This is basically a compilation of short OC crack stories from my rp. Not all characters are mine, and every character is almost always completely out of character, to an extreme.
Basically... Prepare yourself for a crappy load of nothingness. But it's still fun to write.
My characters: Aria, Shae
Mortalshadowhunter's characters: Quinn, Cole, Daemon, Piper
SilverJem5's characters: Steff
Crack Stories For The Soul
We're Having A Baby Dog
"Oh, Quinn," Aria sighed, pushing the drapes aside to the grand window facing the street outside the Institute. "Isn't the weather and everything just so wonderful?"
Slipping his arms around her waist, Quinn buried his face in her neck, and nodded. "It sure is." His hands slipped over her stomach, stroking the skin just below her belly button. "Can you believe that-"
"I'm getting another dog?!" she exclaimed, jumping up and down, stopping when she heard him groan in pain. "Oh dear. Did I hit you in the face?"
"Your hair is just too hard," he smirked, pulling away and giving her a doggish grin. "Unlike certain other things, that are expected to be hard, especially in the presence of such a lovely lady."
"Stop it," she frowned, pushing him gently in the shoulder. "I'm the one who's supposed to come up with all the dirty jokes around here."
"And what's stopping you from it?" he smirked. Sitting down at the couch, he pretended to play hard to get. "If you want a piece of this-" he motioned to himself with his hands, "-Then you're going to have to come get it yourself."
"Of course, darling," she replied, rolling her eyes at his request. Pulling her long sleeve shirt over her head, she used her Shadowhunter skills to bind his wrists together. Sitting down astride him, she pushed his face to the side, averting his gaze from her chest and her camisole and shorts.
"How dare you. You should know better than to mentally undress me when I've got you tied up like this," she smirked, "It's like you've learned nothing g the past many times."
"I'm sorry," he apologized, casting his eyes downward in an apparent look of apology. "It was wrong of me to do so, and I sincerely apologize for all your pain."
"Now say it," she replied, patting him on the head to signal that she had never really been angry in the first place, but had only been kidding around. "Say it or I'll tie you to the chair, and then hang you upside down."
"Yes, Queen Aria," he laughed, giving in to her. Girls expecting dogs were so hard to please sometimes. "How I worship thee. I will forever be in awe of your greatness, until death do us part. I give you my solemn swear to do as you please, no matter the risks or consequences."
"Good," Aria congratulated, clapping her hands together. "When my puppy arrives, I'll let you play with him."
Dear, We've Run Out Of Flour
"I have quite a strange favor to ask," Cole said over the phone, sitting in a rather luxurious hotel room in a nicer area of the Downworld Towns. "And I'm afraid that you're going to have to keep all of it a secret."
"That's alright, Cole," Steff replied, twisting her braid around one hand. "What do you need?"
"Well, I honestly need a sack of flour," he replied, tapping his chin. "If you could go to the supermarket and buy me one, I would appreciate that, love."
"Oh, of course! I'll do that right away and bring it to you," she exclaimed, sticking the phone into her bra and running out the door to fulfill his wishes.
"... Hello? Hello?" he repeated, wondering what had happened to her. Shrugging, he eventually hung up the phone and sat back in his chair, waiting for her to arrive. Luckily, he didn't need to tell her where he was staying, as he had planned a couple rendezvous dates before. He had no doubt that she would be able to find the place.
After thirty minutes, a knock came at the door, and Cole opened it to find Steff standing outside, carrying a fifty pound sack of flour that was quite literally almost the same size as her. "I got your flour," she said, gasping for air in her tired state. "How big of a cake are you making?"
"I'm not making no damn cake," he smirked, giving her an are-you-crazy look. "I've got other uses for this flour."
"Well, okay," she shrugged, standing back as he reached out and took the sack of flour. "But I stole it, so you should probably not use it all at once or people might think that you stole the flour to make a giant fifty pound cake."
"I'M NOT MAKING A CAKE!" he screamed, and dragged the bag away, to the bathroom. Setting the plug in the bathtub, he proceeded to dump the entire contents of the bag into the tub, then turned to Steff, who was watching him from the doorway. "Close your eyes, babe. This is about to get graphic."
Without waiting for her to respond, he ripped his clothes off, then jumped into the bathtub full of flour.
"What are you doing!?" Steff shrieked, staring at him. "We could have at least saved a little bit to make a cake!"
"I'm much tastier than a cake," he deadpanned, smearing flour all over his body. "Besides, I have an idea. You know how everyone thinks I'm dead, so I have to be on the run?"
"Um... Yeah...?"
"Well, I don't have to be on the run anymore. I can pass as a ghost."
Strip For Me
"I have exciting news," Daemon announced, having called for a meeting with him, Aria, Shae, and Piper. "I'm going to become a stripper."
Mouths fell open around the room, and eyes stared at Daemon as if he had grown two more heads while standing in front of them. He stared back at them with a slight smile playing on his lips, unaware of the commotion he had just caused.
"... But... Why?" Aria asked softly, lowering her eyes so she wanting looking him straight in the eyes. "Why are you deciding to do... That?"
"It's my true calling," he replied with a grin, clasping his hands in front of him. "Imagine... Losing all of those clothes,then replacing them afterwards. Doesn't that sound so awesome?"
"It is pretty cool," Shae piped in, standing up and throwing an arm around his shoulder. "As a fellow stripper, I can show you the ropes and teach you some of my trips. Don't worry, in a few weeks you'll be an expert, always knowing exactly what to do, and also when to do it."
"Cool!" he said, giving her an awkward side hug. "It's always hard to me to get the pants down those sexy legs. They're much too stiff sometimes, but I suppose that comes with practice."
"I've... Had enough!" Aria screamed, covering her ears. She glanced at Daemon. "I thought you were a normal kid who didn't talk much and was awkward! Now you're becoming a stripper?"
"Deal with it, bitch," Shae scowled. "It's only another point for the wild side." she tripled a hand down Daemon's side. "And from the feels of it... He's not too bad looking."
"I'm a size medium," he piped up. "So most of the people I'm dealing with are going to be wearing the same size clothes as me."
"Whatever," Piper groaned. "Are you almost through talking about your life and the pitiful events that fill it? I've got to go tell everyone about Emily and Khoi having sex on the kitchen counter. Except that didn't actually happen, so first I have to go make it happen. Do we have any faerie drugs?"
"Girlie," Shae laughed, covering her mouth with one hand as she leaned towards Daemon. "This guy is hot. Let's not ruin it with graphic images of someone having sex in a place that dozens of people have before. You couldn't even have said, against a wall or something? It had to be on the kitchen counter? How cliche."
Daemon stayed silent for the rest of the conversation. How in fact, was he going to tell them that he had gotten a job as a sales associate, and that his main duty was to undress and redress the mannequins?
He decided not to.
Well... All I can say is... I hope you didn't hate it.
~Jillessa Heronstairs~
