Chaos On Deck
A Star Wars Spoof
By Hugomatio (A.K.A. - Marly_Hugo35), bugsbunny7117, mara_jade_red_5, and rose101364
You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, Mara Jade, or the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.
This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed above and I did over a two day period on Neopets. Now on to the participaters...
Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader and the Emperor (After Bugs left and all of the second day) (Also several minor characters such as Dr. Fragglehorn, Jerry, random Stormtroopers)
bugsbunny7117 - Emperor Palpatine
mara_jade_red_5 - Mara Jade
rose101364 - Barnabus The Stormtrooper and Mr. Wilkins The Demented Janitor (OC's)
So, with all that stuff covered on to the story... please rate, comment, stuff like that, and cue the scrolling words of explanation...
STAR WARS
Chaos On Deck
It is a time of chaos aboard the Death Star Vr. 78.2843 (Several failed attempts
occured between A New Hope and Return Of The Jedi), shipments of
things that no one even order are showing up in the hanger bays everyday.
Wrong paint colors, gossamer, and avocados are filling various rooms of the half-finished
battle station as it hovers over Endor.
Will this madness ever stop? Well, don't ask me, I'm just random text
floating through space at a predetermined speed to an undetermined point
who happens to have John Williams and The LSO playing in the background.
But enough about me, on with the story.
To make all matters worse the Emperor has recently informed Darth Vader,
who happens to be Dark lord of the Sith, that he will be arriving on the Death Star Vr. 78.2843
very soon to oversee the completion of the station, conduct employee productivity reports,
keep an eye on Mr. Wilkins, and sign pay checks. What will happen when... Look a shooting star,
never mind it's just a shuttle, now where was I... oh, when The Emperor finally arrives on board...
Chaos On Deck
Lord Vader, Sir Vader, Dr. Vader, Darth Lord Von Vaderham (He was still playing around with titles) was walking down corridor 12A59F758 as a brigade of Stormtroopers painted the walls puce. It was really quite calming to see the troopers working like this, he thought as he entered Hanger 12SHIPDOCK4. The Emperor was expected to arrive today and several Stormtroopers were practicing the dance routine for their master's arrival. Another set of Stormtroopers, the PINK Division if he wasn't mistaken, had taken to decorating the walls with streamers and stringing gossamer from TIE Fighter to TIE Fighter across the ceiling. I must say here, that The PINK Division is so named because a shipping mistake caused the new battalion's uniforms to arrive in the most beautiful shade of pink ever. Now the color of the PINK Division's uniform is not the main focal point of the Hanger. That, of course, belongs to the large sign, which happened to cover the window to the control room, that read, "WELLCOME BAK IMPERER!" "Ignorant fools," Vader muttered as he looked up at the large sign as Jerry, A.K.A.-TK-4757, waved down. His cloning tray had been contaminated by Dr. Fraglehorn's failures as a scientist and his success as a baker, but more on that later.
The Emperor sat in his waiting room with his eyes shut tight. His transport's interior had been painted neon green, and it was nothing less than blinding, he wanted to get out, but he was afraid that he'd miss the door and end up in the reactor core, an experience, he imagined, was not a lot of fun...
Mara hurried up to Darth Vader. "Will you turn this stupid thing off for me?" she asked holding out her iPod type thing(AKA ITT).
Mara, why do you insist on keeping this useless piece of Bantha fodder?," Vader replied as a sudden metallic click rang out as the iPod 's inner gizmos realigned and it sprang into happiness. Just then an earsplitting screech rang out, "THE EMPEROR IS ARRIVING, THERE ARE COOKIES IN THE LOUNGE, REMEMBER TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FRANK!"
The Emperor stumbled rather unceremoniously out of his ship, fighting to look dignified...and also walk in a straight line through the sea of spots that now lay before his eyes.
Mara screamed. "My secret Master is here! I'll be... uh..." she ran around a bit before hiding behind Vader.
Mr. Wilkins gazed about the hallway suspiciously from atop his Hallway Zamboni. "Where are you, Barnabus?" he muttered under his breath, turning down a narrow hallway. He should have been doing his job; but Wilkins had stopped doing his job a long time ago. All he was concerned with was finding Barnabus the Stormtrooper, and finishing him, once and for all.
