Jackie: Slayer of the Vampyres.
A/N: Hello! I haven't written anything new for soooo long, but I was browsing through some great Zen fic and found a BtVS/T70S crossover challenge and had to have a go, it sounded so fun. Here is the challenge: (forum) .net/topic/37807/48204897/1/
I called it this particular title based on the line from 'Storyteller' (Buffy season 7) that Andrew suggest as a good title for his slay documentary.
A/N 2: I also very much need a beta to help me with editing. Continuity, grammar and tenses are my main issue (as you'll read from these first couple of chapters).
Summary: Like Jackie doesn't have enough to deal with… set during/after 'You're My Best Friend' ep3, season h8, and then an alternate universe from there (with a few familiar circumstances).
/
Prologue
"They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and spooky…"
Linda exhaled just before her back collided with, and cracked, her antique gold-framed mirror and she fumed. Well, she fumed as she ducked a series of furious punches from the vampire, and swiped him over with her leg.
"They're all together ooky, the Addams Family!"
The mirror had been a gift from her mother for getting the Saturn Award for best actress, and was probably older than the lumpy-faced jerk she was fighting now. That was the night she found out she was the Slayer, and everything she loved was no longer relevant. In its place came a life she never would have chosen. She never even thought it had been on the table as a choice.
The vampire dodged another of her kicks and turned the TV up as loud as possible. Probably so other people in the hotel wouldn't hear the scuffle. But it was putting her off, too.
"Lindaaa!" he said, lisping through his extended yellow fangs, "Liiiiiiindaaaaa!"
"What?" she snapped, annoyed, and his only response was another 'Liiiindaaaaa!" She hated how vampires always tried to creep her out. In fact, she hated everything about them.
Oh and before you wonder, working on the Exorcist did NOT prepare her in any way for being the Slayer. Her Watcher, who now lay on the floor (probably dead) said ANY desensitization to horror should really be helpful. In retrospect, he probably only said that to excuse himself from being all that helpful. But working on a horror film wasn't, either. She knew how to sit in a make-up chair for two hours and look gross, but that was it.
She could also kick vampire butt, but that had nothing to do with her acting. Apparently if you're "chosen", you get super strength and agility. Yeah, a great tradeoff for no longer having any real life to speak of.
"Their house is a museum, when people come to see-em…"
She regretted the cocaine. She was too high for this, and The Addams Family began to blare out even louder without anyone touching the volume. Her Watcher's blood would've been full of the stuff, and—
"They really are a scre-um the Addams Family!"
"Oof!" He landed a solid fist in her stomach and she unwisely curled over. She struggled, but as the vampire looped his arm around her vulnerable neck and squeezed, she felt overpowered for the first time in months.
She had never been prepared for this. Ever. She was an actress, she loved coke and parties and having a good time.
"Gurrrrggghhhh!" she gargled, as the vampire squeezed tighter. In ways, it was a relief.
"So get a witch's shawl on…"
She really had no help with this crappy-ass job, either. Her uppity English Watcher was the one who'd introduced her to cocaine in the first place. Not a great Slayer-helper as it turned out, not with vampires coming in droves trying to bag the Slayer trophy.
"…a broomstick you can crawl on!"
Her vision was fading fast. She used a free arm to make a grab for its hair, but his fangs clamped quickly and viciously onto her wrist, and she could feel the drain.
"We're going to make a call on…"
Everything was slowing down, so slow. Her biggest regret was… everything, but mostly the cocaine.
"Ah well," was her dying thought, "Someone else's turn…."
/
Chapter One
"…The Addams Family!"
Jackie shivered, a weird feeling was making her head tingle.
"Okay, that's enough for me," she sighed to herself, placing the half-smoked joint on Donna's Dinky Dog ashtray. She didn't really like Addams Family, she thought it was cheesy. She preferred really scary stuff, like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the Exorcist. She liked feeling scared and horrified from films.
She looked over to where Sam and Donna were perched on the couch, showing each other the different articles they liked in the latest Cosmopolitan.
She didn't like feeling scared and horrified from things that were actually happening.
