It was so dark in my apartment, not a light passed through the windows, windows that are covered in porcelain frost and a thick layer of grime and dirt. Silence echoes in the dark abyss of empty room that spirals before me, a deafening silence that envelopes my very existence. I thought that after Hogwarts maybe everything would return to normal but instead I'm haunted by it all, every last second I spent in his presence, the feel of my mothers cold hands brushing my cheek for the first and the last time, the sound of my fathers voice and the look of pain and torture that swam in their eyes. Nothing could change the past, it's so hard to not think about them, I'm torturing myself because of it and I can feel Ginny becoming distant. I look over at Hedwald and think of sending her a letter, I think of telling her everything, letting my words spill onto the page and letting the ink sink deep in the material, pouring my heart into every letter, every line and just knowing she'll still be here by the end of it all but then I think what if?
I stood up slowly, feeling my body being lifted onto my long legs, feeling the numbness in my muscles slowly evaporating until I feel virtually normal, physically at least. The world is spinning, the black abyss called my room becoming a dusty tornado that blurs my vision and in an attempt to move I lose my footing and land with a thud on the dark laminate. My knees are quivering and my hands shaking as they are being pressed further into the ground being forced down by the weight of my own body. Since Hogwarts my body had been decaying, slowly I was becoming a walking corpse, my grey skin clung to my bones and it hurt to move. I knew she was worrying, I knew she cared but she didn't say anything, she didn't even talk much any more. I missed our old conversations, where we would talk about anything and everything just something to take our minds off death but recently she was distancing herself, crawling into her own shell of isolation and I tried so hard to help her but whenever I asked I got a look, a piercing look that sent shivers down my spine.
I slowly crawl forwards, my arms quivering beneath the weight of my body, the world isn't spinning any more, the world isn't doing much of anything any more instead time is stood still. Time is like a lion stalking it's prey, crawling viciously slow towards the next hour and sometimes it just stops and it waits until the last shaking breath of its prey is emitted into the thick air and then it starts moving again. With a shaking hand I reach in front of me and search for a solid surface to pull myself up and by chance my hand grasps onto the corner of my desk and I pull myself up onto my chair. Maybe it's time.
Taking a shaky breath I grab a quill and begin scribbling letters, words, sentences onto the sepia piece of paper.
Dear Ginny,
I think it's time I told you the truth, the truth about everything. I love you, Ginny, but I think I'm going insane. I haven't been happy since the night I killed Voldemort and it hurts to know that you're suffering because of it.
I love you Ginny and I need you to know that I will understand if you don't want this any more, please Ginny I would rather you be happy. Either way I am sending in the entry letter to the University of witch craft and wizardry, the one that has been sitting here for weeks, please don't be mad because I know you didn't want me to go but I need to. I need to escape everything and finish my wizarding studies.
Ginny you were my first real love and I will always love you but I will reinstate my earlier point, I will accept my fate if you no longer want to be with me.
Yours Eternally
Harry Potter
I seal the later and give it to my striped owl before sitting there and waiting and I wait for hours upon hours for Hedwald to return and worry that he has gotten lost along with the letter.
Just as I am about to give up hope the stupid bird returns with a new letter in his beak, not often how the owl mail system works but haste I rip the envelope open and read the letter within it.
Dear Harry,
I love you too and I knew that something was wrong and I've been thinking about sending this letter for weeks. I can't watch you rip yourself apart any more so I'm fine with you leaving for the university should you be accepted. I also need to tell you that I'm moving back home for a while to clear my head, please don't be upset because I'll be back soon enough I promise.
Harry please try and be happier, for me, if the university doesn't work out then I'm sure mum wouldn't mind you coming to stay for a while. Harry I do love you but I can't write for a while but I will when I can I promise.
In faith
Ginny
She's already gone, and I never even knew.
I walk out of my room and into the kitchen where another letter awaits me, the bronzed envelope sparkling in the dark room, feint lights showering upon it and I take a deep breath before clutching it between my fingers and placing it in the mouth of my owl. I finally let a smile grace my lips.
Slowly I give the letter to my owl and watch him fly gracefully out of the window, it would be at least 4 hours before he returned and another 5-6 hours before there is even a chance of me receiving the answer so I bide my time by calling Hermoine on the muggle contraption called a mobile phone, it's quite brilliant actually but most other wizards don't own one.
I scroll down the little contacts I have until I find her name and hastily I press down harshly in hope that she picks up. 4 rings later and I hear her melodic voice down the phone but there is a hint of something more.
"Hermoine, will you come to mine today, just for a little while"
"umm yes of course, I'll be round in ten"
before I can answer she puts down the phone and I turn on all the lights, the apartment is virtually spotless and I sit myself on the vintage sofa that Hermoine and Ginny had helped me pick out. I remembered them laughing over the thought of me being into interior design because throughout the whole trip I was intrigued by everything in the muggle shops in comparison to the wizarding furniture shops. I look to the spot where Ginny usually sits, in front of the telly where she'd curl up in a tight ball with an oversized sweater and cup of coffee in her hands, she was iconic in a sense. Ginny used to love everything about my apartment especially the study where she would sit for hours reading my stories and other wizards stories, she was so intrigued by it all and then she'd sit and draw what she had read and every line and brush stroke was perfection. For her 17th birthday I bought her a professional art set with watercolours and acrylics, fancy pencils with all the different numbers and letter, whatever they meant, and I remember how she laughed and pushed me out of my own study. At first I was confused but then she emerged clutching a painting, a painting of us.