Barnabus the Stormtrooper was hunting; for cinnamon buns, to be exact. After comfort eating his way through his entire secret stash, all he wanted was to retreat back to his quarters before Mr. Wilkins found him. Just as Barney entered a hanger, he heard an ear piercing shriek. "THE EMPEROR IS ARRIVING, THERE ARE COOKIES IN THE LOUNGE, REMEMBER TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FRANK!" In the rush to the cookies that followed, Barnabus was thrown about and finally landed, straight at the emperor's feet.
The Emperor squinted down to the trooper at his feet, "Oh no..." if that really was who he believed it to be...well let's just say he didn't expect things to be moving in his favor for a while... "Hello Barnabus..."
Barnabus jumped up, grinning like an idiot, "Hello Mr. Emperor, sir!" he saluted, "You remembered me!"
"Steven, I mean Emperor," Vader said as he rushed forward, well waddled forward, the mechanical legs didn't make for good walking skills, "Welcome back, you'll find that everything is going just..." "ATTENTION IMPERIAL ASSOCIATES ON LEVEL 12 THROUGH 14, THERE MAY BE A SMALL TRIBE OF INDIGENOUS MOLE-PEOPLE THAT HAVE ESCAPED FROM THEIR HOLDING CHAMBER, BE ON THE ALgfjkg." The speaker fell in a crumpled mess on the floor before Vader, "Pay no attention to that, that's just Joe, he likes playing tricks, he thinks he's funny. We don't have Mole People on board, why, why would we d=have something so...," Vader laughed before he was cut off by the next turn of events. "RUN, RUN FROM THE MOLE PEOPLE!," screamed a Stormtrooper as he ran across the back of the hanger before he gasped and fell down the stairs, "Just Joe again."
Barnabus jumped up and down excitedly, "Look, Darthie! It's the Emp-" All of a sudden, there was a clanking noise at the end of the hanger. "BARNABUS!" yelled Mr. Wilkins, driving into the room, "I WANT A WORD WITH YOU!" Barnabus screamed like a girl and ran off, much too fast for Mr. Wilkins' Hallway Zamboni.
"Mole people! Sweet!" cried Mara jumping out from behind Darth Vader
The Emperor watched him go, his vision finally beginning to clear..."Vader...What's going on?"
"Nothing, nothing, everything is absolutely fi...," Vader said before a loud scream rent the air and a stampede of Stormtroopers and an Ewok rushed by, followed closely by what can only be described as "mole-people." "TK-345?," Vader asked a Stormtrooper nearby who's plastic visor eyes had grown three sizes, "Hunt them down and sweep the bodies under the rug in the foyer."
"WOO! Mole people!" Mara screamed jumping on one. "Can I keep it?"
The Emperor tilted his head at her, "No you can't KEEP IT! Are you NUTS! It will EAT YOU!"
Mara hugged the mole person. "George Harrison won't eat me." she stared at the Emperor.
Mr. Wilkins, meanwhile, had gone to hunt Barnabus elsewhere on the Death Star; unbeknownst to him, Barnabus had taken refuge behind a nearby crate. "Is he gone?" whispered the Stormtrooper, peering over the large box.
The Emperor stared at her with blatant disapproval, "He was just chasing fifty people, most likely with the intent to eat them, or in the very least maim them."
"Now, now Ste..my Master, I think it would be a great first pet," Vader said, "Remember when you gave me a Wampa for my birthday? It taught me valuable skills, and now I own an entire battalion. Granted that 80% of them die in every Battle and I have been reduced to Gary and Kirk, but assures me he'll have more next week," he then looked up, just in time, to catch Jerry clinging for dear life on the far right corner of the sign as it slowly peeled from the wall, Goose Tape was not the Empire's best investment.
(For those readers unfamiliar with Goose Tape it is the generic form of Duct Tape created for this RP)
The Emperor sighed at last..."All right, but if it bites me I'm zapping it!"
"Thank you!" Mara put a leash on the mole person, "Good Georgie. Now play me a song." The mole person started playing yellow Submarine on a yellow guitar.
"That's exactly what you said about Wampalopolus, he's gone now, but that's besides the point, I'm sure there are a lot of creature's who can't live through a large amount of Force lightning being pumped through their body," Vader replied as the Goose Tape slowly began to peel from the large metal walls.