"Do either of you want more of this joint?" She almost kicked herself at how pathetic she sounded. Jackie Burkhart wasn't the one who went crawling for friendships, people crawled for friendship from her. She'd never felt this insecure before, never felt so alone…
'I wish I was dead.' She thought, as she watched neither girl in the room acknowledge what she said. She hated thinking that, that she wished she was dead. That was the type of thing unpopular or ugly people wished. She couldn't help it. The minute Sam stepped through the door, and Jackie knew what Steven had done…
"I did say something, you know!" she snapped, jumping to her feet. Since that night in the bar (when she'd flashed her boob and made a fool of herself), she promised herself that she'd never let herself get like this again. Something was wrong with her though, she had less control than usual, felt less confident and perfect. For the first time in years, she felt very much… alone.
"Yeah we know," Sam said with a giggle, "your voice is pretty hard to miss."
Donna giggled too, and Jackie froze. The burn was weak, and if it was just Donna saying it and Donna laughing at it, she wouldn't have cared at all. But this really didn't feel right anymore. Jackie and Donna used to have fun teasing one another all the time, it was their thing. Now, with Sam here, it felt real. Like real hatred and real insults. She couldn't let it cross that line, that thin line of thinking, then knowing someone you care about hates you.
Of course she would never tell Donna this. If she learned anything about love from her many ordeals, it was to keep it to herself.
"I'm out of here!" She pulled on her jacket and grabbed her overnight bag.
"Jackie…"
"Let her go, Donna," Sam said, still not looking up from the Cosmo, "She'll probably just whine all night anyway."
"Well, that's probably true, but—"
"Good BYE!" she interrupted, storming out into the night. Usually she could take a good burn or twenty, but not tonight. Sam had walked into her life, ruined everything she cared about, and she couldn't do anything about it. Her fear of losing anyone else was too great.
The old Jackie would've laughed at this new Jackie. "Scared to be alone? Ridiculous. Are you really going to let this bubble-headed whore take everything that's yours and you aren't gonna hit her in the eye? What a loser!"
She sighed. A loser is someone who's lost. So yeah, she was a loser.
It wasn't a long walk home, but it was depressing and dark. The moon was barely there, and once you left the two-mile radius of the main town, there were no street lights either.
*Crack!*
She carried on walking, unalarmed at the sound. People never wanted to hurt Jackie Burkhart, it was probably somebody just curious about how her hair was so bouncy, or where she got it done. But she couldn't be bothered right now.
*Snap!*
"Yeah, I hear you and I don't have time to give you my number OR fashion tips so please just leave me alone!"
A deep giggle answered her and she stopped, thought of Donna and Sam giggling, and anger hit her like a truck, "Listen, bozo—"
The voice jumped out from the dark, grabbing her around the arms and squeezing tight. It was so dark she could barely see his face, but he was definitely WAY too weird looking for her to consider dating him.
So she said, "Sorry, but you're WAY too weird-looking for me to consider dating you."
He didn't let go, rather he started to pull her close and sniff her hair and neck. It suddenly occurred to her: these must be the people that karate guy was talking about, the ones that intend to do her harm. Huh, so they DO exist.
"What do I need to do again?" she asked aloud, just as she felt a tongue flick out on her neck, "Ew! Okay, I'm just gonna try—"
She kneed him, as hard as she could, in the balls. He howled, a noise she delighted in, and pushed him backwards until he slammed into a tree. She almost fell, but once she righted herself he was gone.
"What a scaredy cat," she said, with a huge grin, coughing on some dust that had appeared in the air during their scuffle. "Wow that was easier than I thought. Why do they have a whole class for this?"
Adrenaline and blood pumping, she felt… good! Better than she had in ages. Like she could take on the world and win. She didn't want it to ever end.
She arrived home, and it ended. The house was empty. It had been since Pam, shortly after leaving Bob, had decided to 'return to her homeland of Mexico'. She rolled her eyes at the memory. Pam's homeland was supposed to be here, with her.
Her mother did try, but that was the problem. Her finally trying made her realize she couldn't, or didn't really feel like it. Jackie didn't know, her mother's note didn't really explain much other than that utilities were paid up until the end of the quarter, whatever that meant.
'I wish I was dead,' she thought with resign. 'Is there any point to being beautiful, wonderful and having awesome hair if I've got nothing else?'
She lay down on the couch and hugged herself into a tight ball, waiting for someone, anyone, to come through her front door.
/
Africa was hot, Jackie decided. Everything looked dead. It was the middle of the night, and she couldn't hear anything fun going on. Man, Eric was such a dumbass for coming here.
She wandered around what looked like a small campsite. There was a small, wooden cabin, and to the side were several tents. Something made her need to go have a look.
