A.N. I absolutely seemed to have fallen in love with The Musketeers and find myself trying to fill every gap in the show. This is between episodes 9 and 10 of season 1. My version of what happens when Athos tells them about Milady. True there seems to be no outward indication that Athos ever tells Porthos and Aramis about Thomas and his death, so this might be considered an AU. It is supposed to be a two parter with D'Artagnan's own revelations of Milady coming up next. I couldn't resist writing this when I watched E10. Luke Pasqualino was amazing in the opening scene when he tried to explain how he knew Milady and I've to admit I believed his fight with the other Musketeers genuine.
"Was that wise I wonder?" The question on caution seemed so absurd coming from the normally rash and imprudent young man that for a moment his three older companions could only gape at him.
"What?" he returned indignantly, "I can be careful if the situation warrants it"
When he received no response beyond three raised eyebrows the youngest of the group huffed, then waved his hands asking the oldest among them to continue. And the other man decided to do so taking pity on their newest recruit, but unable to resist the slight upturn of lips in what constituted – for him at least – a grin.
It was late in the evening and the four Musketeers found themselves back in the garrison after a long and trying day. Athos had, in the privacy of his own rarely used rooms, recounted what had transpired between himself and the Cardinal after the others had left the palace. He understood the validity of D'Artagnan's urge to caution and was proud to note that the young man in front of him was no longer the brash youth who he had met in the not so distant past seeking revenge for his father's death. Porthos had been right; he silently acknowledged to himself. Experience it seemed had tempered the lad's recklessness and had allowed him to bloom into a mature, almost levelheaded soldier. Still, heedless or not, Athos himself had been unable to resist his thinly veiled threat to the Cardinal at the First Minister's audacity to have the Queen of France murdered.
"So what now?" the quiet question from Aramis stopped Athos' wandering thoughts, but it was D'Artagnan who answered, "It's simple. We find this woman Athos keeps talking about and get her to turn against the Cardinal".
"That as I warned you earlier would be neither simple nor easy", Athos interjected. His wife was not someone to be underestimated and he would be damned if he allowed her to harm another one of his brothers. Giving himself an internal shake to stop himself from contemplating all the destruction Anne had wrought over the years, Athos turned back towards his friends knowing in his heart that the next few minutes were to be some of the most unpleasant of his life.
Either his stoic mask was slipping or his friends had learnt to read him better than he had thought for when he looked towards them he realized that they had just finished some sort of a silent conversation and even now Porthos had gotten up to find a bottle of wine Athos seemed to keep stashed everywhere. Finding four glasses the big man poured some for all of them his eyes silently encouraging the older man to drink, before continuing with what they instinctively seemed to understand was a difficult conversation.
Athos tipped his head in gratitude, needing the liquid courage to open up to his companions about his past. Despite the love and respect the other two and more recently D'Artagnan had shown towards him, he still found it difficult to believe they would not be repulsed by his involvement in the execution of the woman he had once professed his heart to. Even though he had to admit D'Artagnan at least seemed not to condemn him for his actions.
Speaking of his young friend; Athos observed curiously as the Musketeer seemed almost lost in thought – head bowed, brow furrowed – he was the very picture of serious reflection. Then lifting his eyes to meet that of his mentor's he summed up the situation in one word, "Damn!"
In truth Athos was not entirely surprised that D'Artagnan had without being told explicitly discovered the identity of the Cardinal's assassin. He was after all well aware of her penchant for killing, having foiled her attempt to have her husband murdered.
He allowed himself a very small smile of pride at his friend's perceptiveness. Almost a year ago such contemplation from the young man would have seemed an impossible task, as he appeared more eager to act rather than to step back for a moment and assess the situation. He met the youngster's eyes and was almost amused to see a blush covering his face.
So far Porthos and Aramis had chosen to stay out of the silent exchange between the youngest and oldest members of their company. They were no doubt curious but they had given the older man time to gather his thoughts and gain control of his emotions and the former nobleman was grateful for that. He was also, however well aware that the conversation could not be postponed forever. Deciding to keep things simple Athos responded to their almost silent inquiry with, "The Cardinal's spy is my wife".