I cherished this painting and every line, colour, brush stroke, every imperfection and perfection and I loved it, I loved it as much as I loved her. I took this moment to look at the wall where I had hung it, across from her spot so that every time she looked up she could see perfection, something she had created and every time she smiled slightly before looking down and playing with her thumbs. I loved it when she bit her lip awkwardly, twiddled her thumbs or played with her nails, she was so beautiful of course I never said it out loud and now I regret it. I was losing her and I regret never telling her how perfect she was to me. Ronald might just kill me if he finds out either of us have hurt each other like this and if I have hurt her in anyway I might just kill myself for him.
I am pulled from my train of thought when a loud knock echoes through the virtually empty apartment and I race over letting my fingers grasp the door handle and tug slightly until I hear a click and the door opens effortlessly and silently. Behind the door is Hermoine, her eyes are bloodshot and puffy, her clothes look creased and worn, her skin pale, something has happened.
I take her by the shoulder and lead her in before closing the door and turning her to look at me but she refuses to look me in the eye. I call out to her several times before she finally looks at me and her once beautiful eyes look dead, lifeless. Without thinking I pull her to my chest and stroke her hair softly. Sobs emit from her chest and I feel my shirt dampen with her tears. I try to comfort her but find myself joining in her sorrow and letting my own tears cascade down my own face, letting the world fade away and leave just me and one of my best friends in the entire world. She grips onto me tighter and through her choked sobs I hear a few muffled words, "He's gone", and then her sobs become louder and more violent as she shakes in my arms and all I can do is usher kind words into her ear but what else do you say when one of your best friends leaves without telling you first and leaves the one woman he's supposed to love once more without telling me.
After about 20 minutes Hermoine's sobs become quieter until they're barely more than a sad murmur. We sat on the grey sofa and I turn on the TV and let the noise fill the room as I turn to her ensuring that she is looking at me and I tell her everything, about Ginny and my ever growing pain after our defeat of Voldemort and then she told me her truths and suddenly all of my problems felt insignificant, I hadn't lost, not yet.
I abruptly stand up and walk over to the freezer, I had Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream waiting for the both of us and when I turned around holding the large familiar packaging she smiled shyly but her eyes lit up, cookie dough was her new favourite. Pulling two spoons put of a drawer I sit next to her again and turn on the radio. Everything felt so familiar, just me and her with the radio playing in the background, happily talking and joking and just letting the whole world fade away. It felt like when we both lost Ron and in a way I guess this was a similar situation. I thought to Ginny again and her gorgeous red hair that flowed freely, about her full pink lips and her smile. I missed Ginny's smile the most and knew that even if I went to her apartment she wouldn't be there, she wouldn't be there waiting for me with a cup of coffee.
A few hours passed and the ice cream was beginning to melt, slowly the solid tasty treat was liquidising into milk. I stare down into the cup and up at Hermoine hoping she wouldn't mind if I put it back in the freezer and of course she nodded. The cold air from the freezer was refreshing after being sat in my warm one-floor apartment and I cherished the short moment before burying myself back in the warm surroundings. When I turned around Hermoine was drifting to sleep, I guess it was quite late. Unfortunately my stupid owl flew through the door squawking like a maniac but this wasn't the first time, it was because I had forced him to fly such a long distance. He perched in his cage and fell asleep in seconds leaving me and Hermoine in silence.
After a few seconds I sat back down and let Hermoine rest on my shoulder, her head drooping slightly, I could tell she was tired from the bags forming beneath her eyes and thought it best to let her drift to sleep, a sleep that could offer her comfort in some sense.
It was silent in the graveyard, nothing moved. The tree's didn't sway, the grass didn't sing, the clouds were a galleon racing across a black sea but nothing moved. The day was dead, the sky was dead, the ground was dead. The gravestones stood like wounded warriors, blood seeping through the dead soil. I couldn't move, I was frozen in place. I didn't see the pale figure rise out of the dark grass until her hands were wrapped around my neck. She had long flowing hair and a smile that sent shivers down my spine. She had blood dripping from her chest where her heart had been ripped in two. Her wrists were dripping the red liquid and her mouth. She was broken. A broken angel. My broken angel. I wanted to call out for her when she turned away but nothing left my mouth and then she was gone. I was all alone in the graveyard and she was just a forgotten memory, a memory I lost. When I thought everything was over she thrust towards me and her hands reached inside of me. I felt her cold hands wrap around my heart and her small voice whisper something I didn't understand. She squeezed and pulled until I lay limp on the ground, she had torn my heart in two.
I awoke with a start when a strange black owl landed on my lap, his eyes were a startling blue with gold specks interlaced. The birds eyes reminded me of the sky, so clear and beautiful. He dropped a navy blue letter into my lap and my heart raced, the hairs on the back of my neck rose and my breathing slowed. Hermoine was already awake making herself a cup of coffee. She smiled at me and I watched as the bird spread it's long wings and fluttered gracefully into the sky before swooping out of the window. I stared at the letter for a long time before placing my long fingers beneath the flap and lifting slowly. I heard the paper tare and then lifted the paper slowly. I was so terrified of the reply until Hermoine gripped my shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
After taking a deep breath I look down at the letter and read the looping black letters.