The first tent was Eric's, she saw this right away. There was his stupid Dorothy Hamill hair, his ridiculous Star Wars sleeping bag… but no, something wasn't right. She reached out to shake him awake, but before her hand made contact, his eyes flew open, wide with fear.
'Help… me…' he mouthed, no sound came out.
"What, Eric?" she said, a panicked feeling growing inside her like a balloon.
Suddenly his face was altered, almost a completely different face appeared, but it was still Eric. His eyes were now pitch black, and his mouth now formed a sneer. He looked more horrible than he ever had, and THAT was saying something.
"Abstergo…" he hissed, in a voice that wasn't Eric's, "Abstergo, Abstergo, Abstergo…"
She couldn't move her arms, she couldn't do anything but watch her friend's face slowly degrade as he chanted the same word over and over.
"Hey…" she said weakly, feeling herself start to fade, "Hey… Hey! Stop! What are you doing?"
Eric stopped chanting, and gazed at her with pools of black, then he grinned, big pointy yellow teeth gleaming, "Fuck off, Slayer."
She gasped herself awake.
/
Chapter 2
"At 8.30am this morning, famous actress Linda Blair of Exorcist fame was found dead in her New York hotel room. She has been decapitated, dismembered, disemboweled…"
Hyde shuddered, and turned down the radio. He wasn't a pussy, but that many 'd' words was enough to turn anyone's stomach. Especially when they're all done to one hot actress.
"Turn that back up, man!" Leo said. Hyde did, mostly out of shock. He hadn't ever heard Leo talk loud enough to use an exclamation point before. In fact, he sounded very weird.
"…the letters 'SFR' were carved into her back, although authorities can find no gang-related links to the acronym. Her manager, Kirk Wilder, has yet to be located for questioning, and is the lead suspect."
Hyde had had a wake and bake, so he merely watched in fascination as Leo's face went through a whole spectrum of emotions that Hyde had never seen on his face, ever. Fear, disgust, sadness, worry and then—
"Oh crap," he sighed, just as the phone started screaming.
And then, pure alarm.
Hyde shook his head. He was probably just a few tokes over the line, he was getting weird and distracted, he needed to focus. His latest dad was cool enough to let him run his record store, he could at least answer the phone.
He made a move, and Leo grabbed his arm with a big, still-alarmed grin. "I'll take it man, you…you… here!" He grabbed his special morning joint from behind his ear (despite the fact it was 2pm) and shoved it at him. "Smoke this! And also, I'm just gonna shut and lock this door behind me. Cool."
This took Leo about five seconds to say and do.
"What the hell, man?" he muttered, putting the joint behind his own ear and sneaking up to the door.
"The Portuguese melon has interesting sex on Tuesdays."
'Huh', he thought, 'Looks like Leo's his usual self after all.'
But he'd spoken too soon. Within seconds, Leo was having a conversation that could only really be described as sober. Sober and serious.
"Yeah, I never liked him either. The guy snorted too much, who does that?... Yes, but that was a long time ago… Fine, but I would never do it if I had a Sl—a you-know-what…"
Hyde, realizing he was snooping and eavesdropping like an old Nanna (or Fez), started to move away from the door, when—.
"What?" Okay, he'd definitely never heard Leo scream before. Especially not like that, like…
Jackie. Jackie when she was excited.
He pushed those thoughts out angrily. Damn, getting a new girl was supposed to eliminate that irritating thing that he hated. That thing where pretty much everything he thought about led back to Jackie. No matter what he did. He went to a strip joint, still thought of Jackie. He fucked a stripper, one whom he made sure looked NOTHING like her… still thought of Jackie. He even married her, Christ, he even STAYED married to her. Why? To eliminate Jackie.
Now, just hearing Leo scream in a girly, nasal way is still made him think of her. This was useless.
He sighed, completely forgetting about the intriguing conversation happening in his office, and lighting up the joint from behind his ear. He hated getting thoughtful about this shit, it's not like anything for him was truly terrible anyway. Sure, he didn't have Jackie, but it's obviously something he just had to get over. They clearly weren't right for one another, all evidence pointed that way. And hey, he had a killer job and a hot stripper wife. And Sam was great. She was sweet and honest, and never played games. He liked a lot of things about her.
Liked, not loved.
He took a deep drag, and ignored the thought. He just had to keep not trying not to forget to not think about her. Keep… he had to keep trying not to not think of her… he had to remember to think of her… Dammit!