Palpatine watched Jerry, "Shouldn't someone catch him?"
"No, no, he's fine, Barnabus is hiding in the boxes below him, I'm sure he'll break the fall," Vader said, "Now, now, you'll find that we've made a lot of changes since the last twelve failures, the entire cell-block is now equipped with files and bacon to keep prisoners appeased, the kitchen has industrial mixers, the ballroom's chandelier is firmly in place, and we have added a nice little guardrail around that massive gaping hole around the main reactor in your throne room."
At this Barnabus screamed and jumped out of the way, "I just wanted cinnamon buns!" he said, "Not to used by Jerry as a landing surface!"
"BARNABUS! Get back in that crate!," Vader yelled, "Do you want Jerry to die?" He then turned to the Emperor, "It's so hard to make good clones these days."
The Emperor nodded knowingly, "'Tis true, 'tis true"
Barnabus crossed his arms, "And what if I want Jerry to die? He yelled at me for pushing a button." Barnabus spun himself around and stuck his tongue out at Jerry.
"You are soooo right by that Master." agreed Mara. She was willing to say anything as long as she got to keep George.
"I blame Dr. Fragglehorn, I mean who bakes a cake in a clone pod and then starts making clones in it immediately afterward, I mean come on Dr.," Vader said as another stampede of troopers and a Wampa ran by followed by more Mole-People, "Can we assume that TK-345 is dead?"
Barnabus shrugged, before a whirring sound rang out from outside the door, and the Stormtrooper shrieked, diving back behind the crate.
"I would bet on that," Emperor Palpatine said as he watched Jerry slowly edge to the ground. "Barnabus, Jeffrey was the one who told you not to touch the button, Jerry here can't even be allowed of his cell on a normal day, too many broken things Master you understand," Vader answered the Stormtrooper.
Mara looked confused. "Why is he out of his cage anyways? I zoned out." Mara smiled and petted George.
"Well, I thought it would be a good idea to get him out for a while, you know human interaction, I was wrong, and TK-759 put him in charge of the sign... Things went a little hazy after the marker shattered my left eye visor; we sent in the PINK Division and they managed to calm him down while I changed helmets," Vader replied.
"I never trusted that TK-what's his face..." muttered Mara. Then her body went rigid as she HAD A VISION(SPOOOOOOOKY!)
"Yes me either, always kind of shifty, I do hope the Mole People eat him..." Vader said as the Sith went rigid. "My very young apprentice, what do you see," The Emperor said. "She sees the Hanger and Jerry hanging to the sign for dear life, stupid," Vader mocked. A hand met his head then and he stepped back, falling silent.
Mara turned to her master. "There's a rebel on board and he's kinda..." she whispered as her eyes took on a dreamlike state.
"He's kind of what?," the Emperor yelled as Jerry finally peeled off of the wall and tumbled towards the faux earth, "There goes Jerry." "I GOT HIM!," Vader screamed as he ran forward at an extremely fast pace, missing the area of landing completely and crashing into the wall as Jerry fell in a crumpled mess atop a crate of cinnamon buns, "I do hope he's o.k.," muttered the Emperor.
"Cute!" Mara started giggling like a maniac.
"Oh, MARA'S GOT A CRUSH!," The Emperor sang as he started to skip arround her before tripping on the extremely long cloak, "OMPF," he mumbled as he hit the purple tiled floor. "ATTENTION! MARA JADE HAS A CRUSH ON A REBEL SPY THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE ON BOARD THE SHIP AT THIS TIME! PLEASE REMAIN ALERT! ALSO, THE MOLE-PEOPLE ARE STILL LOOSE, DO NOT WEAR CLOTHING THAT SMELLS LIKE HAM!," rang the P.A.
Mara screamed. "Dont touch Luke!" she growled and her eyes flashed red for a moment.
"LUKE!" "LUKE!" "LUKE!," seemed to ring out on every level of the ship. "Skywalker?," the Emperor ventured from his position in the tangled mass on the floor whilst Vader babbled incoherently as he lay face up in front of the wall. "Mole, mole-people, WAMPALOPULUS!," he muttered as the Mole-people raced across the walkway overlooking the right side of the hanger with Stormtroopers in pursuit.
