In Reawakening, I mentioned how Ulrivh was glad Jim didn't decide to retire after the meatball incident. I was hoping someone would ask what that was, but no one has. So I'm not waiting anymore. Here it be!

The Meatball Incident

Jim sat at his desk, looking at his magazine of body-builders. He wished he worked out more; maybe then Yolanda would love him. Oh, right, he thought, she just got married...

Suddenly he heard screaming and lots of splats. Jim groaned and got up, tired of having to stop all these weekly food fights. As he headed towards the cafeteria, the screaming grew louder and the smell of meatballs got stronger. He liked meatballs. Unless they were being used as ammunition, then he really hated meatballs.

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN!" Jim screamed, grabbing Herb's plate so he could use it as a sheid. "COME ON KIDS! STOP MAKING ALL THAT RACKET! ... I'M NOT KIDDING, GUYS! QUIET! ... ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING? ... CAN YOU EVEN HEAR ME? ... CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? BAAAAAAHHH!" He shouted until his voice cracked, but his screams didn't really stand out from the hundreds of other crazy kids. Despite his efforts, he could barely hear himself think. Finally, Jim pulled out his airhorn. That stood out. The screaming finally toned down, and Jim could make himself heard.

"Much better," he said, "Now if I hear any more noise, then it's going to be two hours of detention for every last one of- WHOA!" Out of nowhere, the giant pot of meatballs came flying towards him. All Jim could get out was "HOLY-" before everything went black.

No one ever found out who threw it at him.

Jim awoke in the hospital with bandages on just about every part of his face. His left eye was uncovered enough so he could see the principal standing over him.

"What happened?" Jim asked, for his mouth didn't have that many bandages on it either.

"You got knocked out by meatballs," Principal Delmas answered him.

"Meatballs?" Jim asked, dazed and confused.

"Yes," the principal said again, "Meatballs. Spherical meat. With sauce on it."

"I know what a meatball is!" Jim snapped, as being unconcious had irritated him greatly, "How the heck is spherical meat supposed to knock anyone out?"

"It wasn't actually the meatballs," said Mr. Delmas, "It was more the giant metal pot that put you here."

"Ah."

Jim knew he was going to need some serious therapy after this. And a long vacation. Maybe it was even time to retire. A few days, later, though, Odd came to visit and talked him out of it.

"If you stay at Kadic, there's a better chance you'll find out what's wrong with me and my buddies someday!"

Little did Jim know that Odd only wanted him to stay because he was so stupid and gullible.

Jim spent a few weeks in the hospital until his face went back to normal. When he went back to work, the cafeteria served meatballs once again. As soon as he saw the giant pot of spherical meat, he screamed at the top of his lungs and ran out faster than his weight seemed to allow him.

Moments later, a Jim-shaped hole was found next to the front door, and after about a day of searching they found his unconcious body somewhere around the border of Belgium.

When he finally came to on the bus back to Kadic, Ulrich asked him what happened.

Everyone knew what he was going to say.

"I'd rather not talk about it..."

THE END