"Okay, that's enough for me," he sighed to himself, setting the joint down on the ashtray Mr Forman made out of an old hubcap.
Then, Leo burst out, eyes swinging around wildly until they landed on the partly-smoked joint. "I can't believe you smoked some of that man. My special morning joint!"
He snorted, "Firstly Leo, you told me to. Secondly, it's two in the afternoon. That's now an afternoon joint."
Leo grabbed the joint and re-lit it. "Oh cool, guess that's alright then, man. I forgive you."
"Yeah, thanks," he said sarcastically, standing up and stretching his arms out. "Man I got cabin fever, mind watching the store while I go get a burger?"
"Yeah man, cool." Leo tried not to laugh at the word 'watch' until Hyde was safely out of the store.
He gave himself a small pat on the back for actually distracting Hyde. The kid was clever, but he was cut from the same cloth as Leo and stayed away from the serious.
He took a long drag sadly. This would be his last joint for awhile, there was no way in hell he would do what Kirk did. Kirk was a trust-fund baby, and he'd begged to have young Miss Linda Blair, so he got it. Shame the guy was next to useless, and snorted coke like it was going extinct.
If it was up to him, he would have sent Quentin Travers. Sure he was young for a Watcher, but he was an overprotective, overeducated nancy, and that's what a Slayer needed. Even Roger Wyndam-Pryce would've been better, despite the fact he was a dick.
Frankly, Leo was worried. Most Watchers never get utilized in their lifetime. They get a nice pay packet, and die without ever having seen a Slayer. It's all about where you are in the world. The English Watchers are the best of the best, they covered Europe and a selection of major American states. Wisconsin, however, didn't fall under their jurisdiction. Leo was the only fully qualified Watcher within many, many miles.
His knowing the new Slayer quite well was the icing on the cake for the Council. He was now an active Watcher. Christ, he was scared. More than he ever was, and he'd been to war.
The joint had burnt down, and seared his fingers. He hissed, stubbing it out.
Okay. No more waiting. He had to find loud girl…Jackie, and tell her.
This… wasn't going to go well.
/
Jackie frowned deeply at the bags under her eyes. She'd woken up about fifty bajillion times from scary dreams, each one more horrifying than the last. She felt like Rosemary from Rosemary's baby, but without the baby. The image of Eric was burned into her brain, almost like it was real. Which it wasn't, but she was still shaken.
Jackie applied a fourth layer of makeup and was satisfied. She grabbed her purse and flew out the door. Unlike most days, she actually had something to do. Leo had rung her mere minutes ago (which was weird coz she didn't know he could remember phone numbers) and said he wanted to hire her to decorate the record store.
"…" she'd responded, "Yeah, who is this again?"
"Uh, Leo?" he'd answered, confused. "Who's this?"
"It's Jackie, Leo… You called me?"
"Oh yeah! So, wanna help me decorate Grooves? I'll give you eighty bucks!"
She would probably be pretty homeless soon, it's not like she could say no to money, but she had to clarify; "Is this some sort of thing? Like a hate revenge thing or a let's make Hyde uncomfortable thing?"
"…Yes?"
"I'm in," she said happily. She would never get over making Hyde uncomfortable.
When she got there, the ex-boyfriend jerk in question was nowhere in sight, and she pretended she wasn't disappointed.
"LEO!" Jackie yelled, not seeing him. A few deadheads were thumbing through records, and they looked up, startled. Leo stumbled out of Hyde's office, a cloud of smoke billowing out behind him.
"Okay, now THAT was the last time," he declared to himself with a cough. "Hi Loud girl, what are you doing here?"
She stared. "Really?"
He broke into a big grin, "Nah, come in."
Jackie stared unknowingly around the office. She wasn't way into art or anything, everyone knew that was for weirdos who only wore black. But she could see different colours and ideas emerging from the dull walls, and she actually grew quite excited.
But as soon as he shut the door, she felt the mood shift. She almost thought she could hear his heartbeat increase. Which was impossible.
"Jackie…"
"Hey, you do know my name!"
"Er… yes!" He ran a hand through his hair, and she winced. The guy needed a hairbrush and about two tubs of gel.
"Thanks for the job, Leo," she said, quite sincerely, "I'm not doing so well right now, with Steven and everything…" She waved her hands in the air, as if to try brush the memories away. "Anyway, 80 bucks will really—"
"Right!" he said brightly, and Jackie frowned. He hadn't stopped wandering around the office, picking up items and putting them down again. She grew suspicious.