Stunned silence greeted his words. The other two seemed momentarily at least incapable of saying anything to this damning pronouncement. Well aware that the silence would not last long, Athos nevertheless almost flinched when Aramis' voice broke the quiet, "I'm sorry. Could you please repeat that", the marksman enquired. "I thought I heard you say she was your wife". Athos tipped his head in acknowledgement foregoing speech as he was unsure of how steady his voice would be. There was only so much he could take before even his almost legendary control over emotions slipped.
"I thought you told us she was dead", Porthos bless him had instead of beating around the bush gotten straight to the point.
Athos sighed. While the question was valid, he hadn't indeed been lying when he had told the other two that the woman he loved was no more a part of this world. He feared however that neither Aramis nor Porthos would take too kindly to not being made aware that he knew his wife formed part of the land of the living once more. Especially when they figured out that…
"Wait, you knew about this", right on cue Aramis posed the question to D'Artagnan causing the youngster to squirm silently. He like his mentor was afraid of the reactions of his friends to their being excluded from this secret.
Aramis and Porthos did not become Musketeers only because of their ability to fight. They were excellent strategists and could match minds with some of the best in Europe. Athos was well aware of this and wasn't entirely surprised when they put the pieces together of how and when D'Artagnan had become privy to the existence of Anne. "That night in Pinon when D'Artagnan wen' back for you and the gash on you' 'ead the next day", Porthos commented, voice almost distant, lost in thought. "That was when you knew", this was stated more as a fact than a question.
"Yes", D'Artagnan admitted when the gaze of the other two became fixed on him, understanding that despite the fact that they knew what happened they were waiting for some sort of a confirmation from him. However before he could speak further in his own defense his mentor came to his aid.
"D'Artagnan is not to be blamed for keeping the truth from you", Athos told them softly. "He only followed my own instructions. I was the one who did not want you to know", he admitted shouldering the blame for their lack of knowledge of what had transpired in Pinon.
"Athos my friend", Aramis began his voice equally soft, "You did not at the time nor do you even now owe us any sort of explanation. While I would admit freely that neither I nor Porthos are happy about being in the dark as far as your past is concerned that is more out of a desire to see your burdens shared. Neither of us are upset with either you or D'Artagnan for not telling us about what occured in Pinon", he finished leaving the older man stunned at his friends' capacity for forgiveness. However he was almost certain that what he was about to reveal would test even their resolve.
"Her name was Anne…", he began before realizing that he had become slightly choked up; his bottled up emotions threatening to get the better of him, threatening to bubble to the surface. Aramis held up a gentle hand to stop him and Porthos poured him another glass of wine.
Athos took a deep breath and swallowed the glass of alcohol in one go. Shaking his head when it looked like Aramis was going to interrupt him again and knowing that he had to do this before his courage failed him he began once more to recount the events that had taken place five long years ago. Once again silence greeted the end of his tale and Athos was shamed to admit to himself that he lacked the courage meet his brothers' eyes. Head still bowed he let the tense silence envelop him, not daring to look up even when he heard all three of them rise to their feet from where they had been sitting around the small table. So they had decided to abandon him. After all it wasn't anything he did not deserve. He was the reason Anne even existed to cause so much pain to the ones he loved.
Aramis and Porthos were seasoned warriors. Battle hardened soldiers, it took a lot to rattle them but Athos even after five years of knowing him as well as they could given his reticent nature seemed capable of stunning them into silence. D'Artagnan, Aramis noted was also silent but for reasons different from their own. While the young man adored Athos and tried to emulate him in all things, it would seem he was yet to learn the art of dissimulating his emotions from prying eyes. For now Aramis was able to read clearly the struggle the lad went through at wanting to but not being able to because of his fear of rejection, give into the almost overwhelming desire to comfort his friend, to be able to take away his pain; a desire all three incidentally shared. Capitulating to his emotions he nevertheless began reaching out to the swordsman but was stopped by Aramis gently touching his hands. The marksman saw the reproach in the younger man's eyes at being interrupted in his efforts to console the older man.
Once again a silent conversation seemed to take place between the three men and reaching a decision, without conscious thought all three stood up never even contemplating the effect the action would have on their brother.