"Yea! That's him! Maybe I can steal him!" Mara yelled happily petting George.
"You most certainly can not!," The Emperor said, " I am not having him here for Father/Son Day until he is a hundred and three percent Sith, or three quarters, whichever comes first." Vader slowly stood up only to be bowled over again by a stampede of Stormtroopers followed by Mole-people carrying pizza cutters, apparently the rolls had changed somewhere between point A and point B.
Meanwhile, Barnabus had found a sticky, old cinnamon bun in a dusty corner of the crate, "Hey, Palpy!" he called, mouthful of cinnamon-y goodness, "You didn't tell me that we used to export cinnamon buns!"
Mr. Wilkins had gotten off his Zamboni and was curretnly rolling around the floor, gasping and screaming. Not that anyone noticed.
"But Master! If destiny comes to destiny you'll die and our nephew will become a Sith anyways! Lemme steal him! The Rebels won't care!" Mara petted George some more who barked once and lay down.
"Those? Oh, they're left over from the Battle of Cinnamon Buns Over Bespin, there was a slight mis-communication," Emperor Palpatine said as he placed his hand to his temples pulling back as he accidentally shocked himself, "Sinister Device Bombs, apparently translates into Cinnamon Buns."
"Th...Th... THAT'S NOT THE POINT!," Palpatine said to Mara, "WAIT! Destiny coming to destiny?" That makes no sense what so ever. If it's destiny then it already is destiny it can't come to destiny."
"Erm... Master... Mr. Wilkins is" Mara stared at the janitor in his throws of obvious neglect.
"I'm sure he's fine, he's a professional," Vader said as he stood up, "A professional of what, has yet to be decided."
"You mean... I'll never be able to talk to Luke..." Mara started sobbing.
"NO, it must never be, otherwise everything will go horribly awry and the world will spiral into darkness!," Vader exclaimed as raced out of the room, "See, professional, he's perfectly fine." "ATTENTION! THE MOLE-PEOPLE HAVE FOUND THE ROOM OF AVOCADOS! PLEASE HIDE YOUR CHILDREN AND GATHER YOUR PLUM SHOOTERS! THAT IS ALL!"
Mara stared at him, "You mean the books I read LIED?" Mara started crying more," I want an avacodo!" she kept sobbing.
"Yes, my dear Mara that is called fiction, it is not real and it never will be," The Emperor said as the Mole-People raced onto the ledge along the right side of the hanger, Stormtroopers racing along the ledge on the left. "Isn't this entire story fiction?," Vader asked his master. "Sssh," the Emperor replied as the two armies fired their first shots. Avocados went flying in all directions.
Barnabus poked his head out from the crate, "Hey Palpy? Where'd the Mole-people come from?" Suddenly, an avacado hit Barney right in the face, "GWA!" he exclaimed, falling backwards, "I HATE avacados!"
"I'm not really sure..." the Emperor said as an avocado stopped dead three inches from his face and fell to the floor." Just then a doctor came running out from a large bay door, "MY BEAUTIFUL MOLE-PEOPLE!," he exclaimed throwing his hands in the air. "Dr. Fragglehorn?," Vader asked. "Yes, their my creation, I made them!" Just then several avocados hit him in the face and he fell.
"I need you Luke! I will find you soon!" she punched the Emperor in the nose and stood her ground. She stared at something behind him and smiled.
Barnabus jumped up, excited to see his creator, "HI, DAD!" he yelled, just as another avocado him square on the forehead.
"What was that Mar...," The Emperor said before he crumpled to the ground in a heap of mauve robes, "Owwwwwww" "My Master!," Vader said turning around to face Mara, he then followed her eyes, "Oh sh...," an avocado flew and hit him smack dab in the helmet causing him to stumble backwards. "I'm all right, just a minor bruise," he said at the same time the Emperor and Dr. Fraglehorn did.
FADE TO BLACK
What an exciting ending. keep tuned to see if more stories aboard the Death Star occur.
Maybe you'll get answers to questions like: Did they survive? What happened to the Mole-People? Who is Dr. Fragglehorn? Will the PINK Division finally end this madness? and others.
Remember to read, rate, and comment.