"Hey, this is a real thing right? I mean, you DO have 80 bucks don't you?"
He sighed, leaning back on the wall and then, leaning forward, palms flat, on the desk.
"Jackie…" he repeated, "Jackie, I…"
"Yes?"
He stared right at her, his eyes big, brown and frightened, "…I have an idea."
/
Jackie cackled, red eyes watering as Leo kept readjusting his hair.
"Okay, now this is definitely the last time" he mumbled to himself, which only made Jackie laugh harder.
"You-You—"
"I don't think it's that bad," he argued, as he fiddled with his hair that was now a bun, "Two whole tubs seems a bit… woah."
Her laughter petered off, and blinked at the smog in the room. "I have to use half a tub sometimes," she confessed, twirling perfectly flat hair around her finger, "My hair gets like crazy curly if I don't… kind of like curly fries!" Her eyes darkened lustfully, "God, I could murder some curly fries."
"Murder…" he muttered. He couldn't keep putting it off, he had to tell her now.
"Jackie…" God, this was horrible. "Jackie, do you believe in vampires?"
She rolled her eyes, "Well, duh."
He was almost speechless, "You… you do?"
"Well, if I didn't believe in vampires I couldn't logically believe in unicorns now, could I?" She almost looked offended.
"Um…"
/
Hyde returned to Grooves to see a giant queue of customers and no Leo or Randy. Not that that was a surprise in any way, he often got into work without anyone having even locked up the night before. It didn't seem to hurt business, in fact it gave the store an air of mystery and exclusivity that only seemed to help it.
He didn't apologise for the wait, and went about serving customers. Soon he heard a murmur of conversation coming from his office. He ignored it, but it seemed to grow louder and louder. The calmer voice was definitely Leo, the other voice sounded like Jackie but he was pretty sure she didn't even know Leo existed, and Leo just knew her as 'Loud Girl'.
"Hey Hyde!" Randy sauntered in, a big wooden crate in his arms, "This fell off the back of a truck carrying records to 'Soundz', so hey, free records!" He cut it open, and the smile fell off his face, "Oh dear God, Partridge Family. Shall I burn it?"
"Nah," he said, casually trying to listen in to the conversation going on in his office, "Tape it back up and we'll raffle it or something."
"You got it, Chief!" he said with a sloppy salute. Then his attention was caught on the loud conversation in the office. "Is Leo fighting with the filing cabinet again?"
"No… I think Jackie's in there with him. Can you hear her too?"
Almost as if to answer the question, Leo flew backwards through the door. And 'through the door' was literally, 'through the door'. The door remained tightly shut, but there was a large, Leo-shaped hole in it now, and a Leo on the other side with a swollen eye, on his back.
"Oh my God!" Jackie shrieked, flying to Leo's side, "I'm so sorry, I don't know how that happened I—"
"I… told… you…" he said, winded.
Her eyes grew even more watery, and her face drained even more of colour, "No, no, you're just… I don't appreciate…"
She finally noticed Hyde and Randy. Her mouth fell open, she stared, and literally bolted out the door.
"Jackie!" he wheezed, "The dreams! Remember, the dreams are real! Don't…" He stopped suddenly and wilted. "Fuck."
"Jesus, are you okay Leo?" Hyde asked, "That looked nasty."
"Really? Coz to me that looked like being beat up by a girl," Randy quipped.
Hyde stopped himself from snapping at Randy. He did like the guy, he had some good burns, but there was still something about him that didn't seem quite as friendly as he'd first suggested he was. But just like with his love life, Hyde had quit trying to make anything the same as it used to be. Forman was gone, he and Jackie were over, so he made the best of it and carried on.
He just ignored him, "Are you okay Leo? How did Jackie do that? What's going on?"
Leo got himself up, shooing away the arm Hyde offered, "Nothing, just… bad acid or something. I've got to go." He limped out the door, covering his bruised eye.
"Arrr!" Randy said in a pirate voice, and Hyde couldn't help glaring at him this time.
"Hey, why don't you go down to the hardware store and get some things to fix my door?" he said curtly, walking away towards his office before getting a response. He stared at the door with wonderment. He twisted the knob. It was locked. He prodded the splintered wood, and it fell apart at his touch.
"Something weird is definitely going on," he muttered, "And I'm gonna find out."
TBC