Athos meanwhile seemed to be drowning in his own emotions. Laying his soul bare to his friends had not been an easy task and their lack of acceptance that what he had done was a necessity and not a crime whilst not entirely surprising was still a blow to his already weakened heart. So when he heard the door close as his friends left him a choked sob escaped him and he felt more disgust at his inability to control his emotions even if there was no one to observe his weakness. Believing himself alone Athos gave into his desire and let the tears escape him and was momentarily shocked when he felt someone seat themselves beside him. Strong arms encircled his torso and Athos tried to resist the almost overwhelming desire to give in and for once let someone else comfort him trying to pull away, believing himself unworthy of the kindness being shown towards him.
The other person however would not let him escape their hold and only pulled him tighter towards their chest, carding their hand through his hair. "You're not unworthy, you are not unworthy", was the soft chant and Athos realized that it was Aramis who held him in his embrace. The marksman when he had first heard Athos sob had felt tears pooling in his own eyes and had quickly sat beside him and pulled him into a tight hug for once not caring that his friend was not the type to seek comfort in others. When Athos had begun to cry however and had called himself unworthy he had felt the dam break on his own emotions. That the man in front of him carried the weight of guilt on his shoulders was not unknown to anyone who got to know him and hearing the tale of everything that had so far happened in his life Aramis understood his friend's need to turn to the bottle every night. However he would be damned if he let his brother in all but blood believe that he was unworthy of being cared for by others. Instead he ran his fingers through the other man's hair letting him know by his words and actions that he cared; that he would always stand by him; that he would always and forever have his love. He gave a relieved sigh when instead of pushing him away his friend allowed himself to accept the comfort given to him.
Sobs tore out of Athos' throat at the other Musketeer's comforting words and actions. Without giving conscious thought he surrendered for once to his desires and let himself drown in the arms of one of his closest friends and cried his heart out.
A few minutes later Athos' tears stopped and as he pulled away he felt the burn of embarrassment in his throat. However before he could say anything Aramis' firm voice interrupted him. "Don't. Just don't", the unofficial medic of their group told him not even bothering to hide his tears or his own emotions. For a moment Athos considered being difficult, but once again gave in with a graceful dip of his head. Instead he chose to change the subject entirely. "Where are Porthos and D'Artagnan?" he asked the younger man his voice slightly hoarse from all the sobs. "Food", was the short reply he received even as Aramis held out a glass of water for him. "Drink that and eat some food before you hit the damn bottle", he added almost crossly then sighed as Athos raised an eyebrow.
"You are a damn fool", he told the older man gently in an almost amused tone, a small smile gracing his features, even as he tried to sort out his own thoughts and emotions. When the other man let his displeasure be known on his face Aramis' grin only widened. "Yes. You are a damn fool", he repeated not at all caring that his friend seemed offended, almost angry. "How else could you believe yourself unworthy of our affections", he asked him his voice turning serious. "So yes I'm upset my brother", he told him not even trying to hide the frustration and sadness he felt. "We – D'Artagnan, I and Porthos – love you with all our hearts Athos. Nothing you have done in the past, nor anything you could do in the future could ever cause us to ever renounce you. We would never ever stop loving you. In short my friend you are never shaking us off", he finished with a grin knowing that Athos would remember his own words to them all those months ago at the gallows.
For a moment Athos once again felt the now tenuous grip on his emotions slip as tears once more pooled his eyes. Swiping at one that seemed to have escaped its confines and slipped down his cheek he got to his feet, went to his friend and pulled him into a hug relaxing and almost melting in joy when he felt the other man place a soft kiss on his forehead. Pulling back he let the marksman for once see the raw emotion in his eyes, begging for forgiveness at having doubted their love for him. A moment passed then both simultaneously let each other go, trying to compose themselves before the others returned.
And return they did just a moment later almost as if they had known it was the right time to do so. If the other two noticed the wetness of their eyes or the heavy emotion that seemed to hang in the air around them, neither of them said a word and Athos was grateful for it. Instead acting as if it was a normal evening where nothing out of the ordinary had happened Porthos handed out bowls of stew, while D'Artagnan poured them all some more wine. Athos knew that the day was yet to end. They still had a lot to do if they wanted to find Anne and put a stop to her treachery. But for now he let himself be lost in the light banter around him, knowing that no matter what his friends would stand beside him and whatever life would bring, he would not have to face it alone.
After all it was always… One for all….
