and doesn't have much choice in the matter spin on things.
He wouldn't be giving you lessons if he thought you were a goner- wouldn't waste his time- he must think you've got a chance! Wow, Ron, that really was a good positive spin. Congratulations. Ron Weasley 1, everyone else 0. Hermione agreed with me. I guess she forgot she was annoyed about the whole Fleur thing. Mind you, You-Know-Who is slightly more important. Plus this gave her a chance to list all the complicated magic Harry could be about to be taught by Dumbledore- do her whole 'I'm a walking fount of all knowledge' bit. That is, until Harry dropped his second bombshell.
0o0
For goodness' sake. You would think, wouldn't you, that having your best mate announce that he had to kill the most evil wizard ever to walk this planet because it was some kind of divine destiny would be a little more stressful than being told that your fifth-year exam results are due out that day. Evidently, you are not Hermione Granger. Hermione remained all pensive and calm during Harry's explanation of all things most evil, but the second he says 'Oh yes, silly me, the OWL results are due out today, totally slipped my mind!' - or something along those lines, she completely freaks out. Literally. I have never seen anyone react so badly to anything in my life. Anyway, she practically leapt out of the door, and spent the next ten minutes in a state of panic while mum tried- and failed, amusingly- to remove her black eye.
I tried to be realistic. I mean, if Hermione actually failed anything the world would probably end. Or at least I would end- having just actually died of shock. Plus, how am I supposed to deal with her being a complete head case? She is a million times more intelligent than me! If she failed, then I probably would have done so badly that I would just get sent a message from the exam board which says Yes, Ron Weasley, guess what? You really DO suck at everything! So I had to tell her to snap out of it.
"Hermione!" (yes, I admit, I might have shouted just a little bit) "Will you just shut up! You're not the only one who's nervous!" (the other nervous person? Yes, that would be me.) "And when you've got your eleven Outstanding OWLs…"
This probably wasn't the most tactful thing to say, since it resulted in Hermione practically becoming hysterical and flapping her hands manically declaring that she had failed everything. This resulted in a discussion about failure, which, really is exactly not what you want just before your exam results arrive. Especially when you see three little black owl-like dots appear heading towards your window. And Hermione screams and clings to your arm. Although the last part actually wasn't too bad. In fact, it was slightly calming…don't know how that one works out…but anyway.
So, there we all were, standing in a horrified manner and staring, transfixed, at the window, which mum squeezes past to open so the owls don't fly straight into it (which might have relieved the tension a bit, come to think of it. And probably would actually have been quite funny) But yeah. Hermione was shaking so bad I'm surprised the poor owl with her results didn't bite her finger off or something. But- good news- I passed! Well, I failed History of Magic and Divination, but does anyone actually care about those subjects?No, I didn't think so. Hermione, need I even say? Did brilliantly. Ten Outstandings and one Exceeds Expectations I think she might actually have been a little disappointed. But I couldn't swear on it. Harry did pretty well too- basically the same as me but he got on O in Defence Against the Dark Arts. Which is good news, really. Considering his recent revelation. Well, what can I say? O.W.L.s are over, roll on N.E.W.T.s!
0o0
A/N. Hey! This is Aiko's Night-Patrol! I'm writing the Ron part of this fiction. So you may call me Ron. If you so wish.
Anyway, please please PLEASE review, you have no idea how much they mean to me. If you don't like it, please feel free to write and tell me things I could do to improve. However, I can really live WITHOUT flames, if you don't mind. (A light toasting I can deal with, but not proper scald-your-skin-nasty Flames)
xxAiko's Night-Patrolxxx
